RAMPANT ROVERS

11th October 2025 - Pendeen Rovers 4 v 0 Penryn Athletic - And so the last game of our trip down in the depths of Cornwall.  We were having a good time and with two fine games under our belts we were happy to squeeze in a third.  The day started with a sighting of 4 Cattle Egrets (nice) before we had a nice gentle walk and clocked up a small list of birds, blooms, fungi, galls and the odd bug.  Following the stroll we found a tucked away farm shop and nabbed a coffee, some veg and a pasty each.  We headed to the ground next, it was an early kick off and we soon found our destination with the wind blowing and the fair sea in the background. We consumed the pasties in the car, they were right old belly fillers I can tell ya.  A chat with a few locals, a brew purchased, a position chosen to avoid the solar dazzle and the peepers were set for the latest footballing escapade.

The opening tusslings were awash with high energy and animation with both units obviously striving to work off the nipping tendrils of the coastal wafts.  The initial play saw Pendeen play several long balls whilst the opposing force looked to dissect on the deck.  Pendeen summoned the first attack with a long delivery finding No 3 (Doug Howard) at the back post whose header went inextricably the wrong way - darn those angular heads.  An abundance of midfield mither ensued and then from a corner, the ball went out, No 8 (Nick Barber) collected and rode 3 tackles before losing control at the very death.  

The next moment of potential excitement came when Penryn won a free-kick.  The possibility of any hair-raising action came and went in a disappointing huff and puff before the home No 9 (Jacob Paull) was allowed to have a dig at the other end with a firmly struck sizzler forcing the keeper to spill.  Thankfully for the gloved one a defender was on hand and hoofed the loose globe away.  Penryn responded, No 8 (Lewis Moyle) fed a colleague who knocked a swift ball across the face of goal with no takers arriving.  Pendeen bounced back, No 15 (Brad Andiego) was out wide, the ball was delivered and ended up at the feet of Paull who let fly and forced a fine save from the mitter.

Pendeen turned up the heat from here - No 10 (Alex Ralph) brought out another solid block from the guest keeper and Paull had another punt, this time deflected wide.  Once more the hosts came, Nick Barber releasing Andiego who put in a cross to Paull who was just denied.  Penryn were hanging on here but No 7 (Joseph Millar) nearly found some glory when he exposed a pair of dainty feet, negotiated a marker and put in a cross that just needed the merest touch.  Alas, once again, no strikers were present.  The game went one way then the other with the hosts coming close on a couple of occasions, one of which saw Ralph put a power header wide which really should have been on target.

A long ball came next, it was for the visitors with the keeper needing to leave his line and nut away.  The ball fell to the feet of the awaiting No 9 (Lewis Preston) who tried to immediately bulge the meshing of the open net. Alas for the neutral, a defender was in the way.  A few more minor scares, a few close shaves and that was the half done with the goal scoring charts all bare.  

Into the clubhouse we went, a brew was had and a quick warm-up.  There was a bite in the air, a pervasive nipper with wandering mitts of icy malevolence - I had been bare of belly of late, what a wicked climatic twist this was.

Back on the touchline we went to see the guests have an early pop at success and the hosts return the favour - there was no joy at either end.  Penryn were soon marauding forth, No 10 (Scott Rodden) was at the tip of the thrust, the shot that came and was firm enough but went disappointingly straight at the keeper. Pendeen were shaken into action from this minor scare and went on to pile up some pressure.  A couple of corners were earned, the first bearing no fruit, the second being carefully posted and finding the cranium of No 17 (Joe Davies) who nutted home with ease.  The game was desperate for this, Penryn now needed to change the gears and get motoring with purpose.

The guests tried mighty hard to force the issue but Pendeen were looking comfortable and when a long ball was there for Ralph to chase, chase he duly did, pilfered the ball from the keeper, swung the shank and doubled his side's lead.  Suddenly the game had a whole new complexion and this was looking set to be a comfortable home win.  

Penryn pressed, hustled and harried but lacked the cute killer touch and so Pendeen were allowed to work away and stay rock solid at the rear.  One of the Subs for the visiting tribe did well out wide and sent in a shot the mitter had to tip over the bar.  2 corners followed but the creativity was lacking and a stroke of luck just wouldn't manifest itself.  Pendeen were soon breaking away, Paull was seen to be battling well and after winning the ball put in a cross that Davies hit with sugar sweet style and bagged a quite choice goal.  The game was now done as a contest it seemed.

With 15 minutes left Pendeen were seen to hold all the cards with an aerial dominance and limiting their opponents to the odd long pop.  Penryn did find the onion bag from a corner but the referee had spied an infringement and no goal was given - it was just one of those days it seemed. The last ticklings saw a few close squeaks at either end and then at the very last the footballing bladder was squeezed, the last droplets of excitement were borne and a thru ball saw Ralph for the hosts expose some quality composure to make this a 4 - 0 scoreline and to flush the hopes of Penryn well and truly round the u-bend.  All done, a resounding victory on paper and Man of the Match goes to Pendeen Rovers No 17 (Joe Davies) for a commanding stint that was immovable, resolute and most highly effective, the 2 goals were icing on the cake.

From here we went to Bessy's Cove to finish the day and recorded a bit of seashore life and a Firecrest - yippee.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, what can I say.  The third game down south within a week and a fine way to round off matters.  A great picturesque area, a fine welcoming set-up and again, football played with admirable passion, fairness and a good amount of respect.  Both teams contributed to a decent game but the guests were just lacking any threat in the air and so were forced into playing on the turf which brought a certain limitation to their options.  They worked well, kept the heads down but this was just never going to be their day.  They have enough nippy players though to make them a competitive unit throughout the campaign.  Pendeen Rovers looked good today, very tight and well-organised with the full area of the park used and many a player putting in a quality shift to make sure, after a goalless first half, they got the goals they deserved.  Defensively they look mighty secure, surely this must put them in with a chance of a few honours come season end?  Come what may, I shall be checking on progress and seeing that we are already booked for another trip down this end of the country next year, we may well be back.

WEN MOUTHS FALL IN DESPAIR

10th October 2025 - Wendron United 1 v 0 Falmouth Town reserves - By heck we were being busy on our hols.  Up at the crack every day, walking and wildlife recording, visiting cafes and shops and seeing all manner of natural gems.  Today we opted for a change in attack, first port of call was a game of pitch and putt on a 12 hole course of all par threes. In truth, I expected a disaster with balls lost, clubs snapped, ponds and bunkers visited and the odd bruise from a stray ball.  We did OK - I ended up with a birdie, a par and my missus bagged a par too.  My fine daughter did well but was too aggressive on the putting - I blame all the dancing, too much energy that tinker. A cafe break was had and then a round of crazy golf was a joy, a couple of holes in one were choice and a few expletives used in the most appealing manner.  From here I was dropped off at Hayle Estuary whilst my lasses did a bit of shopping.  I took it easy and saw some nice birds - close-ups of Curlew Sandpiper, Greenshank and Dunlin being especially nice.  A meet-up and to Tehidy Country Park we went for a long stroll, some fungi recording and of course, another cafe visit.  A long stroll we had, the legs were knackered and the bellies rumbled.  Nourishment was soon found, and then we sought the footy. 

The ground of Wendron is known as The Underlane, I think 'Under The Radar' would be a better tag, by crikey it was a tucked away spot.  After the odd wrong turn we managed to find a long darkened thoroughfare along which we hesitantly travelled and there, in the midst of nowhere, was a fine Non-League set up to behold.  We wrapped up as a chill was nipping at the nethers, entered, paid our dues, and picked an appropriate viewing point.  This looked to be a well-thought out affair although the pillars in front of the seating area were a niggle and duly avoided.  I like to see everything that goes on, we adopted a perch where the buttocks were placed against a ledge and the shanks could still be stretched - splendid. 

A decent turn-out was had, I am sure by many locals who have good navigational skills, and the game promptly started on the dot of 7.45pm.  The first action came mere minutes after the globe got rolling.  The home keeper received, his attempt at a clearance was blocked, No 7 (Kian Thomas) for the guests found himself with an open goal awaiting a kiss of the globe.  It was all too much for the wannabe assassin and the target was missed - by Jove sir that was a chance gone! 

The response was quick, some good work by No 11 (Josh Wood) resulted in a foul and a free-kick into the meat of the wall.  No 2 (Ollie Tomlinson) grabbed the loose ball out wide, in and out the globe went with a shot deflected wide for a corner.  Ball in, keeper safe - no breakthrough had.  Soon after Wood received a cross ball, took one touch and had a pop - the ball flew over the horizontal! This was all promising stuff for the hosts but Falmouth were not laying back to take a beating and duly counterpunched with No 8 (Ryan Townson) leading the way. Alas a corner was won, the threat dissipated and we continued with no penetration had. 

Despite no goals this was a perfectly balanced game with the defending ranks at both ends doing enough to snuff out any real peril. Falmouth started to work up a real bubbling lather, their pressing was admirable and the energy levels impressive.  Despite this the hosts won the next corner with the sphere going into the box, back out and being returned via a crisp volley by the well-balanced Thomas.  The strike was worthy of a goal but the ball went into the awaiting keepers arms. 

Falmouth won two corners in return, Wendron were secure at the back and looked like seeing the half out without any bulging of their net.  Before the break the Falmouth No 9 (Evan Tresider) flashed a shot forth that the mitter held onto at the second attempt and then from a Wendron corner the ball came back out of the box, No 3 (Rio Pledger) reposted, Thomas touched on but again, the defender with the gloves grabbed and denied.  A few more efforts were had at either end, this match reporter had little more to add. 

We stayed put for the break, a Cockchafer was seen whizzing about, a nip was pervading the privates, I just hope the said coleopteron didn't follow suit.  It had been rather clement of late, I had been seen gracing the cliffs of The Lizard with ye olde belly out, surely Jack Frost was not ready to object? 

Half two of an intriguing encounter - it was a brisk start with both teams at it like Turkey-Assed bastards loaded on whizz.  Wendron cultivated a nice counter to some approaching danger with Thomas at the apex who was hassled by the guest No 2 (Levi Hilling) that allowed the keeper to douse the rising flames of hope.  After some toing and froing Thomas was almost in again but that trigger was left unpulled and the chance went begging.  No 10 (Billy Stone) for the hosts had a gratis dig next when the ball was sent around the wall and flew inches wide - surely a goal was going to grace this game mighty soon. 

The visiting No 10 (Aaron Hicks) nearly confirmed my thoughts when he sent forth a rangy pop that just failed to lose its elevated trajectory and flew over the bar.  From here though the Falmouth No 3 (Will Harding) flew forth, entered the box and was unceremoniously tumbled.  A penalty looked to be the outcome, the referee had other ideas and awarded a free-kick outside the box.  Crikey, as a neutral even I could see that this was a serious error.  To be fair the Falmouth lads did well to not blow a fuse and duly got on with matters in applaudable style.  The free kick was taken by No 5 (Reece Carroll) the horizontal timber was grazed and the ball went dead. 

Falmouth came on but too many high balls went forth and Wendron looked totally cool when dealing with these airborne advances.  As we entered the unsettling realms of Desperation Street and penalties loomed in the near distance both teams looked to snatch a winner.  Wendron came close but Falmouth's Harding was a cranial saviour and as we entered the final chucks Falmouth looked to push but the move was quelled by the resident Number 4 (Max Roberts) who was happy to take a card and give away a free-kick.  The bonus booting was shit and Wendron came on, won a corner from which followed a cracking dig at goal that the keeper did well to save.  I missed the striker's number, darn these non-nocturnal peepers. 

And to the dregs we went, a home long ball was played, Ryan Reeve was on the end of it. There was a chance for all-consuming glory and this duly came as the ball was struck and the meshing was bulged - an unquestionable winning goal it seemed and kick up the Khyber for a team who didn't deserve this.  A few final huffs and puffs and the referee blew for full time - it goes without saying that football can be a cruel game at times.  This, despite only one goal, had been a good cup tie with some strong performances.  For me though Wendron United's No 5 (Russell May) was absolutely outstanding both in the air and on the deck.  The main winning aspect of the stint tonight though was the communication level and the encouragement given throughout - a real captain's role and just desserts had at the end.  Cracking stuff and we wasted no time in getting back to the caravan and getting the noggins down - it was another early start in the morn - rock pooling, birding and shrooms tha' knows - oh, and another Non-League fix. 

FINAL THOUGHTS - And once again, a highly competitive game darn sarf played with a high level of industry, good sportsmanship and with a certain honesty. This game could have gone either way but I think the hosts just deserved it and the defending was watertight.  Falmouth played too many high balls into the danger area and just didn't have the aerial threat to capitalise on these - maybe a lofty player up front as an option may help.  They should have had a penalty though, that could have been a game changer but this is the joy of footy at this level - 'ifs', 'buts' and 'maybes' - it adds to the intrigue.  Wendron look a very capable unit, with options aplenty and some very steady players in their ranks.  I am clueless as to what the cup holds and their potential but I do wish them well and once again, if I am in the area, I will be tempted to pay a return visit (after some wildlife recording of course). 

REPLAY REBOUND

4th October 2025 - Helston Athletic 4 v 1 Stoke Gabriel and Torbay Police - We were in Cornwall on a late break.  The year had been hectic and so, during a season when I am usually leading fungi walks, we decided time was needed to have a break.  We arrived in a genital-blasting hoolie that nearly blew over our caravan during a unsettling stormy night. We survived, my conkers remained attached and we set out for a morn around the shops (and cafe) of Helston with a wildlife pootle around Coronation Park and down the Penrose Trail greatly enjoyed.  It was a fair walk although a chat with a guy who professed to wanting to kill a copper was somewhat overly colourful. Some choice fungi were seen, a few insects, blooms, birds, galls and other oddments were added too. Time though raced on, we were soon back at the car and, after a very short drive, at Kellaway Park, the ground of Helston Athletic FC.

The set up was sound, the obligatory coffees bagged and seats chosen for what was a cup replay after the away team had been punished for fielding a few ineligible players (so I was informed by a touchline home fan).  We all made pre-match predictions (which were all proven to be wrong) and the match unfolded as thus:-

The initial play was fairly balanced at both ends of the pitch with much promise displayed.  The robust breeze that was blowing through though was looking to be the predominant player in an opening sequence that was making matters difficult to predict.  Helston were passing well but just failing to squeeze the trigger quickly and slightly guilty of not working hard enough off the ball.  The home No 19 (Jude Tripconey) though was a lively component and eventually earned his side a gratis hoofing.  No 10 (Finn Costa) took the honours, played it short to No 7 (Olly Redd) who touched on to No 12 (Matt Searle) whose finalising shot had too much uplift.  From this fair move the ball was booted goalward by the home No 16 (Jake Warman) who saw the visiting mitter (Jimmy Weeks) off his line and duly chanced his shank.  The keeper backpedalled and pushed the ball onto the upright to save his side's exposed arses.  Phew, that was a close bloomer for sure.

Helston continued to make most of the play with a throw in coming that landed at the feet of the forward thinking No 9 (Liam Eddy) who turned and let fly a low shot that the keeper smothered with unflustered ease.  The guests continued to look for scraps and eventually grew into the game proper.  Eddy though had another pop soon after but the keeper collected with no fuss once again.  From nowhere though the guests reacted.  No 12 (Billy Spurway) had a good dig at goal and forced the home No 1 (Morgan Jones) into producing a quite choice save and then, within the shake of a sausage dog's todger, some shabby defending allowed Aldus to crack one off and force the keeper into pull off another solid block.  A corner ensued, it was posted with good pace and accuracy but the keeper was there to palm away.

The pressure on the home goal led to a couple of breaks that were laden with potential but which lacked the all crucial coup de grace, I felt as though the opening goal was getting close though and girded my loins for a real net buster (oh we of warped faith).  No 11 (Phil Cattran) for the home lads tried to break the deadlock from range but the shot had more uplift than the wired up brazzies of Dolly Parton.  At the other end Spurway beat a couple of players, entered the box of promise but was just unable to negotiate a further bod.  Aldus had a grass-grazing shot that went wide next and then Helston pounced.  Much probing was done. Eddy eventually gathered, played a sumptuous pass to Cattran who only had the gloved one to beat.  This man between the uprights was duped, the ball sent home and the lead was bagged.  Nifty work!

The game galloped forth, Stoke pressed, No 2 (Sam Bishop) let fly a right old sizzler that was inches over and then Helston advanced via Redd who had time to strike but was beaten to the boomer by Eddy who neatly doubled his side's lead.  From the restart Stoke jumped out of the blocks, Aldus was at the apex of a swift move and released a low firm effort that found the back of the net.  A strange silence was borne, the ground became a graveyard of eerie sound absence - we three onlookers looked at one another and were in a unified 'WTF' moment - how odd, but great for the game it was.

From here little else occurred and into the break we went.  The sun came back out, the match held plenty of intrigue and a fine award was had by one B. Dunston for 50 years of footballing service.  Great stuff and applause all round.  To cap a wonderful interval we just needed to win the 50/50 draw but, it seems like the chairman's lovechild was in luck again with his 17^th win on the bounce.  I remained without suspicion!

A free-kick was earned by the guests at the start of period 2, the keeper was unruffled and dealt with it.  At the other end Cattran took too long in striking the ball, Eddy was quicker and had a shot that was tidily touched over.  The resultant corner was hit too long.  A few semi-chances came, the stickmen stood firm.  There came a lapse in fluidity and hot-assed action although I felt a fart building and considered blowing one off in the liner's mush.  Alas I am not a public flatulator, it goes against the laws of observed decency he says (whilst steaming up his monocle).

A few shots and a free-kick threatened to curry the spices and this was the case when the visitors lost the ball and Eddy got his noggin down and had only one thing on his mind (well two if you count the post match bowl of savoury testes).  The goal was sighted, the ball boshed, 3 - 1 it now was and the goal was well taken for sure. Things were looking hunky-dory for the hosts and so a sub was made, a local favourite it seemed.  The player was coming back after a long injury and no sooner had he entered the fray he indulged in a 50/50 ball and after some prolonged treatment was stretchered off.  All the best for a quick recovery lad.

The game continued, Heston's Eddy tried to bag another but the danger was quelled by an alert defender and then Stoke flashed forth with a cross ensuing and a downward header executed and looking destined for a goal but stopped by the eye-catching mittman.  From here the away pack applied some heavy pressure thus forcing the resident squad to dig deep.  Alas no comeback was to be and this scenario was cemented when Helston's No 14 (George Marris) beat 3 players, delivered a cross that saw the globe ping about and go loose.  Searle collected from the opposing flank, put in what looked like a cross ball that metamorphed into a shot and brought the scoreline to 4 goals to 1. A prayer of thanks perhaps to the Greek God Boreas and his assisting wind methinks (now that's flatulence).

The game tickled on, no further thrills seemed likely and I found time to empty the throbbing plumbing system.  I was back on the touchline to see the guest No 7 (Saul Vanes) twat one over and that was that.  Man of the Match must go to the Helston Athletic No 1 (Morgan Jones) who made several quality laden and utterly crucial saves at the right time to make sure his side remained in matters, took charge and kept their noses in front.  I like it when a keeper gets the MOM nod, good on ya chap.  Keep then maulers safe!

We three onlookers headed off, this had been a good visit and a good game played in a sound spirit - the next time we are in Cornwall we may be back.

FINAL THOUGHTS - Overall the match was played in a very applaudable spirit that saw needless niggles, gripes and gobbing off absent (this was a real noteworthy aspect).  I think the home team won this with relative ease and hopefully will continue on a good cup run that will bring them good reward.  If the wind helps blow them in the right direction then so be it, they just need to make sure that for each and every game, after a goal, there is no lapse in concentration.  Stoke Gabriel And Torbay Police contributed to the fair play essence of this game and despite struggling with the whole affair today they remained disciplined and never lost their heads.  This was just one of those days when a team wasn't allowed to get going and I am sure they will bounce back from this setback.  I noted a few good grafters in the mix and some steady suppliers of the ball which is always the sign of a decent backbone - here's to a change in fortune soon.