CAPRICIOUS CUP CRACKER

23rd November 2016 - West Didsbury & Chorlton 5 v 3 Padiham FC  - The lasses had been spending dosh and got home late so, as a result, I was dropped off at the ground after the planned kick-off time (serves me right for not being a driver - bah).  Luckily for me the game had been delayed by 15 minutes so I only had a brief wait before the match started which gave no time for old Charlie Chill to kiss my privates with his spiteful frosted lips - the deviant little bugger.  The night was as black as a pygmies goolies, the grass slightly yellowing like Oliver Reeds skin after another notorious bender and when the announcer did his bit over the tannoy, the two teams appeared and I prepared for this 2nd round tie of the Lancashire Challenge Cup.

The home lads started with the greatest illumination and posted an early warning shot that strayed wide but set the early intentions of the WDC crew.  Soon after another opportunity arose when a cross caused chaos resulting in a punch by the keeper and a follow-up shot that went straight back into the net-mans arms.  Padiham eventually began to work back in and won a couple of free headers that came to nothing and kept things all square.  The manager was far from happy though and his resonating gob filled the parky air with thermal irritation.  The frustration was well founded and proof was ascertained when West Didsbury and Chorlton's No 2 lobbed in a sweet ball that was connected with but again fired...just wide.  Padiham responded with a thumping shot in return but the ball flashed over - the game was warming up.  The away team were scrapping, they were making the match a manky affair and all seemed to resemble something akin to a chess match played in a meadow of shite - unappealing but perversely fascinating.  Although the home team were in ascendancy I fancied Padiham to purloin a goal from somewhere has their aerial threat seemed ready to pay off.  These thoughts nearly bore fruit has a fine swift counter-assault was created after some acute passing and a terse spell of pressure that was finalised with a crust making contact with the battered globe that flew just past the post.  Close but no bacon butty and within seconds West Didsbury played the most simplest of moves from back to front that saw the deadlock broken and Ash Woods take his first goal of the night.  As I scribbled my notes and looked up Padiham were on a last ditch attack which came to zilch whereupon their opponents broke again, played a couple of simple balls and wham, the lead was doubled as was the strikers tally for the night.  A good finish to a tough half of football and when the ref blew his whistle the ones in attendance made haste to get those much needed refreshments.

It goes without saying that a cup of cha' was purchased and ruddy enjoyed as well as a good old Twix.  During the half time break a young chap accosted me and bombarded me with verbals about his ground-hopping antics, the dubious characters of his home town, the gay based threats he felt were all around him and his suspicions of mass poisoning in Glossop that was sending all the residents insane.  What a lad and what an imagination.

Segment 2, the action was fast, the teams came out rejuvenated - the midway pep talks had done the business. Things were well balanced, Padiham were still in this but when West Didsbury's No 11 weaved a merry dance down the line and pinged the ball into the danger zone up popped that ruddy Ash Woods again and cracked home his 3rd of the evening and strengthened his teams grip on the jugular of this game.  The away lads could have crumbled at this point but they hoofed back in with the goal of the game that saw their No 10 holding up the ball on the edge of the box, working a lateral line and then passing to his team mate who cracked home with aplomb, applause for Joseph Whittington I say, applause.  No sooner had The Storks pecked their way back in than West Didsbury went down the other end and struck back and made it 4 - 1.  By heck, this Frankensteinian monster of football just got a double dose of voltage up its arse and it was now stomping with real vibrant energy.  I got my breath, took stock and then...make that 4 - 2, Aaron Taylor grabbed a goal and kept things very much alive and kicking.  Note taken, kick off, 2 minutes passed and a free kick won.  Aim taken, assessment had, ball floated and the net rippled, this time Gary Hunter of Padiham scoring a stunner and suddenly there was one goal in it - fantastic stuff.  Padiham were now hustling hard, West Didsbury were looking to break, from amid the hard fluster a throw in was taken by Padiham, the bounce was unpredictable, a holler went up for 'Handball', the ref gave the nod, fuckin' hell (ooh pardon me, it' s the excitement tha' knows) - penalty and pressure on.  Silence, would it be 4 goals all or would things turn sour for the away team.  The ball was hoofed, it went low, the keeper dropped to his left - saved!  We stayed as we were.  Padiham now needed balls as big as King Kong to stay in this and when West Didsbury won a free kick on the edge of the box I for one expected the worst.  Slap, 5 goals to 3, Joe Shaw got his just deserts and ripped the guts out of the away team who had done so darn well to make a game of this.  The Padiham bench was incensed, a dubious tackle added salt to an open wound, things became incandescent and words spilled with passion.  Something untoward was said, the Padiham Manager was given his marching orders and off he strode, steam rising, blood still surging.  The game became a grind out and the last few minutes  were hard work but when the whistle blew I think both teams deserved a good round of applause for their efforts.  Man of the Match today shall be given to (Joe Shaw) of West Didsbury and Chorlton, he put in an industrious work load, flitted here and there, was a real menace at times and topped things off with a goal - what more could you ask for. 


FINAL THOUGHT - Another cup match, one that came to life and proved to be a ruddy good do.  It is a case of cup fever at the moment with many tournaments taking place and making for one busy period for these non-league doofers.  The value for money you get is astounding and for DIY dogs such as me who have a punk streak yearning for things real and unaffected this is as close as I'll get in the soccer theme.  These two teams tonight contributed to a fine exhibition of gutsy, unpredictable footy and hopefully they will be getting a few more views and reviews from me before the season is finished.