Sunday 30 December 2018

THE FUNGAL THREE SEE

29th December 2018 - Alsager Town 0 v 5 FC Oswestry The last football excursion of the year, this time with my missus and young un' and to the home of The Bullets to witness a game that was up in the air as far as the scoreline goes (what's new there then).  My lasses nipped into Manchester in the morn, poor old me was left to tidy up and see to some loose ends (loose ends as in outstanding tasks to complete rather than an overabundance of flaccid foreskin to tuck away).  My lasses arrived home, we got sorted and set out down the M6 to the tucked away potteries-based pimple known as Alsager.  The weather was the norm and akin to the arse hairs of Anne Widdecombe - grey, slightly damp and without much promise of change (crikey where's me Prozac).   Into the ground, parked and a walk top the local shops was had. My bladder went twang and the bushes of the local Asda were duly watered - it is another mark on my 'Great British PIddle Map'. Back to the ground, tea had (and a burger for me as I had had no dinner) and selected seating was had.  As the teams warmed up we three pootlers chatted and made our predictions which I shall keep under wraps so as to save any unnecessary embarrassment. The Prize of Prophecy will be secret also as I can't for the life of me think what it should be - ooh me noggin. 3pm came, the two sides appeared, the end result of all the clashing, kicking and confrontation is as follows, I hope this poor man's football erotica serves its purpose!

Game on, the visitors began with zipping zest, an hopeful ball came from the back, was collected and crossed whereupon an indecent upending took place and a penalty given.  Again no consideration was given to player's not being at full match speed and that the tackle was not as untoward as initially deemed.  The referee was duly labelled as 'useless' by an irate fan, I was sure at some point he would be upgraded to 'wanker' at the very least.   Up stepped the No 10 (David Howarth) to get the opening goal and duly buried the ball with relative comfort - the home lads now had to wake up, shake off the early game stiffness and kick back.  Alsager gained a foothold, passed well and put in a few crosses one of which nearly dropped from the grubby skies and entered the framework - the mittman did well to tip over.  The corner that followed caused in-box mayhem with the ball pinging and a shot blocked.  The O's eventually broke with a final cross getting firmly volleyed by the eternally impressive No 7 (Harry Bower). The strike was sugar sweet, the corner of the net found - one could almost feel the bruising on the home team's conkers as this surprise double dig caught them on the hop.  The guests were far from sated, they came again, the home keeper was caught on walkabout and wide-eyed with blood-rushing particles of panic.  Bower crossed, the shot that followed was blocked and Alsager just about hung on.  The home lads were still in this, they just needed a little extra movement in and around the box and some encouraging on-pitch verbals to get things flowing.  


Next up, No 9 (Michael O'Reilly) of the travellers put in some stubborn and eye-snagging work and was rewarded with a free-kick.  He took the bonus boot himself - it was a poxy way to finish such an excellent moment with the ball just flying into the Land of No Man.  Moments later Bower was causing defensive consternation for the hosts when he touched back and released. The ball was deflected for a corner, the angled kick was abysmal - The Bullets needed to fire back and fire back very soon.  They did just that, No 3 (Jamie Evans) was in, the ball was blocked and fell to No 7 (Jack Hurd) who put forth a veritable rasper - wide it went, but hope was had.  A quiet spell came, Hurd had another dig, again not that far off the mark but not good enough at this desperate stage.  As the impetus looked to be swinging towards the ambitions of the trailing side a goal kick came the other way.  Bower took it down, touched out to No 11 (Ryan Jones) who eyed the goal and unleashed, 0 - 3 it was and this game looked done, dusted and filed away in the folder marked 'whooping'.  Despite the 3 goal deficit I thought No 6 (Connor Taylor) of Alsager was having a fine game and looked a very accomplished player with a good reading of the game and a certain calmness and control.  From the back the hosts built, a free-kick came late in the half and No 5 (Ryan Goodwin) snuck in the crust with oodles of time to hit the target zone - the outcome was an effort that was not even close.  Before the half-time bell Bower had a chance to make it 4 when he latched onto a pass, cut in and slapped in a low driller.  The keeper sprawled and just got a foot to the ball to minimise the half-time roasting and when O'Reilly for the guests slapped one straight at the said keeper it was with great relief that the intermission came.   


A dash for tea and a leak was had, the lasses had a water break too and then we resumed our seats and wondered where this one would end up.


Oswestry made the early running in the second half, a couple of firm shots by Jones flew into the sable beyond but indicated the intent of adding further injury to a very wounded team. A
 static period came from which the home No 9 (Dominic Smith) burst forth like a souped up bulldozer and barged his way to the end line where he duly belted in a meaty cross.  It was a shame that no outstretched toe was there to nudge the ball home!  Another cross came within minutes, the keeper caught, dropped and saw the situation rescued - the man was one lucky customer.  Smith had a dig next, the keeper this time made a steady save, a bit more bite on the ball though and things could have been a little different!  Alsager were now doing well and picking up the tempo but an Oswestry escape broke the flow and an immediate break down the flank by the substitute (Samuel Springson) saw some marvellous work end with a step in and a shot that beat the mittman at the near post and finish the game as a viable contest.  The home team still tried to get a goal though, one moment deserved such a reward when Taylor put forth a delectable pass that No 10 (Stanley Anaebonam) cracked with ardour only to be denied by a well-timed save.  A corner of decent standard followed but the visiting tribe were disciplined and 'on it' - there seemed no way through for the trailing unit.


Into the home run, a cross was fumbled by the resident keeper but his defending comrades spared his blushes and then O'Reilly sent forth a low dipper that bounced up at the last and made sure the man between the sticks stayed honest and alert and that his nighttime vision was at its best.  This was now one way traffic, the O's No 12 (Reece Taylor) whacked one wide, Bower had a close-in touch that clipped the framework and then, after an Alsager push, a breakaway came, Bower was at the helm again and turned and twatted to bring up the 5th and round off a good day's work.  The closing seconds ticked away and then we were done, there was only one Man of the Match, FC Oswestry's No 7 (Harry Bower) who played with such industry, moved into space at all times and read the game with a true footballing eye.  He was far from a lazy git and worked forward and backward with an appetite to admire - a cracking run out if ya ask me.  


FINAL THOUGHT - And that was that, a result not expected and one that can be interpreted as thus.  Alsager Town have a pack of good players, several looked solid in possession and many ran themselves ragged but, and what a great stinking 'but' it is, without cohesion, hollered demands and much off-the-ball scampering the end result will always be a struggle and give opponents the upperhand before a ball is even kicked.  Today the team battled but lacked options and when in the final third just seem to lack support and ideas when the detonation button was due to be pressed.   They are not far off the mark but just not on it either - I am due to watch them again soon with a tricky visit to Vauxhall Motors - they need to buckle down, play with width and get talking.  FC Oswestry are an impressive unit and for me are lower in the league than their potential suggests.   They communicate, play with good impetus and pass and move with commendable urgency and defend as a pack offering opponents little chance to shoot.  It will be interesting to see what the season brings for a team very much on the up.  The
key is to keep the squad healthy and confident and even if the odd hiccup is had, to keep the whole unit laden with belief.  This football management lark is no easy thing, I am a mere punter on the touchline trying to keep folk enthused, those at the helm have my respect and spare tranquilisers to help them through.  So a good day out, a welcoming place and 5 goals to add to the season's tally - as per...onwards for all and a Happy New Year to each and every Non-League doofer - you are sincerely appreciated and blessed!

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