19th October 2026 - Maine Road 3 v 3 Garstang FC - The weekend had flown by, it was a mush of fungi mania, gathering nettle stings in parts left unmentioned and striving to catch up. I squeezed a footy game in, the report will be submitted to 'Where's The Bar' Magazine for an article - it is good to do one's bit. Today I was out and about again, then spent the afternoon on the microscope sorting many outstanding fungal specimens. Tea and the good lady and I headed out, arrived at the ground and after grabbing a coffee chose a perch. Minutes later the game was on and I was letting the nib roam over the paper.
A net delay and then a brisk start with a spectacle of urgent central scurrying. First shot of the game came after the home No 11 (Siraj Hussein) was out wide and worked inwards with a low shot lacking in gumption and too easy for the keeper. No 9 (Weslie Bajraliu) had a pop at the other end, the outcome was similar as was No 8's (Lewis Royle) dig for the hosts. Crikey, I could hardly keep up. No sooner had I noted these initial incidents then Bajraliu had another wallop that packed more 'oomph' but was void of keeper-confounding direction.
The first corner came after Garstang pestered, pilfered and applied pressured. The result was a ball delivered with too much uplift and easily dealt with. As the guests galloped forth MR broke with a delicious long ball gathered by the darting Hussein who outpaced his markers, negotiated the keeper and sent the spherical object home - ah the sweet simplicity of it all. No sooner had the lead been bagged and the night was looking promising for the powder-blue clad team than their No 7 (Franck Haba) played a back pass that saw the keeper make a dubious touch which let No 11 (Liam Painter) nip in, snaffle and send the globe homeward.
2 goals already witnessed, the game was looking like it would produce many more as both teams played with good pace, a certain openness and a willingness to press on. Hussein cracked another one off (no, not in that way) and the visiting No 1 (Joe Lawton) put in a firm save. After a Garstang free-kick No 10 (Brandon Carrington) whacked one over and then Maine Road had a couple more advances with no further impressions made on the scoresheet.
A somewhat dry period ensued, with MR making most of the running whilst Garstang remained tight in the rear (akin in fact to the anal appendages of a sexual scuba-diver - nowt worse than going for a dip with a gaping vent tha' knows). The composed No 6 (Calvin Harper) for the hosts however nearly snuck in but just lacked a bit of pace and then, mere seconds later, the same bod used sharp feet, was unceremoniously tumbled and won a penalty. The same chap stepped up, took his time and swung the shank. The outcome - 2 - 1 to the hosts and from here they continued to push with the Garstangians striving to maintain a foothold.
The half flew by, Bajraliu for the guests latched onto a ball that the hosts lost but the shot that came went off the mark and really should have been the leveller. Before the break Road’s Harper displayed a good footballing brain, played the ball to Hussein who looked all set to fire home but a bobble came and the globe was hammered into the great bleak beyond. Time for a stretch and some choccy.
A nefarious chill seemed to be creeping closer and hellbent of crystallising the gentle areas of we fine people. It was getting to that time of year with the willy of winter bared and ready to stiffen up and freeze the chuffs of any poorly dressed and unprepared pillocks. Note to me and the good lady - to get the midgets we keep in a shed at the bottom of the garden to get knitting some radioactive thermals.
Half two, Garstang were all action, Maine Road were the great absorbent ones (just like those special pants one needs after a night on the piss in Iceland). The home entity of eleven came on, Hussein received, a shot followed, the wood was wobbled, the ball was there for both teams to deal with, Garstang were rooted, up popped the blue clad Hussein to guide the ball home and give his squad an all-important 2 goal cushion. It was a goal against the initial second half flow but... they all count!
Maine Road were now looking cushy whereas Garstang offered the odd threat but were denied by several offsides and poor end passes. A few handball claims were ignored, The Road rallied, had a few corners, one of which resulted in a header from the mush that just wouldn't stay on target. Garstang worked away, No 8 (Liam Entwistle) picked up the ball, put in a cross which Bajraliu was on the end of. The player in possession fired, the bar was hit and the ball went dead.
Free-kicks came each way and Road's No 4 (Blerti Jacaj) put cranium on a corner ball from mere feet from the strike zone but couldn't keep his effort below the bar. As the minutes ticked by the visitors hung on and looked to design a dissection of the opposing defensive body. The tools of execution were sorely lacking and it did look as though the 3 point bonus was staying at Brantingham Road. The last 10 minutes came, Garstang pushed, Bajraliu was in and there to grab a goal that would offer renewed hope but the resident No 1 (Liam Sergent) was down to save. The ball was sent partially away, Entwistle gathered, turned, shot and found the bottom corner - now this was an interesting turn up.
The hands of the clock would not wait, the focus of the trailing team needed to be 100% to gain anything from this game. Maine Road were guilty of getting pushed back, a ball was played forth, a chest on and Entwistle was floored. Despite a dispute a penalty kick was awarded and No 17 (Noah Hindley) strolled up and coolly levelled the game - by crikey, what a comeback!
The rear end of the game was exposed, Garstang posed a couple of threats but the MR ranks survived with the keeper called into action and just doing enough to spare further blushes. The game ended soon after, a real enjoyable affair with many players worthy of a Man of the Match nod. No 2 (Joe Lynchey) for Maine Road was my choice though - a fizzing bee with a good energy level, a constant willingness to be involved and always keeping the opposition wary and thoughtful - have a cup of Honey-Tinted Castrol GTX on me.
FINAL THOUGHTS - And yet another jaunt to one of my favoured haunts and another good game of unpredictable events. I shall sum up both teams in one sweeping analysis due to the fact they are similar in many ways. Both play with the full pitch used, they have an attacking style and both have potential to hammer a team on any given day. Alas both teams also have the potential to squander points and have a knack to play the wrong ball at the wrong time and throw away real killer opportunities. The last few seasons have been tough for these squads, I suspect end positions may be a little higher this time but, the players need to retain belief and when the chance arises to take a game by the conkers and squeeze out the full-on victory, it must be taken. I reckon a mid-table finish for both would be something to build on but, this is a right capricious league with many hungry sides – as per, only the strong, the consistent and, the fortunate will survive.
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