10th October 2017 - Abbey Hey 1 v 1 AFC Darwen - I am on a downer at the moment but am resisting the blues and trying to keep active and occupied. The day at work had been busy, my tea of pasta and kippers was hardly thrilling and I had a backlog of CD reviews, natural history lists, household chores and general bits and pieces to keep me busy for a good few months (with more piling on top). Tis all self-inflicted but, rather than stop in and dwell in the doldrums, myself and my good lady headed to another match and wished for a good entertaining pick-me-up. We arrived, had some tea and crisps and took up our positions in the clement night air. Not bad for an October evening and we hoped to be warmed further by a darn good footballing treat - oh what misdirected fools we were.
The match started in fizzing fashion with both teams going at it like their lives depended on it. Darwen displayed an early threat towards their opponents goal but the No 4 (Lee Wilshaw) kept a cool head in a cauldron of heat and cleared any danger. Abbey Hey had early corners and a free-kick, Darwen had a couple of corners too - all lacked quality execution and from here all we witnessed was lots of huff and puff with very little penetration, just like the love life of Arthur Mullard I am told. Darwen won 3 corners on the bounce, all to no avail but shortly after this the Abbey Hey No 9 (Peter Watling) was allowed to get through the rear pack and launch a shot. The shot was poor and lacking pace. Onwards things went, with the killer touch from both sides about as dangerous as a Teddy Bear with a banana. A few calm heads were needed to try and find some time and open a few swinging doors. At last Darwen strung together several passing sequences and threw in a couple of crosses that had decent threat levels. The Hey Brigade though got the odd leg and other body part in the way and foiled any chance of success. Again the guests came, No 8 (Matthew Allen) wiggling and wriggling and firing goalward. The keeper blocked with little fuss and turned the ball around for a corner. The ball was swung in, the keeper was beat on his near post, a howler sounded, Darwen were somehow one goal to the good. I suppose credit should go to the hoofer, but this one goes down as an own goal, tragic indeed.
Abbey Hey were now like the trouser belt of Garth Crooks, under extreme pressure, and when No 7 (Mohammed Jabeel) of Darwen produced a shot on the turn, the home lads were lucky not to be 2 down by the break. The hosts wasted several corners and a long range shot displayed desperation whereas Darwen were a little more accurate and No 4 (Karl Turner) was unlucky when his tidy shot was duly tipped over the bar. Abbey Hey did produced the move of the match thus far with some swift interplay allowing a shot that found the net. Offside was the result and as the half drew to a close no incident of excitement arose. It was a duff contest thus far, thank goodness for a bit of chocolate and the good company I keep.
The teams came out for half the second, the temperature had dropped a degree or two, we needed a tonic to keep icy boredom at bay. Things began as they left off with a scampering frenzy lacking control. No 3 (Seydou Bamba), No 8 (Matthew Allen) and No 9 (Ryan McKenna) of Darwen constructed the first notable move with the latter bod only firing straight at the keeper. The same team came again with the pink booted No 10 (Chappy Massamba) shaking the side netting and making sure Abbey Hey were on their toes. Within seconds another fine Darwen ball was lobbed forth, all the striker had to do was finish matters. No 3 (Jack Tinning) of Abbey Hey produced a quality tackle and surely deserved the applause of his teammates after the game. As passions rose a Darwen chase was on and a clatter came with a visiting frontman and the home keeper. Heads came together, a nutting gesture was made - it seemed worse than what it was but it was deserved of an early dip, get the bubble bath ready, the Hey goalkeeper has been told to leave the field of play. From here, and with 10 men, the hosts played their best football of the night and exerted a tough will that saw them create numerous half chances. One of these chances caused madness in the Darwen box, a penalty shout arose from the melee and the ball was loose. Up stepped the cool No 11 (Rhys Webb) and slotted home, talk about playing a 'get out of jail free' card. Darwen now responded, 3 shots came, Tinning defended well, the game was ablaze, things were getting tetchy. We had waited all night for this, and now the referee decided time was up - what a ruddy rotter. I was left to ponder the Man of the Match at this point, it wasn't hard as No 5 (Adam Douglas) of Darwen was the most organised, controlled and insightful customer on the pitch and governed the back line and made sure shape was always kept - I think he deserves my humble nod.
FINAL THOUGHT - If both teams continue to fly around the pitch as they did tonight and throw veritable caution to the wind then it will be a season of many ups and many downs. Football is an art-form best conducted in a fashion that has a certain control and a certain insight. If Barcelona play with something akin to the flowing natural works of Renoir, what we got tonight was sheer Pollockonian mayhem that had the odd eye-catching splash of skill but was, in the main, a messy spectacle. Both teams are better than this, I thing a bit of pre-match Valium may help and of course a bit of DIY yoga at half-time to get things more levelled out. I do like my visit to Abbey Hey though and will be back time and again watching how they are faring and doing my review. I apologise if I have seemed a trifle negative during this one but with tennis elbow, a sensitive nose and an aversion to having dirty nails, I refuse to try and polish a turd.
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