6th March 2018 - Ashton Athletic 0 v 2 1874 Northwich - Two nights out on the trot, the neighbours will be talking and the curtains of Dirty Desmond will no doubt be twitching as we get back after another footballing excursion. 'Oooh the dirty stops outs' he will be muttering as he fiddles with the elastic of his winter woolly knickers and squints his mascaraed eyes whilst peering around his frequently washed nets. No doubt his live-in lover, Larry Lumploins the 4th will 'tut, tut' as way of acknowledgement and suggested agreement and they will have something to tittle-tattle over during the late-night Cocoa - I just knew I should never have sent him those photo's of Elton Welsby. Anyway the day at work was done, tea missed and sandwiches made, the road trip was taken, we arrived in one-piece and sipped a good cup of cha'. We had a chat to local photographic bod and programme compiler Pete about the game in general both reality based and digitalised (ooh good old Sensible Soccer) and reckoned it is time well spent. I reckoned this would be a really gripping affair, akin to putting one's head between the butt cheeks of a randy hippo - loads of tension, a thrill a minute and liable to go off at any given moment - I really must stop buying Zoo Keepers weekly although that centre spread of Johnny Morris really is a peach. We chose our seating, the game was delayed by 5 minutes, the teams then appeared and this is another Fungalised report!
The 74 fans began with good gobbage accompanied by a tympanic terror who tub thumped away. The initial tempo of the game was impressive, an early free-kick was the first action, it came the way of the home lads but when No 7 (Samuel Hind) struck there was too much air beneath the ball and the elevation saw promise end with a miss. A midfield battle ensued, no quarter was given, it was hard to say where the first break would come with both units indulging in a flurry of animation. Ashton, if truth be told, had the upper hand and when a 1874 error was forced the hosts surged forth with desire. A ball was flung out wide, a cross executed and Hind shot once more. A fine defensive block led to a corner, the ball was belted in and the move ended in an ambitious shot that was closer to the dangling goolies of the linesman rather than the netted framework (you must wear tighter trollies sir). The men of salt now started to shake matters up and sprinkle forth a mound of promise. A certain madness pervaded the match, passes were rushed, the ball was flying in many directions bar the right one, it needed a cool head to intervene. Another 74 push, a reckless tackle on the edge of the home box led to a penalty shout. The referee kept cool, a free-punt was awarded and a pause in play was had. Time stood still, the ball was placed and then struck by the tricky dicky No 11 (Taylor Kennerley). The shot kept low, a slight deflection occurred, the spiteful globe spun through the keepers legs, the first goal was had, albeit one laden with cruelty and misfortune - alas they all count!
Ashton Athletic now tried to force the issue, the guests however were like an hungry Testicle Fly, always quickest to the ball. The Latics had the next shot on goal, it was a tame tickler, but a follow-up effort by No 10 (Joel Brownhill) was a lot better although he just couldn't wrap himself around the shot quick enough and didn't get the required 'oomph'. A late flourish by the residents, No 9 (Dale Korie-Butler) nearly dispossessed the keeper, luckily the mitted man kept his head, as did his defensive comrades, and the danger was dealt with. Next and a stunning ball for 74 found No 10 (Jake Parker) who swivelled on a pinhead and fired with keen pace. The save that followed was applauded, the corner that came frowned upon. The last action came, a clash between 74's No 9 (Scott McGowan) and the home keeper (Martin Pearson) held up matters but it was nice to see no malicious intent and a hug of respect after treatment had been doled out. The keeper was mended, the game commenced and then the referee's bladder gave out or he perhaps thought it was time for a break - either way he blew his whistle and we had 15 minutes to kill.
A cuppa, a sandwich and stretch of the legs - not a bad first 45 and all set up for a good second half.
The start to half two was scrappy but from the mess the Double-A boys won a promising free-kick on the edge of the box, bang centre. A firm thump was had, a firmer block came, a mis-kick saw the ball fly towards the corner flag - shabby for sure and I am sure local horse-riding enthusiast Bow-Legged Betty could have done much better. A couple of end to end breaks brought little arousal and I did wonder if the scoreline for the night was set in stone. Korie-Butler for the hosts had a wayward crack and then was in the mix for a penalty shout - nowt given. No 6 (Christopher Webster) had another blast but matters were dealt with and the 1874 brigade remained impermeable. In response to the AA pep, McGowan of the 74 led a zeal-laden foray. He laid the ball off to Parker who shot with malice. A very attractive save came, 2 corners ensued, both causing in-box chaos but both eventually dealt with. McGowan however was triggered and after latching onto an Ashton mistake he put the ball in low and hard across the box. There were no takers, that mithering No 9 deserved more. A few subs came, a superfluity of sweated action arose, a shot for Ashton tore homeward, 74's No 2 (Paul Connor) produced a cracking off the line clearance - marvellous stuff.
The game now moved into the latter stages, a time to be decisive, who would make the ultimate commitment and contribution? The Northwich players were always posing a threat, they won a corner, the ball went in and out and Hind let fly with a sizzler. The save that came, via the palms of Pearson was delectable to say the least. The Athletic dug in, McGowan prowled and pilfered and played the ball to Hind. A great cross was flashed in, Jake Parker tapped in - it was a cutting move, it encapsulated the permanent danger found in the ranks of the 1874 set-up, it was indeed a fine goal. Into the back stretch and the hosts pushed, the guests came forth yet again, Hind running across the park, dinking a pass, No 13 (Ryan Jackson) blazing one with pace - just wide. Ashton paid back in kind with a free-kick that went too high, then McGowan for 74 pick-pocketed a defender, crossed and saw Hind belt over. A late on shot by No 11 (Joshua Nicholson) was easily saved and brought Ashton no reward and then Jackson had another attempt at the other end but dragged his effort wide. Only seconds were left, 1874 Northwich looked for a 3rd, a cross, a close in toe poke, saved and game done - phew, what a finale. This had been a zipping game, many a player had worked up a good lather and earned his crust. The Man of the Match for me though goes to the flame-haired No 7 (Samuel Hind) of 1874 Northwich who took the game to the opponents, worked tirelessly, put in several neat touches and showed a commitment to the cause that exemplified the team throughout - excellent indeed.
FINAL THOUGHT - Like a vagabond in a bread shop, 1874 are on a roll. Like Gerald Sinstadt in a Fantasy (allegedly) Cinema Ashton Athletic are somewhat unpredictable. Both squads though put in a good effort, the difference tonight was the away teams ability to get to the ball first and their constant recognition of a colleague in space. They work like pit ponies on steroids, they have eyes everywhere and that ability to gain possession, play a quick pass to a partner in crime is always going to be a test for any opposing outfit. Add to this a sound support network and an all-round good vibe and this lot are destined for many happy days. I did tip them to win the league at the start of the year but congestion has hindered progress but who know's - strange things do happen. The Brocstedes Stadium is always a pleasure to visit, a good welcoming place and the team they put on show are always competitive, keen and worthy of support. For me they are like the teats of a non-lactating cow - only a few tweaks away from refreshing success. What these minor dabblings may be is anyone's guess, they are close to a finished product that is for sure - it will be interesting to see where they are this time next season. So we headed home, and prepared for the following night's fix - Ooh Dirty Desmond, whatever will you think?
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