We arrived at the ground early, had a coffee and a read and then grabbed some grub and moved to the opposite side of the ground where people were absent. The pie and chips I had were top ruddy notch and the chips that my veggie lass had went down well too. We sprawled and read a little more and then the breeze rose slightly and a chill came from out of nowhere. Now we really did need a good match to keep us thermally intrigued - here is what went on, no wonder I went home and had to warm my conkers in a couple of microwaved eggcups.
An average start with both teams involved in a feeling out process and striving to find a semblance of fluidity. Flixton had a few pushes and Uppermill indulged in some sharp passing sequences that tested the opposition's rear end - akin in fact to a prehensile todger seeking out a rectal opening with no sense of direction. Throughout the first 15 minute spell there was little to call between the two sides and initial thoughts of a goalless bullet were already in the noggin. The guests' No 7 (Jack Ward) attempted to banish these embryonic dreads with a firm dig but the home keeper was reading matters and had his carcass right behind it.
Flixton came on again via a breakaway that was emblazoned with promise. The attacker at the nipple-end of the attack had his shot deflected wide, the corner was superbly headed away by the No 3 (Connor Bramham) but the referee saw an infringement so it was all academic anyway. Uppermill responded, a lovely move saw No 11 (Zachary Hobin) played in, a nudge in the back came, a penalty was shouted for, the claim was as weak as a dolphin's urine - the referee duly ignored. (ooh me clenched blowhole)
A goal looked mighty unlikely as both teams battled away. Flixton progressed with high hopes, 2 shots came from a mush of action, both were blocked. Ward was the final recipient of a pinging globe, alas his shot was thumped with overly zealous desire and whizzed over the bar. The hosts came on soon after, with a weaving foray. No 10 (Dylan Fitzgerald) latched on to a loose ball, the shot was firm and on target, the mittman was there to put in a regulation save - ooh the rotten sod, just when a goal was needed.
The half wasted away like the bobbing testicles of a masturbation addict, I was struggling to find inspiration to scribble. Half chances came and went, the defensive units remain solid and the creativity of each teams frontline force was just lacking that little something extra and so, when we went into the break, with the scoresheet unblemished, it came as no surprise.
I needed a water break and so nipped behind the stand and into some Holly bushes where the pecker was pointed, the sharp leaves avoided and golden fluid was passed. Nearby I spied some dead Holly leaves, I was in fungi mode and expected to see a rather delightful shroom that grows on the leaves of the said plant. A shake of the appendage, a tucking in and zipping up and a quick mooch - lo and behold, Marasmius hudsonii, the Holly Leaf Parachute - a superb looking fungus with a cap adorned with a display of dark setae. A punky little blighter and the highlight of the footballing day out so far, although the chips and pie were in the running too - by heck they were choice. Highlights of the day - I think so!
Back with the missus, a bit of choccie and a cuddle to stave of the nipping breeze and half two began.
Uppermill were out with a spring in their step. A low corner was dealt with, confusion in the box saw a shot blocked and then No 7 (Kyran Leigh) walloped one from range that the keeper tipped neatly over. The kick from the angle was rubbish. Flixton made a push of their own, No 10 (Aaron Dwyer) fed No 9 (Lewis Simon-Byrne) who cut inside and let fly only to see the ball flash wide of the mark. This was a promising start but several dead ball situations came and all were filed as 'wank' due to their poor execution and lack of creativity.
The game remained stifled, balanced and screaming out for a goal. Uppermill did well to work through a spell where they were getting pushed back but the nearest Flixton came was when Simon-Byrne burst forth and fired well but was again off target. The game dwindled away, sparks were lacking and a real blaze was never going to rise - into the dying embers we went with only a faint glow of any high end action had.
Flixton's Simon-Byrne came on again, displayed great feet to make room for a shot but once more, the target zone was not found. The same player put bonce on ball when No 2 (Ismael Mendy) delivered, it goes without saying the meshing was left unbulged and the keeper was left with time to scratch his arse, read a book and smoke a quick fag. Uppermill eventually worked up a move with a sweet sortie ending in a ball to Fitzgerald whose shot was semi-blocked and saved. Into the smoldering ashes, Dwyer for Flixton fired a free-kick straight at the keeper and soon after we were heading home with a fuck-all score draw under the belts - it had to happen sooner or later. One of the reasons for this end result was the Man of the Match choice, namely Flixton FC's No 4 (Louis Holden) a rock solid defender who headed, tackled and just got in the way of many threats and duly stood his ground like a good old trooper. A very reliable shift this and one that should be greatly valued by his team. I was impressed.
FINAL THOUGHTS - Well, a team with high ambition and coin being spilled, the other at the bottom of the league and looking to get the season rolling. I have seen Flixton twice this season so far, they are not the finished article and may just be realising this North West Counties League is a tough old nut to crack. I still think they will be in the end mix, a few minor tweaks and a bit more luck up front and a good roll seems to be on the cards. It is a long old campaign and they are in a healthy position so far, without really breaking in to full stride it seems. The fact is though, I have seen better teams come unstuck in this league and not make the most of their potential - heads up, socks up, get stuck in chaps. Uppermill belied their lowly position today and stuck to their guns and dug deep when needed. They had a few good chances too and if a smattering of good fortune fell their way, they could have nicked this one. There is a long season ahead, a win is urgently needed and a small run of unbeaten games required - at some point they are going to have to fine tune the attacking focus and put some serious work in the creativity factor. They are close to a complete team but not there yet - will matters turn around, I for one hope so.
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