13th December 2025 - Darwen AFC 3 v 3 Holker Old Boys - With the festive period approaching and the masses ignoring the plight of a planet in trouble and once again going through the usual glutton and grab commercialised routine it was necessary to use the weekend wisely. A trip to Roddlesworth Woods was the first port of call, a fine nature area that, once again, sees people visit, walk around, let their dogs run riot whilst they actually see fuck all. Bird numbers are crashing, they can't settle and we were now at the end of the fungal season but we did see (and more importantly, record) 64 myco-species. The birds that were around were fed, we had a coffee and overall we had a fine walk.
From the morns pootling we went into Darwen and had another coffee and lunch in a superb community cafe. The place was laden with good will, warmth and many a fine character. The food was fairly priced and spot on the mark, we were reet pleased with it. A short trip around a few shops saw no purchases (we shall not spend for the sake of it) and to the Anchor Ground we went and arrived.
After a walk around the ground where we spied Common Field Speedwell; Groundsel and Dandelion in flower plus the fungi Auricularia auricula-judae and Bjerkandera adusta in the car park, we parked our rears, took part in an Impressionist Art Quiz and indulged in some walnuts, raisins and dates. The teams eventually came out, we settled in and I got scribbling.
Holker Old Boys got the game moving and after giving away a free-kick (which led to nowt) were soon taking one of their own. It was a mile out from goal so when the ball was hammered high into the box by No 10 (Jamie Hodsgon), began to fall and the keeper waited, we expected nothing out of the ordinary. Alas the mittman grabbed, let the globe slip away and into the net it fell. A howler indeed, much to the disgust of the home fans but, for we neutrals it was a perfect start.
From this bonus bagging the HOB lads came again with No 2 (Joseph McGladdery) on the end of matters but firing straight at the keeper, who this time safely held. Darwen punched back, No 7 (Akim Samms) gathered, played the ball out wide which was delivered to No 11 (Joshua Abbott) who hit a low, firm punt that was mere inches shy of the timber. From here the guests flashed away, a cross came that was laden with zip, Hodgson looked to bury but mis-hit and the keeper saved. A corner and a free-kick followed alas both lacking in any thrills of clinical execution.
The Holker unit were soon at it again and with the Darwen lads pissing about at the back they seemed mighty relieved that the shot that came at goal was off target. Holker had a penalty shout next, much to the disgust of a nearby fan who let spill a waterfall of verbal filth (I didn't even realise that such body parts existed). Darwen had the next sortie forth, the nimble tootsied Samms was tumbled and No 9 (Nicholas Hepple) stepped up to take the gratis booting. The shot came, the keeper tidily tipped over and the referee gave a goal kick. Was the man in black on day release from the local Blind Institute or was his myopic condition down to too much wrestling with the one-eyed champ - it was a ruddy shabby decision either way.
Onwards and the Samms for the hosts, who was looking tasty up front, decided to pass the ball back from a midfield position, The accuracy of the pass was abysmal and thankfully the Holker wannabe assassin, who perhaps thoughts he was being given an early Christmas present, was denied by some cool rear work by the solid No 5 (Samuel Ogundare). Soon after the visitors won a corner which was delivered with intriguing curve and pace. The ball cut through the pack of players, the mittman was static and the second shocker of a goal was conceded with No 6 (Callum Fawcett) claiming the honours - this now made the game very interesting indeed.
The match continued at a frantic pace with another penalty shout for HOB waved away and Darwen coming close when No 10 (Bruno De Almeida Severino) provided 9 (Hepple) who struck firmly only to be denied by a sound save. The Anchor Men soon came again, Samms provided the apical pop at the strike zone but once more the keeper was down quicker than a pervert on a dropped copy of Ringpiece Internationale.
A few more shots came at the Darwen goal, a looper went close but as things turned out, the break came and the home team were trailing by just the 2 goals.
Some argy-bargy was happening in the corner as the teams went off, we bagged a coffee and left them to it. I can't see the point of waving handbags about when sequins are easily removed and lost. These things happen, I think the ground need to look at putting hormone surpressants in their coffee and if a culprit is a multiple offender than secretly feed them genital shrivelling pills - one less cock is never a bad thing, unless of course you are Elsie Orifice - the Queen of Kink in the Lancashire back woods.
Anyway, and back to it with Darwen beginning the second period with great urgency whilst the team with the 2 goal advantage looked slightly unsettled. Abbott for the hosts put in a firm strike with the keeper reading matters and getting his carcass right behind the ball. Holker Old Boys eventually found their feet, a swift break followed with No 11 (Tom Dawson) galloping away and facing only the man between the sticks. The shot came, it was a moment to cement the outcome but the mitter stood his ground and saved - for me this was deemed a potentially pivotal moment.
Darwen continued to work with good impetus and more direction and were soon cultivating a neat move that saw De Almeida Severino collect and have work to do. Some deft weaving, a small sighting of goal had and boom, 1 - 2 was the scoreline and the game was back on. The guests were now looking a trifle edgy, No 5 (Luke Mitchell) nutted back to his keeper with the Abbott nipping in and snaffling the ball. Luckily for the HOB squad their goal evaded further penetration, unlike the aforementioned privates of Ms Orifice. Again the Anchormen came, No 2 (Pawel Zuk), to De Almeida Severino who in turn provided No 12 (Nathan Bond). The shot came, the keeper did well to push behind for a corner. The ball from the angle was hoofed in, No 4 (Charlie Lloyd) made cranial contact but couldn't keep his effort below the woodwork.
Dawson had a pop for Holker next, again the No 1 (Morgan Newns) did well. Abbott sent a sizzler back in return but once more too much elevation was had. We entered the last 20 minutes with the end result far from set in stone. The travellers did have a chance to seal when some persistent pressure saw McGladdery have a chance to bury but the outcome was a quite shocking miss. The ball went straight up the other end, Abbott gathered and punished the recent misfire with a cool finish that brought great joy to the home fans and really made this game a 'anyone's guess' situation.
We were set for a grandstand lottery-laden finish, it all became rather frantic. The final dribblings came, suddenly the HOB lads summoned a push with a good delivery falling to the feet of a substitute who looked a bang-on certianty to grab the winner. The goal was there to bag, the touch came - the outcome another big miss. By crikey lad.
Into added time we raced, a midfield tussle saw Darwen's De Almeida Severino eventually have the composure and vision to feed Bond who was away and just needed to guide the ball past the keeper. The perspired brow was kept cool, the sights set and kaboom, the goal was had and somehow Darwen had turned this game around (remember the save at 0-2 the keeper made, crucial man, crucial). This looked to be it, all eyes were on the referee and the Darwen contingency were already celebrating when...Holker Old Boys came, a high ball into the box was delivered with semi-hope when up popped Bond, made contact with the bonce and levelled the game at 3 - 3. What a game indeed and a nearby HOB official was delighted to say the least. The referee halted matters seconds later, this had been a minor gem and I thought the final result was totally fair. Many a good stint was seen but, again my vote for Man of the Match goes to the Holker Old Boys No 5 (Luke Mitchell) who really is a composed, focused footballing defender who reads the game well, avoids any nonsense and does what needs doing when required - a quality player if ever I saw one.
Homeward we went in the darkened night, we were a trifle perished but warmed by a good game of footy. The key is getting out and visiting these fine grounds and encouraging others to do the same - this had been another pleasure.
FINAL THOUGHTS - Two teams, nicely balanced, played at a footballing venue that is worthy of anyone's time. Holker Old Boys are a steady crew and just need an extra 10% to become the finished package. The key today was a few missed chances that would have surely nailed the game and dealt a real body blow to the opposing ranks. They were gifted a couple of goals and on that they should have capitalised but I am sure if they would have been offered a point pre-match they would have taken it. They are no mugs though and must have been a trifle peeved at blowing a goal lead but happy to have bagged a point - talk about mixed emotions. AFC Darwen are a good unit and even though they got dealt a double-whammy early on they played with resolute focus, discipline and good energy to get back into this, scrape a lead and then to throw it away. Again, relief and disappointment where tossed together in a cocktail of stressful, emotive lunacy. This lot will be alright though and will be certainly pushing the top teams to the limit. There is an abundance of quality in the ranks, a subtle fluidity and of course, great potential to go on a surging run. I hope to catch both teams again mighty soon but the diary is always rammed and I go with a very meandering flow. When you attend a game such as this though it reminds one to keep space available each and every week for that Non-League fix.
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