END OF SEASON ROUND-UP

2025/2026 SEASON ROUND UP

Matches attended

62

Goals witnessed

275

Average goals per game

4.43

Highest scoring game

Wythenshawe FC 11 v 1 City of Liverpool

Ten most seen teams

Maine Road FC 12

City of Liverpool 10

Cheadle Heath Nomads 7

Cheadle Town 5

Maine Road res 4

Droylsden FC 3

Holker Old Boys 3

Manchester Corinthians 3

Cheadle Heath Nomads res 3

Abbey Hey 3

Raffles won

It goes without saying (but I will) - sweet FA.

Match Reports Done

18 (I am picking and choosing these days, family time, gigs, nature recording and many other interests keep this bugger on the cusp).

End of season round-up

Well here we are again, another season done and in truth, I am not sure where it went.  As I have been snowed under with gigs, CD reviews, nature walks, trips here and there and the hectic day to day living of a multi-faceted enthusiast (otherwise knows as a 'passionate idiot') the season seemed to have just flown by leaving me considering how many matches I missed.  Having said this, I did what I did, my missus was fine company at many games (too many in her lovely opinion) and it was good to have a season as varied as ever and enjoying the company of many grand folk who love this Non-League lark.

The highlights came with several games in Cornwall where we visited 3 different grounds whilst in the midst of wildlife recording and exploring new areas.  We shall return and hope to get another hat-trick of games in, I thought the set ups at Helston Athletic, Wendron United and Pendeen Rovers where spot on with the latter right up my DIY street and affording some lovely views.  We may well return to these grounds or indeed seek out a couple more that I have my eye on, we shall go with the flow and see how things transpire.  It was also a joy to return to Portland United in Dorset and enjoy another superb jolly at a ground that is ruddy grand for those who like to sit in the sun on a raised bench and watch the game unfold.  

Back up North and trips to Liversedge, Dearne and District FC, Fulwood Amateurs and Rossendale FC were memorable with many usual teams supported along the way.  Of course Maine Road FC got their usual share of the Fungal scrutiny and after a glorious start to the season at home, the away record continued to falter until a full-on collapse was had and the team finished bottom of the heap.  It was sad to see such a demise but in fairness a few games were close and with a bit of luck they could have bagged a few more points.  Alas the league doesn't lie and if you finish plum bottom that is where you deserve to be.  I think things will turnaround here and next year (if a reprieve is granted) I expect a top half finish.

The other team whom I took time to watch also finished bottom of their respective pack and went through a campaign of utter turmoil and disorganisation.  I watched the City of Liverpool when they first started and have seen them here and there over several years.  This year I saw a team fall apart, capitulate many times over and end matters with a quite abysmal record.  The club is in freefall but I suspect this could be the time to restart the revival - I hope so, we need clubs like this and hey, I gotta meet up with the trio of terror (Lee, Dan and Peawack) whom are always good company and of course good old Bill, what a fine example of supporting your club through thick and thin and a real two-fingered salute to the hoards of flimsy success jockeys out there. One good thing about the COL team though, they certainly kept my goal average up (yikes).

And so, we are looking down the barrel at a new season with lots of changes to leagues, new teams to see and hopefully a few new grounds to visit.  I will pick a team to concentrate on and get the usual faves visited and assessed.  I will pick and choose where I do a report and sneak towards the target of 500 and I hope I can do a few articles for that fine Non-League Magazine 'Where's The Bar'. As per, we shall jig and juggle around the DIY gigs I do, the days out, family life and work and I hope to see some good hoofing, the usual capricious events and the wonderful people I gasbag with and who make this game what it is.  Non-League hey - what a glorious realm.

OF GODS, HINKLES AND DRY WINKLES

11th April 2026 - Hinckley AFC 3 v 3 Godmanchester Rovers - The day started with a fair drive and then a good walk around Sutton Park.  By heck it is a rather large area and we put in some good leg work after having a fine breakfast in the local cafe.  We saw a fair few bird species, only a few blooms and the odd insect.  I was rather chilly but it was a good walk and a few nature records here and there all helps the big fight I hope and will garner a little more respect for that which is punk as fuck and keeps us all ticking.

From here we took a short drive (about 25 minutes) and found the ground with no mither at all.  The wind was rattling as we left the car and noted a clump of Mistletoe growing in a tree - kisses for the referee methinks although my wife may frown especially as I wasn't wearing my best lipstick.  We paid (concessions, yes we are of that age) and grabbed a brew and some chips before looking at the skies and going for an undercover seat, this turned out to be a wise move. Settled and ready to watch the game unfold the first free-kick came the hosts way with the ball played short, No 3 (Gabe Webster) delivering and just failing to find the target man.  Seconds later the home team came again and a stunning delivery went right across the goal mouth with once again, no takers there to grab an early lead.  Godmanchester started to gain a gonad-hold on the game and did some serious probing (ooh it all sounds like the dabblings of Dr Undercarriage the infamous gynaecologist).  No 7 (Andre Williams) eventually found himself in possession out wide, worked inward and hit a low shot that was way too tame to a shake up the shitter of the mitter.  

Overall, this was a slow starting game with a kick up the contestants arses very much needed. Matters progressed and a stalemate looked on the cards until the home No 10 (Brady Middleton) put in a good zesty drive that looked to break the deadlock but the guest No 1 (Max Rigby) was up to the save.  No 8 (Devon O' Sullivan) had a pop soon after, alas the end result was rather wank to say the least.  Not long after though a ball was sent out wide and delivered.  A defender dealt with it but No 11 (Rajdeep Palit) was soon on it, taking a look and chancing the shank.  The ball burst from the tootsies, moved a trifle whilst in the air and gave the keeper little chance of stopping it. 1 - 0 it was and the game was finally on.

From here we saw a much more active and competitive game.  Godmanchester won a throw high up the park after some neat work from No 3 (Zane Campbell).  The ball was cast forth, a flick on came, incoming attackers were noticeable by their absence.  The same team won a free-kick after No 8 (Ed Randerson) displayed a good pair of feet.  Alas the gratis punt was executed in a manner of shite proportions.  A few more efforts came at each end, a penalty shout by the guests was ignored by the sable clad man in the middle and then Middleton for the hosts was found via a honey-dripped pass that left him with the keeper to beat.  The shot came, the net awaited but the timber was boomed, it was a golden chance I suspected would be punished.  Suddenly Godmanchester were on it, Campbell took hold, played a pass that went on to No 10 (Ben Seymore-Shove) who indulged in a shimmy, a shake and a shot. 1 - 1 it was and what a decent strike to get matters back to all square.

Hinckley came on, a break saw Palit at the apex and let fly a low sizzler that was mere inches wide.  No 7 (Zach Tellyn) had a crack of his own from a fair distance.  The attempt was a fine effort with the keeper beat but the underside of the bar was clattered allowing the ball to be cleared - now that would have been a beauty!

The last hoorahs of period the first saw a Godmanchester corner posted and No 9's (Craig Gillies) header go off target.  The guests had a couple more pushes of promise but the birthing of a goal was not to be witnessed and as the teams went in for a break I reckon 1 - 1 was a fair result, although Hinckley would be rueing a couple of great chances squandered.

We stayed put for the interval, shared a bit of dark chocolate and planned a post-footy walk.  There was a growing nip in the wind, the clouds were gathering and appeared to be discussing the potential of a downpour, I was hoping they would take a leak sooner rather than later so we could have a piddle-free pootle and keep the nethers dry.

And back to the game, Hinckley came out with urgency.  A ball was sent out wide, Tellyn put in a cross and Middleton touched on but was denied by an alert keeper.  The Goddy Gang responded with a corner but the end result was woeful.  The guests soon came again, a throw in, No 9 (James Spruce) flicking on which saw the globe touched wide. Things were getting dicey for the resident ranks but they started to pull themselves together and worm their way back into matters.  An attack came, Tellyn fed Palit, a solid dig at the strike zone came, the mittman was down and saved well.  The resultant corner produced nowt!

Now the threat from the heavens came to fruition, by heck what a downpour!  In the midst of the climactic turmoil Godmanchester won a free-kick from which Hinckley broke with Tellyn feeding Palit whose header went wide.  The end to end action increased in zest, all we needed was a touch of decisiveness and cultured control.  Hinckley came on, a potential break was imminent but the robust No 4 (Johnny Hall) for Godmanchester stood firm with legs planted and arms waving much to the disgust of one elderly gent who was sat nearby.  'Get yer arms down fatty' came the holler, much to the amusement of those around him. 

The game rolled on, Palit had a crack that went straight at the keeper and Tellyn of the same team started to grow into the game with a shot of his own very well struck but, like the bras of Big Bella Emberg, there was too much uplift.  Another floating effort by the same player soon after was sweetly struck but just flew shy of the top corner.  Surely the guy was gonna grab a goal?  In return Seymore-Shove for Goddy offered some respite with a shot that was saved but which gave rise to a corner.  The ball was hoofed long, Hall was loitering at the back post and a suckerpunch was had.  It seems that fatty may win the day - a big moment and a ray of hope for those with a season ticket to Slimmer's World perhaps?

From here Hinckley surged, a shot was defended with the ball falling at the feet of Tellyn who wasted no time in sending forth a low sizzler and levelling the game.  Hinckley were on a roll and continued to push, this was now a very entertaining game.  Godmanchester rushed on, Seymore-Shove was out wide and duly fed Gillies who sent in a shot that lacked strength but was awash with accuracy which allowed it to find the back of the onion bag - by jove sir, 5 goals in a cracking clash, who would have thought it?

The onus was now on the hosts to try and salvage something from a game slipping away, they dug in, Tellyn continued to weave several merry paths and bust a bollock when a ball was delivered and fell to his feet. The player in question had the composure to bury and get the game back to all square.  My good lady had predicted a 3-3 draw before the game, I was impressed to say the least and wondering how much she had paid Lady Luck to be on her side (or was it just skill)?  Either way this was a fine match-up and as the final minutes enveloped our attention we were wondering if any team would find a winner.    A few shots came at either hand, the keepers were called into action and desperation dictated the play but we stayed as we were and the crowd applauded all as the final whistle blew and the players left the stage.

Man of the Match goes to Hinckley's No 7 (Zach Tellyn) - he got better and better as the game went on, became a constant irritating crumb in the underpants of the opponents and with 2 goals and some good moves the nod of appreciation is well deserved.  We buzzed off after the game and had a nice early evening stroll recording birds and blooms and the odd brave bug.  A darn decent day methinks.

FINAL THOUGHTS- For once there is little to add, an end of season game with two teams putting in a worthy stint and ending up sharing the spoils.  It was a match that started slowly but became a belter and the matching of styles gave all those who came good value for money.  The hosts will be rueing several missed chances, I suspect the guests reckon they should have hung on and won it - such is the footballing world.  The set up here is spot on, it feels like a proper Non-League ground with some good banter and smiling faces and a really pleasant feeling all round with no foul-mouthed goonery and macho morons.  The chips were spot on too and I reckon, when in the area again, we shall be back and appreciating what goes on at another fine club.  We may well watch Barwell too - you gotta keep it varied man.

VICTORIA TOO STATION-ARY

21st March 2026 - Portland Utd 3 v 0 East Cowes Victoria - Whilst darn sarf pootling abart tha' has to get in a footy fix tha' knows.  After a good week of chilling and wildlife hunting we were nearly done and the penultimate day of our trip began with a walk from the Obs Lighthouse to Easton, a fine breakfast and a mooch in the charity shops and then the lasses headed off for a walk back whilst I spent 3 hours at Church Ope looking for anything I could find (bugs, birds, blooms, retro nuddie mags or indeed evidence of multi-titted alien invaders).  A few blooms were recorded, a small variety of insects and several other bits and bobs and I even got the old belly out to soak up the charming rays.  No sightings of any ET's (Extra Tittyvals) were had although I did find a few pages of a 1970's Cross-eyed Razzle Special.  Alas all the pictures were blurred and were made for people with off-centre peepers - I had a brief rock-pooling session in disgust.

The lasses duly picked me up at 2pm and we headed to the ground, one we had visited twice before and on both occasions, enjoyed some good footballing fun.  A brew and a perch and the sun shone but a darn nip in the air was building, I was hoping a goalfest would warm the cockles and a match of battling intrigue.  What we got was chilled nethers and a game that unfolded thus:-

The first thrustings of the game came via the hosts with an initial attack finalised by the ever-willing No 9 (Greg Borthwick) who cracked off a first time shot the keeper did well to get down to and save.  A swift follow-up move was sumptuous with a fast ball in and Borthwick once more latching on but failing to find the target zone. The guests were rattled and like an anxiety riddled flutternut who was in need of a medical fix, they were failing to settle.  The game nearly produced the first goal when the visiting keeper went on a nomadic foray and the home No 11 (Patrick Jenkins) spied a chance to send in a high lob.  The ball rose, started to descend whilst the keeper back-pedalled in desperation.  A defender made good ground and put bonce to ball and made enough contact to send the sphere onto the crossbar before being cleared - that was a real close shave. 

A more settled period ensued, a time when East Cowes could try and gain a foothold.  Alas for the guests they were lucky to survive a scare that came their way when a ball sent forth bounced off the top of he bar.  The home No 10 (Remus Nixon) was next to chance the shank but the ball was sent wide.  East Cowes hung on and their industrious No 7 (Charlie Hart) had a chance to scuttle about and win a free-kick.  The delivery of the standing ball was bilge and Portland pounced with a liquid move that Nixon sweetly dummied thus allowing No 4 (Jack Delves) to collect, touch and fire disappointingly over the horizontal.  From this low-grade strike East Cowes surprisingly broke and No 11 (Caleb Neale) found himself away and with the keeper to beat.  A shock strike was on the cards and a real pattern shifting moment ready to unfold.  The shot was low and on target but the mitters carcass was sprawled and in the way and from the corner we could only witness a dire attempt at a delivery.

Time progressed, beyond the point where we had a chance of winning the golden goal prize (who needs new underpants anyway).  No 2 (Jacob Coombs) for Portland went on a run, a low shot was blocked, Delves followed up but it was all too easy for the No 1 (George Bridi) who was having a decent game.  Portland continued to press, from a corner a sweet header was saved and then No 8 (Josh Williams) made cranial contact but again the gloved one collected.

Thermal temperatures rose on the pitch, we onlookers were beginning to feel the nip of a spiteful wafting.  Borthwick for the hosts was a constant menace, the visiting No 2 (Rafferty Boyd-Kerr) worked up a lather and in the midst of minor antics a booking was given.  No 7 (Ben Morris) for the hosts was an impressive player so far but an attempt on goal was far from eye-catching.  As the half trickled away Portland rallied, a ball was sent into the box, the keeper was down but the ball went loose and up popped Borthwick and bagged a scrappy but all important goal.

The end of the half came with East Cowes having a strong flourish but failing to make any serious inroads.  It looked as though matters were to stay as they were when Portland produced a swift and fluent move with Delves providing an excellent cross that was cooly driven home by Jenkins.  A fully deserved goal and a fully deserved lead.

The break, we were chilled and my good lady went for the brews.  I nattered with my daughter before the missus returned and we pondered our break and going to the chippy for tea.  I am still on a diet but whilst mooching darn sarf a treat or two is a must - and I was clemmed.

With rumbling tum and tootsies griping, the second period began. Morris put in an early teaser for the resident pack and wasn't too far off the mark.  In truth, the initial throes were lacking in high end action with Portland eventually winning a  corner, seeing the ball punched away and soon after a penalty shout waved away.  Portland continued to press, corners, free-kicks and a few shots all bore no further glory but East Cowes were reeling and a knockout blow looked to be on the cards.

The bests the guests could offer was a corner kick that was neatly taken only to be dealt with by a well-regimented back-line.  A handball shout came, the visitors were getting desperate but the sable-clad man was having none of it.  Portland dug in, another angled hoofing saw the ball go in and out and then No 6 (Jamie Cleaver) fire over.  Nixon had a pop a few minutes later but due to an imbalance of the carcass the globe was sent wide.  No 2 (Jacob Coombs) put in a better effort, the mesh protector stood firm, saved, dropped but grabbed at the second.  

As time dwindled away Nixon finalised a deep probing but yet again, the stickman was solid.  Cowes continued to scamper and hamper and made some territorial progress before losing the ball and seeing Portland break with Nixon at the end of matters and bagging the final punctuating strike.  The job was done and dusted, a few minor pops came and went, a couple of subs made and that was indeed that.  The chip shop beckoned as well as the nearby bogs that a certain part of my anatomy demanded I visit.   Whilst strolling to the latrines I pondered the Man of the Match and reckoned No 16 (Jamie Symes) of Portland Utd was a no-nonsense rock-solid component who gave no breathing space or real glimpse of glory for the opposing force.  The nut was on most aerial balls, the game played simply but effectively and it was a big stint that made sure the scoresheet remained unblemished.

With winkle watered, we headed to the local retailer of fine fodder and met up with some good friends.  What a good day all round and the chippy was an outstanding success too!

FINAL THOUGHTS- A good day out at a club we have visited 3 times now.  The ground has a good feel, the whole set up is a joy and the fact we were perched up on high, with nice views and the sun in the sky all helped today.  A bit of undersoil heating would have been a bonus but there ya go, a pasty down the underpants will have to suffice next time - ooh sex gravy!  I thought Portland controlled this game against an East Cowes Victoria side who looked to be set up all wrong and with no attacking presence and no real movement into space when in possession and when off the ball.  Maybe it was an off day for the guests but the scoreline could have been far worse although if that early chance would have been bagged would the outcome have been any different?  

A GAME OF MINOR DIFFERENCES

28th February 2026 - Charnock Richard FC 1 v 2 Prestwich Heys - Another busy week in a world falling apart.  Whilst great cracks appear, people still toss off online, display great swathes of hate and showcase their inner shittery and disgruntlement. Myself and my lasses crack on, we try and put back and remain doing what we do in a considered manner - it ain't fuckin' easy I can tell ya.  

Today the young un' was helping clean up the nursery where she works, well she is one of the leaders so must set a good example. The missus and I headed out with Plan A scratched, Plan B, abandoned, Plan C down the pipe and Plan D adopted.  The cause of the diversions was the weather with forecasts shite, pure shite and double shite in several areas we were aiming for.  Astley Park was the first destination, a place we had never visited and one which looked half decent.  We arrived, had a niggling in the tums and so headed to the cafe and... indulged. A good breakfast and a brew and then some walking with fungi, birds, the odd bloom and a few lichens noted.  A new fungus was found too - Ceriporia excelsa, what a bonus.

From here we had a potter around some shops, had a fine brew to avoid a downpour and considered a few purchases but only ended up with some quite appealing candlesticks.  Time ticked on, not a bad day at all.

And to the ground. A park up, a walk around the cricket pitch and into the ground proper.  We shared a tray of chips, had a brew each and found a couple of fine perches.  Predictions were made and then we awaited the teams, ooh I was hoping my goal healthy season's average would be maintained.

From the embryonic gambits of the game some slick passing gave the guests the first hoofing from the angle. The delivery was tidy, the defensive header that came was effective but led to another corner. Another posting, a flick on and a handball shout.  The referee was in no doubt and awarded a penalty.  No 11 (Takura Sambizi) stepped up, paused, picked his spot and blessed the onlookers with the first goal of the game.

The Heys Brigade continued to push and make most of the running as the hosts struggled to settle.  The home team did win a free-kick which was played short, dinked in with No 7 (Ethan Eccleston) crossing only to find no takers waiting.  The home lads built again soon after with a back to front move that was finalised by a shot over the bar.  It looked as though an equaliser was on the cards but The Heys advanced and a couple of balls into the box followed. Time temporarily froze as the globe went loose and No 7 (Bryson Appleton) poked home.

The resident crew now had a tough task ahead and after a minor sortie forth they could easily have been 3 down when a quick move saw a cross find the crust of No 9 (Louis Holt) whose free header dropped inches wide.  This was a very good game and a home goal was now getting more than crucial but the visitors were looking the most likely to bag a third with several smooth moves only just snuffed out at the last by what could be only describe as desperate tackles.  

Eventually matters became more balanced with the only real attempt on goal coming via Sambizi for The Heys who had a sugar sweet pop just fly the wrong side of the upright.  The half fizzled away and Charnock began to make a little more headway and looked on the brink of making a real impression.  Suddenly a back pass was made by the leading team, the home No 9 (Jordan Darr) accepted an unexpected gift, kept his cranial conkers intact and stroked the ball home.  What a bonus indeed and duly throwing the game up in the air.  With seconds from the restart Charnock looked to strike once more with a free-kick taken by No 8 (James Nolan) who sent in a real dandelion decapitator only to see the keeper right behind the ball.  Things were suddenly looking a whole lot brighter for the CR fans and players.

The last phases of the first period saw the guests have a couple of pops and then Charnock Richard indulge in a quick break with a turn, a touch and Nolan looking to bury but somehow managing to find the outside of the target zone.  A few more pushes came, no further thrills or skills were exposed although CR's Eccleston should have at least hit the strike zone but blazed over. Things were all to play for.

We stayed put for the break, idling away, watching the world roll by and nattering.  This had been a good game so far, my 50^th of the season in fact, it is better than supporting the money-soaked big teams methinks and when combined with a walk and a few cafe visits, tis always a good day out.

Half two - Prestwich Heys played an early possession game when a Charnock long ball saw the opposing mittman and defender get in a muddle and nearly a allow a poacher to nip in and regain parity - the chance was not taken however and it was Prestwich Heys who had the first two cracks at goal with No 6 (Joshua Tinker) way off target and No 4 (James Badrock) linking up with No 8 (Robert Worrall) who turned at pace and sent forth a shot with too much uplift.

From here the guests continued to take their time with one attack seeing a finalising header strike the upright. Charnock responded with a slick move that brought no joy and then Appleton for The Heys was at the end of a Holt pass and had the chance to seal the game but fired wide.  In return Eccleston for the home crew pilfered, raced away and set his sights only to fire straight at the keeper.

Charnock began a good industrious period of pressure, a bout of eager football that produced several shots and forced the guest No 1 (Kyle Haslam) to produce several quality saves.  A free-kick for Prestwich was a poor decision and thankfully for the trailing team the shot from Worrall went shy of the netting.

Into the end stages we went, Prestwich had a break with a corner won. The ball was played in, No 14 (Shay Stansfield) had a header cleared off the line with a break leading to bugger all.  Prior to the final peeps Charnock had a rapier attack, a shot came and in all the excitement I couldn't tell if it was saved or pinged off the post.  Either way, the outcome was a corner with Prestwich Heys surviving and, as it turned out, seeing out the game and bagging the full 3 points.

In fairness a draw would have been a just result but Prestwich Heys put in a good stint and the Man of the Match for me goes to the No 4 (James Badrock) who read the game well, was always on hand to clear up any dangers and played with a sanguine style that kept things fairly steady at the back.

We had enjoyed this return visit to a club we were last at in the 2016/2017 season.  By crikey we best not leave it this long again.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, there is little to add here only that these two teams were similar in many ways, are both mid-table and have had a season with some good wins and poor losses.  This North West Counties Premier League is a very tough affair and with some teams chucking money about and some running on a restrictive budget it is a real slog to make any progress.  I think both units have enough to keep on competing at this level but to push on they may be not far off the mark but investment is needed and, of course, a bit of good fortune.  I really enjoyed todays visit and like the set up here.  The season just now needs to be seen out and next year minor adjustments and a few extra players are needed and each club can hopefully make adequate improvements. I am looking for a club to make my most watched next year, could one of these be in the mix, we shall see.  In the meantime, good luck to all and here's to a flourishing finish.

SIX POINT, SIX GOAL TREAT

14th February 2026 - Maine Road FC 3 v 3 Colne FC - The media trickery continues and the curse of tradition takes coin and has folks jumping through the same old hoops as Valentine's Day dictates and sees many going through procedure and showcasing love online.  A marketing ploy, built to destroy more individuality in this ever expanding slab of grey.  Myself and the good lady avoided the mush, we tell each other we love each other every day without fail, hugs a kisses aplenty and we do get on quite famously.  Today we picked up a new car which threw our plans sideways, we then had a pop in a few book shops, had a nice dinner and went home to have a tidy and a chill.  We should have been doing an early kick off but ended up setting out for a localish ground and one of the favoured teams I watch.  This was a bottom of the table clash, I expected goals and some meaty effort and hoped the best team won.  On arrival John D was in position, another frequent attendee of this ground, we made predictions, we were very close but just shy of a Non-League Nostradamus moment.  

The sky blue clad hosts got matters underway and from the off were away with No 11 (Sam Deering) darting down the wing, beating a couple of players and putting in a composed cross.  The Colne defence were slacker than the perished rear cheeks of Larry Grayson and up popped the home No 10 (James Horan) to freely head home.  As easy as A, B and fuckin' C with less than a minute on the clock - the guests had made themselves a slight incline to now climb.

From here Colne dug deep and made some good running although they did allow MR's No 9 (Jack Coop) to have a pop which was somehow snuffled out.  The guests eventually put a quite delicious move together with some fluent passing and moving.  No 9 (Barney Wiggin) finalised matters but the home No 1 (Alfie Brindley-Smith) was up to the questions asked and produced a top notch save. The pressure on the resident rear continued, a clattering came in the box and the referee pointed to the spot - I think it was well deserved.  Wiggin took responsibility and coolly drove the ball home.  Parity restored.

The contest continued with good pace. The Road came next, a free kick was posted, dealt with and wellied back and over by the over-excited No 8 (Kyle Oakes).  Despite this foray forth Colne were still dictating the running and won a free-punt of their own.  No 11 (Miles Storey) took the honours and made a sweet contact only to find the wrong side of the netting. As time progressed some dubious and desperate defending came at both ends, erratic shots ensued and both teams displayed a good hunger to try and squeeze out the next strike.

Maine Road stuck in and eventually began to make some concerning inroads.  Colne were guilty of not clearing matters and when a cross came, the ball was sent out and the defense seemed to be at sixes and sevens. No 4 (Samuel Wrigley) had time but chose to place a first time shot and found the bottom corner of the onion bag and gave his side the lead once more.  The strike seemed all to easy, once again Colne had to pull up their breeches, tuck in the slackened privates and hopefully re-penetrate the opposing rear.  This they did instantaneously with a push and a bonus booting earned.  The delivery was neat enough and a flick header from No 8 (Alex Ray-Harvey) sent the ball gliding into the goal.  

The guests now had renewed belief, another advancement with a cross and Storey having a crack that needed a serious on-line blockage to save the hosts bacon.  The half wound down, Colne pressed, a corner won but poorly taken.  The ball was won back, sent forth with a  goal mouth scramble ensuing that allowed  Wiggin to step in and give his side the all important lead.  As it turned out this was enough to take us into the break with a very unexpected turn of events - things were akin to the marvellous nipples of Belinda Boombusts - perfectly balanced.

We didn't move for the break, me and the missus nattered with John D about the latest books we had been reading.  My missus was on her latest detective/crime thriller, I was reading a collection of short stories by Ray Bradbury interspersed with retro comic cuts namely Tales From The Crypt. John it seems was still dabbling in the perverse and had just read the 45^th volume on the Hairy Arses of Hong Kong.  He seemed elated that he had got a rare copy that was bound in buttock skin with the text daubed by a pubic hair paintbrush.  Apparently he had picked up this copy from a Hiroki Humplespunk who gladly swapped for a copy of Oriental Orifices - the mind boggles.

And back to the game with the first sortie made by the leading squad via Storey who pounded forth, put in a cross that saw the industrious No 7 (Daniel Ajidagba) arrive but lack stature to make any cranial contact.  The visitors came again and continued to display a very impressive work rate.  Storey had a pop deflected over, the corner bore no fruit and then the same team nearly blew their advantage when a back pass saw Road's Coop nip in and look to bury only for the mittman to recover and push the ball behind.  The angled kick came and No 5 (Ben Mooney) put a header over - Colne were living dangerously but soon advanced with the hard working and well-balanced Storey away, touching on to No 3 (Benjamin Horne) who crossed and found the belfry of Ajidagba.  The nut contact lacked power and it was all to easy for the keeper to gather - that was a chance to bury the game for sure.

Back and forth the ball now went, Maine Road pushed with renewed fervour and forced the travelling goalie to produce a few saves.  A liquid move by Colne brought some temporary relief with a handball shout not interesting the referee and allowing Maine Road to escape by the skin of their scrotum.  The guests had a few players who were looking a trifle gassed now but they continued to dash and dart in order to save the precious lead.  The hosts were playing with increased urgency but still prone to giving the opposition chances to build.

The clock ticked on, the tireless Ajidagba for Colne sent in a low cross cum shot that trickled wide and then the local lads had a push with the ball being posted, a shot being blocked and the loose ball falling to the feet of Coop.  The goal awaited, the shot was not immediately taken and then another peek came and the globe was buried.  After all the fuss and fervour, we were now back at the stage where spoils were to be shared.

From here manic passing and a few half chances came but no team could grasp the bull by the bollocks and squeeze out any pips of success.  The referee let the game roll on and, as is the case at this ground, time seemed to warp and we ended up finishing late.  I suspect the owner of the club is a Dr Who fan and has had a secret affair with a William Hartnell clone and learned the secret of the fourth dimension - some people will go to any lengths to try and get their team a win.

The black clad man in the middle eventually called a halt, the teams shook hands and walked off at the end of a game that was a fair result.  Man of the Match was a difficult choice but Colne's No 9 (Barney Wiggin) gets the nod due to the two goals and the running off the ball that saw him exit the stage absolutely worn out.  During the game it looked as though he was needing to be subbed but he cracked on, worked his wellies off and set a fine example.

FINAL THOUGHTS- So, 2 teams with problems, by far from the finished articles and with a few minor niggles to correct.  Both squads have potential though, they work with good commitment and have a never say die attitude.  Defensively they do get slack at times though and seem to lose cohesion and unity, and each unit just seems to lack the supporting factor when blazing a trail into the opposing box.  As matters stand the 2 teams below them look set to stay where they are (although either one could string some results together and ascend out of the danger zone) and these 2 look set to squabble over who will avoid the final drop zone place.  I doubt if either will be relegated anyway as the league is looking to be altered again and falling out seems not to be an issue.  But, pride is to be played for, the fact is, if you finish in the bottom trio you should go, and that is just not good enough for a couple of sides who should be higher up the league.  The following weeks will see nerves taut and tensions rise, perhaps the only form of release is to ease ones self with a copy of 'Fatsos of the Far East - John D is the man to contact!