28th August 2017 - West Chorlton & Didsbury 4 v 0 Runcorn Linnets FC - I am 52 years old today, that is over half a century of awkwardness, striving for balance and always piddling against the grain. It has been a long punky haul and I have seen many doors slam in my face due to honesty and passion - it happens. I have also been fortunate enough to have many fine opportunities arise and also have a desire strong enough to always want to put back - hence these reports - you gotta try. The morn had been lovely, a full English at Sainsbury's with the missus was ruddy lovely, a walk looking for some shrooms was gentle and semi-successful. A quick cuppa was had, a small chill and out we went, in the hope of a good installment of soccer at a localish non-league ground I am quite fond of. The weather was ruddy glorious and as we took up our peeper points with tea in hand we nattered away to each other and the arriving Stu of STP Records. The teams built up a pre-match sweat (not hard in this heat) and went in, re-appeared and locked horns.
The early bird pressure came from the flapping Linnets with a whole heap of industrious work going on. A long ball ball that should have posed no problems saw a yellow card issued with the resultant free-kick weak and without direction. Alert interplay by the visitors, with Paul Shanley the main instigator, saw a cross come and just miss a rising bonse - now that was close! WDC offered a quick riposte, Nico Evangelinos crossed for No 9 (Tom Bailey) who nudged goalward with the ball deflected over. The West followed up the sprightly move with another attack that saw Evangelinos roaming forth on another troubling sortie before getting dragged down in a most unsightly fashion. The bonus punt was straight at the keeper - I expected better. Within seconds a break for the hosts was on, the offside trap was sprung, Saul Henderson chased down an escaping ball, the goalkeeper tried to get their first but was coolly chipped and a classy goal was had - 1-0 to The West and one up for the Beef. The Linnets flocked together and pecked back, a couple of chances came and went but fortunes seemed to be changing. Their opponents though were on good form today and out of the hustle Matty Kay appeared and let fly a shot that was well telegraphed and easy to read. The keeper however had the wrong glasses on and somehow fumbled the ball which allowed the poaching Henderson to sneak in and grab a second. Maybe less stylish than the first but they all count and this was a real turn-up for the unreliable books. The home bods came again, lax defending and hesitancy allowed Evangelinos to have a crack that, luckily for the guests, flashed high into the trees.
A scrappy period ensued, the black and white army though were still dictating play and a free-kick and free header could easily have given rise to a 3 goal cushion as could a connected volley by Evangelinos who once more knocked the ball high. The Linnets were getting plucked here and if they didn't take care they would be well and truly fu***** too - ooh nasty, I am sure you know what I mean! The home squad were playing superbly today and it was only the final gloss that was lacking to stop this game from being a sheer whitewash. More touchline debates came, 'Ming Mong' is term I have never heard, I consulted the 'off the ball dictionary', I think it means 'useless dickhead' - I could be wrong! A fast break again came the way of the leading team, Henderson in, the keeper blocked the effort and a return nut put the ball goalward - the result, a blinding save to applaud. A corner came, a scramble in the goalmouth should have been dealt with, the ball bounced about and then Nico Evangelinos screwdrived the ball home and brought up an unassailable and well deserved lead. Magical. The Linnets offered a weak shot in response followed by a free-kick that failed to ring any bells of alarm. They were still trying but then the todger of ill fortune was dangled, the piss flowed onto the chips of the chirpers and a purely awful challenge saw Tom Hardwick receive a straight red and pay an early visit to the tub. Arguments rose between fans and managers, the language used was not what you would hear in a nunnery and the game carried on regardless. Unbelievably the ten-men strugglers came on, produced some final pressure but failed to find any consolation whatsoever. The half was done.
A chinwag and a soak up of the sapping rays, by heck I should have brought my sun-lounger and open crotch speedos - then again, it is a family game I suppose.
The second half kicked off in wretched fashion, a brace of bookings and some general loose play hardly made for a fine spectacle. The first real attack came the Linnets way, a butter smooth build up allowed Shanley to use a light touch that went agonisingly close but just had too much elevation. The green and yellows strove to get back into this one but WDC caught them on the hop, Saul Henderson again was in a one on one situation and displayed good strength, wonderful poise and a clinical eye to bag a stunning goal and earn a greatly deserved hat-trick. A lunging tackle came soon after, the Linnets No 6 was the offender but somehow escaped the book, you can imagine the words exchanged from the dug-outs - like Bernard Manning in a whorehouse no less! The guests came on again, a push, nutmeg, handball claim and a poor end product - somehow the Gods were not smiling fondly on the travelers today and maybe the rumours of the Managers association with the devil are only too true. Another lull, Runcorn ran themselves ragged and earned the odd glimpse of goal but the home defence was stout and tighter than the buttons on Neville Southall's shirt (see online pictures of the ex-Everton mittman, now turned fatman, to fully appreciate the simile). The rub of the green would not change and when the Dids broke again it was only the athletic goalkeeping brilliance of Terence Smith that denied No 8 a fine nutted strike. Soon after the home sub Oscar was twisting and turning (and no doubt putting his hips in peril of an arthritic attack) before releasing the ball and allowing a colleague to fire forth. The shot didn't ripple mesh but crikey surely another goal was coming. Alas no, the time ticked on, the game balanced and hit a flatline and after another great save from the Runcorn netter and a few half chances a halt was called and all sun-kissed onlookers could weave their merry way home.
Anyone claiming to have predicted today's scoreline is either the biggest lying git alive or possessed of things best left unmentioned. This was a turn-up as regards the the end result but by heck West Didsbury and Chorlton were in a commanding mood today. Man of the Match should go to the hat-trick hero but these goals aren't possible without the grafters in the team. My choice is the home teams No 5 (Gary Lilley) who produced steam from his rear, ran like a rabbit on sex-hormones and hustled and bustled like a fly trying to be first to the cows rectum. It was a big-hearted performance and was carried out in such an understated way that many may have missed the input - not me, applause sir, applause!
FINAL THOUGHT - A 4 goal difference in a game that appeared on paper as a tight affair shows what tales of the unexpected we can encounter in the mad non-league world. You just never know. Despite this setback Runcorn Linnets will do fine this season and I bet any money they will be somewhere in the shake come the last dregs of the season. As for West Didsbury and Chorlton, well given this evidence they can actually win this league and go on to some mighty fine things although one or two members of the bench may need serious tranquilisers along the way to help them cope with the undulating levels of excitement. It is a growing club both on and off the pitch, I will return several times this season, if I get more of the same I will be a man without complaint, unless of course I get bit on the arse by a winter wasp and grow a third buttock. It may sound far fetched but on today's evidence....anything can happen.
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