14th April 2018 - Maine Road 0 v 1 Winsford Utd - One wakes up to hear of bombs dropping and wankers in power falling out. It is par for the human course and if people fall out over things like birds, fungi, football, punk rock and other things that should be enjoyable what fuckin' hope have any of us got with the higher levels. My advice is to get the head down, don't get distracted by what others do, defy all stupidity, do your bit and do it without thought of gain and oneupmanship - that way progress can be made (hopefully). So, from the clouds of depressive idiocy I moved, sorted 4 CD reviews, listened to some mighty fine noise (Splintr, The Performance Enhancing Suppositories and Healer of Bastards amongst others), did some household chores, exercised and then sorted some more wildlife stuff. The rain had been falling from the sky once more, postponements are still a regular occurrence, in between my pootling I kept an eye on twitter to see where I would end up. It was looking like a long day too, following the footballing I had the 150th Fungalpunk gig lined-up with 5 flavoursome bands to make ones genitals vibrate - what other way is there? So eventually a game was sorted, and I was dropped off by my 2 lasses (the daughter is home from University for a flying visit - yippee). I settled in my arse after purchasing a cuppa and a Twix, chatted to a guy whose Grandson was playing for the visitors, produced quill and parchment and set to scribbling my thoughts, I hope ye enjoy the outcome!
Both teams flew out of the blocks quicker than Alan Wells with the prostate doctor after him (ungloved of course). A neat ball from Road's No 7 (Jack Langford) caused slight concern for the visiting back pack and was booted behind for a corner. The ball was put in, the MR No 8 (Ben Davison) connected firmly with the crust but saw the ball fly wide - it could have easily been the most perfect start. Both units were like the bowels of a baboon after a night on the Grapefruit Wine and laden with good movement. However, the next chance was defecated forth by the Winsford pack and saw a superb cross come in and nearly meet the head of the incoming poacher No 11 (Declan Daniels). The home mittman was on his toes, came out and punched firmly - he caught both ball and player, a break was had whilst the rattled head found its bearings - ouch! From here The Road started to play the better football with a sweet ball to No 10 (Jamie Roe) who crossed with accuracy only to see no risk takers arrive. Winsford reacted to this moment with electrified pace down the flank followed by a cross that led to No 10 (Callum Gardner) and Daniels indulge in some sharp link up play. The latter chap had the final crack on goal, the save that came was tidy and the ensuing corner easily dealt with. Winsford were now allowed to get back into matters as The Road gave them too much comfort time on the ball. Another move soon after could have easily brought the opening goal but No 9 (Perry Bircumshaw) flashed the globe too high and the hosts could breathe again.
Now the guests sensed blood, No 8 (Michael Taylor) put in a ball, all heads missed it and the bounce nearly beat the mitter who flew fast to his left and produced a quality one handed save. The corner came, it was punched out, No 4 (James Rothwell) belted back but missed the target by a couple of feet, this was good pressure nonetheless. We had a intriguing contest on our hands with the action swinging one way then the other (please add own jokes about pendulous testicles here). The home team cultivated a couple of promising moments, both were halted by some quite rock solid defending and when a ball came forth and Langford had a final toe poke amid some in-box panic the shot was, once again, blocked by another reliable carcass. To the opposite end of the field we went next, a free-kick was given to Winsford and whilst several Maine Road players still sorted out their positions the ball was pumped in and No 3 (Lee Duckworth) made his appearance felt without any sort of pressure and nutted home with comfortable ease. The goal was too simple by half and the side on the receiving end now started to push with purpose with Roe whirring his legs and putting in one decent ball and one that was absolutely poxy - hope was still high!
The final thrusts of the first half came, No 7 (Ryan Steele) of Winsford blazed one over the bar then the speed of the Town's passing was too much for the hosts with balls sprayed from this side to t'other before no 2 (Damien Skolorzynski) belted one and forced the keeper into making a very strong save. A corner followed, the No 1 (Ryan Livesey) came and punched but was caught in No Man's Land. A chip was attempted to bring blushes to the buttocks of the gloved guardian but the execution was woeful and peril passed. The Road tried to build through nothing more than sheer determination, No 11 (Chrysty O' Brien) was running hard but he couldn't provide a release valve for the rising pressure of his rear guard comrades. 2 corners and 2 free-kicks came from Winsford, The Road survived but the marking was sketchy, they had their No 4 (Jonathon Mason) to thank for keeping them in this one.
Half-time, a piddle and a chinwag and a wander to the far side of the ground where the sun was shining. Yes, sunshine, that rare commodity that affects mad dogs, Englishmen and those odd people who like to grow Watercress from their jacksies. I am not into this new Rectal Gardening fad, give me a few tulips grown between the mammaries of a buxom Gorilla and I have no complaints! I proceeded to take my pills, the teams came out, darn these tangents!
And to half two, the sun-kissed blades of verdant green welcomed the players, the start was quiet and a summery feel added a quaint but emotive pleasure to the matters at hand. From this settled start a ball came that saw a Road forward dash from the midfield and get almost comically upended by a rather lax goalkeeper. It was a mental black-out, it was rewarded with the prescribed red card, the No 1 marched off, the Winsford mob eventually found a man willing to take over the 'between the sticks' position and the awarded free-kick was banged straight into the wall. From here a pattern became apparent, The Road were trying to up the passion and pace levels, Winsford were looking to soak and spring and catch their attackers on the hop. One of the substitutes for the travellers produced some neat footwork but finalised matters with a weak shot and up the other end the replacement goalie went walkabout, got caught dribbling and was spared being caught with his trousers down by a generous referee who awarded a free-kick. Road pushed on, all their efforts were being denied by a robust Winsford unit who were putting their heads on the majority of any airborne ball and also working as a complete unit rather than distant components. A few bookings followed, several tempers became heated, it was all eating into the clock, something Maine Road had to do their utmost to avoid.
The next attack came via the ten-man team, No 12 (Mike Koral) played a nice pass to Taylor who rattled hard but couldn't keep the globe down. A corner was given for whatever reason, the keeper dealt with it and started a quick breakaway. The Road, like the B-movie porn start, Peter Pencil Pecker, lacked width, and like Mr Pecker's co-star, Julie Jelly Hips, lacked any telling thrust. The move ended with a flaccid finish, all loose ends were tucked back into the 'Try Again' trousers, at this rate the seams would be splitting and a few more balls will be going to waste. The match had a balanced period but all the while no shots came towards the guests netting. Winsford always looked dangerous on the break and made sure their opponents could never fully relax and adopt a fear-free, fervid spirit. As time ticked by Langford for the home heads had a shot, a yellow card was given to their No 9 (Jack Coop) and a lot of composure-free effort came to no avail. The team with one man down stood firm and were never really put under any sort of cosh and when 90 minutes were up they took all 3 points in fully deserving style. There was disgruntlement with the home fans, relief with the away peeps, I could understand both emotions. As for Man of the Match, well I reckon No 3 (Lee Duckworth) For Winsford Town was as honest as anyone on the park and was a vital component in a defensive unit that kept tight, organised and efficient. Communication was constant and a constant eye was kept on trying to play the odd sneaky ball over the top and make much mischief.
FINAL THOUGHT - Take a look at the Premier League table and you will see how important this match was and what an initial blast-hole it is in the starboard side of the sinking ship SS Maine Road. The team are letting in waters of worry, the tide of tension is rising and all concerned need to start bailing with belief and working as a controlled and efficient unit making sure when chances arise they stay composed and make opponents pay. Width is the key I think, make sure both flanks are used, teams are stretched and therefore gaps made. The battle isn't over yet but man, this crew are walking the plank and things are getting mighty precarious with the Division One sharks ready to feed. Winsford Town, In my opinion, should not be where they are and should have been clear of danger long ago. They boast many good players, have a good set-up at home and are surely better than their position suggests. They have fallen victim though to a topsy-turvy season with many strange results, disrupting backlogs and a league that has exhibited a whole heap of inconsistency. The campaign now needs seeing out and maybe a few extra points adding to create a more suitable finishing shine to matters and then, before we know it...we'll be all at it again - madness indeed!
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