UNPREDICTABLE

22nd September 2018 - Cheadle Heath Nomads 2 v 5 Rylands FC - Totally on the back foot of late with the the car playing up and eventually sorted, a fungus walk done via the bus to and from the destination and a ruddy cold seeing me cough and splutter this way, that way and t'other.  After a morn shrooming, a pick up of the car, it was a quick change and out and down to this local ground.  As per many friendly faces welcomed my knackered self, chits and chats were enjoyed and thoughts on the game ahead were pondered.  It was a case of 'who the fuck knows' and myself and STP Stu wandered to our sitting positions none the wiser.  The teams warmed up, we slurped and nibbled (in the usual non-sexual way you mucky buggers) and as time ticked the teams eventually appeared.  The intro today is like the todger of Ronnie Corbett, short and sweet, let us get to the meat of the matter before another coughing fit takes over.

The settling in period saw initial moves made for territorial gain.  The opening action saw Ryland's No 10 (Stuart Wellstead) and Cheadle's No 4 (Ashley Crank) challenge in the air, a free kick for the former side was won.  The shot came via the peg of No 11 (Steven Boothman), the deflected dig ended up in the hands of the mitter - it was an early sniff at success. The visitors built from here, a couple of crosses were poor and a reactive attack from the Nomads saw No 11 (Stephen Kirby) thread to No 9 (Richard Tindall) who hoofed on to No 10 (Kieran Herbert) whose header flew over - intriguing stuff to say the least.  Soon after Herbert was in again, shooting from an acute angle and forcing the goalkeeper to block.  The corner that followed fizzed in like a fart in a bubble bath yet missed all potential takers, the merest touch would have borne glory.   The hosts came once more, a throw saw Crank send in a blistering cross of high accuracy, the crust of Herbert was firm but a regulation save was had, albeit at a stretch.  Up the other end (said the deviant Doctor), No 2 (Alex Davies) wriggled and released like a laxative laden eel.  Wellstead arrived and put semi-glabrous pate on the sphere, the goalkeeping tip over rounded off a quite succulent footballing session.  The corner was cleared, the action remained high, Tindall for the Nomads was denied an advantage and consoled with a free-kick which was duly wasted - wrong decisions can end with heavy regrets.  

As both teams exuded breathless perspiration and critical industry chances became rather scarce.  Many fine balls were falling shy but eventually, from a spot of Nomadic pressure, the Rylands team broke with No 7 (George Riley) placing a keen pass to Wellstead who chased, used good strength and slotted home with chilled measure - the finishing touch of an artiste at work, the deadlock had been broken.  Cheadle looked shell-shocked and whilst recovering were nearly punished as Wellstead pilfered and passed to a colleague who was only denied by a well flung keeper.  A corner followed, a panic arose, somehow the danger was quelled.  Nomads still looked to play their game in their own way - on the deck and probing.  No 2 (Liam Danaher) dashed, won a free kick from which No 8 (Phillip Yuille) launched wide and without venom,  As the Nomads pressed, Rylands rampaged with Davies allowed to escape down the outside and duly cross.  The ball was pregnant with accuracy, up popped Wellstead to deliver a bundle of joy in the form of a goal.  0 - 2 - you couldn't have written this one.  As if this wasn't bad enough another strike came soon after with a goal kick, nut on and No 9 (James White) slipping through after an untimely blunder.  The striker kept his head, he rippled mesh, the game was becoming outrageously lop-sided (akin to the pendulous titties of Unga Bunga Alice from Clacton - so I hear).  

The latter part of the half saw Rylands still keen to get another and Nomads try their mightiest to gain a glimpse of hope.  Riley for the guests tried a long ranger but over the bar it flew whilst Herbert for the hosts had a blast from a severe angle that forced a solid save.  The same player had another pop right on the half time whistle with a pseudo-cross that turned into a bar trembling shot.  On a day kissed with more fortune it may have dropped in. 

The break was spent supping tea and eating chocolate whilst chatting with local Abbey Hey fan Pete. A nice guy this but why he had a pocketful of goldfish on him today was beyond me. When I pulled a face at his aquarium based antics he told me the fish like a good day out and since Great Grandpa Guppy died it was a shame to leave them at home - I think the guy may be on medication!

The second period kicked off with Cheadle looking to get a balance between high activity, control and penetration.  A midfield mush of no consequence followed, no team could gain any form of ascendancy.  Crank put in a tame shot, White for Rylands twisted and turned like a hula-hooping worm but could only spurt a shot straight at the keeper.  From the mediocrity a ball for the visitors severed the spine of the Nomadic defence, yes that man Wellstead was waved onside and bagged his hat-trick in worthy style.  The game, as a contest, had just had the last bit of shit kicked out of it, now it was just a case of how many extra goals we would get.  Once more the home 'erberts pushed and were caught on the hop, matters were however over-complicated by the away pack and only a corner was had - the ball in was crap.  2 home subs came, loads of scampering won a free-kick and as the ball went in confusion reined.  The attackers were slow to react but somehow won another corner from which Crank crept in on the blind side and bagged a strike back.  1 - 4 - surely not the start of one epic rejuvenation?

From here the match looked to settle down until No 8 (Steve Wolhuter) for the guests displayed fine skill via nimble feet and turned quicker than Quasimodo sucking a shit-dipped sausage.  He sensed where the goal was and duly bagged a beauty - it was icing on the crammed and constructive cake.  In response to this piece of brilliance No 8 Yuille produced a delectable turn and twat moment that was foiled by a stunning reaction save.  Soon after Tindall was bustling, ended up in a collision that was duly rewarded with a penalty.  No 15 (Kayle Power) stepped up and blasted against the inside of the bar to lessen the deficit.  The last action saw the home keeper make a disastrous clearance and was spared blushes by an awful return shot - from here the whistle came and tired legs were spared any further embarrassment. This had been an outlandish turn up for the form books and a result I for one, didn't expect. Rylands were good though and the Man of the Match must go to No 10 (Stuart Wellstead) for his 3 goal strike, fair and frisky play and fine ground coverage - the lad plays with a good thinking noggin, a fine season ahead awaits.  Farewells and homeward bound I went - another seven goals witnessed and another surprise scoreline.

FINAL THOUGHT - By crikey what a season it is turning out to be in this North-West Counties nest of capriciousness.  Roald Dahl could have penned many tales of the unexpected by taking inspiration from these games as the results each and every week are nothing short of eye-opening.  Today we saw a very good Rylands team dismantle a very decent Nomads team who were just out-hustled and out thought in many areas of the park.  Time and time again the home lads seemed to be outnumbered and have a lack of options in the decisive areas, something I have no doubt they will address and put right so as to keep them in the upper reaches of this competitive league.  The guests displayed enough promise here to go all the way at the first time of asking, they have a good work ethic, plenty of pace and a network of players that look to link up well.   The season is long though, nothing is won until mathematics says the contest is done - until then, get your calculators out and work out the permutations and to the players involved, work yer arses off and give it your best.