THE UNEXPECTED STATE OF THE EXPECTED

22nd August 2025 - Wythenshawe FC 3 v 3 Cheadle Heath Nomads - Another working week done, I had cracked on, was up to speed and had led a Clay Making Workshop with a few Young Carers.  Today I was jaded but after work had a cycle home via Fletcher Moss where I grabbed a coffee and recorded some insect life. Once home I input the sightings, had a sprawl with the missus, partook of a quick tea before being dropped off at this nearby ground.  Upon arrival I bagged a brew and nattered with local Non-League embezzlers Mr and Mrs X.  This couple I know have recently become involved with the Nomads, Mr X is now the secretary and Mrs X does all sorts of work here and there.  They are a lovely couple but their close contact with the local clubs coffers has seen them develop rich tastes and only the other night reports came in of them both being seen in a tucked away opium den, dressed in the finest silks and sipping champagne poured between the breasts of a Cheadle virgin.  This is all believable news except for snippet regarding the unblemished lady (I mean, come on, that is really stretching the truth). Upon hearing about this disreputable behaviour, I was a trifle shocked.  Tonight I noted both were smoking Cuban Cigars and Mr X had recently had a butt uplift.  The evidence is damning, how some people live.

And to the game proper, positions were duly chosen, Mrs X asked me if I wanted one of her Baluga caviar hors d'oeuvres, I declined and had a spam butty instead whilst watching the opening hoofings in this FA Vase encounter.

After the initial feeling out process the first team to muster any menace were the hosts with a lengthy ball finding No 11 (Darius Palmer) who cut in with ease, delivered a floating cross that the keeper neatly dealt with.  The Nomads did well to respond with No 7 (Kaylan Wilkinson) out wide and posting a ball that needed some observant defending.  From here the guests won and wasted a corner and then Wythy's No 7 (Aaron Dwyer) flashed away, worked inside and sent a shot over the timber.  Now that was a warning.

The contest was warming up nicely with the underdogs more than holding their own.  Corners and free-kicks came and went, the home No 10 (Brian Ly) received a low pass and cracked one off without hesitation.  The shot was deflected wide and the angled hoof was well defended.  Back and forth we went with the closest to any penetration coming when No 11 (Edson Cata) for the Cheadle chaps was the apical component and whom sent forth a shot that was saved with relative ease.

The game looked fairly settled when out of the great capricious blue the visiting No 6 (Hal McHugh) hit a fine ball to Cata who received with noteworthy attention and duly dashed forth with the strike zone well and truly in sight.  Space was running out, composure was maintained and after a brief look the ball was buried - a fine goal laden with the unexpected - for the neutral like me, it was the perfect start.

This was a pace riddled game and the guests were doing just fine.  A Nomads corner, the delivery was superb, No 4 (Callum Graham) appeared - wham, bam, and shit flavoured jam (well, for the hosts at least) - 2 goals to the Nomads in what was turning into a high-end shocker. Soon after the short-distance travellers were marauding forth again.  In and out the ball went, a shot fizzed wide, a follow-on corner was bilge.  

Wythenshawe were just on the cusp of losing their cool when a corner was won.  The posting of the ball into the realms of potential peril brought a moment of confusion, the team on the back foot were happy to hoof clear.  A free-kick followed, the Nomads keeper held without fuss. After sustained pressure a long ball for the hosts came.  Palmer was away, the guest keeper was out and a foul was committed.  The card brandished was of egg-yolk tones - it could have been much worse.  The free-kick was taken by Ly, the ball scooted mere inches wide.

Next, and another long ball came for the hosts. Palmer took possession with great artistry and control, a pass came and No 7 (Aaron Dwyer) only needed to cut in, set the sights and kaboom, the netting was bulged and the game was now back on.  Within mere seconds No 8 (Kamoy McNair) cracked forth a driller that wasn't a killer but which the keeper did well to get down to, gather and keep his team just ahead.  The final flings of a good half came with no further strikes - the second half was set up nicely.

Mr and Mrs X left me for a while whilst they nipped off to do who knows what? I was happy to nibble a Granola Bar and have a natter with the Nomad's photographer Mark.  A fine chap this with a collection of Wilfred Bramble tattoos second to none.  He also has a John Inman scrawling on his left testicle that he seems to be rather shy about - in this day and age of so-called liberated thinking I think a tribute should be paid to the said nut as a nod to some forward thinking ahead of its time.  In fact I am going to write a letter to the Nomads Chairman and see if we can get a Giant Teste erected outside the ground with the word's 'I'm Free' emblazoned across it.  Ooh what would old Mr Grace say?

Half two, an early Wythy free boot brought no joy and nearly resulted in disaster when Cheadle broke via their rapido Wilkinson who really should have done more than finalise with a somewhat shitty cross.  The hosts reacted, a low shot the end result, the Nomad's No 1 (Joseph Lawlor) once more saving well.

The rising tide of home-based impetus was now seeing the game played in one half of the field.  The only release for the leading team saw Wilkinson again, bust a bollock, dart into the box with no options available.  A similar dash gave rise to a free-kick which fizzled out before a somewhat subdued period came.  Dwyer had a punt that was straight at the keeper but all in all, very few chances came. 

Time edged along, the trailing pack were just lacking the creative touch and the team with their noses in front were doing enough to quell any rising threat.  The game stuttered away, like Patrick Campbell on whizz in fact (ooh Call My Bluff).  Eventually matters picked up, the guests had to clear a shot off the line and gasp and grasp as they held on to their slender advantage when... a break came. Wilkinson was charging with purpose and then finding himself with a goal chance to grab.  The outcome was a fine taken strike and a great celebration from a team who were riding the crest of a wave.  The problem with crests though, is that they are easily fallen if care is not taken.

Now the Wythenshawe unit worked with high industry and a serious degree of panic.  A free-kick was won, Dwyer whacked the ball towards the wall which parted quicker than the buttocks of Liberace at a stag do.  Thankfully for the Nomads penetration was lacking ( I think the said key-tapper had nay such problems).  Wythy came again, the attack was swift, cutting and precise.  The cross that came left all standing except No 9 (Darrhyl Mason) who tapped home and brought high hopes to his fellow battlers.  There were only 6 minutes left plus added - cripes.

The finale was all frenzied action, Dwyer had a pop that went across goal and brought great gasps from the crowd that had me checking the groin area of the aforementioned Mark in the worry that is left plum had made an unexpected cameo appearance.  As I averted my eyes from the ball-free realm to that where the sphere was the focus of all I witnessed a handball shout get waved away, more balls enter the Nomads box and then, Dwyer attempt a ludicrous overhead kick and clatter the bar.

Luck seemed to be on the visiting tribes side when, on the 96th minute a ball was played, the Nomads were seen to be all too static and in No 6 (Fraser Goodwin) stepped to level the game, break many a hope and put the contest into the penalty shoot out stage.  The pressure was heaped onto the Nomads by the shovel load, the penalties came with the guests up first.  McHugh buried, Wythy's Ly equalised.  A Nomads sub was denied by a great save, Mason put his side in front for the first time all night. Another  Nomads sub levelled, Wythy No 4 (Steven Hewitt) poked his team ahead. The next Nomads replacement blasted over and then Dwyer had his shot saved.  Wilkinson for the Nomads had to score to keep things alive and he did so with ease and then we saw Wythy's Cata step up and have the game to win.  The ball was struck, the keeper committed and the onlookers pondered - the net bulged, the hosts had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat - the jubilant scenes were awash with great relief - wow.

Game done, what a cracker and for me the Man of the Match must go the Cheadle Heath Nomads No 7 (Kaylan Wilkinson) who was a constant threat, a real menace and a quick and forward thinking component in a hard working and unfortunate team.  The goal was deserved, here's to a good season fella.

FINAL THOUGHTS - I was fagged after this one, it had been a real humdinger with the potential of a cup upset just snuffed out at the very last.  Cheadle Heath Nomads will do OK this season, they play with good discipline, have pace and a good level of industry and just need the odd tweak to make them a real threat.  An out an out striker, a commanding force at the rear and they will be close to the finished article. If they play with the passion shown tonight though they may have enough to bag a top 6 finish.  Wythenshawe have just dropped back into the North West Counties Premier League - they will be in the mix come the end of the season but this is not a given.  Tonight they showed vulnerabilities and at times, just overplayed matters.  They have the players and enough experience to overcome this but it will take hard work, dedication and some consistency.  A cup run could be a blessing or a curse, they could go on a good roll in this year's Vase though, how that will affect their league form is anyone's guess - I wish them all the best.

NB:  On the way home I noted Mr and Mrs X being picked up in a Limo - the disgust didn't override the joys of witnessing a darn good cup tie.