24th February 2018 - Knutsford FC 3 v 2 Wythenshawe Town - I was feeling a bit under the weather but tis no excuse to stop in and gripe so after another morn of tidying, sorting out the days itinerary I tucked my gonads in, wrapped up warm and was duly dropped at the local train station by my good lady. 45 minutes later after a short wait and a 30 minute train ride I met up with my mate and headed down to the Knutsford FC ground on Manchester Road. There we were greeted by many friendly folk, and the club secretary (Nev Pearson take a bow) who, due to my blogging efforts, gave me and my mate a free pie and cuppa at half time. What a stunning gesture and one that sits mighty well with me and will be paid back with many more visits. In return this generous fellow and his good lady are going to be wangled onto a local fungi walk free of charge, you can't say fairer than that! We indulged in a cuppa and had a good chat prior to the game, I acquired teamsheets and out we went into the brisk but sunny climate. The pitch looked splendid and everything was set up for a good trip out, it was now up to the teams to put in a good stint and send us all home delighted. Positions taken, the pea-laden device blown and the game was underway!
The start was highly fertile, both teams working hard on the firm pitch and getting those leg muscles warmed up. The home lads were probing deepest with the dazzling sun and the cross-wind both factors to be wary of. A Knutsford free-kick, No 10 (Liam Crellin-Myers) the taker and choosing to knock it low. Legs swung, all missed, an in-box scramble came and the visiting team did mighty well to clear. The teams rushed on, Redwings and Fieldfares were spooked from a nearby field by a female Sparrowhawk, the bird of prey was on the prowl, as were the home team who pressed once more. This time they were like a one-legged criminal on the run, caught on the hop, and Wythenshawe broke with desire. No 10 (Gavin Salmon) laid the ball off to No 9 (Ed Walker) who fired but saw his effort blocked. Soon after Salmon flipped one forth, it was too tame to test the perky mittman. The Knutty lads responded, No 6 (Phil Youlie) had a weak punt and No 11 (Ben Brooks) and No 7 (Dean Warburton) were moving well and keeping their opponents on their toes. From a midfield melee No 8 (Joe Yarwood) of The Wyth came and found space. He looked, bent the globe netward, it remained shy of the target and I pondered if Mike Yarwood could have done any better, especially if dressed up as that famed chastity belt inventor Albert Twatlock. And back to the match...
Brooks for Knutsford was the next to deliver we humble onlookers a slice of Action Pie. He cut in with purpose, shot from close in but was outdone by a keeper who produced a quite concrete save. A call overhead distracted my attention - some Lapwings were in the air, the Spawk was in their midst - who would be the first to strike - the aerial master, the Knut House residents or the Wythied Visitors - surely we were close to that opening strike. Walker of the travelling Blues nearly granted our wishes when he swivelled quicker than one of Ben Turpin's eyes, lashed out like a blood-pressure victim on a wobbler and forced the home No 1 (Craig Ellison) to produce a quite outstanding one handed save. The angled kick was taken, the home lads struggled to clear but Wythenshawe just couldn't find room to pull the trigger and the peril passed. Walker for the guests led a quick follow-up attack, his shot was dragged wide, the threat was building and when a free-kick came and the home goalkeeper spilled for a split second I thought a sneaky striking foot would nudge the ball home and put a mark on the scoresheet. The mitter did well to recover and snuff out any rising hopes. A fizzling out of the first 45 came, Knutsford cultivated a late flourish, Warburton put in a fine drive but the save that came was up to the task and was executed with eye-catching appeal. Youlie had one last attempt but after picking his spot he failed to hit the zone. The referee had had enough, it had been an enthralling first half, bring on the second.
Half-time - our gift of pie and tea was duly collected, it went down like ambrosia and nectar, we were living like Non-League kings and it won't be forgotten. Out into fresh air we went, I still had half a pie left, but here's what happened next folks.
Wythenshawe pushed, that bugger Walker was at it again. He approached, he poached and he picked out a strike with great control. I was still finishing my pie and was covered in gravy whilst trying to compose some notes, darn these people in a rush. Whilst scribbling away I noted one of the Wythenshawe bench holding his shoulder - the silly bugger had pulled a muscle whilst punching the air in celebration - brilliant, nowt like a bit of passion. I licked the gravy from my fingers, bungled in a large crusty chunk and watched as Knutsford reacted with a rebound goal that saw Crellin-Myers belt home with gusto and get this game immediately back on level terms. I nearly choked, gravy dribbled, would this pie ever get finished? I am a Wigan man though - never underestimate the masticating powers of a Northern pig! Next up and Knutsford's No 3 (Sean Lynch) indulged in some exquisite play by riding two tackles and putting an elegant ball over to his comrade Brooks who was unfortunate not to finish and bring about a goal of the season contender. Lynch linked up with Brooks again, a foul was committed and up stepped Crellin-Myers to deliver. The sphere was projected but only a corner was granted from which Warburton found a chance to shoot. The ball had pace and good accuracy but was deflected over and from the second ball in sweet FA was borne.
Soon after Knutsford won another angled punt, Crellin-Myers tried the most outrageous chip but the mitter recovered well and tipped cleanly over. You have to watch out for those outrageous chips, the last time I came across one it had escaped from a newspaper wrapping after molesting a cod and was later arrested for having unlawful relations with a meat pudding - what a rotter! 3 tasty collisions came next - one involved my testicles banging together as I jumped up and down to keep warm, the other two involved some mistimed tackles on the pitch. The referee let the play flow despite shouts of injustice - I think the man in black got things right. No 2 (Rees Welsh) and No 9 (Dave Owens) were the next duo to double up with a cross ensuing and No 8 (Nerhu McKenzie) nutting the ball just wide - what a cracking move! With both teams scurrying Knutsford were just having the better of the game and although Brooks unleashed a blazer that nearly smashed a nearby window rather than hit the goal one fancied the home lads to get the next goal. Suddenly out of nothing the Knutsford goalkeeper had the ball at his feet, kicked forth and struck the imposing carcass of Wythy's Salmon. The ball rebounded and dropped straight in the net - what a stunner, what a sickener, what a ruddy balls up! I made note of the catastrophe, looked up and saw that Knutsford were galloping away. Wythenshawe stood off, Warburton beetled in at the near post and squeezed the ball in and levelled the game once more - certain members of the visiting team were far from happy. The first rule of football after you score is to stop the immediate counterpunch - twice in one match is unforgivable but credit to the hosts for a gutsy and feisty response.
From here I thought the game would settle down, not so, Wythenshawe came and Yarwood was given an abundance of time to set his sights and shoot, The shot was a good one, the save was better, in fact it was straight out of the top drawer - just at the side of the knickers, the 1970's copies of Razzle and the rubber Freddie 'Parrot Faced' Davies mask - one has needs don't ya know. At the other end Crellin-Myers played forth a delicious ball that saw the away keeper deny the striker with only milli-seconds to spare. Things were whipping up, we were in the arse end of the game, Knutsford came, a shot was saved by a semi-crook goalie and the ball came loose. Crellin-Myers seemed to have a good sense of smell and the stench of glory was rife. He picked up the ball, blasted home, celebrated with his team mates and no doubt made a mental note to get another Golden Gordon tattoo on his buttocks. It was a fine finish and although the injury time added was outrageous ( the hazards of using a sun-dial in a football match methinks) Knutsford game managed and saw matters out to take a very good victory. Both teams had made this a good game though, my applause were for all and my Man of the Match, on this quite splendid day, goes to the Knutsford's No 3 (Sean Lynch) who indulged in a stint graced with good movement, hard work and the odd sublime touch. It was a quality effort amongst many admirable performances - it was that kind of game.
FINAL THOUGHT - So thanks were given and me and my mate buggered off for some punk rock in rotten old Manchester - The Varukers are an old band but worth a peek, and they were noisy and bang on form, lovely. On the train to Manc we discussed the match and thought that the whole set up today was bang on, loaded with amiable spirit and capped by a game of two teams playing for the sheer love of it. It was a good battle, one Napoleon and Wellington would have been proud of and one that saw some good soldiers put their arses onto the field of conflict and get stuck in. Napoleon, it is said, liked to pinch people, and Knutsford definitely pinched all 3 points today with that last gasp winner. Wellington was a man who needed little sleep and perhaps the Wythenshawe lads might have a bit of tossing and turning for a few night's worrying about the way they let in two goals after their own strikes and how they threw the match away right at the last. I wouldn't worry, these things happen and the Manchester based team are more than efficient. On a different day who knows...the thing is to ride the punches and come back with greater determination. And to finish - Knutsford FC we will be back, many, many times I suspect - I am a sucker for decency and good spirit, tis what this game should always be built on!
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