CHILLY CHADDY

11th October 2016 - Chadderton Town 2 v  3 Stockport Town  - A sore throat, a fuzzy head and a tired carcass after a couple of weeks of leading fungi walks, putting on gigs and dealing with a dicky car saw me arrive at the venue for tonight's match in need of a footballing pick-me-up.  My grand lady was my partner in kick-about crime and after arriving early we sheltered from the invasive wind inside the car with a much welcome cup of cha.  By heck the temperatures had dropped and it seemed almost time to renew my modelling career with the unpopular men's nudist magazine 'Thimbles R Us'.  Brrrrrr!

7.45pm arrived, we took up our seating positions and the game kicked off with the usual feeling out process taking up the opening ten minutes or so.  On form, both teams were difficult to separate and this was apparent early on when half chances came and went and all was left still goal free. Stockport played high up the field and looked open to a break and when a long ball was latched onto by the Chadderton No 10 (James Curley) the ensuing lob from all of 25 yards justifiably found the back of the net and indicated that this would be a game of two styles - push and punch, wait and counter.  Stockport didn't learn their lesson but counterattacked well with a quick flick header almost levelling the game and increasing the unpredictability of the end result.  The action levels rose, several players were now getting to grips with the game and showing some neat touches and the high moment of the first half came soon enough when a slamming cross was latched onto by the away teams No 7 with Chadderton's netter saving the day with a fine low save - phew!  As Stockport advanced a brace of headers could have borne an equaliser but alas one was nutted to no man's land and the other was tidily saved by a wired in keeper.  The match seemed to promise more goals with the only hindrance coming from both teams inability to release that killer pass at just the right moment.  Of course when one seems to be witnessing a stalemate session a goal duly comes and that is what happened when, out of seemingly nowhere, the industrious No 2 of Stockport (Kiaro Sams) dinked a defender and rifled into the roof of the net with unstoppable, fiery desire.  It brought new life to the game with Stockport finishing on the front foot and nearly pilfering a lead only to be denied by a last grasp tackle by a steady rear runner (take a bow No 5 - whoever ye be).  Not a bad half of competitive footy at all.

Peep, peep - time for a break.  A pee, a bit of Twix and back in the fresh and feisty breeze for the second segment of soccerised entertainment.

No sooner had a few passes been strung together and the referee was caught with his trousers down (gosh, what a chopper), an offside was missed and the Chaddy No 10 had a glimpse of goal.  Alas the chance went begging - would that be decisive come the 90 minute shrill? Instantaneously Stockport responded with a breakaway and a flashing cross but the two predatory attackers both missed the flying orb by the width of a gnat's todger much to the relief of the goalkeeper and I expect, the said gnat.  A time of to and fro, to and fro and when a long ball was cracked forth by the home netter the most simplest of goals was slotted home as that man James Curley stylishly bagged his second of the night and reawakened the general zest of the game.  Over the course of the next few minutes the match developed into a manic spectacle with hustle and bustle aplenty, a brace of goalkeeping mis-kicks discombobulating the onlooker's peepers, some fine inner skills to admire and much ado about something being the recipe of the day.  A highpoint was when Chadderton started to play proper and their spirited No 5 deliciously weaved from the pack, crossed to an awaiting striker whose accurate touch was beautifully parried onto the bar by the ever alert protector of the net.  Another free kick came, Stockport looked a little ragged, the bar was struck again and Lady Luck's arse was being ridden to the max by an away team looking to get back in to the game proper.  The action blurred, the expletive thermality ascended, Stockport allowed another long ball to be collared by the No 10 yet again and a foul finish was all that kept the game from being well and truly put to bed.  Stockport pestered, pushed and rushed - Chaddy bickered with the ref after a foul, concentration was lost and the cross that found Stockport's No 2 was whammed home and we were all level going into the final stretch.  Anybody could have won this, half chances appeared here and there and only a touch of class would separate the two - enter Nathan Neequae, a long term striker with an eye for goal and who has a certain style that seems to be readable but which just regularly does the business again and again...and again.  A cross ball found our would-be hero, he peeled away, cut in, shot low and hard across goal and the winner was had, much to the delight of his congratulating comrades.  The last few minutes were hectic but Stockport took three points back home and maybe, at the end of the day, they did deserve it.  Man of the Match tonight will go to Stockport's No 2 (Kiaro Sams) who, bagged a brace and when brave enough to push forward always looked a handful and put the home side's defence well and truly on the back foot.

FINAL THOUGHT - Not a bad match on a night that brought in the first real gust of winters spite.  Both teams have potential but they also have their weak spots and at this point it is anyone's guess as to where they will end up.  In the sweated and fetid underpants of Ken Odious, the fat man of olde Batley Town, only the hardiest and bravest of ticks survive - herein is a situation to ponder for both teams - do not sit and stink, take a chance and shine and avoid wallowing in the shit, go forth and make your own success.