STRONG WIL'S PREVAIL

7th May 2024 - Wilmslow Albion 3 v 2 Leigh Genesis - As the season draws to a close it seems only apt that we try and get in a few grounds that we have overlooked this time around, and in fact, forever.  Wilmslow Albion are only 20 minutes from where we live, we have only been once before and the away team didn't turn up so, we thought we would try again.  The weather was perfect and after grabbing a cuppa we had a stroll and noted a few wildlife species.  There was vibrant verdant surroundings that have me pondering many returns where I can satisfy the nature needs, get my -Non-League fix and of course, enjoy a brew.  39 species was the total come game end, we also saw a few goals too and had a ruddy good time of it.  The crowd was not a crowd but a gathering of 8 people - I really do despair why folk are not off their arses supporting grassroots football - as per, there is a lot of talk, but little action - similar in fact to the love life of Clacton Flaccid - a man with great ideas but little in the way of love muscle to back it up - he is like many I know.  Thankfully I keep schtum, am a faithful man and decry wannabe shaggers, blaggers and non-promoting naggers.

And, after my slight foray into the realms of the nonsensical it was to the match.  Here folks, is what went on.

The opening spasms of the game were a trifle disjointed, there was great bustle, lots of whirring legs, ruddy faces and sweaty arses but... no real breakthroughs.  The first noteworthy flourish toward goal came via the guests No 18 (Josh Clarice) who went on a perspired wing run, delivered his cross with a cranium making the lightest of touches and No 20 (Sean Parry) arriving at the back post just a trifle too late.  In return to this the Wilmslow mob advanced but they were a trifle lax on the ball and any scent of danger blew on the spring night air.

 

Leigh Genesis came again, it was Clarice who was released with a touch on finding No 17 (Rob Boardman) who swivelled and let go a low spurter that lacked venom and so was easily snaffled up by the awaiting goalkeeper. Soon after another promising move came the same way with Parry moving matters on, Boardman crossing and Clarice having a decent dig - it was all irrelevant though as the referee signalled for an infringement.  Clarice for the guests had a few more sorties forth, the end product was lacking but the threats held promise.  

 

Minor skirmishes came at either end of the park without any composure shown.  The game rose in thermality but it needed one or two players to gain possession, control, think and play with purpose.  Clarice for Leigh was soon away again with the goal in his sights.  The keeper was left to be beat, the chance to blemish the night's score-free card was there but the shot was blazed high and looked to land on the nearby cricket pitch - Howzat - ooh me googlies.

 

From here we witnessed a swift move for the Albion with some in-box movement finally allowing No 9 (Kieren Casey) to have a pop at goal which was all rather weak.  No 10 (David Horan) was soon keen to improve on this effort with his own punt but the ball, that was struck from distance, was watched and caught by an ever-ready keeper.  Wilmslow were now on a roll, Casey touched on to Horan who took several looks at goal before a floating chip was executed with the ball gliding over the keeper and dropping into the net - a sugar sweet goal and a fine way to open the nights scoring account.

 

After a dreadful corner Leigh had a push with No 16 (Tamler Parkinson) and 8 (Tom Sims) linking up with the end shot lacking true zest... and accuracy.  The half wound down, an edginess was creeping in and I could feel the fumes of the coffee bean calling my name.  The half ended without any further incident, we went for a drink and a short wander.

 

The sun was cracking tonight, it was a shame hardly anyone had bothered to come and support some honest Non-League Football - I despair at times.  If the turd ain't polished and presented with great affect and piss-arse propaganda the majority don't seem to be able to motivate themselves.  As per, tis all about being seen in the right places, the hip places, the ones that satisfy the usual 'tick-box' needs - I am unswayed.

 

Half two began, it was a fractured beginning once again.  Leigh eventually had a flourish, a flank dash, a shot, a save and the follow-up buried - the joy was jumped on as an offside verdict was given.  A long ball for Leigh Genesis came next, No 11 (Dan Monaghan) was in and ready to level the game but the resident No 3 (Daanyaal Khan) put in a splendid tackle and followed up with some hard graft to completely quell the danger.

 

A free-kick for Leigh followed, Sims knocked in the globe which led to a Wilmslow break that, like the grooming qualities of Limp Lob Larry Braithwaite, promised much but resulted in no end thrill.  Leigh were quick to counter, a 3 touch move was delicious, Monaghan gathered and duly grabbed the leveler - it was truly deserved and put this game on a knife-edge (albeit a rather rusty knife that wasn't as sharp as it could be).  

 

The next action was quick in arriving (unlike the aforementioned Mr Braithwaite), Leigh cultivated a gratis-hoofing with a blasting taking place but the wall standing firm (Mr Braithewaite please take note).  No 7 (Rob Entwistle) for the same squad galloped forth next, put in a cross with the striker leaving it for a comrade but the home keeper reading matters well.  Leigh kept on pushing, the next goal may well be the match clincher.  Wilmslow were far from done, a cross came and the Leigh No 1 (Simon Morgan) missed it.  Entwistle waited for the ball to settle, got his nuts in a twist whilst trying to adjust his carcass and fell in a crumpled heap - the open goal was left unpenetrated and the guests breathed a sigh of great relief.

 

From here the hosts strode on, No 7 (Logan Gamble) passed to Horan, a shot came, the timber was trembled (phwoar) and No17 (Abdou Soumare) gobbled up the loose ball and snatched the lead goal.  There was now less than 20 minutes to play, the home No 8 (Jack Eaton) thrusted, entered the box and was tumbled - the referee wasted no time in giving a penalty.  Horan took responsibility and cracked in a low and solid strike - 3 - 1 - was that game done?

 

The guests were now scrambling around like vagabonds at a jumble sale, Wilsmlow looked to add a further kick in the opposing gonads with a corner won.  The delivery was sound but No 12's (Alfayad Barry) header was just shy of the mark.  Leigh bounced back, Parry laid off to Boardman who cracked off a superb shot that was wonderfully saved.  The ball was loose, Clarice was upended, another penalty the outcome.  Sims stepped up, the lead was now only 1 goal.

 

Leigh probed late on, a little luck was needed to just grab a share of the spoils.  Alas a slip nearly saw them throw the game completely away but their No 1 stood firm and kept matters alive.  This was all irrelevant however as the referee called a halt to the game and Wilmslow Albion strode off worthy winners.  Man of the Match was considered, I opted for Wilmslow Albion’s No 5 (Darrin Marcus) who had a little touch of class, a certain composure and a good quiet approach that made sure he was focused at all times.  A good example of Non-League doofing methinks.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS - A sunny night, 5 goals, a few wildlife examples, a quid for a coffee and some honest endeavour away from the claptrap of the big business bollocks that has poisoned the upper realms of this fine game - why on earth do more people not support this kind of sport?  Anyway - the 2 teams tonight worked hard, the pitch was firm and unforgiving and the outcome was perhaps the right result.  There is work to be done methinks - both teams need the all-important 'composure' factor - especially up front when chances need to be taken to make any inroads in what is a competitive league.  This is easier said than done, but communication and using the full space on the park is crucial.  Wilmslow's greatest asset seems to be defence, they battle well and go about their business with quiet authority.  Leigh have several busy bees in their midst with good vision and overall awareness, they just need to fine tune those killer touches at the apical end and I am sure matters will progress nicely.  Having said all this, we are in the midst of the Non-League nether regions where there are many predatory perverts waiting to pilfer any players with a suggestion of promise and thus leave teams scraping the barrel and always on the hunt to patch matters up.  It is what it is and let us face it, this is not about glory, it is just about the game - and so it should be!

PS - If any names are spelt incorrectly I do apologise but I make no apologies for some of the handwriting on the teamsheets - please see the headmaster!

A DATE WITH MICK'S KNUTS

4th May 2024 - St Michaels DHFC 1 v 1 Knutsford Town - Up and out to Stockton Heath we went.  My belfry was given a new artistic embellishment via the tattooing gent Callum of Dawson's Tattoo Company.  Today it was two Magic Mushrooms enhanced by a couple of love and anarchy signs - tha' gotta get thy ethics right tha' knows - this system has turned to shit, we need to seek more cranial anarchy and infuse more love (hey and I ain't a hippy).  From here we sought some food and had a fine breakfast, a good brew and a chat before heading to this nearby ground and seeing what the crack is. 

Upon arrival we were greeted by two of the home teams ruling guard and granted a free brew, how ruddy lovely.  We had a quick look around the perimeter of the playing surface and recorded (come game end) 33 wildlife species.  The set up looked splendid, the game was featuring two closely matched teams and I fancied a 2 - 2 draw.  We chose our viewing positions and soon after the teams entered the fray.  The clouds were grey, there was a chill waiting to nip at the nethers, I was hoping for some hot action to keep the thermal energy high.

The game opened up with the hosts having an early free-kick but Knutsford standing firm.  The opening sequences were tighter than the grip of a chimpanzee's fist on a sex banana with the home team, if anything, just shading matters.  The first shot of note came via the guests after No 4 (Graeme Brotherton) fed No 6 (Jonny Cavannagh) who turned quicker than Dr Jekyll and let fly a punt that only warmed the palms of the awaiting No 1 (Ryan Cornes). A swift break came, a ball out wide and a touch placement pass saw SMDH No 8 (Connor Wood) chance his shank with the shot getting deflected wide.  The corner was awful. 

From here we witnessed a free-kick come the Knutsford way with another poor delivery had.  The game was hard to call as things stood with the first strike gaining in importance by the second.  Cavannagh for the Knutty Boys tried to grab the opener soon after but the low dandelion decapitator was straight at the watchful mittman.  Boo hiss, up the weeds!
 
After more constipated midfield battling Knutsford eventually strung a  few passes together that ended with an in-box collision.  The whistle-wielding man in the middle wasted no time in awarding a penalty, a decision I thought to be a trifle harsh. Cavannagh stepped up to take the spot kick and absolutely nailed it - the game was crying out for a strike, now matters would hopefully develop further and with heightened excitement.
 
The St Michaels crew now dug a little deeper, the reaction was good but all advances just lacked that final masterclass quality.  The half raced away, the hosts tried to force their way back into this one but the guests were niggardly and remained a quite watertight unit.  Little in the way of enthusing action came and so the nib of my pen was allowed a rest from paper scrawling duties - a coffee was needed and when the referee called a halt to the first 45 full advantage was taken.
 
A brew, a wander, a stretch.  This was a darn good area to watch a game of football and  the verdant surroundings were not wasted on our roving eyes.  It looked as though the list of grounds to revisit was growing, these 52 weeks in a year and limited seasons are in no way helpful to the eternally keen - I best get myself a ruddy diary.
 
And to half 2 with Knutsford straight on it via their No 2 (Harrison Wooley) who put in a low cross that Cavannagh connected with but failed to steer the ball past the mitter.  Straight down the other end we went, Wood tried to place a shot and get matters all squared up but the globe looked to be more interested in staying airborne and floated over the bar.  St Michaels now worked up a great lather, a corner was won but the execution was too complicated for the team's own good.  
 
Onus was now on the hosts to speed matters up and bag that equaliser whilst being wary enough not to concede a second.  Talking of which - No 22 (Brandon Blades) of the visitors had two efforts that nearly knocked the stuffing out of the opposing ranks but thankfully both efforts failed to penetrate the meshing.  A long ball by the SMDH team saw No 16 (Jack Hunter) connect with his bonce and the ball go past the keeper and bounce towards the goal.  Alas for all the home faithful a Knutsford defender was there who knocked behind for a corner from which there was little end product.
 
As a quartet of Greenfinches flew by, my eyes were distracted.  I looked back to the pitch to see a SMDH flick pass release Wood who was left with an option to shoot.  The option was indeed taken and a superb rasper-jasper of choice quality was the result with the game now all on a par.
 
The home lads now increased the threat, No 10 (Ben Mahoney) was out wide, touched the ball back to No 2 (Matthew Watts) with the ensuing shot going over the bar.  No 7 (Dominic Brereton) had a pop from the angle mere minutes later, the result was just off target.  With tails up the hosts pushed the issue, a free-kick followed, No 5 (Connor Greenfield) posted a turf-grazing drive that was mighty close to snatching the lead.  Knutsford had a brief moment of respite when a corner was won, the ball was knocked straight out of play and a player collided with the upright and needed a few minutes to recover.  Thankfully the young fellow was fine and dandy.
 
The game continued, the St Michaels lads pressed with a move that opened up the Knutsford ranks like a tin of Bartlett Pears.  Brereton was the apical component, the shot that came was too high, in truth it should have been better. The game was now wide open, the hosts worked positions and had several digs at the target but each and every one lacked true zip and, the all important 'accuracy' factor. Watts had a great chance but the header was at the keeper and then No 12 (Charlie Rodick) had a dig from the angle for Knutsford but the ball just flew across the face of the goal.  
 
Into the dog ends of the game we dropped, little in the way of a glorious chance came until Blades for Knutsford had a pop from the mush with a header off the line, saving the hosts bacon and eventually proving to be a real life saver as the game ended all square soon after.  This had been a good contest with two perfectly matched outfits.  The Man of the Match was a difficult prospect but going on all round consistency during the game I think Knutsford's No 6 (Jonny Cavannagh) deserves the nod.  A footballing brain at work and always looking to keep his team controlled, organised and making the most of all options.  Tidy work.
 
FINAL THOUGHTS - And so, another game done, another new ground visited and some wildlife recorded.  What more could one ask - a warm welcome, decent weather, a well-balanced game - ah yes - how about a Chesterfield Sofa on which to watch the game, free champagne and a free ride on a homosexual ostrich at half-time.  hey ho.
 
The teams today looked to be both decent units for this level and I would be very much surprised if anyone gave them a real whipping. It was though, perhaps in an oh so subtle way, a game of two halves.  Knutsford had the better of the first 45 and if they could have bagged a second strike then maybe, just maybe, 3 points could have been theirs.  This team have gone through many highs and lows, they are doing ok this time around and have recently bagged a cup.  Some good souls run this club, here's to consistency, success and a bit of luck as per.  St Michaels DHFC have a good set up here and it is backed up by a tidy team on the park.  They started very slowly today and like an arthritic after a night in bed with a rectal raver, just couldn't get going.  They warmed up nicely for the second stint though and looked very good value for grabbing the full prize for their efforts.  Alas the shooting boots were left unpolished and they had to settle for a decent, and a fair, draw.  As said, we gotta get back here and support a good set up - I am stretched so thinly I am almost transparent - cripes imagine that - a see through scrotum - ooh I could keep my pet fish in it - splash, splash - whoosh.

A NON-LEAGUE CLASSIC, FOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS

27th April 2024 - Garswood United 4 v 4 Whaley Bridge Athletic - Up with many tweaks and twangs - the physio is being seen on Tuesday to hopefully get this back sorted.  The lasses darted out after a few tasks were done, they are busy blighters and, in fact, so am I.  The head was shaved, stretches done, dishes washed, stretches done, website update, stretches done, kitchen cleaned, stretches done. I ended up like an Indian Rubber Man without the turban - I must invest and go the full hog, bah bugger.  

Some grub and the missus came home - we had a new ground to visit before scootling off to Bolton for the 195th Fungalised Night of Noise - another DIY escapade featuring 3 bands of varying flavours - tha' gotta keep the bastards on their toes.  So, out in good time, the ground found with no mither and a seek out of teamsheets which was supplied by that fine bod Curtis Lopez.  It was a nice surprise to catch up with this guy whom we know from watching Pineapple FC (he is the manager).  Here Curtis is managing Garswood United, it seems he likes football and likes to do his bit.  He is a welcoming and amiable chap and gets my vote, the free coffees he sorted for us were just ruddy generous, I may have to put some support in for Garswood as way of thanks.  A wander was had next, we bagged a few wildlife records to keep the eye in.  This crook back and hernia have seen me alter tack of late but I have to do my bit.

Eventually positions were taken. We wanted, as per, a ruddy good game, plenty of goals and some fair play - we peeled the peepers and watched the teams enter the arena and the sable clad gent in charge blow his oral device (phwoar).Whaley Bridge came out with great purpose and rapidity, Garswood were immediately put on the back foot but refused to bend or buckle.  A slick move from the visitors saw the opening corner of the game earned.  No 11 (Jake Brooks) posted from the angle, No 8 (Sam Clarke) connected with the bonce and the ball was cleared off the line.  After more mither Garswood shook themselves down and darted away with No 11 (Vincent Clarke) sending in a promising cross but with no marksmen there to fire home.

The next sortie towards the danger area came via the away team that only led to a Garswood break with No 9 (Thomas Romano) at the apex and having the ball waiting to be leathered home.  A pass was made instead, only a corner was gained.  The ball entered the strike zone, lots of scrappy and disjointed play ensued with No 8 (Elliot Ashurst) finalising matters by walloping the globe into the side meshing.  Garswood did have the ball in the back of the net mere seconds later but an offside decision jumped on any joy.

The hosts now began to gain a decent foothold with several promising attacks just lacking that assassin's killer touch. The flank was duly flashed next, a flick header released No 7 (Liam Caddick) who wasted no time in exploding a shot that the guest keeper saved - just!  Garswood were now becoming good value and looked likely to bag the opening strike when Whaley Bridge broke with purpose, a ball entered the box, the Garswood No 3 (Conor O'Neil) shoulder-charged without any subtlety and duly gave away a penalty.  The spot kick was saved, Clarke followed up and grabbed the first goal, the game was truly ignited.

Garswood now put together a quick reaction, No 10 (Ethan Burkes) and Romano both had decent efforts that brought no triumph but reinforced the fact that the home lads were far from disheartened.  A couple more shots at goal came, both straight at the keeper with Whaley Bridge responding via a mid-range pop from Clarke that was decent enough but not good enough to beat the mitter.  The home chaps refused to lose the upper hand, Romano headed the next attack and refused to lose in-box possession despite many attempts to free him of the ball.  A touch to Ashurst came, a deflected shot was the outcome with the visiting No 1 (John Stanway) producing an excellent save.  A corner followed, a break for the opposition produced nowt and then Garswood won a corner, the ball went in and out, a shot followed, a Whaley Bridge player tried to protect his face and the arms were struck.  The cruel verdict was a red card, the double whammy, an extra kick in the conkers, was a penalty decision. Romano stepped up, 1 - 1 it was, well taken that man.

Garswood United now had their tails up, Caddick came on, a touch to Ashurst and the shot flew over.  The missus decided to wander for a warming brew, Garswood burst forth, a shot came, the keeper earned his crust.  Whaley Bridge conjured up a counter move, No 9 (Jake Miller) proved himself a real thorn in the defensive genitals, a stray leg was struck out, another penalty was the outcome which Clarke sweetly despatched.  The half ended soon after - what a ruddy good do this had been.

A warm brew, a wander round the ground, a nice wildlife sightings list was building with 2 Common Toads and an Adonis Ladybird the real surprises.  We had a chat to a few grand folk as well, reinforcing the fact that football at this level is wonderful and these chits and chats with like-minded folk, the fact you can wander here and there and the feeling that we are all on one level is utterly precious and makes for something so DIY and pure.  Of course, as in all walks of life, there are one or two arseholes who think they are big fish in little ponds, these are best assigned to the bowl marked 'wankers' and we are better off swimming free with the decent ones.

And to half two.  Garswood began matters with a real urgency, it looked as though the half-time talk had worked and the genital pepper spray had put a spring in the player's steps (nice work Mr Lopez).  Romano was keen to make his mark, several balls entered the box, one of which the said player connected with only to wobble the horizontal.  A corner followed, there was no way through but soon after the home No 11 (Vincent Clarke) went on a startling run down the wing, put in a choice cross that Caddick met only to put ball onto the stubborn crossbar.  It looked as though Garswood were out of favour with the fat cruel bag that is Lady Luck but moments later Romano battled away in the box like a beaver in a timber yard and won the 4^th penalty of the game.  The same player nonchalantly stroked the ball home - this was some game.

Garswood now looked to push on and win this and moments later No 17 (Leon Arnasalam) was out wide and put in a low cross that Caddick looked to touch on and bury.  There was no need for any extra assistance as the ball somehow squirmed between the keepers pegs and nestled in the netting.  The advantage now was 1 goal and 1 extra player - this was a game that was there to be put to bed or, perish the thought, thrown away.

The resident pack pushed on, Arnasalam provided a good cross, Clarke full-stopped the move with a  firm dig at goal that the goalie did well to save.  Clarke had another pop soon after via a free-kick, the goal remained untroubled but a few feathers were removed from a passing pigeon's arse as the ball whizzed through the skies.  Whaley Bridge battled on regardless, Brooks chased a lost ball and nearly lobbed the keeper and a couple of free-kicks bore no fruit but were a warning to the leading team to keep on their toes. Caddick nearly helped settle the home nerves but a lob over the keeper fell disappointingly wide. Moments later though Romano weaved away, a foul came and I thought a 5^th penalty was on the cards.  The referee allowed the game to continue and Clarke put all queries to rest and slapped home the ball and gave his side a 2 goal cushion.

One could be forgiven for thinking Whaley Bridge would capitulate at this point but that was not the case. No 3 (Toby Snelson) drove hard out wide, played the ball to No 10 (Daniel Gilbride) who returned the pass and saw a finishing goal attempt deserved of a strike - alas it was not to be.  Soon after Garswood switched off, a ball over the top found WBA's Brooks who took one look and put this game on a knife-edge.  Suddenly one team had everything to lose, the other had everything to gain.

A Whaley Bridge corner followed, the delivery was quality, the keeper's fists remained strong and eased the home tensions.  The minutes left were few when the guest No 4 (Daniel Christie) galloped after a long ball, gained control of matters on the end line, put in a cross and saw Gilbride snatch the equaliser. Wow!

The final gasps saw Garswood push, No 18 (Paul Cliff) bang in a decent cross only for No 14 (Connor Blazys) to make a tame header that caused no further fuss. Whaley Bridge had a further flourish that Garswood survived and that was a that, a minor classic done with many talking points had.  I was left to consider the Man of the Match and as I did so, the good lady and myself took a stroll around the ground where I spied, in a nearby field, the Egghead Mottlegill Fungus (Paneaolus semiovatus) - what a bonus.  The Man of the Match was then settled, No 5 (Oluwapelumi Joseph Maxwell) for Garswood United was a solid choice I thought as I do like a player who plays at his own controlled pace, refuses to get distracted by nonsense and who repeatedly thinks on the ball and usually makes the correct decision - I thought today's stint was worthy of acknowledgement.

We went off into the distance and to my 195th gig - Non-League, Nature and Noise - cracking ain't it.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Well what can I say, two teams with a good playing style destined to make for leakages at the back but also liable to create goals up front.  The key for both teams is to maintain discipline, concentrate on their own game and make sure they pass, move and communicate.  There is oodles of potential here, the key, as always, is to maintain the core of the squad and get working hard pre-season.

During the game there were many good performances and some really steady attitudes that got on with matters and were all the better for it.  I think we may be returning to Garswood more often and having been to Whaley Bridge Athletic on a couple of previous occasions, I think it is about time to get back down there.  The problem is, there are so many choices to make each and every Saturday - it is a pleasurable pain unlike the one in my back - bah.