SIX POINT, SIX GOAL TREAT

14th February 2026 - Maine Road FC 3 v 3 Colne FC - The media trickery continues and the curse of tradition takes coin and has folks jumping through the same old hoops as Valentine's Day dictates and sees many going through procedure and showcasing love online.  A marketing ploy, built to destroy more individuality in this ever expanding slab of grey.  Myself and the good lady avoided the mush, we tell each other we love each other every day without fail, hugs a kisses aplenty and we do get on quite famously.  Today we picked up a new car which threw our plans sideways, we then had a pop in a few book shops, had a nice dinner and went home to have a tidy and a chill.  We should have been doing an early kick off but ended up setting out for a localish ground and one of the favoured teams I watch.  This was a bottom of the table clash, I expected goals and some meaty effort and hoped the best team won.  On arrival John D was in position, another frequent attendee of this ground, we made predictions, we were very close but just shy of a Non-League Nostradamus moment.  

The sky blue clad hosts got matters underway and from the off were away with No 11 (Sam Deering) darting down the wing, beating a couple of players and putting in a composed cross.  The Colne defence were slacker than the perished rear cheeks of Larry Grayson and up popped the home No 10 (James Horan) to freely head home.  As easy as A, B and fuckin' C with less than a minute on the clock - the guests had made themselves a slight incline to now climb.

From here Colne dug deep and made some good running although they did allow MR's No 9 (Jack Coop) to have a pop which was somehow snuffled out.  The guests eventually put a quite delicious move together with some fluent passing and moving.  No 9 (Barney Wiggin) finalised matters but the home No 1 (Alfie Brindley-Smith) was up to the questions asked and produced a top notch save. The pressure on the resident rear continued, a clattering came in the box and the referee pointed to the spot - I think it was well deserved.  Wiggin took responsibility and coolly drove the ball home.  Parity restored.

The contest continued with good pace. The Road came next, a free kick was posted, dealt with and wellied back and over by the over-excited No 8 (Kyle Oakes).  Despite this foray forth Colne were still dictating the running and won a free-punt of their own.  No 11 (Miles Storey) took the honours and made a sweet contact only to find the wrong side of the netting. As time progressed some dubious and desperate defending came at both ends, erratic shots ensued and both teams displayed a good hunger to try and squeeze out the next strike.

Maine Road stuck in and eventually began to make some concerning inroads.  Colne were guilty of not clearing matters and when a cross came, the ball was sent out and the defense seemed to be at sixes and sevens. No 4 (Samuel Wrigley) had time but chose to place a first time shot and found the bottom corner of the onion bag and gave his side the lead once more.  The strike seemed all to easy, once again Colne had to pull up their breeches, tuck in the slackened privates and hopefully re-penetrate the opposing rear.  This they did instantaneously with a push and a bonus booting earned.  The delivery was neat enough and a flick header from No 8 (Alex Ray-Harvey) sent the ball gliding into the goal.  

The guests now had renewed belief, another advancement with a cross and Storey having a crack that needed a serious on-line blockage to save the hosts bacon.  The half wound down, Colne pressed, a corner won but poorly taken.  The ball was won back, sent forth with a  goal mouth scramble ensuing that allowed  Wiggin to step in and give his side the all important lead.  As it turned out this was enough to take us into the break with a very unexpected turn of events - things were akin to the marvellous nipples of Belinda Boombusts - perfectly balanced.

We didn't move for the break, me and the missus nattered with John D about the latest books we had been reading.  My missus was on her latest detective/crime thriller, I was reading a collection of short stories by Ray Bradbury interspersed with retro comic cuts namely Tales From The Crypt. John it seems was still dabbling in the perverse and had just read the 45^th volume on the Hairy Arses of Hong Kong.  He seemed elated that he had got a rare copy that was bound in buttock skin with the text daubed by a pubic hair paintbrush.  Apparently he had picked up this copy from a Hiroki Humplespunk who gladly swapped for a copy of Oriental Orifices - the mind boggles.

And back to the game with the first sortie made by the leading squad via Storey who pounded forth, put in a cross that saw the industrious No 7 (Daniel Ajidagba) arrive but lack stature to make any cranial contact.  The visitors came again and continued to display a very impressive work rate.  Storey had a pop deflected over, the corner bore no fruit and then the same team nearly blew their advantage when a back pass saw Road's Coop nip in and look to bury only for the mittman to recover and push the ball behind.  The angled kick came and No 5 (Ben Mooney) put a header over - Colne were living dangerously but soon advanced with the hard working and well-balanced Storey away, touching on to No 3 (Benjamin Horne) who crossed and found the belfry of Ajidagba.  The nut contact lacked power and it was all to easy for the keeper to gather - that was a chance to bury the game for sure.

Back and forth the ball now went, Maine Road pushed with renewed fervour and forced the travelling goalie to produce a few saves.  A liquid move by Colne brought some temporary relief with a handball shout not interesting the referee and allowing Maine Road to escape by the skin of their scrotum.  The guests had a few players who were looking a trifle gassed now but they continued to dash and dart in order to save the precious lead.  The hosts were playing with increased urgency but still prone to giving the opposition chances to build.

The clock ticked on, the tireless Ajidagba for Colne sent in a low cross cum shot that trickled wide and then the local lads had a push with the ball being posted, a shot being blocked and the loose ball falling to the feet of Coop.  The goal awaited, the shot was not immediately taken and then another peek came and the globe was buried.  After all the fuss and fervour, we were now back at the stage where spoils were to be shared.

From here manic passing and a few half chances came but no team could grasp the bull by the bollocks and squeeze out any pips of success.  The referee let the game roll on and, as is the case at this ground, time seemed to warp and we ended up finishing late.  I suspect the owner of the club is a Dr Who fan and has had a secret affair with a William Hartnell clone and learned the secret of the fourth dimension - some people will go to any lengths to try and get their team a win.

The black clad man in the middle eventually called a halt, the teams shook hands and walked off at the end of a game that was a fair result.  Man of the Match was a difficult choice but Colne's No 9 (Barney Wiggin) gets the nod due to the two goals and the running off the ball that saw him exit the stage absolutely worn out.  During the game it looked as though he was needing to be subbed but he cracked on, worked his wellies off and set a fine example.

FINAL THOUGHTS- So, 2 teams with problems, by far from the finished articles and with a few minor niggles to correct.  Both squads have potential though, they work with good commitment and have a never say die attitude.  Defensively they do get slack at times though and seem to lose cohesion and unity, and each unit just seems to lack the supporting factor when blazing a trail into the opposing box.  As matters stand the 2 teams below them look set to stay where they are (although either one could string some results together and ascend out of the danger zone) and these 2 look set to squabble over who will avoid the final drop zone place.  I doubt if either will be relegated anyway as the league is looking to be altered again and falling out seems not to be an issue.  But, pride is to be played for, the fact is, if you finish in the bottom trio you should go, and that is just not good enough for a couple of sides who should be higher up the league.  The following weeks will see nerves taut and tensions rise, perhaps the only form of release is to ease ones self with a copy of 'Fatsos of the Far East - John D is the man to contact!

SIX GOAL SPECIAL TREAT

13th December 2025 - Darwen AFC 3 v 3 Holker Old Boys - With the festive period approaching and the masses ignoring the plight of a planet in trouble and once again going through the usual glutton and grab commercialised routine it was necessary to use the weekend wisely.  A trip to Roddlesworth Woods was the first port of call, a fine nature area that, once again, sees people visit, walk around, let their dogs run riot whilst they actually see fuck all.  Bird numbers are crashing, they can't settle and we were now at the end of the fungal season but we did see (and more importantly, record) 64 myco-species.  The birds that were around were fed, we had a coffee and overall we had a fine walk.

From the morns pootling we went into Darwen and had another coffee and lunch in a superb community cafe.  The place was laden with good will, warmth and many a fine character.  The food was fairly priced and spot on the mark, we were reet pleased with it.  A short trip around a few shops saw no purchases (we shall not spend for the sake of it) and to the Anchor Ground we went and arrived.  

After a walk around the ground where we spied Common Field Speedwell; Groundsel and Dandelion in flower plus the fungi Auricularia auricula-judae and Bjerkandera adusta in the car park, we parked our rears, took part in an Impressionist Art Quiz and indulged in some walnuts, raisins and dates. The teams eventually came out, we settled in and I got scribbling.

Holker Old Boys got the game moving and after giving away a free-kick (which led to nowt) were soon taking one of their own.  It was a mile out from goal so when the ball was hammered high into the box by No 10 (Jamie Hodsgon), began to fall and the keeper waited, we expected nothing out of the ordinary.  Alas the mittman grabbed, let the globe slip away and into the net it fell.  A howler indeed, much to the disgust of the home fans but, for we neutrals it was a perfect start.

From this bonus bagging the HOB lads came again with No 2 (Joseph McGladdery) on the end of matters but firing straight at the keeper, who this time safely held.  Darwen punched back, No 7 (Akim Samms) gathered, played the ball out wide which was delivered to No 11 (Joshua Abbott) who hit a low, firm punt that was mere inches shy of the timber.  From here the guests flashed away, a cross came that was laden with zip, Hodgson looked to bury but mis-hit and the keeper saved.  A corner and a free-kick followed alas both lacking in any thrills of clinical execution.

The Holker unit were soon at it again and with the Darwen lads pissing about at the back they seemed mighty relieved that the shot that came at goal was off target.  Holker had a penalty shout next, much to the disgust of a nearby fan who let spill a waterfall of verbal filth (I didn't even realise that such body parts existed).  Darwen had the next sortie forth, the nimble tootsied Samms was tumbled and No 9 (Nicholas Hepple) stepped up to take the gratis booting.  The shot came, the keeper tidily tipped over and the referee gave a goal kick.  Was the man in black on day release from the local Blind Institute or was his myopic condition down to too much wrestling with the one-eyed champ - it was a ruddy shabby decision either way.

Onwards and the Samms for the hosts, who was looking tasty up front, decided to pass the ball back from a midfield position,  The accuracy of the pass was abysmal and thankfully the Holker wannabe assassin, who perhaps thoughts he was being given an early Christmas present, was denied by some cool rear work by the solid No 5 (Samuel Ogundare). Soon after the visitors won a corner which was delivered with intriguing curve and pace.  The ball cut through the pack of players, the mittman was static and the second shocker of a goal was conceded with No 6 (Callum Fawcett) claiming the honours - this now made the game very interesting indeed.

The match continued at a frantic pace with another penalty shout for HOB waved away and Darwen coming close when No 10 (Bruno De Almeida Severino) provided 9 (Hepple) who struck firmly only to be denied by a sound save.  The Anchor Men soon came again, Samms provided the apical pop at the strike zone but once more the keeper was down quicker than a pervert on a dropped copy of Ringpiece Internationale.

A few more shots came at the Darwen goal, a looper went close but as things turned out, the break came and the home team were trailing by just the 2 goals.

Some argy-bargy was happening in the corner as the teams went off, we bagged a coffee and left them to it.  I can't see the point of waving handbags about when sequins are easily removed and lost.  These things happen, I think the ground need to look at putting hormone surpressants in their coffee and if a culprit is a multiple offender than secretly feed them genital shrivelling pills - one less cock is never a bad thing, unless of course you are Elsie Orifice - the Queen of Kink in the Lancashire back woods.

Anyway, and back to it with Darwen beginning the second period with great urgency whilst the team with the 2 goal advantage looked slightly unsettled.  Abbott for the hosts put in a firm strike with the keeper reading matters and getting his carcass right behind the ball. Holker Old Boys eventually found their feet, a swift break followed with No 11 (Tom Dawson) galloping away and facing only the man between the sticks.  The shot came, it was a moment to cement the outcome but the mitter stood his ground and saved - for me this was deemed a potentially pivotal moment.

Darwen continued to work with good impetus and more direction and were soon cultivating a neat move that saw De Almeida Severino collect and have work to do. Some deft weaving, a small sighting of goal had and boom, 1 - 2 was the scoreline and the game was back on.  The guests were now looking a trifle edgy, No 5 (Luke Mitchell) nutted back to his keeper with the Abbott nipping in and snaffling the ball.  Luckily for the HOB squad their goal evaded further penetration, unlike the aforementioned privates of Ms Orifice.  Again the Anchormen came, No 2 (Pawel Zuk), to De Almeida Severino who in turn provided No 12 (Nathan Bond).  The shot came, the keeper did well to push behind for a corner.  The ball from the angle was hoofed in, No 4 (Charlie Lloyd) made cranial contact but couldn't keep his effort below the woodwork.

Dawson had a pop for Holker next, again the No 1 (Morgan Newns) did well.  Abbott sent a sizzler back in return but once more too much elevation was had.  We entered the last 20 minutes with the end result far from set in stone.  The travellers did have a chance to seal when some persistent pressure saw McGladdery have a chance to bury but the outcome was a quite shocking miss.  The ball went straight up the other end, Abbott gathered and punished the recent misfire with a cool finish that brought great joy to the home fans and really made this game a 'anyone's guess' situation.

We were set for a grandstand lottery-laden finish, it all became rather frantic.  The final dribblings came, suddenly the HOB lads summoned a push with a good delivery falling to the feet of a substitute who looked a bang-on certianty to grab the winner.  The goal was there to bag, the touch came - the outcome another big miss.  By crikey lad.

Into added time we raced, a midfield tussle saw Darwen's De Almeida Severino eventually have the composure and vision to feed Bond who was away and just needed to guide the ball past the keeper.  The perspired brow was kept cool, the sights set and kaboom, the goal was had and somehow Darwen had turned this game around (remember the save at 0-2 the keeper made, crucial man, crucial).  This looked to be it, all eyes were on the referee and the Darwen contingency were already celebrating when...Holker Old Boys came, a high ball into the box was delivered with semi-hope when up popped Bond, made contact with the bonce and levelled the game at 3 - 3.  What a game indeed and a nearby HOB official was delighted to say the least.  The referee halted matters seconds later, this had been a minor gem and I thought the final result was totally fair.  Many a good stint was seen but, again my vote for Man of the Match goes to the Holker Old Boys No 5 (Luke Mitchell) who really is a composed, focused footballing defender who reads the game well, avoids any nonsense and does what needs doing when required - a quality player if ever I saw one.

Homeward we went in the darkened night, we were a trifle perished but warmed by a good game of footy.  The key is getting out and visiting these fine grounds and encouraging others to do the same - this had been another pleasure.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Two teams, nicely balanced, played at a footballing venue that is worthy of anyone's time.  Holker Old Boys are a steady crew and just need an extra 10% to become the finished package.  The key today was a few missed chances that would have surely nailed the game and dealt a real body blow to the opposing ranks.  They were gifted a couple of goals and on that they should have capitalised but I am sure if they would have been offered a point pre-match they would have taken it.  They are no mugs though and must have been a trifle peeved at blowing a goal lead but happy to have bagged a point - talk about mixed emotions.  AFC Darwen are a good unit and even though they got dealt a double-whammy early on they played with resolute focus, discipline and good energy to get back into this, scrape a lead and then to throw it away.  Again, relief and disappointment where tossed together in a cocktail of stressful, emotive lunacy.  This lot will be alright though and will be certainly pushing the top teams to the limit.  There is an abundance of quality in the ranks, a subtle fluidity and of course, great potential to go on a surging run.  I hope to catch both teams again mighty soon but the diary is always rammed and I go with a very meandering flow.  When you attend a game such as this though it reminds one to keep space available each and every week for that Non-League fix.

SHAKIN' UP THE BLUES

24th November 2025 - Maine Road FC 2 v 4 Bury FC - Today I had had a soaking whilst indulging in a 14 mile cycle.  I got mucky looking for fungi, birds and any other wild wonder and I had a bad head due to a neck strain, a blocked lug and some sinus shittery that is getting on my tits.  I arrived home and had a call from the doctors, my blood sugars had risen and so a strict diet was pending.  I was fed up and tetchy but was glad I hadn't stocked up on Texan Bars, Funny Faces Lollies and Rainbow Sex Sherbert - what a waste of money that would have been.  After a bath, some grub  and a chill I was contemplating the weeks ahead eating greens, low-fat produce and going for a graze in the local cow field.  This growing old lark is a poxy diddle, long gone are the days of sherry-swilling blow-outs, drawing on a tab, sniffing glue, gluttoning to buggery and lazing away.  Now every step has to be taken with care - 'ooh only one sugar in my coffee please', 'sorry I don't drink or smoke', 'just Bostik Glue from now on thank you'.  Mind you it could be worse - a local guy near me has developed a u-bend in his todger from over-meddling, has piles the size of globe artichokes and wears double-glazed pebble glasses just to find where he lives.  Ah yes - life begins at....ooh the fuckin liars.

Anyway, my good lady dropped me at the ground tonight, I took my place next to my mate John D and we had a catch up.  John has finally packed up with his Prosthetic Limb Agency and is now looking at growing Porn Corn - a new plant-based substance that is laden with hormones and aphrodisiacs.  The only side effect is your genitals turning yellow and an increase in the chance of being bummed by the Jolly Green Giant.  My diabetes diet now seems a great deal more sinister.  And to the game...

...onto the softly dew-kissed baize the teams strode, both looking rather small in stature, maybe an optical illusion caused by the wintry climate and my rather off-kilter noggin.  The early strainings saw the hosts hold their own and give inkling of a situation deemed 'promising' by those of a more optimistic bent.  Alas for the hosts Bury were soon charging forward with the blurring shanks of No 3 (J. Webbe) hurtling away and sending forth a pop at the meshing.  The ball was saved, the defending that followed was slacker than a politicians jaw and up popped No 11 (Tyler James) to bag the first strike of the night.

From this drastically bad start Maine Road were immediately put under the freshly branded cosh again with a corner won and delivered and No 4 (F. Gaulton) rising like a sexed up fruitloop on a trampoline (ooh darn this head) and putting in a free header that, luckily for the hosts, had too much elevation.  The home lads responded with some perspired work but just lacked the assassins touch in the final third.

The state of play began to level out, Maine Road had a chance to bag an equaliser when a bad defensive ball landed at the feet of No 9 (Jack Coop).  Time was taken to pick a pass, No 11 (Gold Badmuss) was found and after one look a shot was executed but, the ball failed to stay on target and so Bury breathed a sigh of relief.  From here the guests put in a stern effort, Webbe led the next charge with a sweet weaving run.  The ball was posted, confusion arose, eventually No 9 (Patrick Johnrose) had a pop on the turn and sent the globe wide.  Another nifty move for Bury soon followed, Johnrose was the end component but his dig also flew wide - Maine Road were now living on the edge.

As things looked to be getting more perilous for the hosts an attack was had with Coop putting in a deft touch allowing No 7 (Jeremie Pedro) to nip in and pull the trigger.  The guest No 5 (J. Gregory) stood firm and blocked, the loose ball was fizzed across goal and went dead.  A free-kick for the Blues soon followed.  A quick passage of play, Badmuss provided service to Coop whose fair crack just couldn't stay on target.  Bury punched back, Webbe delivered, No 7 (Gerry McCullion) produced an audacious overhead that saw good contact made but the ball fly over the timber.

From here The Shakers pushed, Road No 6 (Ben Mooney) was guilty of an error and the ball was pilfered and poked forth.  Mcullion had the keeper to beat and beat him he did - 0 - 2 - and well deserved.

Maine Road were clinging on now, a few free-kicks and corners came their way and they resisted further penetration.  They did indeed win a corner, it was hit with good curve and pace, the guest No 1 (R. Saunders) did well to stop it from sneaking in under the crossbar.  Soon after a Bury mistake was left unpunished and then a response saw Webbe put one on a plate for James who recklessly blazed over.

A few more huffs, puffs and not so close shaves and the break was upon us, the scoreline did indeed reflect matters and was perhaps a hint of more things to come.  I stayed put for the break and had my last Yoghurt Bar for a while and a swill of some warming ginger.  Fungalpunk may be Fungalmonk anytime soon - bless you my child.

Half two, Bury wasted no time in blasting forth via the impressive Tyler who won a corner for his troubles. In the ball went, the keeper failed to collect, Johnrose had a shot which was deflected over and the next angled hoof was survived.  The hosts looked to build from the back, a pass was made to the keeper, the first touch was shabby and the predator that is Johnrose scented a chance, nipped in, pilfered and tapped the ball home to kill the game stone dead.  A cruel blow indeed but if you dangle your conkers too many times you are sure to pay a heavy price and become one nut-short.

Maine Road now tried to summon some ray of hope with No 3 (Connor Clark) having a fair chance after a jigging run but failing to find the all important onion bag.  Bury were reactivated once more, a ball was held up with authority, touched off to James who let fly a venomous sizzler that bulged the netting and rounded off a quite rewarding session of play.  A fine goal that lad, a real humdinger.

From here the game fizzled out for a lengthy period with subs aplenty, a few injury breaks and no real high end action.  Due to this lack of thrill I was made more aware of the first tendrils of cold creeping up the trouser leg in the hope of numbing the nethers.  Thank goodness for my double-layered Frank Bough Thermals - they were slightly bald at the front but were still doing the business.

Into the arse end of the affair we went, it seemed goals were now a far away prospect with the closest we came being a shot from Road's Sub that was firm enough but tidily saved and a return hoof from the Shaker's that struck a bonce at the back of the goal.  A stunning move by the visitors came next, the flank was blazed, tackles rode and a cross posted but the wannabe killer could only connect and send the ball into the heavens.

I was ready to put the pen and paper down when Maine Road won a free-kick.  The postal service was decent, a nut across goal came, a moment of havoc and a spare man for the Blues, namely  No 3 (Jake Pogson) fired home.  This was a shocker and all too late but the home lads had their peckers up (ooh on such a cold night too) and a long ball saw all heads missed, and the substitute collect and rifle in a good punt that the mittman turned behind for a corner.  The booting from the angle came, a smattering of uncertainty invaded the box and up popped super-sub Jamie Schofield to touch home.  2 - 4 - and the goal average was upped but any thoughts of a comeback were derailed as the referee blew for full time a few seconds later.

I wasted no time in getting back to the car, I was a trifle tired and my good lady had brought me some toast - wholemeal bread tha' knows and cholesterol lowering butter - thankfully I grabbed a handful of grass from the pitch and added that as an extra treat - Non-League calories - only the best.  Man of the Match, I nearly forgot - I reckon it is mighty fair in giving it to Bury Town's No 7 (Tyler James) - swift, strong and with an awareness of what is going on around him. with 2 goals bagged as a bonus - nah tha' can't fault that.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, there ain't a lot to add here.  Bury FC were expected to win and win they did.  At times they were quick and slick and opened up the Maine Road team like a fishmonger filleting a Haddock.  One or two players really caught the eye and there was a good understanding throughout the ranks that made this a quite efficient and well-oiled performance.  The late goals they let in can be a reminder that concentration must last the full game but other than that, roll on Bury and keep doing what ya do.  Maine Road are on a bad run, this game was a free-hit though and I reckon they are better off out of all cups so they can concentrate on their precarious league position.  Their next 6 games will answer some serious questions with the one against Garstang a must-win match I reckon.  All teams hit a bad patch but without any attention they can become a contagion and a serious rot can set in.  Come the other side of Christmas we will see if the Maine Road timbers are shaking or the season has turned around - I like a bit of DIY Rot and Roll, I do hope The Blues avoiding the decay process.

A NORTH WEST ODDMENT

25th October 2025 - Ashville FC 2 v 1 Alsager Town  - Zipping here and there and chasing our own tails had been the order of the day of late and so we looked to have a chilled day with no mither.  A walk at Dibbinsdale NR started later than expected due to the weather playing silly buggers and forcing us to take refuge in a cafe until it cleared (any excuse). We had some good grub and watched the clouds peel away and then we had a mooch which was nice and peaceful and turned up 105 different species.  We added a few extra things as well before time caught up with us and we had to head to the planned footy.  20 minutes later we were greeted in the car park by a fine local chap who does more than his share.  After paying our way in a brew was bagged and a chosen viewing point had.  The sun was out and so rather than take a pew, we decided to keep the legs stretched and soak up the bare basics of a watery solar orb.

The teams eventually took to centre stage where the nip in the air was more than a little spiteful.  We opened todays hoofing account with Alsager starting the game, holding on to possession and patiently passing around to get a good feel of matters.  This was all well and good but it seemed to take an age before any real progress was made.  The corner that was eventually won was blighted by the rising wafts and the hosts easily cleared.  Ashville slowly worked themselves into the game, their first progression forth came via their No 2 (Connor Rowland) who dashed with purpose and won a kick from the corner.  The ball was delivered, the Alsager No 6 (Thomas Boyd) rose and killed all threat and from here, up front action was minimal.

As both teams played with a certain hesitancy and overly cautious methodology Ashville's No 7 (Thomas Davies) tried to inject some thrills with a powerful darting surge and shot that the guest keeper did well to turn over the bar.  The corner that followed was dross - thankfully a nearby feeding Kestrel kept me entertained whilst another corner was delivered in an equally awful manner.

The game rolled on beneath deceptive blue skies that gave rise to a real chill.  Another Kestrel appeared on nearby wasteland, I was almost overly distracted and nearly missed Ashville's No 9 (Joseph Dulson) pop on goal that landed right in the awaiting keeper's arms.  Ashville started to up the pressure levels from here but a shot that came was blocked, Alsager's No 9 (Alfie Carmichael) collected and flew away on a break that looked awash with potential.  The shanks pumped, tackles were rode, a cross came and No 10 (Luke Nicholls) was there to bag the opener and finally give the game some true life.

From the immediate kick-off Alsager's Carmichael committed a foul - I suspect the legs were tired after the recent run.  The ball was placed near the halfway line, No 5 (Ishmael Banks) was on it and wellied it into the box.  The ball rose, and fell, it looked as though the keeper had it covered when the globe kept on falling, falling and falling and... landed in the net.  It was a great way to retain parity, the hoofer was claiming it, a local Buzzard rode the thermals and didn't look impressed.

The time of the first period now tickled away, Ashville's Davies nearly grabbed a goal but his close in header was easily saved.  The same player was involved again soon after when an impudent touch on to Dulson saw a tumbling in the box and a penalty awarded.  Ashville were being given a Brucey Bonus (well it's better than a cuddly toy or a fondu set) and Dulson stepped up and buried the ball to send his side into the break one goal to the good - now I wouldn't have predicted that after the first 20 minutes or so.

We had a wander for a brew during the break, and of course an Arthur Bliss.  As we waltzed forth the fungus Puccinia distincta was seen growing on the leaves of a Daisy and Purple Toadflax, Herb Robert, Wild Carrot, Canadian Fleabane, Bristly Ox-Tongue, Black Nightshade, Dandelion agg, Pineappleweed and Greater Plantain were added to the bloom list which also included Soapwort.  Tis' good to have the peepers peeled.  3 Magpies, a raft of Black Headed Gulls and a Carrion Crow were also seen, it was just too cold for any Snakes (Especially the 'Trouser' sub-species) and any escapee Sausage Dogs.

Back on the touchline, Alsager started sharply and were striving to work their way back into this.  Balls into both boxes came and went, Alsager were just lacking width and not moving the ball quickly enough.  A free-kick did offer promise but the nut on goal by No 6 (Thomas Boyd) was just lacking in the all important 'oomph' factor.  From here matters became somewhat stale until a home sub was away and faced with a keeper off his line.  A quick cut in, a look and the ball was sent forth.  The goal looked to be assured when a defender popped up, cleared off the line and saved the day.  Dulson was next away, this time the guest keeper advanced and blocked with more certainty.  Another ball came at the Alsager goal, the ball went up and once more the No1 (George Byrne) did well to punch behind for a corner.  From this delivery Alsager cleared but failed to build any serious impetus.

The closing stages soon came in a game that was industrious but lacking a true spark.  Matters had rolled along and the scoreline looked set in stone.  A few more semi-threats, no real breakthroughs and that was indeed that, my pen was put away, the paper on which I scrawled left with room to spare.  Man of the Match for me was Ashville's No 5 (Ishmael Banks) - a heads down, no nonsense, 'deal with it' player who did what was needed as and when required.  The lucky lottery strike was an added gift from the footballing Gods methinks - somebody up there likes you.

We were soon back in the car trying to warm up and heading home.  Another good trip to a favourable ground was had, not the greatest match but one we were glad to support.  

FINAL THOUGHTS - A somewhat middling affair played out by two teams whom I am sure have more to offer.  I found the whole escapade today rather strange and wondered what tactics were being used throughout, what was, a veritable awkward chess match.  Alsager had a lot of possession but seemed to be always uncertain as to how to move matters forth and how to break down the opposing force.  I am sure this style of play will win the odd game but it will also cost them a few too - I was left feeling that this was a side just lacking in a couple of crucial components and some serious invention.  Ashville also left me confounded, I was contemplating a team who just seemed to lack that attacking dynamism.  For several periods they played rather deep for a home team and it did look as though a goal was a spectacle that we weren't going to witness.  Having said all this, I suspect both teams will be OK and looking at the tables they seem to be holding their own although Alsager need to watch their step and get a few more points under their belts.  Maybe this was a clash of styles, maybe next week both teams will be walloping in the goals - I hope so and hope to be seeing them both again real soon.

RAMPANT ROVERS

11th October 2025 - Pendeen Rovers 4 v 0 Penryn Athletic - And so the last game of our trip down in the depths of Cornwall.  We were having a good time and with two fine games under our belts we were happy to squeeze in a third.  The day started with a sighting of 4 Cattle Egrets (nice) before we had a nice gentle walk and clocked up a small list of birds, blooms, fungi, galls and the odd bug.  Following the stroll we found a tucked away farm shop and nabbed a coffee, some veg and a pasty each.  We headed to the ground next, it was an early kick off and we soon found our destination with the wind blowing and the fair sea in the background. We consumed the pasties in the car, they were right old belly fillers I can tell ya.  A chat with a few locals, a brew purchased, a position chosen to avoid the solar dazzle and the peepers were set for the latest footballing escapade.

The opening tusslings were awash with high energy and animation with both units obviously striving to work off the nipping tendrils of the coastal wafts.  The initial play saw Pendeen play several long balls whilst the opposing force looked to dissect on the deck.  Pendeen summoned the first attack with a long delivery finding No 3 (Doug Howard) at the back post whose header went inextricably the wrong way - darn those angular heads.  An abundance of midfield mither ensued and then from a corner, the ball went out, No 8 (Nick Barber) collected and rode 3 tackles before losing control at the very death.  

The next moment of potential excitement came when Penryn won a free-kick.  The possibility of any hair-raising action came and went in a disappointing huff and puff before the home No 9 (Jacob Paull) was allowed to have a dig at the other end with a firmly struck sizzler forcing the keeper to spill.  Thankfully for the gloved one a defender was on hand and hoofed the loose globe away.  Penryn responded, No 8 (Lewis Moyle) fed a colleague who knocked a swift ball across the face of goal with no takers arriving.  Pendeen bounced back, No 15 (Brad Andiego) was out wide, the ball was delivered and ended up at the feet of Paull who let fly and forced a fine save from the mitter.

Pendeen turned up the heat from here - No 10 (Alex Ralph) brought out another solid block from the guest keeper and Paull had another punt, this time deflected wide.  Once more the hosts came, Nick Barber releasing Andiego who put in a cross to Paull who was just denied.  Penryn were hanging on here but No 7 (Joseph Millar) nearly found some glory when he exposed a pair of dainty feet, negotiated a marker and put in a cross that just needed the merest touch.  Alas, once again, no strikers were present.  The game went one way then the other with the hosts coming close on a couple of occasions, one of which saw Ralph put a power header wide which really should have been on target.

A long ball came next, it was for the visitors with the keeper needing to leave his line and nut away.  The ball fell to the feet of the awaiting No 9 (Lewis Preston) who tried to immediately bulge the meshing of the open net. Alas for the neutral, a defender was in the way.  A few more minor scares, a few close shaves and that was the half done with the goal scoring charts all bare.  

Into the clubhouse we went, a brew was had and a quick warm-up.  There was a bite in the air, a pervasive nipper with wandering mitts of icy malevolence - I had been bare of belly of late, what a wicked climatic twist this was.

Back on the touchline we went to see the guests have an early pop at success and the hosts return the favour - there was no joy at either end.  Penryn were soon marauding forth, No 10 (Scott Rodden) was at the tip of the thrust, the shot that came and was firm enough but went disappointingly straight at the keeper. Pendeen were shaken into action from this minor scare and went on to pile up some pressure.  A couple of corners were earned, the first bearing no fruit, the second being carefully posted and finding the cranium of No 17 (Joe Davies) who nutted home with ease.  The game was desperate for this, Penryn now needed to change the gears and get motoring with purpose.

The guests tried mighty hard to force the issue but Pendeen were looking comfortable and when a long ball was there for Ralph to chase, chase he duly did, pilfered the ball from the keeper, swung the shank and doubled his side's lead.  Suddenly the game had a whole new complexion and this was looking set to be a comfortable home win.  

Penryn pressed, hustled and harried but lacked the cute killer touch and so Pendeen were allowed to work away and stay rock solid at the rear.  One of the Subs for the visiting tribe did well out wide and sent in a shot the mitter had to tip over the bar.  2 corners followed but the creativity was lacking and a stroke of luck just wouldn't manifest itself.  Pendeen were soon breaking away, Paull was seen to be battling well and after winning the ball put in a cross that Davies hit with sugar sweet style and bagged a quite choice goal.  The game was now done as a contest it seemed.

With 15 minutes left Pendeen were seen to hold all the cards with an aerial dominance and limiting their opponents to the odd long pop.  Penryn did find the onion bag from a corner but the referee had spied an infringement and no goal was given - it was just one of those days it seemed. The last ticklings saw a few close squeaks at either end and then at the very last the footballing bladder was squeezed, the last droplets of excitement were borne and a thru ball saw Ralph for the hosts expose some quality composure to make this a 4 - 0 scoreline and to flush the hopes of Penryn well and truly round the u-bend.  All done, a resounding victory on paper and Man of the Match goes to Pendeen Rovers No 17 (Joe Davies) for a commanding stint that was immovable, resolute and most highly effective, the 2 goals were icing on the cake.

From here we went to Bessy's Cove to finish the day and recorded a bit of seashore life and a Firecrest - yippee.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, what can I say.  The third game down south within a week and a fine way to round off matters.  A great picturesque area, a fine welcoming set-up and again, football played with admirable passion, fairness and a good amount of respect.  Both teams contributed to a decent game but the guests were just lacking any threat in the air and so were forced into playing on the turf which brought a certain limitation to their options.  They worked well, kept the heads down but this was just never going to be their day.  They have enough nippy players though to make them a competitive unit throughout the campaign.  Pendeen Rovers looked good today, very tight and well-organised with the full area of the park used and many a player putting in a quality shift to make sure, after a goalless first half, they got the goals they deserved.  Defensively they look mighty secure, surely this must put them in with a chance of a few honours come season end?  Come what may, I shall be checking on progress and seeing that we are already booked for another trip down this end of the country next year, we may well be back.