3rd November 2018 - Bacup Borough 4 v 2 Daisy Hill - I am feeling wank again, the old body has failed to keep up and stress is attacking the framework. I get these unneeded assaults, they are buggers indeed but, one has to take stock and crack on in a more moderated way. So, up, some Nettle books picked up from the Post Office, some dropped off to kind purchasers, a 4 mile cycle and a quick sort. My missus arrived home and the drive over to our destination was had. Along the way I read some of The Chrysalids by John Wyndham and we listened to the latest CD by The Senton Bombs - what a good bunch of blokes, what a fine band! We arrived, purchased refreshments, sat inside for a while and then picked our spot and pondered. It was good to get back to The Brian Boys West View Stadium, the last time I was here was a couple of years back with my old mate Ged Murder. On that occasion Ged ate himself into a coma during half-time and when he recovered claimed to be Buddah reborn. The drive home was interesting to say the least and after 4 stop-offs to be repeatedly baptised I eventually found myself on my doorstep...shattered. Since then Ged has done a stint in prison for nude shoplifting and I have converted to Islam - was the altitude of Bacup's ground the cause of this misdirected behaviour or was the mind of Elton Welsby paying us back for the slanderous literature myself and Ged donated to the Save a Pygmy cause - I do not know the answer. So, in an utterly righteous way, with a footballing revelation to be exposed, here is the review - bless you my child as you read on!
The Gods of Time dictated that the game should begin and the mere pawns in the grand soccerised scheme did their master's bidding. A minutes silence for the recent tragedy at Leicester and a home soul and things began to unfold. Daisy Hill were straight on it, No 4 (Macauley Farrington) with a sugar sweet pass out wide, followed by a cross that saw No 9 (Jack Iley) have the chance to bury but knock off target. Bacup responded with fervour, numerous balls were pumped into the enemy's box with a thumping shot eventually had. The ball boomed in, bounced back out and a follow-up was nailed. No 6 (Kyle Brooks) peeled away grinning like a Cheshire Cat and celebrated with his jigging colleagues - a dream start indeed. From the kick off the Daisy Dudes passed with purpose and a quite superb ball pierced a watching rear pack and No 10 (Ashley Stott) collected, controlled and caressed home beneath the keeper's carcass - what a tasty equaliser. The game progressed with haste, Bacup passed with care and looked to penetrate, all open doors were closed and when No 8 (Nicholas Alexander) gained possession the options were limited to say the least. A moment of 'fuck it' was borne, the ball was hoofed from 20+ yards, it duly went upward, looped downward and found the awaiting net - what a strike, what a ruddy good start to a fascinating game! The kick off followed, Daisy Hill looked to repeat their quick strike back and when a pass came, Iley raced after the ball and at the angle it was with great joy that he picked his spot and slotted home with seasoned quality - 2 - 2 - this was a beauty!
Onwards, an abundance of space was found all over the pitch, end to end stuff ensued. Suddenly the Hill Street Blues rushed on, a ball came and put the home No 3 (Davison Banda) in a veritable twist. A hesitation saw Hill's Stott steam in and blast from a couple of feet out - oh what a terrible miss it was, surely a game changing moment and one to look back upon with an analytical microscope! Next and Bacup won a brace of corners. The first was bilge, the second was knocked out and rattled back with force via the eager Alexander. The shot was hefty, the accuracy just a little off the mark - a shame! Daisy Hill reacted, a ball put Banda in more trouble and he lashed dangerously across his own box. Stott was flying in for the guests but the ball was too quick and pinged off his shanks for a goal kick. The game now settled down, both teams began to read their opponents tactics better and negated their hopes. From the balanced period Bacup broke and a low cross came into the danger zone for No 10 (Michael Gervin) to bury. Alas the ball was hammered into the nearby street and not the back of the net. If local resident Mrs Green was passing solids on her newly fitted lavatory and the ball rattled her karsi window I do apologise on behalf of the player but refuse to clear up the resultant mess. As the half drew to a close we wandered for a brew, nowt much happened but Bacup's Gervin went on a quite stunning run, rode several tackles and nearly brought up the lead goal. He was unlucky not to see his final touch blasted home. The referee blew soon after, this had been a good un' for sure.
We took shelter at half-time, a cup of tea and some ginger spiced biscuits helped warm cockles perished. I had a piddle, it took a while to find the old pecker as it had already gone into hibernation mode - ooh there is nowt worse than a troublesome todge (So sayeth Oscar Wilde)! Zipped up and out again, we opted for the opposite side of the ground to stretch the boiled eggs, alas it was still riddled with the wind.
The teams took to the stage, Bacup were out quickest, their No 7 (Anthony Hall) was like a Clegg Fly on a sunbathers nipple - he really was getting on some tits. He worked into the corner, somehow released despite the attention of 2 defenders, Gervin got involved and duly walloped a cross with No 9 (Micah Evans) latching on at close quarters and forcing a solid point blank save. The wind now whistled, tendrils of the breeze reached for parts mentioned, don't worry folks, all was safely tucked into the scrotal-based nest. Hall for Bacup advanced twice in quick succession and won a free-kick each time. The first of these gratis digs was dire, the second better with a nut out belted back but wide of the target. Daisy Hill were on the back peg, Stott had a crack from nothing and wasn't too shy of the goal. Eventually Hall was back on the ball, he surged forth, forcing the issue with desire. He entered the box, was bumbled to the ground, the penalty was given and the same player slotted home - it was just reward for a seriously nifty work session. A few bookings followed, the visitors worked hard to get back into the game, but with too many stray and rushed final balls and the rock of No 4 (Adrian Bellamy) in Bacup's rear there was very little room to pose any real threat.
As the flow increased against the Bacup goal the hosts broke. Hill put a ball in, Gervin let one fly but it was too tame and the trouble was soon quelled and the DH crew continued to seek out the key to unlock their opponents defense. No 2 (Ellis Worrall) let one go, the ball moved in the air but the keeper was reliable and caught with relative ease. Out of nothing a break came, Evans for the home team raced away with defenders in hot pursuit. The goalkeeper advanced to add pressure, the brow of the striker remained chilled, the instinct came to the fore and the ball was slotted home to kill the game stone dead. Despite the scoreline both teams still worked hard, Gervin was unlucky not to finalise a power-laden run with a goal and Iley at the other end had a firm dig but only straight into the awaiting keepers tit area. Players huffed and puffed and the clock wound down, the referee called a halt and the scoreline became part of non-league history. I think Bacup Borough deserved this one and for me, the Man of the Match goes to their No 7 (Anthony Hall) who exuded an abundance of pace, was a notable game changer and who was one of the problems the Daisy Hill team never really got to grips with.
FINAL THOUGHT - What better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than watching two honest teams play out a 6 goal game at a ground that really is a delight to visit. The chips were choice, the cha' swilled with avid joy and the chill a bastard but adding to the character of the day. Bacup Borough are a decent squad, they play with many styles and can move the ball with pace and precision at times that will always be a quite upsetting factor for any visiting tribe. Today they were pegged back twice and were in a real contest but came through in the end with persistent pace, a few outstanding efforts and some well-earned goals. I feel there is more to come here. I certainly hope so. Daisy Hill are not a bottom of the table team, certainly not on this evidence. The only flaw today was that penultimate ball, that killer pass that could thread in a striker and dismantle a defense in the twitch of a fidgets testicle. Some good time on the training ground working at this small but crucial matter and man, they can climb the table quicker and reach dizzier heights than Chris Bonnington on Crystal Meth. I am due a trip down to New Sirs Ground, watch this space, read the report. PS - I later found out that Mrs Green is suing Bacup Borough FC for a broken knicker elastic, a prolapsed ring-piece and 6 stained bathroom tiles - I just hope the club has the financial strength!
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