26th August 2017 - New Mills FC 2 v 2 Nelson FC - A previous night of beer, varied noise and an attempt to raise some conkers for some worthy wildlife charities saw me wake up at the crack, scrape my pimpled posterior from the pit and indulge in a semi-active morn. The punk pit from where I primarily attempt to stretch boundaries and expose new vibrations is where I do most of my huffing and puffing and you can imagine the struggle and the need to switch off - God bless the cure-all that is non-league football. Forget those greasy snake-oil salesmen, just get to a match and lose yourself in the game. Today I had a leisurely walk to the train station, had a good read on the platform (Somerset Maugham is a genius), got off the other end (and a Common Field Grasshopper hopped on, where's he off to then) and had a quick mooch in the Sett Valley (only 12 fungi but all appreciated), had another read on a local churchyard (man what glorious sun) and entered the ground and enjoyed tea, chips and burger (bloody wonderful) and read some more. The punters and players arrived, eventually a game of football took place and here is another Fungalised take on matters which I hope serves you well (it is nice to put a small bit back).
The gold and black of The Millers caught the initial peeper with an early shot from No 11 (George Blackwell) flying over the crossbar. With the twitching of a gnat's love muscle (oh those sexy gnats) the same player wormed inward, glimpsed mesh and forced a one handed save from the luminous green mittman. The blues of Nelson addressed the opening imbalance and set about some good hustling and off the ball movement. Despite this New Mills found the net first with good 'on the deck' football that saw a ball tossed in and the globe rippling the mesh - alas the goalkeeper was deemed to be fouled and the strike was duly negated - bugger. The careful build up play of the home bods was now ensnaring the eye and making life difficult for the guests and one such snippet of play saw some cultivated preparation result in a cross that found the head of No 9 (Scott Samuel) who just lacked the killer's ruthlessness - close but no blood drawn. Nelson were doing well to stay in this and managed a snap shot of their own that didn't trouble the keeper but kept their opponents honest. Again New Mills No 11 was the danger man, weaving a merry Hell in the corner and crossing with class that somehow eluded and cranial connection. The return cross was equally class and again bore no bonse-based fruit. No 5 (Joseph Armstrong) tried a pot shot seconds later, indicating the first shoots of frustration, it didn't cause any peril and Nelson then resisted and persisted and had a good cross thrown into the box themselves but it was defended, cleared and allowed the NM boys to counter and win a corner. The ball was swung in, a defensive head deflected the ball, Scott Samuel connected, over the bar the ball went and a golden chance missed.
A rapier attack from Nelson now came, No 8 and No 9 combining with the ball fizzing across goal and just aching for an incoming attacker to nudge home - nothing doing. Back up the other end, Blackwell was at it again, he linked up with a colleague, got the ball back and spun on a ten bob bit. A shot came, man that was a close but the save was firm. Again New Mills came, their effective No 4 (Kirk Arrow) lost patience, twanged the leg bow and let fly. The ball moved in the air, the keeper did well to get his body behind the ball but it pinged loose and as quick as a flash .... pounced and slotted home with ease. 1-0 and perhaps deserved, but from the kick off Nelson were focused, rushed forth put a cross in and bang, the crust of No 7 (Alexander Mullen) sent the ball homeward and we were all back to square one. The latter end of the half was upon us, New Mills were hungry to repair the recent damage, Blackwell troubled further and got a shot in that resulted in a corner. Another punt, another corner, a shot cum cross and over - danger quelled. A soft free-kick went the other way, equally soft defending allowed No 9 (Bradley Kay) to sneak in and nearly pinch the lead - now that was a stark warning if ever I saw one. No 8 for Mills paid back the red light moment with a a crack at goal but was harassed at the last and ballooned the effort high. One more shot for Nelson and the fascinating half was over - I need some tranquillisers - this was a thriller my fellow Miller.
Some pop and a quiet moment and another quick read - what a fine book.
The teams re-appeared, one chap was late (darn those dodgy bladders) and an early shout for a penalty by the home team nearly had a few of their fans also leaking with excitement. Out of the blue Nelson broke, the home goaler was off his line and blocked, the ball flew high and could of gone anywhere luckily it was defended well and danger was deadened. Now a minor lull, both teams re-adjusting to the climate of the game after the break. Nelson were dangerous on the counter, one such break forced a sprawl and save by the Mills No 1 (Dean Williams). The Millers worked back in after several more scares and a brace of punts from the eager Scott Samuel could easily have found the back of the net with the volley well struck and the stab at goal just deflected wide. An idiot scuffle saw Nelson's No 9 get suckered into trouble and he was lucky to stay on the pitch as head contact was made and some thespianism dramatised the contact. I think the end decision was fair though and sense, in its loosest form, was resumed. A spice was entering the match though, niggled temperaments were being exposed, someone could easily blow a fuse here and piddle on any hopes their team-mates may have of grabbing a 3 point bonus. New Mills nearly paid dearly when Kay crept in with a crafty header and I think the home captain was bang on the mark when he raucously informed his colleagues to 'cut the shit'. The referee, during this tetchy period, made some moot decisions, all against the Millers they were and I did wonder which Travel Lodge he and the Nelson manager were booked into (ooh the fruity buggers). These things happen and sometimes the rub of the green can seem to fall one way and not the other but over the course of a season all gets leveled out I am sure. Next up and a free-kick to Nelson, the ball was deflected over. A corner followed and a defensive crust cleared with 2 ripostes the other end, from Arrow and Blackwell respectively, which were followed by a sizzling cross and a close in tap in that somehow missed the target - crikey, what fine action.
New Mills started to dominate proceedings and looked to be going for the jugular when quite unexpectedly a smash and grab break came and Nelson's No 4 (Anthony McLoughlin) was allowed to creep into space and slide the ball home. A shocker indeed and indicating that perseverance pays! Now we saw Nelson show some solid defiant hunger, New Mills release a boost of red light urgency. The clock was ticking away and with only 1 minute left the ball was played to perfection and a choice header by Dennis Sherriff made this game all square. Wonderful stuff and the closing minutes saw no let up in action with the hosts throwing their all into winning this one. A cross from Arrow allowed Lofthouse to shoot, a corner was had but the contact made went wide and a final shot from Blackwell flew way over and left punters with their tickers in their gobs. At last we were done, this had been a competitive peach with some real honest and influential performances. Man of the Match this time though goes to the silky, mobile and keen of eye, a player who rarely put a foot wrong and had a strong footballing head that saw space that others were overlooking. Step forth New Mill's Maestro (Kirk Arrow) and accept a good pat on the back for a very rewarding contribution.
FINAL THOUGHT - In the corner shop of football action you should take your eyes off the top shelf and stop leering at those John Motson Nudes and Gerald Sinstadt Love Manuals and get your peepers in the bargain basement basket where, for a measly sum, you get top end action that never fails to delight. I took my chances yet again and witnessed a fabulous match that could have gone either way at the last but ended, in what I deemed, a bloody fair draw. Those in attendance must surely agree that this was a pleasure and both squads should be applauded on their efforts. I reckon we have two tough nuts to crack here and no-one will be getting an easy run against them provided the hands of Lady Luck play fair. Remember folks, non league doesn't mean crap football - it means reality, honesty and quality entertainment. Now get up, sell your Dickie Davies Erotica Collection and spend your hard earned conkers on some real sport.
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