5th February 2018 - Stockport Town 1 v 1 Hyde Utd - A new week, a new start and after a busy day of tidying up, recording wildlife, identifying lichens, exercising and sorting a few CD reviews I was back at Lambeth Grove to see the home 'erberts chance their arm against the quality of Hyde Utd. A tough test indeed and one that would need testes as big as billiard balls and hearts filled with controlled passion. I was hoping extra time would be avoided as I was back at work tomorrow and on paper it didn't seem as though this worry was justified. The Town though, on their day, play some good football and earlier in the season gave me many a thrill with some of their quality contests. Hyde Utd are of course a step up in class but this was a cup match, and that factor alone always bears seeds of doubt in the footballing noggin. I had been a bit low today, my head has the occasional dip so my good lady kept me company for the night to keep me chipper - she is a gem. We took up our chosen spots, parked the old rears and cast our eyes on the 4G arena. The 2 battalions of 11 came out, the spectacle unfolded and I described them as thus:-
The visiting squad made the early running with the first pass coming after No 10 (David Brown) cut in and let fly. The save that came via Dylan Forth was first class but a follow up shot came before the keeper had time to fully recover. Calling on panther-like reflexes the gloved protector produced an outstanding one handed stop and made sure his team didn't fall behind to the early sucker punch so many higher placed teams use to nullify lower opponents. Seconds later the ball was pumped in towards the goal again and needed a goal line clearance to stop the first strike of the night occurring. The next action came up the other end (ooh err missus) with a ball in and out and then No 3 (Izzy Miranda) crossing. The keeper rushed out, the defender got in the way and No 4 (Luke Hincks) pulled the arm of the football bandit and let fly with a speculative lob. The ball wouldn't drop in time but the effort was applaudable and could have easily borne fruit (3 cherries, a brace of lemons or a couple of plums - cor). A lull followed, a few fouls came and then from the dip in tempo Brown of The Tigers had a good effort but was once again denied by the home keeper. Hincks of the home team supplied a stunning ball next for No 7 (Ruben Abreu) to chase. The attacker worked hard to create a chance but the shoulder to shoulder contact was deemed a little too zealous and the flag was waved.
A defensive slip brought the next action, Abreu broke and won a brace of corners both of which were efficiently dealt with. Hyde Utd responded, The gangly No 7 (Karl Jones) connecting but unfortunately having too much drag on the ball which duly sent it wide of the upright. This was good solid action from one end to the other and when Stockport won a free-kick one did wonder if the breakthrough was imminent. No 9 (Ben Halfacre) sent in a low turf grazer, the keeper saved but the ball slipped loose, luckily for the netman it didn't go too far and he was able to re-grab the globe. Like a pair of harvest festival knickers - all was safely gathered in. A Stockport attack, 10 (Justin Pickering) on the wing, Halfacre meeting the resultant cross. The striker looked to have fumbled his chance but regained his balance and sweetly drove home. It was a goal against the grain, one for the underdogs and several nearby Town fans looked in need of replacement undergarments - and why not, shitting oneself with excitement isn't illegal...is it? Stockport were now like a deviant in a crowded shower stall and holding more than their own. They were certainly dragging Hyde into a hard fought scrap. Halfacre was on the crest of a wave, he got carried away and thumped a 20 yard screamer. It looked a lunatic option but man, it wasn't far off and caused a few hope-doused groans. Abreu followed up this moment with some sugar-sweet feet and nearly undid the guests guts with a cutting move - thankfully the defence recovered. A midfield mistake followed as Hyde applied a constant pressure. A long ball found the pegs of Jones who left his marker and shot from the angle - just wide! Stockport weren't submitting to Hyde's busy application and when a cross came, grazed Halfacre's head and the ball came close to doubling the home teams lead it was black and white evidence that the team from the Evo-Stik league were really in for a genuinely troublesome night. The half ended with Abreu back in for the hosts after a long mittman kick. He collected and shot firm and watched the ball fly...too high. The half ended, the action was good value, a shock was on the cards, crikey - stay tuned folks.
The break was spent nattering to the Grandad of a Stockport player, a nice fellow and keen to see his relation come off the subs bench. Fingers crossed sir. I had a piddle and indulged in a bit of Carrot Cake (I did wash my hands first) - ooh ain't cake just the Food of the Gods.
Both teams entered the fray and worked up a good lather with Hyde cultivating the first attack. A touch from Jones, No 2 (Marcus Haydock) swept in a cross but the sturdy bonse of the home No 5 (Tyler Devlin) put the ball safely behind. The ball flashed in, all heads missed it and Brown popped up at the back post to finish matters. The telling contact was lacking, the ball hit the stands, it was highly disappointing. Hyde were now making all the running, Stockport were scampering around like annoying pubic crabs in the fuzz of a hedgehog's fanny (ooh prickle-tastic). A ball over the top for the guests was followed by a close-in shot - it missed, at 1-0 we stayed. No 5 (Harry Coates) was now moving forward with increasing threat, No 9 (Matthew Beadle) tried a shot out of growing frustration - all to little effect. The Lions dug deep, No 11 (Trey Simpson) cut in, passed to Pickering who had a golden chance to double the lead, alas the shot was weaker than the arse muscles of John Inman - ooh Mr (Dis) Grace! At the opposite end of the pitch a corner was had but Stockport broke with pace. Possession was lost but Simpson tackled hard soon after and put a ball in on which Halfacre connected and fired. A block came, No 8 (Lee Constantine) followed up - the screamer went high over the horizontal. Pickering came next, he was in on goal but shied way from finalising matters - it was another chance lost, would this be later rued?
Into the back stretch, a mistimed tackle by a Stockport bod, a few desperate lunges tried to halt the growing peril but Hyde would not be denied and when Beadle kept his feet and scored the equaliser it seemed only fair and well deserved. The Stockport players looked gutted but this was a chance to show their inner steel and put their discipline on the rack. Hyde came again, a cross in, No 12 (Domic Marie) with a header over. A whistling corner for The Tigers, Beadle with a concrete connection - wide. The tension was now higher than Jimmy Somerville's voice whilst wearing a razor-filled thong, a cracking game and still up for grabs. Hincks for The Town had a late run, he tried to place his shot, the save was as simple as A, B, C. The referee had seen enough, he called for full time, 2 extra periods awaited.
Extra time was fleeting, 5 minutes each way with the first period primarily run by the visiting team with the hosts holding firm. The following 360 second segment was a battle with Stockport holding their own and maintaining more of the ball but not really doing anything with it. The final whistle came for a second time, penalties it was.
The teams gathered and picked their spot kickers, a tangible apprehension invaded the crowd, this was the moment, shit or bust, a smash and grab opportunity with the end glory seconds away. Hyde United took their first kick, smooth and into the net. Halfacre for the Town next, a striker with a good eye for goal. The kick was weak and with no angle, the goalkeeper saved with comfort - the advantage was with the Tigers. A turn of events came, No 9 and No 16 for Hyde struck their shots and where way off the mark, whereas Constantine and Pickering for Stockport remained measured and rippled the mesh with aplomb. The visiting No 12 was cool under the cosh and kept his side in it but The Town's No 14 (Rhys Webb) was equally chilled and made sure that his team had one hand on the end prize. 2 penalties left, The visitors needed to score and hope their rivals missed. Up stepped Hyde's No 8 (Big Khamsuk), held his composure and scored a lovely goal - the pressure was now on the shoulders of Ruben Abreu to earn a quite unexpected victory for a team who had run their arses ragged. He placed the ball, eyed the target area and strode forth on easy legs. The globe was projected forward and rose into the opposite corner from the keepers dive. The striker peeled away and skipped like a fairy on a promise, and why the hell not? What a grand way to cap a night of focus, hard-work and good team unity. The lads put in a stint and for their efforts got what they deserved. The Man of the Match and shining example for me was Stockport Town's No 3 (Izzy Miranda) who played with zeal, hunger and great determination. He stayed calm in defence, produced some quite eye-catching skill and was always looking to keep the game flowing and moving forward - a marvellous effort.
FINAL THOUGHT - A cup classic, a tale of magic proportions with the home side coming up smelling of roses rather than dung soaked Bramble bushes (although I do like Brambles, fine for bugs and beasties). The Lions deserved this, they protected their lead for most of the match and in truth, could have gone through without the added time and stressful penalties. That would have just been rude though and why not treat the onlookers to a thrilling shoot-out and send the people home intrigued. It goes without saying though that Hyde Utd were the better team but were just denied on the night by a unit with an insatiable hunger. I tootled off home happy with events, such is always the way as a neutral. A cuppa before bed was enjoyed as was the short story I read about a cantankerous customer at a drive-thru who got scorched alive and rose from the grave to taunt the staff. What this has to do with tonight's proceedings I don't know but there ya go, I always have had a pocketful of tangents - blah! I shall end on an overlooked positive and highlight how well Hyde Utd took their loss. No bitching, no petty arguing, no fuss - it must have been tough to take this beating but take it they did and in an admirable way. Good on em' and this bugger wishes them all the best and thanks them for contributing to a memorable match.
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