WEN MOUTHS FALL IN DESPAIR

10th October 2025 - Wendron United 1 v 0 Falmouth Town reserves - By heck we were being busy on our hols.  Up at the crack every day, walking and wildlife recording, visiting cafes and shops and seeing all manner of natural gems.  Today we opted for a change in attack, first port of call was a game of pitch and putt on a 12 hole course of all par threes. In truth, I expected a disaster with balls lost, clubs snapped, ponds and bunkers visited and the odd bruise from a stray ball.  We did OK - I ended up with a birdie, a par and my missus bagged a par too.  My fine daughter did well but was too aggressive on the putting - I blame all the dancing, too much energy that tinker. A cafe break was had and then a round of crazy golf was a joy, a couple of holes in one were choice and a few expletives used in the most appealing manner.  From here I was dropped off at Hayle Estuary whilst my lasses did a bit of shopping.  I took it easy and saw some nice birds - close-ups of Curlew Sandpiper, Greenshank and Dunlin being especially nice.  A meet-up and to Tehidy Country Park we went for a long stroll, some fungi recording and of course, another cafe visit.  A long stroll we had, the legs were knackered and the bellies rumbled.  Nourishment was soon found, and then we sought the footy. 

The ground of Wendron is known as The Underlane, I think 'Under The Radar' would be a better tag, by crikey it was a tucked away spot.  After the odd wrong turn we managed to find a long darkened thoroughfare along which we hesitantly travelled and there, in the midst of nowhere, was a fine Non-League set up to behold.  We wrapped up as a chill was nipping at the nethers, entered, paid our dues, and picked an appropriate viewing point.  This looked to be a well-thought out affair although the pillars in front of the seating area were a niggle and duly avoided.  I like to see everything that goes on, we adopted a perch where the buttocks were placed against a ledge and the shanks could still be stretched - splendid. 

A decent turn-out was had, I am sure by many locals who have good navigational skills, and the game promptly started on the dot of 7.45pm.  The first action came mere minutes after the globe got rolling.  The home keeper received, his attempt at a clearance was blocked, No 7 (Kian Thomas) for the guests found himself with an open goal awaiting a kiss of the globe.  It was all too much for the wannabe assassin and the target was missed - by Jove sir that was a chance gone! 

The response was quick, some good work by No 11 (Josh Wood) resulted in a foul and a free-kick into the meat of the wall.  No 2 (Ollie Tomlinson) grabbed the loose ball out wide, in and out the globe went with a shot deflected wide for a corner.  Ball in, keeper safe - no breakthrough had.  Soon after Wood received a cross ball, took one touch and had a pop - the ball flew over the horizontal! This was all promising stuff for the hosts but Falmouth were not laying back to take a beating and duly counterpunched with No 8 (Ryan Townson) leading the way. Alas a corner was won, the threat dissipated and we continued with no penetration had. 

Despite no goals this was a perfectly balanced game with the defending ranks at both ends doing enough to snuff out any real peril. Falmouth started to work up a real bubbling lather, their pressing was admirable and the energy levels impressive.  Despite this the hosts won the next corner with the sphere going into the box, back out and being returned via a crisp volley by the well-balanced Thomas.  The strike was worthy of a goal but the ball went into the awaiting keepers arms. 

Falmouth won two corners in return, Wendron were secure at the back and looked like seeing the half out without any bulging of their net.  Before the break the Falmouth No 9 (Evan Tresider) flashed a shot forth that the mitter held onto at the second attempt and then from a Wendron corner the ball came back out of the box, No 3 (Rio Pledger) reposted, Thomas touched on but again, the defender with the gloves grabbed and denied.  A few more efforts were had at either end, this match reporter had little more to add. 

We stayed put for the break, a Cockchafer was seen whizzing about, a nip was pervading the privates, I just hope the said coleopteron didn't follow suit.  It had been rather clement of late, I had been seen gracing the cliffs of The Lizard with ye olde belly out, surely Jack Frost was not ready to object? 

Half two of an intriguing encounter - it was a brisk start with both teams at it like Turkey-Assed bastards loaded on whizz.  Wendron cultivated a nice counter to some approaching danger with Thomas at the apex who was hassled by the guest No 2 (Levi Hilling) that allowed the keeper to douse the rising flames of hope.  After some toing and froing Thomas was almost in again but that trigger was left unpulled and the chance went begging.  No 10 (Billy Stone) for the hosts had a gratis dig next when the ball was sent around the wall and flew inches wide - surely a goal was going to grace this game mighty soon. 

The visiting No 10 (Aaron Hicks) nearly confirmed my thoughts when he sent forth a rangy pop that just failed to lose its elevated trajectory and flew over the bar.  From here though the Falmouth No 3 (Will Harding) flew forth, entered the box and was unceremoniously tumbled.  A penalty looked to be the outcome, the referee had other ideas and awarded a free-kick outside the box.  Crikey, as a neutral even I could see that this was a serious error.  To be fair the Falmouth lads did well to not blow a fuse and duly got on with matters in applaudable style.  The free kick was taken by No 5 (Reece Carroll) the horizontal timber was grazed and the ball went dead. 

Falmouth came on but too many high balls went forth and Wendron looked totally cool when dealing with these airborne advances.  As we entered the unsettling realms of Desperation Street and penalties loomed in the near distance both teams looked to snatch a winner.  Wendron came close but Falmouth's Harding was a cranial saviour and as we entered the final chucks Falmouth looked to push but the move was quelled by the resident Number 4 (Max Roberts) who was happy to take a card and give away a free-kick.  The bonus booting was shit and Wendron came on, won a corner from which followed a cracking dig at goal that the keeper did well to save.  I missed the striker's number, darn these non-nocturnal peepers. 

And to the dregs we went, a home long ball was played, Ryan Reeve was on the end of it. There was a chance for all-consuming glory and this duly came as the ball was struck and the meshing was bulged - an unquestionable winning goal it seemed and kick up the Khyber for a team who didn't deserve this.  A few final huffs and puffs and the referee blew for full time - it goes without saying that football can be a cruel game at times.  This, despite only one goal, had been a good cup tie with some strong performances.  For me though Wendron United's No 5 (Russell May) was absolutely outstanding both in the air and on the deck.  The main winning aspect of the stint tonight though was the communication level and the encouragement given throughout - a real captain's role and just desserts had at the end.  Cracking stuff and we wasted no time in getting back to the caravan and getting the noggins down - it was another early start in the morn - rock pooling, birding and shrooms tha' knows - oh, and another Non-League fix. 

FINAL THOUGHTS - And once again, a highly competitive game darn sarf played with a high level of industry, good sportsmanship and with a certain honesty. This game could have gone either way but I think the hosts just deserved it and the defending was watertight.  Falmouth played too many high balls into the danger area and just didn't have the aerial threat to capitalise on these - maybe a lofty player up front as an option may help.  They should have had a penalty though, that could have been a game changer but this is the joy of footy at this level - 'ifs', 'buts' and 'maybes' - it adds to the intrigue.  Wendron look a very capable unit, with options aplenty and some very steady players in their ranks.  I am clueless as to what the cup holds and their potential but I do wish them well and once again, if I am in the area, I will be tempted to pay a return visit (after some wildlife recording of course).