26th September 2016 - Maine Road 5 v 4 Bootle FC - A day catching up with moth, butterfly and hoverfly records, a 3 mile wander, a read of an Agatha Christie novel, some good scram and a few household chores - ooh I needed a footy fix. I arrived at the ground in the mushroom friendly rain and watched the teams go through the warm-up motions. A chill was in the air and I suspected that before the night was out my nipples would be doing a fine old impression of freshly pulled wine-corks...ooh heck. Little did I realise though that the cause of this pap-based erection would be down to the thrilling football and not the subtle drop in the thermals.
Kick off came on the greasy, bejewelled green and the liquid leveller still dropped from the heavens. Things looked set for a goal fest but I was as surprised as anyone when Bootle started the came, glued together a couple of passes and put their first strike home with only 17 seconds on the tick-tock. The goalkeeper didn't move - was there a deflection or was it a case of cruelly caught cold? What a start! Maine Road needed a quick response, went back to the centre spot, flicked the ball around and after a quick run by an attacker forced an immediate penalty which was slapped away with aplomb - 2 minutes gone, 1 goal each - hold onto your nadgers folks. My mate turned up a few minutes later with a couple of cups of cha and when I informed him that 2 goals were already netted he stared at me in disbelief. No sooner had his rear touch the bench and The Road were 2 - 1 up after Richard Williams bagged a goal and contributed to the continuation of the madness. Bootle responded and a shot was cracked forth, it pinged about and could have gone anywhere but, on this night of goal mania, the away side picked up the scraps and suddenly we had an equaliser on the score card - pass me the ruddy tranquillisers, I am too old for this lark. Bootle continued to push now, the No 10 offering angles and the centre forward being a menace. Maine Road offered stout resistance and counterpunched with danger and when Bootle attacked it came as no surprise that a reaction came, Maine attacked down the wing, a superb cross was launched and a sliding tap in gave the home chaps a 3 - 2 advantage. Williams again, 2 for the night and surely hopeful of more. 24 minutes down, 5 goals and when the 37th minute saw Williams bag his hat-trick and leave Bootle 2 goals in the red one still felt the match was far from done and dusted and expectations were justifiably high. Bootle continued to play football, admirable indeed and both sides exhibited a strong desire which, once again, highlighted what a quality league we have to applaud. The break came, many chances in the last 9 minutes were had, this was a beauty!
A cup of cha', a pie for Ged (greedy bugger) and a large Twix for me (the food of the chocolate Gods) and back out into the drizzle highly enthused.
Half number 2 and Bootle were straight on it with a toss into the box testing the keeper who duly responded with a firm and reliable clutch. The repeat move came immediately, another chance ball chucked into the danger zone - this time the keeper dropped the globe like it was a freshly baked turd and the alleged rancid sphere was booted home and the game was back on. Instantaneously and quite remarkably another lofted ball was risked, this time the keeper punched and Lady Luck made sure that all was cleared and the ensuing fast and furious pace continued. Despite the hectic nature of the game both teams attempted to play football and all and sundry were being treated to a night of guts, desire, decent gamesmanship and all round dedication.
The frantic pace was surely going to be a factor late in the game and has Bootle cultivated a 'boom time' and repetitively hammered the home side Maine Road responded with a streaking runner creating a situation were two desperate goal line clearances helped keep the game at 4 - 3. A fascinating affair this with chance after chance transpiring and both units going for the jugular. Well wankered legs were being worked hard and after a manic Bootle push Maine Road produced a response that was smooth, silky and finalised with a killer blow - 5 goals to 3 - was that the game done? Only 8 minutes on the clock and all seemed finalised but when another hopeful lob was met by the crust of Ryan Cox for Bootle and the net duly rippled it seemed we were destined for a fitting finale. Only one goal in it, the toss of a coin would be easier to predict and although one suspected an equaliser could come, the Blues held on and took all three points from an absolutely storming game. Man of the Match, by crikey what a task! I shall opt for Road's No 2 (Joel Senior) who thrusted like a demon, stayed calm in the storm and worked his arse off at the back to keep his side ahead - good lad.
FINAL THOUGHT - These are the bare facts - The shows of Benny Hill have never provided as much excitement as what was on show tonight. Never in a million years would you get such value from a game of football as you do in the Hallmark Security League. If you spent the night with Hilda Baker on a love potion you wouldn't come away as shagged out as you would watching this game. The next time you watch either of these sides it goes without saying that you will need a change of underwear, a few packets of Valium and a good dose of Reality Tablets to bring you back to earth. Two fine teams, applause for the footballing efforts and both will do OK this season and, I reckon, be involved in many more crazy kick abouts - thank goodness for that!
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