12th September 2016 - Maine Road 2 v 3 Runcorn Town - A fine late summer football evening with the smell of sweet grass, linament and expectation all floating on the luxurious balmy air. Two teams were ready to do battle tonight, two teams I am more than familiar with and causing me to come up with a pre-match prediction of a 2 - 2 draw. On paper it seemed a close encounter and with a few good players on show I had high levels of anticipation for a minor classic.
The 1st half got underway and it was immediately apparent that Runcorn's game plan was to work ruddy hard, hassle the opposition and give them no time to settle. It worked a treat and Maine Road never really got a hold of the game until late in the first period when they found themselves one down after Runcorn's high energy and waspish bustling led to an error at the back and a smash and grab lead was had. In truth the home team should have been level shortly after when a one on one situation saw the striker hit the ball straight at the well-spread keeper thus blowing the chance of getting the game re-balanced. Fireworks lit up the sky in the background, my good comrade Ged Murder turned up (always a pleasure) and the game settled down with The Road having another shot saved and the away team still working hard and keeping their somewhat precarious advantage. Tis all grand stuff for the onlooker.
Time for a cup of tea methinks and I brought me old mucka a pie to keep him chipper and on form (greedy bugger he is). A good chat was had about recent footy predictions, upcoming gigs and the nasty nobrots in the music scene - oh yes.
Out in the balmy air and onto the opposite side of the ground with the away fans to watch the game from a fresh perspective. Normal service resumed and as Runcorn went straight at it a Tom Selleck look-a-like in the crowd looked on with an investigators eye and seemed to be obsessed with the wasteground at the back of the nets - maybe a murder scene methinks. Oops I digress, darn those tablets. To the game and Runcorn pressed but Maine Road were easing back in and I wondered if this was the beginning of a gallant comeback? Alas a long ball from Runcorn's rear guard banished thoughts of a home side resurgence when the frontman latched on and was brought down in a somewhat crude manner. A penalty was given, the decision highly debatable but a minute or so later it didn't matter as the ball was squeezed beneath the keeper (unlucky) and Runcorn were two up and looking to have put the game to bed. But this is non-league footy, formalities are rare runts and after a fine streaking run by the Runcorn winger that led to a cross and a touch that was cleared off the line what shock we all suffered when Maine Road tootled down the other end and only bloody well scored - well that wasn't scripted that's for sure. To add insult to Runcorn's injured pride Maine Road then snatched another with a long range ball floated into the net and bringing the game into something akin to lunacy. My initial 2 -2 prediction was on the mark, it looked set to end all square until...gasp, shock, horror (and a loosening of the bowels), Runcorn pinched one last goal via workhorse Craig Cairnes and, as it transpired, sealed victory 4 minutes before the final peep. Maine Road pushed and the linesman was informed that he was 'total wank' and the game ended with all punters in a state of disbelief - wow, what a finish!
Man of the Match for me was Runcorn's No 7 (Joseph Holt) who epitomised his teams work ethic and all round eager beaver attitude. In truth I haven't seen a team work this hard for quite a while and they really did upset the home teams applecart with their constant mither and non-stop vigor - bloody good effort dudes.
FINAL THOUGHT - Imagine the closing credits of Benny Hill. Take all speeded up participants and inject with a steroid and amphetamine based concoction. Fill all persons underpants with nettles and busy anal wasps and you will get something close to envisioning the activity levels of the Runcorn Town players tonight. For extra effect add own theme music - 'Flight of the Bumble Bee by Rimsky-Korsakov - phew.
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