1st December 2018 - Stockport Town 2 v 1 Cheadle Heath Nomads - The Christmas run in is now upon us, wide eyed madness dictates the flow in the thoroughfares of each and every town as atheist maniacs spend wildly whilst many starve. The hordes shovel tinsel-laden shit without any thought whatsoever. A Christian festival is celebrated by non-believers, a man will visit and empty his sack on your pillow (darn his virile testes), bowels will be backed up by an overload of toxic crap and fatheads will ring with the same old sonic shit and finalise matters with an insincere rendition of 'Auld Lang Syne' - and people say they enjoy this! Today the skies hung like a widows knickers over the arthritic joints of suburbia, the leakage came from a heavenly bladder gone twang and I am on a downer - can you tell? I am aching all over, on a dip and feel the need to burn a Vicar - just for therapeutic reasons of course. Thankfully my good lady picks me up, I have many interests and of course there is Non-League football - the lull will pass, tis just how life goes at times. So the morn was rammed with tasks, some exercise was indulged in (does picking up weights with one's nob count as exercise? Perhaps not but man my foreskin is very well muscled, I just wish I had a pecker big enough to fit it - bah) and I eventually got the head operating well enough to head out and indulge in a local game that was a crippler to call. I set up an on-line vote, the nod had gone with the guests (just), I had to agree, but this was a bigger teaser than that bloke who hangs around at the back of Asda with a daffodil up his chuff (you know the one, the one David Potter of Cheadle Heath fame said he was meeting to discuss tactics - ooh heck). So a natter with the Cheadle Heath Manager (what a grand enthusing chap), seat taken, a fine chat with a Non-League couple I meet now and again and game on - let's have it!
The early pattern lacked intricacy or sway, No 10 (Leon Grandison) for the visiting pack had a quick sniff of goal after the ball fell to his feet and the home keeper was on walkabout. The leg was swung, the end result was a low fizzer way off target. Stockport began to apply some steady play, a couple of corners brought tepid pressure but nothing too testing. After a forced Nomads substitute Town's No 2 (Connor Hancock) started an impressive 5 pass sequence that went from right to left followed by a cross that No 9 (Gavin Salmon) just couldn't touch home. It was a glimmer of promise from a scrappy start that saw the Lion's duly build upon. On the 18th minute a home free-kick was earned and was played short to an eager No 7 (Callum Dolan). The busy bod darted forth, round one player, round another and then between a couple more before he released and saw the ball get deflected home. It was a moment of sorcery kissed by the lips of Lady Fortune - it was 1 - 0 to the hosts and very well deserved it was. No sooner had the Nomads settled from this set back and looked to play on the deck than No 10 (Liam Mottram) pilfered and attempted to chip the keeper. It was an ambitious effort and easily collected by the guest mitter but all the same, it exhibited a certain belief in the resident ranks. Onwards the team on top came, No 8 (Robert Lofthouse) had an in-swinger shot cum cross float over and then a delicious cross found No 6 (Festus Arthur) with a chance to bury from a few feet out but his header was too firm and, if the truth be known, ruddy dreadful.
To the halfway mark of the first period and beyond, the flow remained the same way with a fine ball into the Nomadic danger zone nearly forcing the defending No 5 (Zac Tyson) to put into his own net. The ball from the angle that came was dealt with but the guest team were akin to the private parts of Elvis Presley after a romantic liaison with a Little Richard look-alike - (all shook up). Things turned from shit to shittier for the CHN chaps as their sub and general rabid Jack Russell (Terence Butler) hobbled off cursing his luck with a grimace on his mush. There were 6 minutes of the half left, despite having the upperhand The Town were still only 1 goal up - and when a free-kick was given to the Nomads one had visions of an equaliser coming like an unexpected finger up the relaxed jacksie and causing untold grievance. No 11 (Stephen Kirby) put himself forward as the wannabe executioner, the ball was hoofed, the goal was missed by a mile (well, about 72 inches but whats 5274 feet between friends). The half ended soon after with the Nomads having the better of the closing minutes, there was still a lot to do though.
A piddle and a cuppa for the break, this was an unexpected turn-up for the puzzling books, the couple I catch up with were in agreement and after a chinwag about some black and white movies the teams came back out. Would there be an Hitchcockian twist in the tail here, or would things advance like a snippet of Film Noir but without any spectacular starbursts? Stick with it folks!
The Town had the first free-kick, it was delivered like the lopsided gonad of King Kong - a lovely swinger. The keeper though read matters well and duly grabbed (I hope he washes his hands before having a butty) and put out a long ball. A foul came, a card issued, another gratis kick was given the same way but The Lions were watertight and earned a corner up the other end when their No 3 (Matthew Hanson) mimicked a grave-robbing Baron Frankenstein and exposed some great feet. The knock in was cleared, soon after Cheadle had a great chance when Kirby put in a great free-kick that missed many heads and feet and finally dropped to No 3 (Ebbie Rezayan) who was caught on the hop and steered off target. It seemed as though an equaliser might just come when The Town broke, Dolan at the apex of the attack burst from a crowded pack, used nimble feet to avoid a tackle and when the keeper advanced he remained cool enough to flick over the sprawled carcass and bag a sweet strike. From here the guests just couldn't offer enough to get back in it and Dolan was nearly in again after robbing the ball and darting forth like a man on a mission. The defending this time was done with authority, at 2 - 0 we stayed.
Substitutes came each way, No 12 (Richard Tindall) was immediately called into action and his flick header wasn't that far off the mark. A collision came next, Town's No 11 (Jack McConnell) was dreadfully unlucky to receive his second yellow and was sent to have an early bath. The free-kick that followed was a double whammy as Ashley Harrison prowled at the back post, gathered, blasted and reduced the deficit in robust style - the aforementioned turn of fate was still in the air. Now down the home stretch we travelled, a few more subs, The Heath determined, The Town desperate. Tindall produced a moment of magic with a pearling ball that found No 15 (Daniel Clarke) who won a corner. Before the ball entered the box Grandison and the home keeper (Andrei Stinca) received a yellow card each for getting too up close and personal with one another (the dirty devils). When the ball did come it did so with fiery pace and missed all potential takers. A melee followed, a penalty claim had, play was waved on. As Cheadle huffed and puffed to blow the home-sides house down Hanson knocked a delicious ball back against the tide only to see his colleague (Braulio Maieco) waved offside - now that could have been a real quality moment. At the death Kirby had space to bust net but blazed over and then a tackle and some unnecessary naughty afters saw Salmon get sent marching before the game was done and dusted. This had been a tidy home performance, my choice for Man of the Match goes to their No 3 (Matthew Hanson), an effervescent stick of reliable dynamite that kept up a consistent threat, produced some scintillating spurts and instead of internally exploding let his feet do the talking and the work rate keep the opponents under the cosh - solid man, solid!
FINAL THOUGHT - This had been a tough tussle and one that The Lions faced head on and in the main, dictate. Yet more changes in clientele has this time proven to be beneficial with several very efficient players coming to the fore and making such a big difference. This and the general work-rate today was what earned the end prize and I was quite taken by the rapid movement and heads down focus of a team still in trouble but gradually rising to a position they truly deserve. Cheadle Heath Nomads were out of sync today and lacking several players, doubled over by two forced subs and kept on the back foot by an industrious home team who wouldn't give them 5 minutes rest. You can't judge a team by one performance and if you did on today's effort your opinion would be drastically skewed. The negative is that a few player's looked off the pace, the plus is that this can be used as a wake up call and hopefully lead to getting things immediately back on track. This is one crazy league, results are almost impossible to call - the fact is though there are some tough matches in the pipeline - both these units need to keep on working like ants on overtime - think on folks.
Wow some match report that haha
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