9th October 2017 - Maine Road 1 v 3 Padiham FC - At the moment I am run ragged and after a weekend of feeling offside and having to lead three fungus walks for 64 people I woke up on the morn of today's match feeling rather crappy. The day was spent on the microscope topping up yesterday's list of finds to 115 with a break had in between to do some boxing on an old carpet and to have a fish dinner. My thoughts on tonight's match were mixed as, like many of these encounters, the form table indicates they can go either way. The last time this fixture occurred it turned into a vulgar parade of ill-temper, unthinking threats and rough-house tackles, I hoped tonight more energy would be spent playing the game and bagging many goals. So with tea scoffed, scrotum tucked away and a thermal t-shirt squeezed beneath my usual attire I headed out and arrived with time to spare. STP Stu was in attendance, we discussed musical bollocks and other assorted items over a necessary cuppa. My nipples were being firmed up by the embryonic fingers of Jack Frost and his cohort Edward Chill, I could add what was happening to my John Thomas but the Thimbles-R-Us Magazine may take legal action. I think this virus I have is making me rather nesh as the temperature wasn't half as bad as I suggest, perhaps I am being perversely romantic in my old age.
The ref appeared, leading the teams, the whistle trilled, the sphere rolled amid a flurry of active boiled eggs (legs). Padiham were immediately flicking the ball about with sharp fluidity but it was the home Blues who had the first clear cut chance when No 9 (Rhys Clooney) worked the wing, played a ball back that was duly fed forth to No 7 who obliged with a low, early shot. The save that came was right out of the knicker draw of success and brought a generous ripple of applause from both supporting factions. The corner came, it resulted in no further pressure and the Pad Lads Brigade resumed with their precise passing persistence. After another minor home squad sortie Padiham came back with 2 fine balls into the box, the second of which caused unholy confusion. Eventually a shot was cracked off, it struck the inside of the post, flew across the goalmouth at an angle and was leading to a goal and, no matter how hard the mitter tried to save the day, he could only assist in the final strike. The goal was given and Padiham now went on to assume greater authority on the game. No 10 Daniel Boyle was the striker, the game was now on.
Road desperately clung on but their overall cohesion was lacking and they consistently allowed Padiham players to roam into free territory and offer numerous options to their team-mates. Padiham's No 11 (Jake Hargreaves) was the next to have a squeak but he refused to shoot and the ball went pinging about the box. A shout for a penalty came when a player went down but in truth Tarzan would have been proud of the dive and the referee walked away unconvinced. Next and it was Hargreaves again who was fouled whilst cutting in on a mission to goal. The free-kick came and was flashed in with dazzling pace, Jamie Roe of the Road got part of his noggin on the ball with no conviction whatsoever. It skimmed on and had a trajectory that seemed destined to hit the net, luckily for the said home bod it flew just over. Time ticked on, a few subs were had by the visiting team, Road had a charge with Matthew Morgan producing a sparkling sprint and cross that saw Clooney fire too late and be duly robbed of the ball. The match now was a more balanced affair and when Morgan came again, delivered another stonking cross and Clooney somehow managed to cultivate a miss from what looked a bang on strike, one felt that the equaliser may be coming anytime soon. Back and forth the action went and the half ended with Road's Clooney racing away and choosing to pass to Jamie Roe rather than have a pop himself. Morgan launched one from distance during the last gasps but the ball wouldn't level out and flew just over the bar. It was a decent affair this and during the half time break I anticipated more of the same.
The break was brief, the tea much needed and the chat with my comrade fine and dandy. The questions arose, would Padiham kill this one stone dead or would the Maine Road lads somehow get back on an equal footing? The suspense was tangible - dum, de, dum, dum!
The start to the second period saw an equality in possession with a free kick for The Road whipped in with pace and accuracy but duly cleared and leading to a counter-attack that saw a deft header just fail to ripple the mesh. Padiham built from here and got the ball in the box where chaos reared its mischievous head and legs aplenty were swung. A shot finally came close in, a mass of bodies sprawled, the No 5 of The Road took the full brunt of the blast, the crown jewels were rattled and he lay prostrate - one could almost feel the knacker throb. Luckily the sterilised young man was back on his feet soon enough to see his team straight back at it with a punt via Morgan that penetrated the night sky. As Road continued to strive to find parity they were caught by a sickening suckerpunch as a honeyed 4 pass move allowed No 8 (Dominic Craig) to execute a swift finish that stayed low and swung away from the outstretched digits of the keeper. The Storks were now sitting on a brace of golden eggs, Maine Road had to hatch a plan to get back in this one.
The game now went through a patchy period, but Padiham were always allowed that little extra space and always seemed to win those 50/50 balls that are so crucial, especially in the middle of the park. The home team started to lose their shape somewhat and the visitors movement began to reveal more fissures in their opponents pack. A cross by Craig was met by the crust of Boyle, it was just over, the blues were on borrowed time. A punt from No 12 (Kane Hickman) soon after was straight at the mitter but the next goal looked on the cards. Indeed the goal did come, but at the other end when a superb run ended in a stunning cross that saw a defender slide in to clear but only helped in knocking the ball into the net. A cruel own goal and suddenly the dynamics of the game were altered. One could have expected Maine Road to build from here but within moments No 15 (Jason Hart) of Padiham was given room to look up and set his sights on a cheeky lob. He chipped with quality and the ball squeezed in between the tip of the keepers fingers and the cross bar - it was a fitting coup de grace and sealed all three points for a side very much in unison. The dregs of the game brought little further action with Hart again having a chance to bring up the 4th goal but denied at the last by a well spread keeper. The ref blew, the result was fair and Man of the Match for me goes to Padiham's No 5 (Marc Young) who organised, maintained discipline and was as steady as a rock in the rear thus allowing his team to build with authority - a reliable shift in an understated fashion - nowt wrong with that!
FINAL THOUGHT - Game done, dusted and put down as a decent do. Maine Road frustrate, they look to have so much potential but never seem to fully tap it. It would be easier plucking an hair from the arse of a rampaging bull than trying to nail the source of the problem but there you go, Football is indeed that funny old game and sometimes things fall into place, out of place or all over the ruddy place. Padiham FC caught the eye tonight, what particularly impressed me (other than a picture of a nude Thora Hird that was being passed around the ground) was the way the team passed. moved, read each others thoughts and their high octane work rate. The team can only get better and better but for this season, due to the two Runcorn units going on a growing roll, they may have to settle for a top 6 finish.
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