30th July 2022 - Lymm Rovers FC 0 v 8 Hartford FC - The summer break is over, and what a break it has been. The earth temperatures are rising, the masses are as cracked as ever, Boris Johnson has been exposed as a bumbling buffoon (by heck as if we didn't know) and the world is still dictated by the phone - remember folks, if you don't take a picture your existence is not justified (fuckin' hell hey). The worst part of the break for me was when news arrived of my father's admittance to being a Jewish homosexual - I mean he is 75 years old, has produced 4 kids and has never shown any inkling to be circumcised or indeed invest in gold. It just goes to show that life is a farce and we must do, expect nowt and piss off out of it at the end, grinning and bewildered.
So, to the first game day of the year and after a lazy morn responding to my dads invite to the latest Yom Kippur Festival and updating my website with CD reviews, Horror Film reviews and some nature notes (many flavours to one fruitcake tha' knows) I got sorted, had dinner with the good lady before we both set out to watch some Cheshire League action. It was a clammy day with the skies occasionally leaking, I had a gig to attend after this, I was hoping to not get too sweaty.
The ballpoint began to roll at 2pm prompt with the initial action coming via a Hartford long ball that saw No 16 (Mike Whitehead) gallop like a man with an arse full of hot chips. A cross ensued, last ditch defending prevented a goal and from the corner No 10 (Josh Torlop) finalised matters with a shot over the horizontal. An immediate free-kick came at the other end after No 7 (Rory Ridley-Thomas) had been upended in vulgar fashion. No 8 (Scott McNeill) took command of the ball and let fly a punt at goal, alas the ball had too much uplift, a bit like those Playtex bras they sold in the 70's - quite horrible tit-slings they were.
Hartford started to shade the opening throes with the referee a trifle whistle happy and thwarting many penetrations. A gratis boot for Lymm came and was neatly delivered with No 4 (Chris Brownlow) flying in and just failing to get his toe on the propelled sack of air. The guests responded with a eye-snagging run via No 7 (Josh Pacitto) who negotiated several players, delivered a cross that No 9 (Sam Dickenson) knocked just shy of the vertical. Torlop had a shot seconds later, the outcome was the same but it seemed as though the first goal was on the cards.
The game settled, a parity was had with only half chances had. Suddenly the visiting tribe came on, a long ball brought hollers of 'off-side', Dickenson was left to escape but Brownlow put in a solid tackle. The ball drifted out wide, Dickenson recovered and somehow squeezed a shot home from the tightest of angles - 0-1 it was and it had been coming.
Hartford now advanced in perpetual waves. A threaded ball saw Dickenson denied again and soon after the same player put belfry on ball and missed the chance to double his side's, and his own personal, tally. Lymm Rovers were under the cosh and playing a dangerous offside game. Hartford moved forth once more with purpose. Whitehead was found in acres of space out wide, No 12 (Luis Joyner) received and clattered the post with the rebounded globe falling to Dickenson who sweetly volleyed home.
Lymm looked to be reeling and within the twitch of a nerved up rodent's ringpiece Whitehead was in and seen to be laying the ball off for Dickenson to knock home and gain his hat-trick. The hosts tried to cultivate some excitement with Ridley-Thomas going on a solid waltzing run that ended with a shot over and duly followed by a Hartford break that was completed by Dickenson via a ridden tackle and the ball slotted home into the far corner - 0-4 - this was now getting silly.
With half time looming Lymm produced nothing of note only a quite dire free-kick with Hartford reacting via Whitehead again who duly darted forth and burst a bollock in the process. A cross was supplied, Dickenson (who else) was on it and the first period ended 0-5 to the travellers - now who would have predicted that?
I had a short wander for the break whilst my good lady had a quick read. 2 Large White Butterflies and a Holly Blue were seen during the first half, the interval saw no further sightings but the fungus Coprinellus micaceus was erupting from some buried wood. I heard a few Grasshoppers calling and was going to investigate further but the teams were seen to be keen and eager so a quick return skip to the touchline was had.
Half two began and Lymm lost immediate possession. Hot shot Dickenson was denied by the mittman and then a couple of minutes later the same gloved up geezer was lucky to survive a quite careless fumbling. Dickenson was soon in again after the host's gave up ownership of the ball once more. The marksman was only denied by the keepers outstretched pins.
Lymm strove, sweated and strained. the disappointing outcome was a ball to Ridley-Thomas who did well to maintain balance but could only pop the ball over the bar. From here No 3 (Danny Adjekum) for Hartford was allowed acres of space at the back and took full advantage of it by knocking a sumptuous ball to Whitehead who took one touch and prodded home to bring up the half dozen. Still Lymm fought to get a strike of their own with a fair ball played forth that saw No 10 (Elliott Watkins) battle well and eventually release a shot. The ball looked on target from were we were stood, alas it wasn't.
Into the mush of the second half we went with Hartford having a few more cracks at the onion bag but failing to bring tears to the keepers eyes. A lengthy pass eventually came, a Lymm defender decided to nut backward with the keeper not reading the situation. From the confusion in popped the guest No 11 (Ramone Williams) and walloped home from inches out - Christmas had come early for the scorer, he won't have an easier chance all season.
The latter stages came, Watkins and Ridley-Thomas for Lymm were denied goals before a through ball for Hartford saw the keeper fumble and give away a corner. The ball was posted, a handball shout came and was ignored before Torlop was on it and hammered home for the eighth. No 8 (Jamie Pasquill) and Williams linked up well next for the guests with the apical shot way too high. The scrappy final stages produced little more of note and then we were done.
I didn't expect such a whooping for the new boys to the league although I did fancy an away win. Man of the Match must go to the 5 goal grabber, namely Hartford's No 9 (Sam Dickenson). In fact he should have had 7 but hey, for the first day of the season, who's complaining.
FINAL THOUGHTS - We buggered off home after the game and I went to a gig and partook of Sherry and Red Stripe. I eventually pondered the game and reckon Lymm Rovers have a lot of work to do both defensively and in attack. Communication needs to be continuous, running off the ball and finding space of optimum priority and just working on the sharpness and battling for every ball is essential. I think this early wake up call could be a blessing in disguise and put them in good stead for the coming weeks. There will be some tough games to come, the only way to react is to bounce back with positivity. Hartford FC have had a dream start here and battled well all day and perhaps displayed why they will be in the mix come season end. It is hard to judge a team on one performance though, but they look stable, have options and have a few players who are happy to run their guts out. Hopefully I can catch up with them soon and see a home performance. I wouldn't say no to 8 more goals but then again, 9 would be better - I best get my calendar sorted.
