9th October 2018 - Irlam FC 2 v 3 Radcliffe FC - A Manchester Premier Cup 1st Round match, one of many contests in many cups that boggle the old Non-League mind. The Ambitek Stadium was the destination after a day leading a bunch of carers around the sunny climes of Etherow CP and showing them the marvels of fresh air, fungi and tea and cake. A great way for people in a stressful situation to switch off and have a bit of time for themselves - putting back is always the key. The drive to the ground, as per, was a pain in the proverbials (or bollocks if you so prefer) with traffic crawling along and the end of day commute highlighted what ruination we are doing to the environment and ourselves - tis all one rat race to the grave - thank goodness I don't chase the coin and have opted for a job I can walk/cycle to and do some good for people too. We eventually arrived at the ground, entered and brought our raffle ticket despite knowing the Gods of Fortune are more bent than a Rheumatic's todger. We had a fine natter with the grand club secretary Warren Dodd (now there is a good amiable chap who adds to the pleasure visiting grounds such as this) and duly purchased chips and tea and took our seats. Whilst chomping and slurping we nattered to a fine couple from Radcliffe who were ardent supporters of their team and had put 30 years work in helping them on their way - now that deserves applause, the real backbone of a club usually goes unnoticed - not here though! After the guts were full the teams came out, we had to move early on in the action because the position of the seats and peoples touchline positioning were far from complimentary - down the far end we tootled and this is what we witnessed.
The Silver Street residents found themselves under the cosh from the start as the travellers scurried, steamed and duly won a penalty. It came before the game had fully started and when No 11 (Shelton Payne) stepped up and slapped home with ease it seemed that a very long night ahead awaited the Irlam lads. From here the hosts dashed with determination trying to create instant hope in the wretched face of early adversity. No 11 (Marcus Perry), the eternal release valve, had a brief glimpse of goal after scampering away on whirring legs. The shot that came however was borne under heavy harassment and was duly thumped wide - it was a chance nonetheless. The game eventually levelled out but Radcliffe were conducting the tempo and looking likeliest to grab the next strike. As chances dwindled No 9 (Connor Martin) for the hosts appeared from the midfield mush, released a sweet dipping shot that was falling with pace beneath the awaiting horizontal. The visiting keeper (Ollie Martin) was on his toes though and tipped over to deny a glorious goal. The corner, like the dehydrated teets of a desert stranded cow, produced nowt and from here the game almost died a death.
Matters coughed and spluttered, Perry for Irlam produced the only run of note when flashing the flanks, working in with hunger but finalising matters with a shot that lacked any real chomp - disappointing to say the least. At the other end a corner came and a good thumping header by the No 5 (Callum Grogan) looked promising but missed the target by a good couple of yards. The half remained drab, excitement was a rare commodity and the first 45 ended with the guests trying as best as they could to double their lead but having about as much threat as an arthritic hedgehog. The referee blew - time to rest the arse and contemplate that deemed as crap - there was not a lot to add really - these things happen.
Half two began after we had had a sit, we took up the same viewing position and were joined by some long term away fans who grumbled and groaned and cracked some good banter whilst getting frustrated by their teams performance. The first shot of the second period came for Irlam but the effort was utterly ineffectual. Moments later the No 2 (Sam Bolton) picked up the globe in his own half, got the noggin down and dashed forth. 1, 2, and 3 players were passed, space was found and slap - 1 -1 and what a goal it was. This was a surprise for sure and it was just what Irlam, and the game in general needed, a real shot up the khyber. Radcliffe responded from the off, Payne slipped in, side-footed and just put the ball over. Irlam were up for this now, an immediate attack saw Radcliffe in disarray and a foul had. The referee was decisive and pointed to the spot - penalty given, surely the turn-around couldn't be so easy. Up stepped Martin, put good weight on his shot and just beat the keeper to give that lead goal - whatever seeds of confidence were planted in the dressing room at half-time was certainly bearing fruit. Soon after, the sanguinity running through the veins of the home pack was manifesting itself once more with a stunning passing sequence ending with Perry striking but only hitting the keeper shanks. A corner followed, the man in the gloves collected with relief.
Now Radcliffe began to push with purpose, No 9 (Tunde Owalabi) and Payne linked up but the shot was straight at the sprawled mitter. The ball bounced back out, the return punt was shabby. Delays aplenty held up matters but eventually fluidity came and the guests passed and moved with just the odd stray ball negating the promise. No 8 (Liam Morrison) was a stand out player putting in a rewarding stint and at one point won a midfield ball from nothing, fed Martin who was denied at the last by a terrific tackle by the Borough No 3 (Mason Fallon) - how crucial it was was anyone's guess at this stage! Suddenly, out of the blue (well, yellow in fact) a long ball found Payne on the run. The front man took it in his stride, cut in and fired. The shot wasn't the greatest but it had enough pace to confound and a slight deflection made sure it found the net - we were back to all square - penalties loomed. Radclifffe were now slightly on top, Irlam were slowly sitting back deeper and deeper with the odd free-kick offering brief respite. Some weak refereeing was making matters tense and killing potential at both ends. The hosts seemed always to have enough to keep the predatory opponents at bay with shots coming, bodies thrown and blocking and the ball pinging this way and that. The dregs were upon us, we were into overtime - everyone seemed ready to watch a spot kick treat when Radcliffe pushed, Morrison of all people, committed the clumsiest of fouls and the man in black pointed to the spot. Payne stepped up - this was to win it and grab a hat-trick - the pressure was on. The marksman approached the ball, swung the leg and bang, 2 - 3, game over, cruelty incarnate and Irlam gutted. Seconds later the whistle blew - it was a harsh ending but one to learn from. As the teams left the pitch I contemplated a Man of the Match and went for the obvious, No 11 (Shelton Payne) of Radcliffe FC for striving on when things weren't running smoothly and for bagging a hat-trick from out of nothing. He saved his sides arses tonight - make sure he gets a good drink chaps.
FINAL THOUGHT - What an odd game and what a tale of twists and turns, tossery and triumph. The first half was not good, and although we started with a penalty excitement tailed away and it was a game without control and in some parts real urgency. The second period was more like it with the Irlam lads showing they are no pushovers and playing some decent football with a good spirit. The team will hold their own in the premiership and will certainly be a team I always keep an eye on and one I will support here and there when this busy life allows. Radcliffe FC are an odd one to assess on this one showing as on one hand they looked to be a team lacking bite and then, when the backs were up against the wall, looked a unit who can pounce at any given time and cause much mayhem in their opponents half. The fact that they sell darn good pasties at their ground may twist my arm and get me down their soon enough but man, the chips at this gaff tonight did the job too - ooh the problems that arise when fond of football and food. Overall I think the result went the right way tonight (just) and reckon this cup distraction may be better out of the way for the boys in Blue. Radcliffe could just well pinch this trophy, they will have to play for the full 90 minutes in future though - keep checking the scores people.
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