26th December 2018 - Cheadle Heath Nomads 1 v 1 Cheadle Town - And so, in theory Christmas has gone and today is the day when the conned dispose of the coin, the overstuffed try and walk off the extra inch or two and those in the know get out and get a fix of Non-League action. Our Christmas had been fine despite the boiler blowing on Christmas Eve and therefore leaving us void of hot water and heating. The lasses will have to cleanse themselves at the Mother-In-Laws, I, like the eternal awkward bugger, have opted for a post-festive stink in the hope of cultivating a bodily fungus I can identify on the 1st of January and therefore start the wildlife year off with a species new to science. Cockus rankeroonos, Festeritis nippleoides or even Rectalitis crapodea - the hunt will start soon, anyone wishing to attend the physical foray needs to book on now! So, after a morn shaking off the dust and detritus a walk was add looking at the birds, spotting a few shrooms and generally stretching the carcasses. My young daughter, home from Uni, opted for hibernation mode and only surfaced at 11.30am - she missed 3 Great Spotted Woodpeckers and a classic example of Stubble Rosegill (Volvariella speciosa) amongst many others - she seemed unconcerned. An early dinner was had, a quick change and a dip of the testicles in some icy water (gotta be fair to the public don't ya know) and out we went to feast our peepers on this fascinating local match-up. Both teams operate within less than a mile of one another, Cheadle Heath Nomads are virginal upstarts making a name for themselves, Cheadle Town are long term soccer slags and are well-versed in the heave-ho at this level - it was a mouth-watering match up and one not to be missed. The crowd was healthy enough (mind you one or two didn't look particularly fresh of face) and the weather was more than clement. Me and my grand lady, arrived, nattered, park rears and watch the following event.
The first foray into territory deemed threatening came via the steaming legs of the home pack with No 9 (Ashley Harrison) fast on his feet and No 11 (Stephen Kirby) the veritable slippery sausage. Alas after the initial huff and puff a goal kick was the end result but soon after No 10 (Leon Grandison) got upended in a far from sexual way and a free boot was won. Grandison sent in a nicely weighted cross, the keeper sprawled low and smothered and took a wallop to his framework for his troubles (Happy Boxing Day sir). Cheadle tried to respond from the early advances with No 10 (Connor Naughton) producing a nice turn and pass movement that just failed to find the galloping striker. The home keeper (Aaron Tyler) was off his line with great haste and did well to kill the peril. From another Town sortie the Nomadic lads broke with frazzling impetus. Grandison ran the flank, reached the end line, cut back and laid one off for No 8 (Keiren Herbert) to thwack. The power was raw, the timing sweet, the elevation too generous - just off target the ball went. In return to this neat move No 2 (Joseph Neild) of the short-travelling guests knocked forth a quite choice pass that No 7 (Nathan Ntalu) collared in the corner and belted across. Several chances to shoot came but when a shank was swung with any real purpose the defensive block that followed was indicative of the home teams desire. It was a good job the ball didn't hit the crown jewels though or we may have been witnessing the first on-pitch black puddings of the game!
Spiced tackles now came, Herbert for the Nomads was a real needle in the nob-bag and forced a few opposing players to lunge and mistime their efforts. Kirby took a free-kick that was hard earned but could only find yuletide air, another shot soon after boomed off the bar but this time luck was with the attacking side and the ball kindly dropped to the predatory Grandison who slotted home and got the crucial lead. This was a deserved lead as the Nomads had made the greatest contribution to the impetus of the game and soon after they were racing forth again with Kirby putting in a trademark cross of meritorious quality that failed to be met by an in-flying noggin. The Town were quick to wake up, a long ball saw the home No 4 (Ashley Crank) lunge and bring down a danger-laden striker. The shouts that came for a red card were vulgar, the brandishing of a yellow fortunate for the offender and after a few shoves and pushes and several sequinned purses waved about a free-kick came of accurate and high quality. The keeper sprung from his heels and tipped the ball onto the bar, the globe went loose and somehow was hoofed clear but this game had new life and a good thermality - questions were being asked of both ranks!
As the battling elements continued to generate sparks a double-ended dildo of misfortune entered the untoward orifice of luck for the hosts and saw Grandison hobble off with a twanged hamstring and his replacement get given a straight red card for a tackle that was mistimed and primarily down to the player not having got to grips with the pace of the game. The decision was made without regard for this latter point, something that seems to happen on a regular basis. Now the Nomadic jugular was exposed, The Town were sensing blood and a late corner for the guests saw the host's No 6 (Zac Tyson) defend with ardour and the visiting Naughton hit back in a close-in snap-shot that went just wide. 1 - 0 we were at as the referee called for a break - a fascinating contest to say the least!
We stayed put for half-time, watched the club secretary appear at the other side of the ground with microphone in hand. Neville 'The Voice' Pearson did well to contain his enthusiasm and avoided a Roy Orbison impersonation and simply read out the raffle draw. We were 2 numbers away, so much for sending nude pictures of myself to the chairman. After a nibble of some orange chocolate we watched the teams reappear - could the 10 men hold on. Could their opponents get back into this? Will the aforementioned Mr Pearson appear at full-time dressed as the big 'O' and send us home to the thoes of 'Blue Bayou' - one never knows!
The second period began with an early Cheadle Town free-kick which was easily dealt with but quickly followed by a sharp cross from Neild that just dipped over the bar. A corner next which was nutted out and put back in by No 8 (Laurence Taylor). Naughton connected with the cranium, the header was not even close. A Nomads break kept The Town honest, Herbert blazed a trail, put a pass in to No 7 (Jack Benson) who could only thump into the side-netting. A patchy period was had, a Town break was unexpected and the dash down the line and cross from Ntalu was done in the spasm of a sensation seeker's electrified nipple and the poke home by Taylor was precise and exuded a sharpshooters class. Now then, this was getting serious! The fight for supremacy was intense, the guests had a counterattack with No 3 (Robert Wallis) at the helm but lacking welly in the shot and allowing the mitter to block, At the other end Kirby led a charge and cross with cultured grace that found Herber who touch and belted in one fluent move. The tip onto the bar by No 1 (Daniel Whiting) was top notch, that was some chance!
Crosses, corners and shots now came with increasing frequency at each end, the defensive units held firm with The Nomads under greatest pressure and showing a resilience and stout inner unified ticker. 3 corners for The Town came almost on the bounce, one saw a shot pushed wide, another saw a crust get deflected over and the final one induce a bout of bagatelle that eventually got booted away. The best chance of the half so far came via a host's break that saw Kirby have a glimpse of an open goal after the keeper went walkabout. The chance to bury was fluffed and was followed by another break that culminated in a toe poke just off target and then a corner that was just palmed away by the well-extended keeper. Ntalu for the visitors had two chances in response, the first seemed a surefire strike but was cleared off the line, the second a header that looked certain to be buried but the finishing was nothing less than 'crap'. Sandwiched between these two major moments Harrison had a chance for the resident pack when a quality cross just needed nutting into either corner - the end result was atrocious. The final seconds ticked away with urgent desperation - the game soon ended and a draw was perhaps fair with all things considered. Man of the Match goes to the Cheadle Heath Nomad's No 8 (Kieren Herbert) for an absolutely gut-busting effort that lasted the full 90 minute period and showcased what effort and passion actually goes into these matches. He deserved a goal for his industry and trouble-making talent - on another day...who knows! We two pootlers buggered off impressed and looking forward to the return - now there's one to ponder!
FINAL THOUGHT - A few questions were raised today, a few answers given - these are my thoughts! Cheadle Town, after a dodgy period seem to be realigned, stabilised and back on the right track in this utterly unpredictable league. Today they had to battle for the point against a fired up unit who are ravenous for every scrap and who certainly dig in when the chips are down. Playing against 10 men who are prone to flashing counter-punches is no easy thing, I think the lads did well to get what they did and several players exuded that extra touch of quality that will see the team win more than they lose. The Nomads, with 11 men on the park and a full compliment of first team regulars may have won this if the truth be told and must be looking forward to the next encounter with hopes elevated and the gnashers chomping at the bit. The work ethic today was exemplary, the focus zoned in and the desire there for all to see. This needs to happen week in and week out though and if they want 3 points next time they won't be given it on a plate. This league never fails to surprise and entertain, for 5 nuggets a piece we got 90 minutes of good football and a natter with some down to earth football folk who love the game for the right reasons. I also sold one of my Nettle Books (thank you Mr Pearson), saw a Ring Necked Parakeet and found a fungus on my Oriental Eye that may be new to science - what a great festive treat! Next thrilling installment will come from Alsager Town - tune in again in a few days for more scribbled passion!
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