TWO HALVES, TWO TALES

1st October 2019 - Wythenshawe Town 4 v 0 New Mills - The weekend was spent primarily rain soaked and mentally mithered.  Tis the season of the shroom and I am out and about in all weathers spreading the word, striving to get the overlooked noted and hopefully turning a few heads the right way.  I hang around in the woods showing people my Stinkhorn, letting them examine my Crampballs, allowing them to taste my Milkcaps and even have a dabble with my Jelly Ears - I have yet to be arrested.  Due to these myco demands I cannot do any weekend football matches this month so, like Count Dracula and indeed the Wolfman, I must become a creature of the footballing night.  On this occasion I had chosen to feed on the lifeblood of the North West Counties League First Division South, drink in the pulsating action, digest what I witnessed and hopefully regurgitate a stream of florid textual intrigue that will reflect what actually transpired.  So, after coming home after work, feeding the fanged sirens I keep locked in the shed and donning my cape, I, along with my wonderful bride, set out from Castle Fungalvania and headed to this local'ish ground for an expected feast.  We were welcomed by many fine folk, slightly chilled updrafts and a sable night where many a victim may be found.  I chatted and awaited the action, the teams came out and I opened a vein and dipped in my quill - the parchment was scrawled, I think I really do need to get a grip of my wandering mind.

A free-kick brought the first intrigue with the visiting No 7 (Chiek Mbeye Thiam) bumbled to the ground in an unceremonious fashion.  The delivery was half-decent, the flick header not too bad but the keeper read the situation well and safely gathered.  A kick from the corner soon followed after a mis-timed back header.  The ball was posted into the box of potential peril, a touch on from the guest No 9 (Benito Lowe) saw No 11 (Edward Driver) swing a shank and not make any significant contact - it was a shame as the slightest touch would have surely brought the opening goal.  The gold and black clad Millers were up for this tonight and continued to push harder than a pregnant pygmy with a 2 stone baby wedged in the womb.  Several corners, free-kicks and half chances made sure the host rear pack were kept mightily honest and hard-working with Lowe coming sincerely close via a run and shot that quivered the stubborn upright.  As an aside, I once went for piddle in some backstreet urinals in Blackpool and ended up getting my upright quivered, I am still wondering to this day if what happened was all a bad dream or a subliminal fantasy I am duly suppressing!

In response to the persistent pressure all the home team could offer in response was two corner kicks, both of which came and were duly consigned to the folder marked 'shite'.  Another free-kick for The Millers came, No 4 (Darren McKnight) knocked it forth the keeper chose to punch rather than collect.  The sphere was there to be leathered, an infringement withered all pulsating radars of excitement.  The game became slightly more balanced as the hosts got a foot in the door, the visitors kept on coming and kept on seeing chances disappear - this would surely come back to haunt them.  At each end of the pitch attackers surged, they were met with many outstanding tackles and last ditch blocks, the first goal was gradually taking on an even greater level of importance.

Into the flesh of the action, No 6 (James Nield)) for the guests tried an audacious chip from distance, it wasn't that far off the mark and then No 10 (Will Ozono) was on it, dashed with direct determination but was denied by another top drawer tackle.  The flow against the Wythy back pack kept on coming, a header from a corner went wide, Mbeye-Thiam made room and shot next, the home No 2 (Adam Cooper) somehow cleared off the line.  Another angled hoof followed, No 5 (Adam Jones) rose, made sound cranial contact only to see the mitter tip sweetly over.  2 more corners followed, The Town scrambled, hassled and just did enough to keep the scoresheet blank and when another burst came and several shots were blocked one couldn't help thinking that New Mills would pay a heavy price for not bagging a few strikes in this impressive attacking onslaught.

As the Millers worked Wythenshawe were granted a free-kick deep in the own half.  The ball was cracked long, No 11 (Aaron Dwyer) collected in a position of seemingly little danger.  The head went down, the legs become a blur and the quick surge left potential markers trailing.  A sight of goal came, an attempt to shake up the situation so far was had, the strike was true and against the tidal flow we had the opening goal - a true sickener if ever I saw one.

The closing stages of this enthralling first half saw New Mills try and salvage something from a scenario gone awry.  As they advanced No 4 (Dean Warburton) for the hosts gained possession, played a simply delicious ball that Dwyer collected with insatiable desire.  The potential 3 markers were left standing, the trigger was pulled - the net bulged inward and the double whammy, thank you mammy was complete.  The referee blew soon after to save New Mills from any more untoward cruelty.

Half-time - a wander, Abbey Hey Pete was encountered said 'hello' and duly collapsed in a Evo-Stik induced heap.  We went for a cuppa, we were served via a machine with a prostate problem.  The resultant liquid that trickled forth was partaken of - myself, my good lady and STP Stu compared notes - we all agreed it was the worst coffee we had tasted in a long time with comparisons made to Castrol GTX, mud and sewerage - just for the sheer hell of it we drunk every last drop and awaited the allergic reaction or outbreak of boils.

The teams took to the grassy stage once more, I saw one fellow being taken away on a stretcher after inhaling the fumes of the aforementioned coffee and a lady claiming to have seen bean-based visions due to drinking two cups back to back.  The football now was a balanced affair, Wythenshawe had a mid-paced sortie with Dwyer receiving in an almost innocuous position.   The player on fire started to work inwards, he had a look at goal, struck and watched the globe cross the line and complete his hat-trick - this was not the start the New Mills pack needed.  Things could have been even worse soon after when the 3-goal grabber knocked forth a lovely cross that No 7 (Brad Byrne) almost finished (emphasis though on 'almost').

For a long stretch now the stuffing had gone from the game and a long period of arid and middling football came.  The hosts played at a considered and controlled pace, their opponents tried but had lost that initial spark.  Again Dwyer came, a cross was played, No 8 (Dominic Smalley) was at the far post and was just short of grabbing the icing on the cake.  After calling upon their reserves and creating something akin to promise new Mills did have a crack on goal via a bonus boot.  The save that came was spot on, there would be no way through for a team who had nearly given their all.

The game now fizzled like an Alka Setzler in an acid bath.  New Mills continued to push in the hope of a consolation but were caught unawares by a cutthroat razor break that saw Brad Byrne fly with focus, blaze an unstoppable trail and finish in the most clinical fashion possible - it was another example of efficiency and of taking ones chances - it was the final action of the game and left us all taken aback at the turn of events after such a good opening effort by the visitors.  Man of the Match goes to the obvious today, Wythenshawe Town's No 11 (Aaron Dwyer) for defying the flow and taking his chances when most required and with a pure assassin's eye.  The work rate was spot on, he made himself available throughout and he did what he was required to do - bag those goals.  Farewells were made to all, it is good to see folk indulging in the joys of the NWCFL shenanigans - long may it continue.

FINAL THOUGHT - From a game of two halves many questions were answered tonight with New Mills definitely on the up but suffering as a consequence of not taking their chances.  Before 20 minutes had passed they could have bagged a handful of goals but missed chances and some outstanding defending left the scoresheet blank with a heavy price to ultimately pay.  They are a decently organised team and during the first period really bust a gut and looked a dominant force - all they need to do now his get their sharp-shooting boots on and maintain their efforts during the full 90 minute crusade.  Tonight however they came up against a well drilled and resolute home pack who, even when not playing their best, are a tough nut to crack and can realign their ranks and still get a win.  At the rear they are almost watertight, in midfield they work with industry and when given a sniff of goal they need no second chances to bury the ball in the awaiting net.  Come season end I expect New Mills to be a mid-table team and Wythenshawe Town to be at least in the top 6 - as per, in the league of capricious outcomes and unpredictable turns, it will take a lot of hard work and a smattering of luck to keep things running smooth and the points building - let success go to those who earn it and the ball roll the way of those who do things fairly and with good, honest effort.