Sunday 27 January 2019

DOMINOES TUMBLED

26th January 2019 - Stone Dominoes 0 v 6 Sandbach Utd - Myself and my good lady rose early after a poxy night's sleep (what's new), got sorted in double quick time and hit the road to Staffordshire.  2 walks were indulged in prior to the match, one at Aqualate Mere NR and the other at Loynton Moss NR.  They helped the blood flow, kept us intrigued and brought us a nice variety of bird and fungi species with a few extras thrown in.  We duly arrived at Wellbeing Park, had a cuppa (plus a sausage bap for me) and chatted with a few keen folk who help keep the wheels turning and this Non-League game alive.  A bonus came when I nipped for a pre-match piddle and spotted two luscious Herald Moths hibernating in the men's urinals and then picked out a Great Spotted Woodpecker whilst nattering to a photographer.  We duly paid our dues, entered the ground proper and took up a good viewing point.  The weather had been fair all morning but soon after the ball got rolling things turned to utter shit (in more ways than one for the home side).

The teams appeared, the kick off was had and a raffle ticket purchased.  After passing coin for numbered ticket I raised my head and saw the home No 4 (Unimana Emanwell) get his jockstrap in a twist, make a serious error that allowed No 6 (Christopher Rowntree) to find space, fire and open his teams account.  It wasn't the start the hosts wanted but they brushed themselves down and tried mighty hard to dig in and create a chance of their own. They cultivated a few hopeful crosses but were eventually caught with their trousers down as Sandbach raced away on the break and tore the Doms a new arsehole.  A shot came, a corner was the outcome, the sequence was duly repeated with the third angled hoof coming.  The globe entered the box, was scrambled clear before Sandbach charged, No 8 (Billy Buckley) entered territory 'danger' and got clattered for his troubles.  The referee had no doubts and gave a penalty and issued a yellow card for good measure.  The penalty was taken by No 9 (Josh Lane) and 'twat' - 0 - 2 it was.

As a Kestrel hovered in the distant murk, Sandbach hawked for the open flesh of the hurting home team.  Lane rasped in a grass searing cross that screamed out for the killer touch but the arriving No 11 (Kevin Garner-Knapper) was a little to late to grab his own slice of glory.  Defensively the home team were being dragged all ways, the trouser belt needed tightening to keep the rear end in position and prevent further leakage.  As the half advanced the Heavenly leakage grew in miserable stature and added to the hosts woes, it was looking to be a very long afternoon in situation 'impossible'.  As Stone tried to force matters Sandbach broke again.  A sugar-sweet ball over the top found Lane who knocked in to No 7 (Ryan Allcock) who had a crack just shy of the vertical.  Lane had a shot of his own next, again wide of the mark and then he was assisted by Allcock who executed a neat turn and touch that allowed his partner in crime to boom over - the next goal was on the cards and there was only one way it was going.  Eventually the strike did come with a solid cross coming and Garner-Knapper sticking out a relaxed peg and nonchalantly volleying home.  It was a strike awash with simplicity - it was all too easy!

Into the final chuck of the half, No 2 (Matt Peason) for the guests worked the flank, the cross had pinpoint accuracy, Allcock steamed in and forced the keeper to make a sound block.  The Stone Dominoes responded, a corner was put in and dealt with and then a breakaway saw things end with a shot that was all too tame.  To show how things were done the visitors raced forth, 1 pass, 2 pass, bang - Allcock had his goal, things were now getting silly.  Before the break several more chances came for Sandbach and the team could have added to their balance, Allcock and Lane guilty of not being truly ruthless - as it was the score stayed at 0 - 4 - crikey!

We stayed put for half-time, the rain was lashing down so we munched a few Skittles and awaited the re-emergence of the contenders.  The winning team ran out with a spring in the step, the trailing side looked to be carrying a world of worry on their saturated shoulders - a tale of two emotions to say the least.

The game restarted, Sandbach had an early dig that warmed the home keepers hands and then Lane and Buckley had shots the same way, the first too high, the second straight at the overworked goalie.  The match now developed into a situation that saw the hosts scrambling for any shitty scraps, the visitors too keen and snatching at the scrotum of success without accuracy (ooh me perineum). Another punt came at the home goal, the No 1 (Reece Quinn) dove and saved mighty well low in the corner and then a penalty shout was had not long after but the referee showed his Christian nature and spared The Doms any further suffering.  2 subs for United came, No 15 (Aidan Haughton) and Rowntree linked up soon after with the latter player once more failing to hit the target.  The game continued to roll one way with Sandbach producing a good passing sequence in and around that box that was finalised by Allcock who sent in a shit-scraper along the sodden deck and found the bottom corner - it had been coming!

From here shots aplenty came, all at the exasperated home mittman.  No 14 (Tom Williams) put one at the keeper and then a shot from No 10 (Harry Cain) was deflected upwards and fell to Rowntree who buried without fuss.  Over the course of the closing minutes 7 more shots came, several wide or over, a couple dealt with by the gloved guardian.  The guests were running riot - there could have been so many other strikes and Stone looked dead on their feet.  The referee eased their wretchedness soon after, the teams walked off and I pondered the Man of the Match.  For me, Sandbach United's No 7 (Ryan Allcock) deserves the nod for incessant industry, good turf coverage, two goals and some eye-catching creativity that will surely serve him well in his footballing endeavours.  We headed home soon after, 6 goals under the belt and January done and dusted with a one way rampage witnessed.

FINAL THOUGHT - Today we both expected an away win, and after chatting to a fine Sandbach fan in the car park prior to the match I thought my 1 - 4 prediction over generous.  As it turned out it was a humble forecast and was a long way away from reflecting what went on during the match.   Stone Dominoes have a great set up, tis a lovely ground and was a joy to visit and yes, we shall return.  On the pitch though they were in disarray with communication non-existent that duly led to too many stray passes and a lack of options when in possession.  The work rate though was good, they played the full 90 minutes and for me, despite this thumping and finding themselves in a lowly league position, with a good barking general in their midst, everyone hollering and working as a supportive unit they could, just could, turn things around.  It won't be easy, but why should it be - I hope they can do it!  Sandbach United are a good, consistent squad and today, with the spite and ruthless streak of an aroused assassin could have easily brought up the double figure mark.  The North West Counties First Division South is an enthralling contest, there are only 9 points separating the top 8 teams, with Sandbach right in the mix.  It could come down to goal difference, even though they scored 6 today I think Sandbach realised they could have had a whole lot more.  They play good quick football, talk and encourage and will be in at the end - what a mad season this is and only a fool would place a wager and bet against Sandbach United pinching this one at the death - keep watching this space folks, oh what lucky peeps we are!   

Sunday 20 January 2019

A SHARE OF THE SPIRITED SPOILS

19th January 2019 - Denton Town 2 v 2 Eagle Sports - And a wary look at the bulging diary shows things are 'rammed' and I am duly designated the status of that pesky flitter 'Cobaltus rear-endus' - the Blue Arsed Fly.  Up, chores, birds fed, computer updates done, dinner consumed and then me and the missus headed out for this early fixture from the realms of the Cheshire League.  The timing fitting in well with the days plans as I had organised a gig later in the day, The Doncaster Deviants Invasion - a gathering of disturbed discordance makers destined to end in a pregnancy, a ruptured ringpiece and the conversion of some unsuspecting character to the realms of Yorkshire Buddhism - you just can't trust those white-rose wearing gits.  So, we arrived, we met up with STP Stu and took up our positions after a cup of tea and a wander round the pitch.  The weather was typical of January - cold, dreary, without gumption - as we dithered we witnessed the following spectacle - I apologise in advance if my testicles turn blue, drop off and as a result I fail to finish the report - I am trying my best here and mother's knitted nut cups are being worn with pride.

The globe of focus started to move across hardy green, we seemed on the cusp of nightfall throughout, the game duly developed though with both teams playing with a robust passion.  Attacking waves crashed at each end, Denton had one that fizzled like a Roman Candle dipped in shit, Eagle Sports produced another that saw No 9 (Chris Quirk) have a dig that was neatly stopped by the wide awake keeper.  The visiting tribe put together some attractive eye-catching sequences whilst the host unit looked to soak and release to their two awaiting front bods.  The Eagles continued to dictate the pace, they were working the pitch and moving with steadfast persistence but during one passage of play the midfield pack was pilfered, No 7 (Loma Kasende) surged from the melee, fed No 10 (Bocar Baro) with a delicious pass that allowed the frontman to tidily slot home and bring mild joy to the few ardent supporters in attendance.  The Eagles now flew with greater urgency, a cross came like a thunderbolt of Thor, the slightest touch by a wannabe hero was needed, alas it didn't come, the outstretched toes were just a tad too short.  The guest team were soon on the hunt again, an exact through ball found No 10 (Alex Finch) who deftly rounded the mittman, booted forth and struck the vertical.  The ball fell dead, Quirk pounced, made sure contact and rippled the netting - all square folks, this was already a choice Non-League cutlet.

With the game beautifully poised, a loose defensive pass from the Denton rearguard saw their opponents grab and Quirk gallop and boom - the shot was deflected over.   The corner came in, it was nutted out, and another angle kick was had at the other side of the pitch.  In, out, in, volley - like an aroused Benny Hill in a nudist colony, the upright duly trembled.  The ball rebounded, another effort was had and again the post vibrated before an offside flag was waved.  Cor blimey, this was hectic!  At the other end a free-kick was knocked forth and firmly fisted (ooh me rectum).  No 11 (Callum Williams) picked up the dogend - one look, one swing, boom sir, boom - 2 - 1 it was!  What a grand goal to be sure! 

The match remained a pure fascination, this could still go any way!  The end to end action was incessant, many solid performances were being executed, the flow was liquid and I was all agog.  The travellers turned up the heat, the ball entered the zone labelled 'dangerous' and No 8 (Edward Burthem) looked ready to shoot.  The moment passed, a re-alignment of the sights was taken and the ball was cracked into the goal.  Once more we were back to all-square but this first 45 was far from over.  Eagle Sports were soon hawking once more, a ball across the face of goal was ready to be buried, the goalkeeper (Martyn White) stretched and grabbed at the last - good man!   As Denton came under a brandished cosh their No 4 (Martin Enow) mistimed a header and Quirk for The Sports accepted, slid one past the keeper and struck the post.  A corner was given, the ball came in, No 5 (Oliver Fleming) headed over.  Soon after No 11 (Matty Hadley) blasted over and then a sizzling cross beat the sprawling keeper only to see Quirk shocked by receiving the ball and missing a golden opportunity - what a game!  The half finally ended with two shots for No 10 (Alex Finch) of the guests.  The first was easily saved, the second was neatly turned aside from an increasingly mithered mitter...and then we were done.

A cuppa and a Mars Bar for the break - by heck it went down good and then back out for the next period of honest and earthy football.

A blustery start to the second half came, once again it was the visiting pack that started to set the standard of the passing game.  A shot came from the pack, the home mitter produced a quality one handed save and then Hadley had a dig but wasn't even close.  After more pecking the same team's No 8 (Edward Burthem) blasted over and then followed up several minutes later with a dig into the side-netting.  As Denton gathered their resisting gonads Quirk of the Eagles rasped one wide, and then a cross came that needed a good punch out.  Hadley was on it, a touch to goal came, how the Hell did the guy miss?  The home lads eventually got to grips with the goings on, they earned a free-kick but could only rattle the wall and after a mad scramble see the ball hoofed clear.  

Somehow, after much battling and perseverence the clock had travelled with nippy hands.  The Eagles were shading matters, a cross saw the home keeper drop and gather and then Finch sent in a concrete strike that brought out the best of the reliable last man standing between the sticks - a great save for sure.  More mad dashing, spirited scrambling and turf scurrying ardour.   We went into the final stretch, No 9 (Chris Lingouba) had a lash for the resident lads but the ball had too much momentum and uplift - it was a half chance and as it turned out, the last chance.   This had been a bargain basement belter, we 3 onlookers were thoroughly entertained and considered our time well spent.  Man of the Match could have gone to many a player but in retrospect and having pondered matters the Denton Town No 1 (Martyn White) gets the nod for a string of good saves and blocks that surely kept his team in it and with the chance of nicking the full 3 point prize.  A good honesty and at times unorthodox effort but it got the job done!

FINAL THOUGHT - Well, what a good trip out this was, to a local team who are worthy of support and who, despite being bottom of the league, play with good passion, without idiot griping and with respectable effort.  The home team are not deserved of the position and can, with a rub of the green and a few tweaks turn this season completely on its head.   The only advice I would give this lot if in a managerial position would be to stay supportive of each other, make sure the full pitch is used and when receiving a pass go to meet the ball rather than waiting for it to come to you.  This will increase the tempo, bring good reward and certainly give a good bunch some gratifying return.  Fingers crossed and yes, we will be back.  Eagle Sports are a decent side and today, played a passing game I was certainly taken by.   They worked hard and have many efficient players that can surely see them push on further into the top team tussle.  From front to back there is a vein of quality and with a bit of work on the decision making process they could dish out some severe hammerings if teams don't watch out.  I hope to get a trip in to this teams ground before season end - I'll be reporting as per, hopefully on a victory rather than a draw but hey, if the game is as good as this - who cares!  PS - Denton Dave Starkie is a doofer, epitomises the Non-League ethos and his commitment and passion deserve a mention - so I have - keep at it fella, respect!

Tuesday 15 January 2019

THE LIONS SLEEP NOT TONIGHT

14th January 2019 - Stockport Town 3 v 1 Tranmere Rovers - The weekend had been busy, and the day today a mad scramble to catch up.  I had a sore throat, aching guts and the skies overhead refused to give birth to any serious sunlight - hardly a motivating scenario to say the least .  Despite the gripes I went for a bike ride earlier in the day, spotted my first Bumblebee of the year and when I came back did some chores. I had snooker on the TV and pondered the golden age of the sport when Willie Thorne and John Spencer were lovers, Terry Griffiths once had a fling with a pool table and Perrie Mans held a surf-boarding contest on the ripples of his barnet.  Great days and even I was affected by the ball-potting mania and spent six-months in Broadmoor for having tried to live my life as a naked Ted Lowe look-a-like.  I was only caught out when trying to buy a bag of spuds in the local corner shop I became aroused and the blue tip of my love-cue knocked over a display stand of Ajax floor cleaner.  I tried to whisper my way to freedom but to no avail - hey ho - these memories put things into perspective for sure.   So with pink balls pocketed, the sofa cushions left behind I made a break for it and headed for Stockport Sports Village for tonight's Cheshire Senior Cup First Round Tie.  The result looked a formality but hey, Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson, Wigan won the FA cup, Joe Johnson won the Snooker World Championship and Fred Flip won the World Tiddlywinks Cup despite only having 1 nipple - you just never know.  On arrival I met STP Stu, Stockport Town Club Secretary the hobbling Rob York, wagged the jaw and slurped a beverage and this is what went on soon after that!

The Town came out perky and looking up for the task but the first attack of any prominence came via the young Tranmere side.  No 4 (Bradley Roberts) played a quite exquisite ball that was placed for No 10 (Franklyn Akammadu) to gallop after.  The striker latched onto the sphere, partially rounded the keeper and was bumbled to the deck, no penalty was the decision.  The Rovers used this moment as a motivating force and warmed to the night's task although the hosts remained rock solid and more than held their own.  Their No 7 (Callum Dolan) was in fact the next man to have a punt following a decent bout of possession.  He duly received, made himself a bit of space and sent in a whistling shot that was ever so slightly shy of the upright.  In return, after numerous loose balls (ooh painful), an attack of substance came with Akammadu once more at the apex of matters.  The hefty frontman gathered, muscled his way through and let fly from the angle.  The denial of a goal came from the host mitter who saved and even stopped the ball going for a corner - good work man.  The Lions had the next chance, a quality move saw No 9 (Gavin Salmon) put a pass to No 11 (Reece Skelton) who drilled in a low sizzler that forced the keeper to sprawl and turn behind.  The corner in was a peach, No 4 (Thomas Greenfield) rose and nutted home to give his side the crucial breakthrough - the game was now set up very nicely indeed.

Further into the intrigue we went, Akammadu for The Rovers made a menace of himself again, he got through, was molested by the keeper and put off his stride but still managed to cross with No 12 (Jake Burton) on the end of it trying to place the ball into the net - wide it went.  The guests now began to push with more direction, but the home lads won two corners against the flow.  The first just missed an incoming crust, the second needed the mitters fisted attention and when The Town's No 3 (Jack McConnell) caused confusion, Dolan was allowed to shoot just off target.  From here Tranmere worked hard but were contained by the discipline and hard work of their opponents.  They eventually broke out wide with No 2 (Kyle Hayde) flashing in a cross that Akammadu nutted off-line - it was a great chance and should have levelled matters.  Another move minutes later saw a lightning kick come across The Lion's box with Burton just too late to touch home.  The last attempt of the half came for the resident team with a free-kick delightfully struck by Dolan who bent one to the top corner only to see the ball graze the outside of the horizontal - that would indeed have capped a good 45 minute display for sure.  

Half-time and a squirt, a slurp and a roam back round to our viewing positions.  As things stood this was going to be a mighty close game, certainly an unexpected outcome for we two onlookers.

Half-two began with a straight shot from the kick-off that was perfectly placed with the ball dropping inches below the bar,   Luckily the keeper was wide awake early on and readily tipped over.  The corner produced nothing and then we had a hold up as a Town player needed time to shake off a knock.  Suddenly, from the restart, Tranmere Rovers had a good bout of possession, knocked forth a long ball that Akammadu chased.  Town's Greenfield tried to put in a tackle, the ball fell and bumbled off his feet, past the mittman and into the awaiting net - own goal I thought (although on the NWCFL website the striker was given the nod), how utterly, utterly cruel - was this a serious turning point?  Stockport would not take this insult laying down and responded with a red-hot move that was finalised with Dolan getting tumbled in the box.   The penalty shouts were frenzied, the chance perhaps to regain the advantage partially glimpsed - the referee smiled, remained impassive and waved play on.  Moments later and a Town corner came that saw Gavin Salmon nut goalward close in and watch the ball get booted off the line - this was a fine response to the recent disappointment, they are made of stern stuff these Stockport hoofers.  To keep them on their toes No 5 (Kiarno Samms) incessantly barked encourgament and orders, each verbal outpouring peppered with expletives and laden with much desire - and why not?

We were now 2/3's of the way through the match, 2 Town free-kicks came close, but alas, not close enough.  The same side kept on pushing, in and around the box matters developed, Dolan gratefully accepted possession of the globe at the angle, blasted in a low shot and 2 - 1 it was.  A sound strike, a just reward for much effort, could Tranmere now respond?  The answer was 'no', as The Lions came again and Foley cut in, beat his marker, let fly and rattled the upright.  It was a great move, the end result was far from fair!  2 substitutes came, 1 for each side, Tranmere now trying to force the issue.  The Rovers had a corner, No 6 (Carl Spellman) put a header wide, Town responded, Dolan weaving like Rumpelstiltskin and threading a golden cross for Salmon to hit first time and finalised a quite splendid performance.  Tranmere had two last attempts on goal, 15 (Nathan Corness) got hold of a long ball and lobbed an advancing keeper only to see the globe land on top of the cross bar and at the death No 7 (Ben Kerr) worked inward, had a dig but failed to make the mittman sweat.  And that my dear perusers, was that!   A great win for the Stockport Town lads who are really turning the season around.   Man of the Match must go to the home No 7 (Callum Dolan) who was a cut above, a constant menace and who displayed good skill, fine pace and, most importantly, a strong work ethic.  Homeward I went, I wasn't expecting the end result - then again, I never do!

FINAL THOUGHT -  A minor shocker this, or was it?  Tranmere fielded a diluted side, Stockport Town are on a good roll and blazing with desire - we really should have expected the unexpected perhaps - Roald Dahl, this was one for you.  The fact of the matter remains though that between both units there was nothing to separate them and at the end of the 90 minute stretch the hosts were good value for the victory.  The key to further success is keeping this group of player's together and keeping them hungry.  Many will come and dangle carrots (hey, there are some deviants who may dangle other things as well), and how to keep these predatory hawkers at bay is anyone's guess but a sense of unity, team spirit and enjoyment will certainly help.  Tranmere Rovers are having an average season judging by their league position and will be looking to progress further.  I am sure this loss will be no great shakes as they have bigger fish to fry but each and every match should matter and I am sure they would have liked to have nicked this one.  I wish them all the best in their endeavours and note was made in the good sporting way they played this game with no griping, no nastiness and a swift passing style.  I'll keep an eye on how they get on as I pootle in the lower depths, tis where I am happiest, and on tonight's evidence it is easy to see why!

Saturday 12 January 2019

THAT FRIDAY FEELING

11th January 2019 - Barnton Town 0 v 3 Wythenshawe Amateurs - Yes, that Friday feeling folks when you have done your first week back at work after Christmas, are absolutely fagged out, in need of a bit of sunshine and have got trouble with the old water works.  The John Thomas, the kidneys, the bladder and the dangling conkers are all tender and misfiring as this old git is prone to bouts of prostatitis and kidney stones.  As per, with every attack I have to be checked out and so, some oiled up doctor with hands like shovels will be awaiting the arrival of this fungal git to poke, prod and penetrate and send on his limping way.  It ain't no fun getting old and after coming off my bike a few months back and knackering my hip, having permanent ringing in the ears through years of sonic abuse and with more creaks and cracks than the members of an arthritic whorehouse I can honestly say that 'growing old disgracefully' seems to be my thing.  So, with expletives, 'ouches' and a desire to piddle I finished work, was kindly picked up my the missus today rather than cycle home, had tea and then set out with the best woman in the world to this not too distant ground.  On the way down we listened to another Fear on Four, this time about some school girls making sacrifices - what a trio of nasty buggers they were!

Into the ground we went, took up our positions and had a brew.  There was to be no football tomorrow as I had a gig to organise - Nottingham Splonk Invasion - 9 DIY acts from the anal regions of the acoustic world - time for me to don the rubber gloves and investigate for a change.  The match tonight looked as though, on paper at least, an away win was on the cards but I am never sure - I think that I am learning a lesson at last - we shall see.

The ball went rolling on the stroke of 7.45pm, at 7.46pm Barnton had a surge dismantled and Wythenshawe's No 5 (James Russell) went into the book - oh heck, surely not one of those nights!  From this point the guests dictated the pace of proceedings with a couple of cracks on goal.  The early shining light was the visiting No 6 (William Ahern) who was up for the task, knocked some cute balls around and appeared in more areas than the pimples on Albert Steptoe's arse.  Barnton opted to play 'breakaway' football with one such escape leading to a throw in which came and saw their alert No 10 (Ryan Malone) get thwarted by a defensive foot at the very, very last.  From further fluster the first ripple of the meshing eventually came the way of the Whammies with a free-kick sweetly executed into the box that saw No 10 (Daniel Egan) rise and nut home to give a deserved lead - or so it seemed.  On the far side a wee man in black and assassin of celebrations waved a little coloured flag!  The poor man was deemed a 'wanker' and a 'shithouse' but the goal was denied - please try again!

Further into the mush of the match we strode, a Wythenshawe corner was superbly hoofed in, the header that came was concrete but the ball wouldn't fall quick enough and walloped the bar and went over.   Barnton seemed to be on the cusp of cracking, fissures were beginning to a appear, the travelling pack were ready to pounce.  The Villagers tried to advance, the ball was lost and the Wythy lads sped away.  The attack was swift, without overindulgence and the end shot was firm but deflected into the keepers arms.  A free-kick came the other way, was wasted, the blue and whites broke again, Ahern received and struck with the home No 1 (Aaron Lyons) saving well.  The ball went out and back in, the upright was boomed and once more the globe was loose.   A cross came,  the tap home by No 7 (Rory Fallon) was long overdue - 0 - 1 it was - here we go then.  Immediately from the re-start Wythenshawe were marauding and molesting like Elton John in a public shithouse!  Ahern played a peach of a pass, a cross followed and No 15 (Joel Aikenhead) shot just wide - it was a good move worthy of more.  No sooner had notes been made than the same team came again - a simple long ball to No 9 (Jordan Burton) was gathered on the edge of the box, a quick turn followed, a swing of the shank and wham, 0 - 2 and what a way to double the lead.  Fantastic stuff!

The traffic remained mostly one way, the odd squirrel of hope Barnton offered was squashed beneath the rolling wheels of the hungry opponents.  There were now only a few minutes left of the first period, Burton tried to place his next shot and just missed the top corner and then, as Barton looked to build from the back, the ball was pilfered, Burton accepted and raced forth, shot and brought up the third.  It was, in all truth, a game killer, this one looked over and done with and when the referee blew soon after I did wonder how the 3 points could go anywhere else other than back to South Manchester.

A biscuit and a brew were enjoyed by me and the missus and for the second half we were joined by that grand gent and Cheadle Heath Nomads Secretary, Neville Pearson.  It was a surprise to see him due to the fact that on Friday, Saturday and Sunday night's Nev is usually dressed in drag performing at the Denby Dale Working Men's Club under the pseudonym of Gladrags Glenda - The Girl with Gonads.  After inquiring about his presence I came to understand he had been cancelled at the last minute after the chairman had unexpectedly swallowed a Greenfinch - hence Nevs appearance tonight and the few feathers falling from his pockets - very sinister!

Half two came, it began in a scrappy style, the guests remained in charge, the hosts dashed with pride and tried ruddy hard to save face and get a goal.  The first effort on target came via Wythie's Burton, the shot was firm but could only find the keeper's guts.  At t'other end Barnton earned a corner which duly came and allowed a close-in header that raised a lowly gasp of belief.  Alas the ball left crust and entered gloves all too tamely and we remained as we were. Some dubious decisions hindered the flow, little in the way of nipple-tingling excitement came and then, as Wythenshawe broke, No 6 (Daniel Jarrett) clumsily defended and received his second yellow of the night.  Like a gent he accepted the decision and wandered off - sometimes behaviour like this needs noting amidst all the gobbage and vocal nonsense.  The ensuing free-kick was wasted, Barnton broke and looked to recompense themselves for the loss of a man.  No 7 (Luke Wilson-Jones) dinked and shot - the save was regulation and worry free.  A corner was the result, it came and Wythenshawe broke with Fallon at the helm.  The man in possession trespassed, he was chased down but managed to get a cross away which Burton got his head on but put disappointingly over the horizontal.

We galloped to the last, a Whammies ball came, a choice header, the Barnton keeper produced a wonderful save to keep the deficit bearable.  The closing minutes were frantic, No 16 (Marcus Burnett) let one go for Wyhthy (dirty bugger), which wasn't that shy of the mark and then a late free-kick the same way brought another outstanding piece of mitted work that was duly applauded by all.  The final throes fizzled out and the night air was eventually blessed with the punctuating whistle - we were done, it had been a rough night for the hosts but Wythenshawe Town were on it and the Man of the Match goes to their efficiently organised and disciplined rear man No 3 (Joseph Denman).   Every good performance needs a sturdy foundation on which to build and many reliable components at the back - here was one fine example. We pootled off with another game under the belt - tis all good stuff!

FINAL THOUGHT -  So the last ponderings and to Barnton we go first.   The team worked hard tonight and ran themselves into the ground and all for sweet FA.  Observations are of a team who just need to vary the execution and play from back to front making sure the pitch is used to its full potential and many angles are thrown in.   They looked  to run out of ideas and options tonight and up-front lacked a potency to throw a spanner into the works of their very effective opponents.  The team are now sitting in 12th position it could be worse don't ya now and there is still much promise to be cultivated.   Wythenshawe Amateurs are a good side, hence they are top of the pile as things currently stand.   Tonight they dictated, moved and passed with swift focus and got the 3 goals when things were looking set to be mighty difficult. They have many good players and some good off-field support but they will need to work darn hard to clinch promotion as there are several other tasty outfits in the mix.  Come season end they will be thereabouts though - a fool would bet against them rising further but time will only tell.  As per, consistency is the key and of course, desire - they may just have enough of both to see this challenge through - keep reading the scribblings folks and watching those league tables - we are in for one fascinating run in.

Monday 7 January 2019

THE CRUISE OF THE MOTORMEN

5th January 2019 - Vauxhall Motors FC 5 v 0 Alsager Town - An early start for me and the good lady with some birding and fungi hunting at Brotherton Park and Dibbinsdale NR followed by more of the same at Eastham Country Park that brought several decent sightings but nothing out of the ordinary.  A couple of waxcaps in the woodlands of the former area were an odd sighting and a few fungal specimens on Gorse at the second place were very much appreciated.  Slightly chilled we headed to the nearby Vauxhall Sports Club and had our dinner and then paid our dues and enjoyed a cuppa and a Lemon and Poppy Seed Muffin in the cafe - splendid.  With 20 minutes to go we headed out and found our perches, the time ticked on and with a lowly turn-out of fans (58 recorded) the teams came out and the game got going.  The home team, on paper, were favourites but as per, these games are a gamblers nightmare so it is best just to sit back and enjoy the dismantling of the conundrum.

The early stages of this contest were patchy, constipated and lacking any dissecting touches.   The Motormen juddered, the Bullets fired blanks and excitement, to we neutrals, remained minimal.  No 9 (Karl Noon) of the hosts had the first effort on goal, a low rasper that went straight at the the visiting keeper and got the blood flowing around the old mitts.  The hosts pressed on from here, all to little avail as their opponents absorbed like a busted bag of Pampers but produced little in return like a bunged up baby on the shitbowl!    As Vauxhall huffed and puffed The Town sprung and burst down the flank via their tricky dicky No 7 (Tyler Savage).  A cross came, the ball, after a brief bounce here and there,  ended at the feet of No 8 (Thomas Brown) who unleashed a thunderbolt that the keeper did well to get his outstretched fingertips to.  The save was far from firm, the impetus of the strike was high and propelled the ball onto the upperside of the bar - now that was close  The corner, after this elevation of hope, was crap!  From this scare, the home team responded with a cross that missed the defender and striker but was met by No 5 (Thomas Mitchell) who duly netted and brought great joy to his team...and just as Alsager were growing into the game - rotten luck for sure and a sign of a team just not getting the rub of the green!

From here matters were untidy, the hosts always held greatest threat though with a corner just touched over the bar and then another move finding the crust of the hirsute No 4 (Matthew Carlin) who couldn't quite keep the globe below the horizontal.  Into the last 15 minutes we bumbled, Alsager had another dash down the flank with a powerful cross just too high for the No 11 (Louis Downs) to make a worthwhile contribution.  An angled hoof and a gratis-kick came the same way, the first was shambolic, the second headed by Brown but only into the meat of the mitter's carcass.  Again the visitors came, Brown was in, a pass to Savage saw a quick swivel and a blasting boomer get sweetly touched away by the No 1 (Kristofer Leigh) at the very last.  The corner kick ended in a tame header from No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) but this was better from the travelling team.  After a shot the other end from Mitchell that was duly spilled but grabbed at the second attempt No 10 (Connor Leek) for Alsager showed a last explosion of persistence that won a free-kick.  The ball was played short, Savage shot, the effort was cleared and we pootled off for a half-time cuppa.  The ref blew before we reached the corner flag - very kind sir!

Some tea, a pee and a pootle to the opposite side of the ground to watch the game stood on our feet and to stretch the old framework  - bring it on!  

The recommencement of the game saw no quarter given, a lot of 'oomph' thrown in but a heap of finesse and culture blatantly lacking!  The midfield mass became glutinous and an escape route was very much needed by two teams nullifying one another's ambitions.  Vauxhall eventually began to flex muscle and strain sinew, No 6 (Joseph Heath) latched onto the culmination of a minor move but could only blast into the darkening skies.  Alsager bounced back, a long ball saw Downs slap across and No 12 (Dominic Smith) make a weak connection that the keeper parried away without too much stress.  From here the Vaux Populace struck with a counter that ended with No 7 (David Webb) at the helm and looking certain to bury.  The shot came, the mittman sprawled and did a sterling job of protecting his meshwork but the ball went loose, fell to No 9 (Karl Noon) who buried and doubled the lead in quite simple fashion. The hosts now commanded, a header by Carlin could have brought up the third but remained in line with the awaiting keeper and then a ball went wide, No 15 (Damasa Kiwanda) sent in a fiery cross that was duly touched home by Noon and finished the game as a competitive affair.

The cold crept in, Smith slapped a shot in for Alsager from an acute angle with the ball blazing across the face of goal and causing only terse concern.  The same team still tried to find a break and then, from sweet FA, the hosts knocked a ball from nothing to Mitchell who crept in, let loose a shot that was partially blocked but somehow still wandered over the line.  4 - 0, the cruel caning was complete.  The last minutes were upon us, Kiwanda was allowed to race forth, he crept in and rifled an effort that bent the netting on the right side and added stinking shit to the many open sores of the suffering travelling team.  The scorer tumbled and flipped with flamboyance - I think he enjoyed that.  Before the final whistle Kiwanda roamed forth again, the ball looped over the wandering keeper and was somehow just touched wide - phew!  At the death Webb had a shot that was saved and nearly, so very nearly, crept home...and then we were done.  We wandered off wondering how the bloody hell this was 5 - 0 and where Alsager Town are going wrong.   Man of the Match by the way goes to Vauxhall Motor's No 8 (Haydn Cooper) for a simply enthused and energetic performance that surely created a heat map to sizzle the statistical conkers of any analytical noodle in attendance.   It was a workmanlike, efficient and impressive effort - he must be on some secret ingredient we don't know about!

FINAL THOUGHT -  For Alsager Town the gear-stick of momentum was phallus-shaped and brutal and duly rogered a struggling team ragged leaving them in a discombobulated and disbelieving heap.  I have seen them twice of late, the first time I had reason to have hope, this showing left me clueless.   I don't think the game today was deserved of the scoreline, things were generally much closer but it was at the business end of matters were the ball ran unkindly and Vauxhall Motors were more urgent.  The team now need to get back to basics, plug the gaps at the back, then tighten the midfield and battle like buggery and finally sharpen the frontmen and work on the confidence - if only things were that easy.  Vauxhall Motors did what was required of them today although in a game that was messy, lacking any great thrills and against a side struggling to build up a head of steam.   The league indicates both these units will be in this division come next year, it will be interesting to see what the next 12 months will bring and when this fixture is repeated what the outcome will be.  I feel the hosts have more to offer and if the squad can remain consistent and injury free then true success may be borne...then again, as I say, if only things were that easy!

Wednesday 2 January 2019

GHOSTS, GRUB AND GOALS

1st January 2019 - Kidsgrove Athletic 1 v 1 Chasetown FC The crack of dawn came, we three roamers shifted our carcasses and set out to start the New Year in the usual doofing style. An early morning walk at Knypersley Reservoir got the annual wildlife sightings underway and was a new stomping ground on which we set our feet.  8 Bramblings and a Sparrowhawk were the pick of  the birds and 35 species of fungus were seen too, the best being the Winter Polypore (Polyporus brumalis) - quite a subtle stunner.  A short drive was had after lunch to Bathpool Park (another new place) where we had another wander and saw a few different species.  A quick change and we pootled to the targeted ground which was also a place we had not visited before and after paying our way through the turnstile we took in the ambiance of this Evo-Stik arena and had a much needed cuppa and some fine chips.  Kidsgrove is famed for being home to a headless ghost known as the 'Kidsgrove Boggart'.  The ghost is said to be that of a young lass who was murdered inside the Harecastle Tunnel, a tunnel that is found along the Trent and Mersey Canal.  Sinister indeed and this discovery had me pondering other ghostly tales I have come across over the years such as 'Old Nobless Norman' of Batley who is said to flash his pecker-free parts to women of the night in the hope of a free hand-out and of course, old Fat Arsed Freda of ye Olde Plumpton Green, a 30 stone brute of a woman who is said to molest male members of the public who have been taken short and are duly dribbling behind a tree.  For research purposes I spent 6 months urinating on the said Green, all I got was 2 chilblains on me John Thomas, a charge of Indecent Exposure and a new species of fungus that is said to rely on the golden liquid for the production of the fruiting body - Cockolitis pissonata - bonus.  I do digress however (what's new there then I hear you say), and to the match we must go with the scribblings as ever, off the cuff, enthused and, I hope, ruddy well accurate!

The hosts dictated the early play with some keen passing and some sharp movement when, from a seemingly innocuous blip a ball was played back, the keeper and a defender both chased and in popped No 11 (James O'Neill) for the travelling team and slotted in the escaped globe to truly shell-shock all in attendance.  This was a late Christmas gift for sure, Santa's sack was still leaking (ooh mammy) and it was now a case of how the Kidsgrove lads could respond.  At each end shots came and then a cross for the hosts saw No 7 (Joshua Lundstram) collar in the box and try his darnedest to let fly but was just hassled too much and the chance went begging. Kidsgrove came on again, a lovely ball in from the angle looked to be heading goalward when No 4 (Ryan Wynter) of Chasetown nutted off the line in quite an impressive and authoritative style.  It was a momentous piece of defending but the hosts advanced once more with No 10 (Anthony Malbon) putting a firm crust on the ball only to miss the framework and save the keeper any untoward bother.  Chasetown offered a crack on goal in return after the edgy mittman knocked an uncertain kick out that allowed No 9 (Thomas Hill) the chance to blaze one low.   The home No 1 (Curtis Pond) did will to dive low and safely gather - much to the annoyance of the travelling supporters who weren't half giving him some stick.  


The game remained fascinating as the Athletic pack strove to find equilibrium and the Town chased like urgent zealots and worked to maintain their lead.  The away team had a penalty shout soon after, the referee waved play on, a shot followed and was deflected - it only just dropped the wrong side of the bar!  O'Neill for the guests showed great strength next, left his marker and put in a quite hefty and accurate crossfield ball.  No 7 (George Cater) was the willing recipient, the punt that ensued was decent enough but wouldn't stay below the horizontal - as you were folks!  Things now warmed up even more, a booking was given to the Chasetown No 8 (Jack Partridge) and a free-kick awarded.  The ball came to Malbon who put one on a plate for No 9 (Will Saxon) to bury - the touch was abysmal, the skin of the opponent's arses remained intact.  As Kidsgrove steamed on a ball in return found Hill who put in a lovely chip around the advancing keeper.   The net awaited, the ball flew closer when a defender I failed to name duly popped up and cleared right on the line.  The closing minutes of the first half ended with a blur of effort but no major breakthroughs were witnessed - this one was certainly going to the warped and unpredictable wire!


Half-time and we stayed put.  We discussed the game and tittered at the verbals coming from the away fans, they were certainly up for this and giving their team some bold support.  Due to this oral onslaught my daughter suggested we visit Chasetown FC sometime in the future - and why not?


The second half came, the initial play was even with Kidsgrove looking to ignite a fuse and bomb their way through the opposing defense.  However, it was the soccerised Scholars who had the first chance when their No 3 (Callum Cockerill-Mullett) marauded with purpose and sent in a fiery cross that Hill was surprised to find at his feet mere inches from the target zone.  The ball, as a result, was hoofed over - how disappointing it was!  Chasetown came again, Cater sent the sphere forth and took a layer of paint off the bar with an effort that went closer than expected.  Hill was the next man to have a chance of doubling the lead when he was at the apex of a breakaway and only had the keeper to beat.  The trigger was pulled, the second strike looked certain, the side netting was struck and many heads fell into many hands.  Kidsgrove now took heed of the perpetual warnings, No 6 (Oliver Jepson) put a concrete nut on a corner ball and was only just wide, and then Saxon full stopped a surge with a shot too high.  The home team were now busting a gut, the tempo was consistently high from both teams and then the Grove's No 11 (Lee Williamson) kicked forth a very intelligent pass from which Malbon collected turned and lashed home - it was an equaliser from a situation of seeming harmless essence - in many ways though, it was well-earned.


The game now galloped to the climax, shots came here and there but failed to stretch any gloved guardians.  Both teams became desperate, Kidsgrove came close to snatching victory but O'Neill for The Scholars had a chance to clinch the game but his effort was denied by an efficient block by the keeper.  A penalty claim was had once more for the visitors, the referee displayed no interest and then The Grove rallied, Flint had a close-in dig but an outstanding save meant this one was still up in the air.  At the last No 15 (Liam Kirton) for Chasetown nearly roamed into danger but a last blast tackle killed the peril and as it turned out saved a point for the hosts.   When the referee blew and it was confirmed honours were even, I pondered the Man of the Match and opted for the tidy, skillful and unflustered Kidsgrove Athletic No 11 (Lee Williamson) who read the game, was involved in all areas and who had a distinct composure that saw his pass success rate remain very high indeed.   A thinking man's footballer executing matters with little fuss.


FINAL THOUGHT - A good score-draw game this had been, with very little between the two sides and so leaving all nicely balanced for any future meetings.  In truth Chasetown could have had the game done and dusted if a few early chances were nailed but Kidsgrove hung on, called upon great reserves and managed to force a share of the spoils.  Both teams showed great desire and a willingness to keep things fluent and moving at all times.  The positioning of both units shows what a competitive league they are in and how small occurrences can make a great differences come the season end.   I can't see either of these two sides being in any serious difficulty provided the work-rate remains high and the determination is focused at all times.  The key of course is taking the chances at the last and having that surgeon like mentality when dissecting the opponents defenses.  To procrastinate or castrate are the options - do one and one's own conkers may get clobbered, do the other and the opposition will be hobbling victims waiting to be put out of their misery - or so reason suggests.   So I sign off, pleased with the days football and looking forward to a re-acquaintance with these teams sometime soon - I wonder if balls will roll, if balls will drop or if balls will be burst - a bit of all three would be just right (provided of course my balls stay warm, unmolested and in the right place).