FESTIVE FOOTBALL

22nd December 2018 - Abbey Hey 0 v 1 City of Liverpool  - Christmas is coming, ye old Santa is a twat, he is a ruddy faced pisspot, and his arse is too fat but...if he has a non-league heart, then these two teams need a gift, a very merry 3 points, would be an ideal and thoughtful lift - then again...Santa doesn't exist, if you want 3 points you gotta work for them and when in the mire or on top of the tree on the pre-festive run-in, the effort has to be extra special.  After a morn of sorting moth pictures, exercising and preparing some flyers for the night's gig I got sorted, had a good dinner and packed my bag ready for out.  The good lady and my fine daughter dropped me off today, leaving me to wallow in another footy match and scribble my notes.  I met up with Rob York (Stockport Town Club Secretary and nude after dinner speaker), Abbey Hey Pete put in an appearance (ex-con now on bail after an incident with a rolled up copy of 'Wrinkled Rings' and a blacked-up conservative MP) and a few COL fans who bade me welcome and looked forward to the game ahead.  I heard that prior to the game there would have been free home made Mince Pies on offer but the guy who made them was dyslexic and had ruffled the feathers of the local Women's Lib group by using a 'G' instead of a 'C' when labeling the aforementioned treats.  Oh the poor bugger but now I understand the message I got pre-game from a bloke asking me to go for a drink in a nearby 'Pubic House' - phew that could have been one hairy experience and I got off with a relative close shave there methinks.

And to the game, two teams in the same league, poles apart - pre-match thoughts were of a whipping, I was hoping the home side could do themselves justice but was also hoping the guests would get a win after being threatened with a lifetime ban from the club after watching them twice of late and seeing them get beat both times (my only viewings of the team this season).  I took up my position, scribbled in earnest - etc. etc. etc.

The first attack from the grotty conditions came via the COL crew with No 9 (Craig Cairns) rifling one and forcing a firm and reliable save.  An angled kick followed, the cross was choice but all necks were too short and the ball went into the dead zone.  Seconds later the same team were marauding forth once more with the pocket rocket No 8 (Jack Hazelhurst) hurdling through and sending in a shot that was blocked at the death.  The Heys were under pressure, the pre-match script was being followed but a rush against the tide was had when the defiant No 7 (Keiron Dale) duly earned a corner.  The ball in was right into the meat of the matter but the keeper rose and displayed to all and sundry a ruddy good pair of hands.  From here a rapier response was had, No 11 (Francis Foy) moved like a gazelle and stroked a ball into the box that led to a corner which produced a disappointing sour FA.  The game now balanced out as Abbey Hey gave a good account of themselves against a darn fine team and on a day that you wouldn't find Judith Chalmers sun-bathing on (thank goodness).  In fact Heys came mighty close when a corner came and their No 5 (Jamie McLellan) put a firm crust on the ball that the mitter had to deal with just at the last - he must have been mighty relieved to see it creep over the horizontal.

Onwards, the skies darkened, the waft of green was forever on the air and the game was awaiting the birth of the first goal.  Cairns had a penalty claim waved away and then a shot soon after was blocked and fell to Foy to bury.  He eyed the goal, took a fraction of a second too long to send in the strike and when the ball left the boot it was strongly defended by a 'never say die' rear guard pack.  As The Purps roamed forward No 11 (Taylor Maguire) for The Hey picked up on a loose ball, darted and shot.  The ball went straight at the keeper, crept through his legs but was just recovered at the very last - the mittman was a man dipped in high favour, that could have been a real old Betty Blooper.  At the other end No 10 (Jamie McDonald) poked one wide, and after a cross from Hazelhurst, Foy connected quite beautifully but his volley had too much weight and sailed into the ghastly murk. The half ended with the guests on top but the hosts were showcasing a hefty resilience with their No 4 (Stephen Solademi) a stalwart and a solid brick in an admirable wall.

Half-time - a cuppa and a chat.  The temperature was fair but the clouds burst and a downpour caught a few on the hop as they scurried to the clubhouse for a selected beverage.  Mr York pootled off at this point as he was having a festive tattoo on his left conker - something to do with Terry Wogan and Enoch Powell I think - some people hey!

The match re-started, the COL chaps were on it with Hazelhurst dragged down and a free-kick on the corner of the box earned.  The punt in was cleared but soon after we had a repeat situation. This time the cross was choice but the nut from Hazelhurst failed to hit the target and went just wide.  A corner was not long in coming, two firm shots were blocked by a well-flung defense and then a third dig was just knocked over.   The Heys were riding the Hobby Horse of Fortune, The Purps were looking to grab the same nag by the dangling dong and squeeze out the odd pip of success - things were still up for grabs.  A quiet spell came, suddenly a shot cum cross was fizzed forth by the COL sub, No 12 (Kris Owens).   The ball rattled the upright, the home No 4 was caught rushing in and duly deflected the ball into his own net - what a tragedy for a player having such a strong and impressive game and a side putting in a very defiant stint.  The Purps deserved the lead for sure, twas just a shame it had to come this way via an own goal - cruel indeed!

The game now whizzed by, another downpour adding to the home teams struggle.  Abbey Hey dug deep and had a period of semi-success but their opponents are no mugs and were always threatening whenever the slightest chance arose.  One move by the visitors was a liquid zenith and made The Hey lads work like Trojans to avoid a killer strike.  No 2 ( Luke Denson) for the travellers knocked the next choice ball that saw Hazelhurst chase and duly get bungled over.  The gratis dig came, was tipped up and just about cleared with the AH pack having a brief break that was snuffed out with regimented defending.  The final throes were played out with much industry but no real danger was exposed.  At the death Cairns for the City of Liverpool could have full-stopped matters but the solid shot that came was dragged just wide. The referee blew soon after, farewells were had and my choice for Man of the Match goes to the City Of Liverpool's No 2 (Luke Denson) for a well-drilled, unsophisticated but very effective performance that was a veritable cornerstone on which his team could build.  Sometimes it is the things that aren't quite so obvious that bring the end reward!

FINAL THOUGHT - This was a clash between the top and the bottom, a supposed small time David and Goliath encounter that saw Goliath forced to work his knackers off and with much effort and desire finally floor the smaller man with moment of good fortune.  Abbey Hey's season, judging on this evidence is not done and, with the same guts and grinding passion they can get out of their very tricky predicament and stay in this ever competitive Premier League. Their No 4 ( Stephen Solademi) was a rock, their commitment testament to what the North West Counties Leagues are about and with some fine tuning upfront and a few midfield manipulations this can surely lead to the cracking of the opposing defenses the Hey Brigade becoming a team to be reckoned with over the coming months.  Their next fixture is a bottom-based battle and could just define their future!  The City of Liverpool needed this today, a game where things just wouldn't fall right, where the shitty weather separated the delicate from the determined and where they had to work like neglected donkeys to earn the end carrot.   I think they passed the test with flying colours and dug in and got the result they deserved.  They should win this league but it is good that the Congo are keeping them honest and making them earn their stripes.  There is work to be done, you'd be a fool to back against this lot and good luck to em'.  The good news for me is that with this win I avoid the aforementioned ban and I can catch up with them again real soon - surely my pleasure.  

PS - Have a good Christmas folks, watch out for Santa emptying his sack in your pillow and if you are insistent on stuffing your turkey - wear a condom!