25th February 2017 - Stockport Town 2 v 1 Sandbach Utd - The 50th game of the season for me today and the 50th match report. It has been a pleasure throughout with many memorable moments along the way. Today I had been tossing up between two matches and when one was called off this was my reserve choice. It looked, on paper, to be an encounter that would see the away side invade and look for all three points, which of course, the home team would try mightily to deny. The weather was cruel today and using my todger as a gauge (a recent invention patented as the Nob-o-Meter) there seemed little hope for sunshine. Like a Pine Cone the Nob-o-Meter can be used to predict the climate and is simple to use - small, shrivelled and acorn-like then the weather is set to miserable, mid-sized and showing potential then the weather may brighten up, standing proud and beaming then the sun is out and the police are on their way - quite simple you see. Anyway I digress (again) and to the match proper. My lasses dropped me off as they went in search of some sports gear and I duly sought out some victuals to kill the 45 minutes before the game kicked off. Chomp, chomp, slurp, spill, slurp!
Under leaden leaking skies the teams began the conflict and it was a hesitant start by the visitors with Stockport pushing on and having the initial impetus. The home lads won a corner, nothing came of it and the few tentative chances they did cultivate failed to raise any goosebumps of success. Tension was dictating, but Sandbach started to prod and poke with a few choice passes that just had a little too much weight. Stockport were in this though and when a free-kick was won and beautifully played into the danger zone the first goal was nabbed courtesy of Matthew Pearson, the Sandbach defender, who unfortunately made the crucial touch. No sooner had celebrations been had by the home squad before they were under the cosh and after a shout for foul was waved on by the referee the defence switched off for just a fraction of a second allowing Boris Melingui to nip in and sweetly slide home. Back to a level par! One slip in concentration and a blow to the body was received. As if still reeling Stockport allowed Sandbach's No 3 (Jamie Morgan) to weave through, squirm the ball to Josh Lane who duly fired but was just off target.
A lull in play came, Sandbach took a firmer grip but any creativity was suppressed by the Town's efficient work rate and reading of the game. In fact Stockport managed to cultivate the next chance when on the 23rd minute Oyibo shot low and hard but was denied by a keeper's mitt that knocked the ball around the post. Moments later the same player was causing in-the-box hassle and the ball could have pinged anywhere but the referee deemed an infringement and play was halted. Stockport, to their utmost credit, were back in this and when a free-kick was awarded at the edge of the box the low shot from Downes swerved in, caught the keeper off his guard and went straight through the poor blighters boiled eggs. 2-1 to the Town - all down to a bit of luck and a heap of pluck. Sandbach heave ho'ed, a stunning cross came that needed a last minute head away to save the day but it failed the stop the visitor's impetus. Stockport though were no pushovers and another corner before half time floated long and high and when their lofty No 9 (Halfacre) nutted towards goal it seemed unbelievable that the inside of the net didn't ripple with success - would this prove to be a costly miss? Join me for the second half after...
...some Yoghurt covered Almonds and a swill of fresh Ginger - ooh aye lad, only the best for the Fungalised gut.
Half two came, end to end scrapping donated to a fractured mess that needed a definite touch of class to up the ante. Sandbach pushed with the wind, a free kick brushed a bonse but the ball breezed by the upright. Stockport responded with pace, a shot was blasted and knocked wide and the corner was delivered well but punched clear and dealt with. At last the half seemed to be picking up. The No 3 for Stockport looked a constant outlet and broke several times with choice focus only to be found lacking in support and options. Suddenly the tide turned, Sandbach won a free-kick and a great floating shot was produced but the local netman adroitly tipped onto the post and saved the day. It was all Sandbach now but substitutes, offside decisions, fouls, injuries and shite shots all contributed to the further contamination of a cruddy half. The Town were standing firm and resisting the building tide but the awful spectacle became broken, bitty and bereft of any real quality. The highlight of the second period came when Stockport's No 10 broke, rode several mucky challenges, released the ball to his colleague who was unceremoniously fouled. The resulting hoof on the edge of the box stuck with the theme set - crap to say the least. Like the titties of Gail Tilsley the whole fiasco withered and sagged and when the ref blew for full time I wasn't the only one who breathed a sigh of relief. Despite the drop in standard in the second half the match provided some good performances with my choice for Man of the Match going to the Town's No 3 (Izzy Miranda), a constant menace, quick off the mark, eager and working some nice moves that kept up the threat for all his team-mates. Well deserved chap, and good on yer for keeping the head down and ploughing away like a good un'.
FINAL THOUGHT - The game today, as mentioned, helped me reach the half century mark of matches attended for the season but it was far from the greatest spectacle I have witnessed. In fact the whole match is best likened to a blow-up woman who gets punctured half way through a bout of huffing and puffing. All things started inflated and full of promise but as things got heated matters became less rewarding and the deflation process left all involved frustrated. Oh Freda Fat-Arse - you promised so much and in the end left me wanting so much more. This happens, I think today the teams cancelled each other out and, like many boxing matches, a clash of styles kills the fluidity. Sandbach will be knocking on the door for promotion and Stockport are on a hot unbeaten streak that may be a little too late - but who knows in this game, it is all unpredictable and that is where the beauty is found.
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