24th September 2016 - Whitchurch Alport 1 v 1 Sandbach United - A morning leading a fungus walk at Harthill made the option of carrying on to watch Whitchurch Alport at home all the more easier. The fungi mooching was hard due to dry conditions but 56 species were eventually rattled up. I expected the football match planned to be equally hard with the two teams on show both having played an equal number of matches and having the same amount of points. Prior to the match me and my grand lady indulged in a cup of cha and some excellent chips that went down a treat after the mornings natural rummaging. Just what the bent quack ordered (as well as the usual rectal investigation - the dubious bugger).
And to the match...
Within a couple of minutes of the kick-off, and having just digested those glorious chips, Whitchurch had committed the ultimate crime of fannying about at the back and presenting the away teams striker with a gift which was neatly slotted beneath the keeper and set things up for an interesting encounter. I expected much, a really good game full of quality that reflected the high flying units on parade. What was dished up was a scrappy affair loaded with panic-stricken passes, too much air play and a lack of real quality when a major moment presented itself. As the half progressed it became a pattern of Whitchurch pushing and looking eager and with Sandbach sitting back and looking for a long ball break. A few crosses from the home side promised, but failed to deliver. Sandbach had a couple of blocked shots and huffed and puffed but excitement stayed low and maybe the the flying Wood Pigeon and the whiff of some freshly purchased chips brought more excitement to my old carcass than what was going on on the pitch. Did I mention how good the chips were here - oh heck the saliva is flowing again.
Restraint, will-power and the need to stop the gut from growing forced my hand into avoiding another chip indulgence so I headed to the other side of the ground for the second half and had a Topic with my lady and a swill of Fanta - hardly the recommendation of a dietician but neither is Non-League footy so what the hell do they know!
Half the second, Whitchurch came out with the intent to play football on the deck and for the first 20 minutes or so it worked with their No 9 eventually being allowed to twiddle and twank (please do not remove the 'T's) along the touchline, get a cross over and assist in an equaliser that was, to say the least, deserved. Whitchurch imposed themselves, Sandbach held tight but were playing it dangerous with the main release being the breathless No 9 who, although labelled 'a dirty little devil' and a 'dirty little twat', worked his arse off, got stuck in and as someone noted, was a real ruddy nuisance. For me he put himself about and did it well and he did help in getting a free kick for his side but the potshot that came was weak and without direction, a bit like a cross-eyed pisspot on his way home after a good old bender. The game trudged on, it did its best to avoid being termed a 'classic' and it became more balanced than it should have been and somehow petered out into a situation of stalemate. The ref blew and in truth, it came as a relief. Man of the Match for me today was a close call between the No 2 for Sandbach (Matty Pearson) and the chips. I am kindly giving it to the defender though who may need to pay a visit to the doctors on Monday morning to have his knackers sewn back on as he certainly worked them off today and put in a real good stint to admire. Well worked squire!
FINAL THOUGHT - If one paid a visit to Oil Drum Lane and had a wander around the yard of Steptoe and Son I would place a wager that more quality would be found than what was on show today. That is to not say the teams that played were garbage, it was just one of those matches that saw two closely matched units snub each other out. In fact, the match was in many respects toothless, just like old Albert - ooh the dirty old man! Whitchurch now just need to keep a regular team and Sandbach just need a bit more sway towards the attack mode but come the end of the season these will both be tussling around the same upper end area.
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