Thursday 19 October 2017

GUTS, GONADS AND GOALS

17th October 2017 - Atherton LR 0 v 4 Carlisle City - The season is now settling down and we are getting into the autumnal grind out when the leaves fall and so do teams on a bad roll, and the wind blows as do the arses of fans who have already overdone it on the pie and peas. One good thing about the cooling weather is that it stops the John Inman look-a-like next door from bothering me.  It seems certain parts of his anatomy don't function too well when the thermals are low, which is just as well, as neither do mine - ooh Mr Peacock.   Myself and my lovely lady arrived in good time and made straight for the booth that brings delights to those clemmed and parched.  Tea and chocolate it was, darn this non-league footy diet, I am certainly losing no poundage this season, I hope the tapeworm I ordered arrives soon and I can get someone to help ram it up the jacksie - it comes with a 12 month guarantee and assures me that the pounds will drop - well either the pounds or me own anus.  We took up our positions and chomped and slurped and watched the usual warm-up going's on.  This was a tough cookie to call, I was keeping my pecker of prophecy well and truly tucked away tonight. 7.45pm came, kick off was had, my notes were taken and here is the outcome.

No sooner had the globe of leather got rotating than the home army had a chance when their immediately industrious No 10 (Ashley Woodhead) worked an opening with some fine in-box control.  The shot was firm but dragged wide of the goal, it could have been a real early sting in the rear for the long travelling guests.  A free-kick came in response, a bout of minor fuss ensued when a touch of head tennis was finalised in a looping header goalward that was so close to going over the keepers mitts.  A bit more luck and we could have already had 2 goals on the card.  Carlisle were struggling to get an early grip on this one though as the ALR crew were keeping them on the back peg.  Several shots and a free-kick for the home side came to zilch but the visitors needed to wake up and start finding a way back in.  Eventually a foothold was had, a brace of free-punts were earned, the second of which was delivered with pace and scalped the head of the incoming No 9 (Michael Slack) - better for sure.  Next and it was the host side who conjured up a fine link up move via No 9 (Ryan Mellor) and Woodhead with the one-two seeing the latter player shoot in a rushed and wayward style.  No 11 (Jordan Arklie-Young) and No 7 (George McInery) combined next with the latter screaming in disappointment after his shot was nothing less than dreadful.  Carlisle had a crack themselves, their Captain was the hoofer but only found the side netting.  This one was warming up nicely and all we now needed was a breakthrough.  Arklie-Young for ALR came next, a smart turn but another tame finish.  Oh the frustrations!

Carlisle were now on level terms here and nearly broke the deadlock when a rocketing shot wobbled the bar in no uncertain terms.  A free-kick to the same team followed, it was delivered low and with spite.  Several players slid in, semi-contact was made, the goalkeeper mopped up the danger with decent ease.  Atherton reacted to the come back via a fine long ball from No 5 (Jack Taylor) that allowed No 3 (Christian Grundy) to chase and cross.  A corner was the result but the wastage that came was not what the bench ordered - a deflating end result for sure.  Again ALR were on the march when Mellor displayed quick feet and broke like a fart on an elastic (it happens) and flicked a shot with the outside of his foot.  The reaction save that followed was top notch and kept Carlisle in the frame.  Within seconds Mellor was in again, a low shot came and the mitter sprawled.  Enough contact was made by the spreading carcass to see the ball deflected inches wide - unlucky sir, you deserved more.  Shortly after this chance all hope and promise was undone as the home goalkeeper kicked recklessly and put the ball into touch,  Carlisle took the bonus throw in, were quick off the mark and managed to force a foul.  The referee was in no doubt and pointed to the spot - this was a shocker.  Josh Simpson stepped up, he rattled the ball home, this game was on its head.  If this didn't set alarm bells ringing for the home team then when No 6 (Daniel Greenslade) of Carlisle streaked down the flank, cut in and shot things must have surely resonated that all was not going to plan.  The shot was blocked, the defenders were slow off the mark and another effort was banged in and bulged the net, Aaron Bradbury take a bow.  The ref blew shortly after, the result at half time came as a surprise to all, who knew where this one was going?

Tea and crisps, a chat and ready for the next 45 minutes.  We had been treated to a good competitive contest so far, more of the same please.

A brace of early corners for Carlisle commenced the second period, the latter punt was nutted in and somehow stopped on the line - an early let off and Atherton were looking at an uphill struggle in every sense of the word.  Another Carlisle corner followed, the defending was lax and the goalkeeper trotted out.  The result, a looping header by Michael Slack and the target found - 0 - 3 and the game almost out of reach.  An indirect free-kick was awarded next for a dubious incident.  The home team were now disjointed in the extreme and when the free punt was touched, kicked and curled by Josh Simpson we were suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, at 0 - 4 with no way back for the hosts.  Carlisle were quicker, keener and hungrier and working as a unit with all areas whipped up for the task at hand.  Atherton pushed, a shot via a free-kick was shocking and the team kept running hard but ending up in one blind alley after another with communication not working.  Counterpunches came, No 8 (Josh Simpson) of Carlisle had a shot fly just over before Atherton conjured a shot that was saved with ease.  Another Carlisle attack, No 14 in, the shot looked destined to bring up the fifth but ran wide off the mark - Atherton were on a knife edge and being garrotted as Carlisle were still hungry for more.  No 4  (Matthew Read) came nex.  He was released with precision and he had time to spare, again a miss was had, this was now getting painful to witness.  A brace of late Laburnumised shots were had, the keeper parried one the other went high, and when a few late crosses followed too it was all to no avail and the hosts just had to accept it wasn't their night.  The ref put them out of their misery soon after but one must congratulate Carlisle though on their astounding efforts.  Man of the Match, wow, now there's a question but Carlisle's No 3 (Aaron Bradbury) put in a good showing and worked well in all areas of the park.  Several effective runs, tidy passes and an 100% commitment caught the eye - well worth the pick.

FINAL THOUGHT - Well I will say this, you would be wiser trusting TV chef Antony Worral Thompson near your local supermarket cheese counter than placing a bet on these Non-league matches, they are totally unpredictable and no matter how hard I try to contemplate the outcome I always end up...surprised.  Carlisle were resilient tonight and stuck at their task with good desire and a noggin down determination.  Atherton started well, they ran out of ideas and were hustled out of their comfort zone, they need to stop this from happening again in future.  Like testes tucked in a pair of padded speedos, both these units will be safe and sound come the end bell next year but, if they don't make sure all is attended to the odd ball may land in an awkward spot and cost them points aplenty.  Take note of the harvest festival and make sure all is safely gathered in, that way, the potatoes of success will remain in tact!

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