JEKYLL AND HYDE

6th September 2025 - AFC Blackpool 2 v 0 Maine Road - With the climate looking to be kind to our plans we rose early, packed up and headed to Lytham St Annes. We visited a garden centre at 9am prompt, purchased a few items and had a small breakfast and coffee that set us up for the day.  From here we met a couple of fine friends at nearby Lytham Hall and had a slow and steady wildlife pootle and clocked up, despite the arid conditions and disturbing tread of folks, 165 species.  The cafe visit was a pleasure and I did share a cake with the good lady despite being on a health kick.  Many hoverflies frequented the nearby flowers and a Painted Lady Butterfly was a bonus.  The only gripe was some nearby goon waffling on about how they need to get HS2 finished as it would save him (and other deadheads) 20 minutes on a certain journey - a note was made of this strange clacking species - Idioticus twattus - I don't think it falls into the uncommon bracket.

After farewells we set off and within a matter of minutes we had parked up at the ground, had paid our fee and were perched in position with brews in hand.  I like this ground, a good layout, a feeling of spaciousness and the coffee was fair enough for sure.  Predictions were made, my wife fancied draw, I went for an away win, what a couple of wankers we turned out to be.

A fractured start to the game saw two teams gallop and gasp but no real upperhand had.  This set theme seemed to continue for a great while and I did pessimistically wonder if we were in for a goal drought.  Eventually the home team started to show greater urgency and attacking prowess when a long goal kick found No 11 (James Hughes) out wide.  The player finding himself in possession got the noggin down, cut in and decided to chance matters with a low, turf skimming shot.  The visiting No 1 (Oliver Brockbank) was down in plenty of time but fatally allowed the ball to squirm under his carcass and roll into the net.  A crucial mistake but better early in the game than at the death.

The Road were needing to respond to this suckerpunch and rise from the canvas, gain some composure and fire back without delay.  A free-kick was eventually earned, the ball entered the box, was bumbled away which allowed No 6 (Ben Mooney) to have a pop.  The effort was close but not close enough and the guests continued to push into a deceptive wind that saw all high balls get diluted of threat.  AFC Blackpool defended as Maine Road advanced, another dash by the Blues fizzled due to the support trotting into position and not giving the possessor of the ball any options.    Matters must improve, the players needed a dose of Non-League laxatives methinks.

AFC Blackpool were showing a great adeptness at pilfering the ball and after one such thieving incident there followed some choice interplay with No 10 (Jack Banks) showcasing himself as a tricky-footed blighter. No 7 (Jacob Gregory) posted a good ball in that No 8 (Shaun Sailor) cranially connected with but not providing enough 'oomph' and making matters too easy for the keeper.  The Blackpool mob came again, a cutting ball saw Gregory gather and fire but be denied by the mittman.  Several minor scares came at each end, nothing to send a tremble to parts untapped though.  The hosts earned a throw in that caused in-box chaos with a corner ensuing, Gregory threading to Banks who just couldn't keep his shot below the timber.

As the half wound down MR's No 7 (Loui Williams) had a pop that was abysmal, a corner for the Blues saw the hosts remain as defensively tight as Anne Widdecombe's rear end and then The Mechanics broke away, Maine Road became awash with panic, failed to deal with the danger and gave away a spot kick.  Gregory stepped up to deal with matters and duly rattled the ball home to double his sides lead.  In truth, the two goal advantage was more than deserved.

Just prior to the break Blackpool won a free-kick which was sent forth and flicked on by Sailor.  Gregory connected , the outcome was a real close shaver that was worthy of a net buster.  Alas it was not to be and Maine Road's hopes continued to hang by a thread.  The referee blew for the break, we two onlookers had a wander, looking at the local flowers, enjoying the fine fresh air and finding a seating position at the opposite side of the ground.  The guests really needed to turn things around here as the first half display was shabby beyond belief.  AFC Blackpool just needed to keep up the work rate, remain solid and see the game through - easier said than done.

The second period began with Maine Road borne again and obviously taking heed of what I suspected was a robust half-time team talk.  Either this or the threat of a visit from a Cyril Smith look-a-like had certainly put a spring in the teams step and a corner was immediately won.  The delivery was choice, Mooney appeared and put in a point blank header that the keeper somehow saved.  The ball went out, Williams gained possession, cultivated a shot that was mighty close indeed.  Within seconds another corner came, the keeper dropped but an infringement was spotted.  The Road had their tails up, a recent sub had a dig but the ball strayed wide of the mark,  This was a good response though and once more the blue clad unit advanced with a ball out wide won after some hard industry.  A ball came into the box, No 9 (Jack Coop) put in a header and quivered the upright - another big chance gone.

The hosts eventually had a break and earned a bonus boot. The delivery was bilge but soon after another break was had, Gregory put a swift ball in that Hughes connected with but saw the globe get deflected wide.  The corner came, No 6 (Kieran Shaw) had a header but it was easily grabbed by the keeper's mitts.  Two more attacks came, both snubbed out by offside decisions but the growing threat was there.  The Road reacted with a corner leading to a defensive flick on that saw No 10 (Mark Pearson) volley wide - and again, the home netting survived a bulging.

Matters proceeded with a hectic tempo. Maine Road had several more pops at goal, all to no avail.  Time trickled away and hope was seemingly taking a dive and considering a trip around the u-bend of abandonment when Banks committed an over-hearty tackle and was given a straight red.  Was this the dangled carrot the travellers needed?  There was little left on the clock, if there was going to be a turnaround then shorts, socks and surgical trusses needed hitching up.

The sky blue clad ranks came on, a free kick earned that Coop hit forth with a sugar sweet connection.  A goal was anticipated but the horizontal length of timber was rattled - it was just going to be one of those days.  Into added time we went, Maine Road put in a good stint but too many efforts were off target.  Corners, great gallons of perspiration and much whirring leg work didn't help matters and when the referee blew it seemed only right that the points were going the way of the satsuma-coloured army.  Man of the Match I reckon was duly earned by AFC Blackpool's No 5 (Anthony Pearson) - a stalwart at the back who had a good reading of the game, made sure the rank and file were organised and in the second half, pissed on the pasties of promise the opposing force were striving to serve forth.  This had been a game of two halves, this chap was a standout throughout!

We wandered off and saw a few extra wild things before getting into the car and heading home.  As per, a visit to AFC Blackpool is always part of a good day out, we look forward to the return.

FINAL THOUGHTS- Well, where to start with Maine Road.  This was another one of those familiar Jekyll and Hyde performances that really do discombobulate the senses of logic.  The first half the team were downright abysmal with no cohesion, no real flair or desire and no real threat.  They were lucky to be only two down if the truth be told and maybe, a more attack minded side would have buried the game long before the 45 minute spell was up.  The second half though was a real turnaround and if the lads would have bagged a draw I think no one would have had any complaints.  The fact remains though, they must play like this for each and every minute of every game, any more spells like the first half stint here and any thoughts of a top ten finish can be forgotten.  As for AFC Blackpool, well they are difficult to judge on this game due to the peer opposition in half one and the fact that they were on the back foot for a lot of half two.  Granted, they were down to 10 men for some of the game, and they did see things out without conceding.  They do seem to me a team in the process of gelling and maybe this win will begin a run of games that will earn many points.  They do need to get their arses in gear though as games are slipping by and the teams at the top are building up a good head of steam.  I shall be watching the next few results with my beady eye and crossing my fingers in hope.  I shall also be catching up with Maine Road many times throughout the season, I may be branded a pervert for punishment looking at the way matters unfolded today - I may be wiser paying a dwarf dominatrix to throw Weebles at my nob!  Many things doth wobble but will they fall down!

BLOOD THRUST

30th August 2025 - Ashton Athletic 1 v 4 Droylsden FC - Footballing Saturday was here again.  We ponder, pick and head out - the plan as per, to have a good morn walking, wildlife recording and chilling before getting the usual ball booting fix.  Today I was leading a walk at Bewsey Woods for the Land Trust so had no  say in where we were going.  The good lady was my partner in crime and we led a decent bunch of folk around an area in need of a good soaking.  We clocked up 110 species, had some good natters and arrived at the ground in good time.  We had avoided all rain but as we left the car and purchased brews it seemed we had just scraped by.  A quick pootle around the pitch resulted in 21 species of wildflower in bloom, Field Horsetail and a Common Field Grasshopper (Chorthippus brunneus) heading for cover.  We followed the groppers intent and were soon seated and out of the elements.  We settled in, predictions made for game 16 of the season.  Things slow up from here as I lead more walks for a while and am here, there and everywhere.  I shall do what I can and hopefully squeeze in the odd report, just like this one, No 434 in fact - ooh me fuckin' nib!

The object that is round got hoofed on the dot of the hallowed footballing time as the wind grew in strength and the first timed teardrops fell from the sullen skies.  No 7 (Yasir Salim) wasted no time in making a thrust, cutting in and having a shot that saw a corner ensue.  The ball entered the box, was sent outward before No 5 (Emmanuel Udjor Omorogbe) received and touched off to No 4 (Jamie Robinson) who had a pop and made the home No 1 (Billy Davies) produce a choice save.  The immediate follow-on corner was easily dealt with.

Ashton eventually began to gain some possession and won a free kick.  The ball was played, No 9 (Deklan Hill) challenged the keeper, the ball went loose but No 7's (Emmanuel Ujahchuku) touch was shabby and matters were cleared.  Droylsden were still holding the upper hand although they were not finding many areas to create threat due to the home team's constant hustling.  Eventually though a sumptuous ball was played to Salim, a pure chance was seemingly there to be had but by heck that first touch by the wannabe assassin was dire.  The Bloods advanced again, a superb cross field ball was followed by a choice delivery that saw No 11 (Nellson Van) cranially connect with and have his attempt saved right on the line.

The game continued, the weather dissolved into a dreary mess. A free-kick was awarded to the guests with the quality of the delivery not deserved of an untimely infringement.  Van had the next effort after great huff and puff battling.  The shot went over the timber into the murky beyond and then a corner came with yet another testing posting had and the keeper doing mighty well to punch clear from a clashing mush of carcasses.

A spark was needed to really ignite this game that was just lacking that extra magnetising edge.  The guests put together a sound passing sequence, No 10 (Caelan Kilheeney) sent forth a good cross that just wasn't met by the incoming attackers.  Soon after No 6 (Luis Cantello) had a crack that was way over the bar and No 8 (Luke Crompton) returned with the same effort and outcome up the other end of the park.  The away lads nearly committed the cardinal sin when pissing about with the ball at the back and allowing Crompton to nip in, pilfer and have his sights set on an open goal.  The shot that came from distance though was ruddy woeful.  The hosts came again, Kilheeney fired first time but only found the awaiting keeper's midriff.  

During this period of little threat came an unholy stench of fish.  I was wondering if someone had smuggled in a sardine -based snack or perhaps a Joan Collin's look-a-like was in attendance and watching the match with legs akimbo.  One thing for sure, my cod-piece was going in the bin when I got home.  Anyhoo, the half fizzled out with the closest we got to a goal being when an Ashton ball into the Droylsden box bounced with great 'oomph' and nearly beat the keeper.  The mitted one did well to palm behind, the corner bore sour bugger all.

Despite the malodorous stench that only the most perverse ichthyologist would get aroused by, and the need for a quick water break, we stayed put for the break and watched the rain fall, the distant trees sway and a few locals bear the weather in the hope of a better second half.  I had gone for a 1 - 3 scoreline, my missus had opted for 1 - 4 - we were being affected by the weather though and felt that a 0 - 0 draw was on the cards - ooh what miseries.

The second half began with hopes flatlined, but things soon lifted when it was noted that the hosts had a veritable spring in their step whereas the visitors seemed a trifle unsettled.  Eventually the latter team got back into the groove with a quick flourish that the home keeper (who was having a ruddy fine game) did well to snuff out.  Ashton responded, Hill busted a goolie and earned a gratis hoofing.  No 5 (Ethan Pearce) stepped up and took the honours with a grass-grazing blisterer that the keeper did well to get down to and, more importantly, hold onto.

Another free kick came for the Bloods soon after with a cracking delivery leading to a touch that just went wide.  A corner was the result with the ball blocked, sent out and No 9 (Kyle Campbell) leaning back and having a pop that had too much uplift (a bit like the titties of Tessie O'Shea when she tried out the patented Breast Scaffolding as designed by Dr Franz Mammary).  Ashton came on with a superb delivery into the area marked 'hazardous' only for the robust Udjor Omorogbe to tidily nut away.  A handball shout came, nothing was doing and the scoresheet remained unblemished.

End to end hoofing came, composure was lacking and we awaited a strike of any import.  Droylsden pushed, Ashton nipped away after the guests were guilty of being trigger shy.  Hill released Emmanuel Ujahchuku who only had the keeper to beat.  The shot was low, the No 1 (Jordan Latham) watched it all the way and saved.  The corner in was dealt with - a golden chance was gone.  At the other end a recent substitute tried to dink one in but the keeper easily dealt with it - by heck, where was the opening goal coming from?

From here Droylsden won a corner, I expected little, imagine the shock when the ball was struck by No 12 (Sam Oliver) and went straight into the goal.  Well if ever a game needed a stroke of luck this was it!  Within mere moments the leading team were at it again, Campbell was in the box and tumbled, the referee wasted no time in pointing to the spot.  Campbell stepped up and struck well, the keeper reacted and produced a quality save.  The corner came, in, out and back in the ball went with Robinson rising and nutting home.  0 - 2 - now then, what's going on here?

The game briefly settled, Ashton were stuttering along and conceded another.  No glory but a repeat ball in was had.  In the globe glided, No 14 (Cody Artwell) rose and the third goal was bagged.  From a game looking to be destitute of goals we now had three in the bag.  The clock was winding down and it looked as though a comeback was beyond the realms of possibility.  An Ashton sub had a dig that went straight at the mitter and then at the other end Artwell latched onto a ball and yet another strike was bagged.  The home team looked deflated and bewildered, this was a cruel turn of events.  In the final spurts another pop at the Ashton goal came and then the home No 3 (Aleksander Calaku) went on a fine run, put the ball in and  Ujahchuku grabbed a consolation.  

Game done, we were keen to get on the homeward journey and avoid arsing about under the vile clouds and inhaling anymore nasal invading haddock odours.  This had been a fair day out though, the Man of the Match was a close call, I thought the home No 1 (Billy Davies) was exceptional and ruddy unfortunate to let 4 goals in but, for me, Droylsden's No 5 (Emmanuel Udjor Omorogbe) was a concrete rock at the back and played with a simplistic style, a strong authority and a good reading of the game. I like the way the man operated today - keep it up fella.

FINAL THOUGHTS- It had been a while since we were last at this ground, it was nice to return and see a few goals.  Ashton Athletic look to be in for a tough season, the team just seem to be lacking that final finished gloss and that much needed cohesion.  A mere splashing of luck may help turn things around and a more relaxed and attacking frame of thinking may alter tack.  They have several players who look to be willing, able and competent and maybe, just maybe, with one or two wins a corner can be turned.  This is an unforgiving league though and the season will breeze on - I hope the next time I see them they are faring better.  Droylsden FC are my tip to win this league, they will be in the mix as they do have funds and a squad that looks mighty close to being a complete unit.  There are no real flaws anywhere on the park although they do need to be more aggressive up front and when the strike zone is spied the trigger needs to be pulled.  The first half indicated perhaps that they can be dragged down into the mire but the second half showed what determination and belief can do.  The next few months will roll by and then we may have a clearer picture of how the campaign will unfold. Rest assured though, it won't be easy for any team this time around.