So, after a day working, an early evening exercising, recording some fungi and having a quick tea, we made the 30 minute trip to Silver Street whilst listening to a retro Fear on Four regarding a possessed woman cutting the heart out of her still living husband. I have spent 59 years immersed in horror - I ruddy love the escapism, the textual art of degenerate minds and the ghostly fantasy that keeps one... guessing.
We arrived in good time with goose-pimples aplenty and were greeted by three familiar bods in such a style that it only felt like 5 minutes since we were in attendance. The natters and welcomes reminded me why Non-League is most precious with its greatest assets off the pitch, not on it. With jaws wagged, and news that Warren Dodd's buttock hernia is still growing, we took up our usual spots (with chips in hand) and watched the following game unfold.
The home team started with great earnest endeavor and more than a modicum of pace. No 7 (Jack Mitchell) galloped and made room to pull the trigger, the shot was right into the keeper's awaiting limbs. A corner soon followed, Mitchell was making a menace of himself again. The ball that was posted was of a decent standard, the guests cleared but the pressure remained until an infringement pissed on the potential peril.
Litherland worked their arses off trying to get back into this but all they could muster was a rather tame shot from their huffing and puffing No 7 (Jordan Monthe). A fortuitous corner was had but, from the ball in, a foul was borne and so we remained as per.
The guests continued to scamper around like mice in a cheese famine but Irlam were passing well and any squeaks at goal that the visitors were allowed were few and far between. No 11 (James Hammill) had a low pop that was well-struck and heading for the bottom corner but the home No 1 (Jack Buckley) was down to save with relative ease. Suddenly the blue clad Mitchell was away, a ball was swiftly played to No 2 (Joe Rothwell) who dug out a pop that sweetly glided into the top corner - what a golden strike indeed.
Litherland looked to respond, No 19 (whoever the fuck that was) had a crack but the ball was deflected over and from the corner a couple of extra shots were blocked by a very resolute defence. A breakaway came, 2 more shots were blocked until No 9 (Declan Daniels) pounced on the loose ball like a testicle-loving pervert fly, the globe was duly knocked home - 2 - 0 - I considered the game, as a contest, to be almost over.
Hopeful punts from range were all that the Remyca chaps could muster. Irlam came close again when No 11 (Takura Sambizi) from out wide, dinked inward, put in a cross that Daniels nutted from close in but couldn't find the target. Soon after the marksman turned supplier for No 8 (Mason Everton) who swung the shank and sent the orb over. The half wound down and it seemed one more goal from the hosts would surely settle the deal. It came moments later when the quick and eye-catching (nothing sexual tha' knows) Sambizi received on the flank, nipped into a shooting position and twatted home the third of the night - it was a pearler and we were soon heading to the clubhouse for a coffee and wondering how the travelling tribe could turn this around.
The purchased brew warmed the cockles, we supped and caught up with the aforementioned Irlam secretary. He was so impressed by the way his team were playing I could visibly see the posterior hernia throb in ecstasy - it was all a little too much if I am honest as I have always preferred these kind of bulges on a camel. We cut the conversation short when Mr Dodd tried to sell us signed hernia pics - we are sober people and recognise the work of the devil when we see it.
Half-two, once again matters began with the home team making the running. I was still slurping my coffee when a crack at goal came and the keeper was forced to drop like a bag of Maris Pipers and duly hold. Within the gulp and glug of more bean-based liquid Irlam's Sambizi was negotiating several markers, entering the box and swinging the shank with purpose. The ball was propelled forth to Daniels who remained calm and made the scoreline 4 goals to fuck all.
Sambizi had a shot of his own soon after, the ball had too much elevation and then followed a spat, a bit of nonsensical argybargy and a booking or two. Litherland tried to mix matters up and add a touch of spice, it worked to some extent and they were unlucky not to bag a goal when a header from a corner just went over the horizontal timber.
Little more came to report although Irlam had a few more attempts that just failed to add some icing on an already satisfying cake. Within a few moments of madness Litherland lost 2 players to red cards, it summed up the teams night and brought great joy to the more spiteful of home fans who sang away as the players left with heads down.
During the final gasps Irlam pushed on, and eventually it was No 15 (John J A Main) who neatly bagged a fifth goal and made sure this was a night to remember. The referee called proceedings to a halt soon after, my Man of the Match choice went to Irlam's No 11 (Takura Sambizi), a quick footed talent who really put the willies up the travelling pack and I am sure sent home a few prematurely balding defenders too. A good player and a good head down approach - keep it rolling man and make sure Irlam keep on rising.
Me and the missus buggered off happy with our return visit and with little traffic to negotiate - smashing.
FINAL THOUGHTS - Two teams looking to be a gulf apart but in truth, both units left me with little in the way of a true judgement. I don't believe for one moment Litherland Remyca are as bad as they looked tonight and just reckoned they were caught on the hop here and were just lacking in pace in all areas. This happens, I am sure they will pick up points here and there but discipline must be solid and they do need to play as a complete unit all over the park. Irlam looked mighty slick tonight and really will be a threat to the upper echelons of the league table if they keep on with this style. They are not going to get things so easy though and I did note that when the opposition added a bit of fire the Irlam pack didn't look as composed or as smooth running. If they do keep their heads, do not get rattled and ride the lows to create many highs I wouldn't be surprised if they end up in a play off spot. Prior to that happening though I can see a swelling getting bigger and a balding man being led away with an over-engorged arse area that will need some serious sexual therapy - Warren Dodd - take care my good fellow.
No comments:
Post a Comment