6th September 2017 - Cheadle Town 1 v 0 Abbey Hulton FC - These football matches are coming around quicker than Keith Lemon's crimes against comedy (what a twat) and I am doing well to squeeze in what I can. The fungus season is nearly upon us and so I will dragged this way and that trying to promote the joys of the mycological world and help the environment get some due note, as a result the matches I attend will be few and far between. Every fruitcake must have many flavours or one could end up as bland as the sex-life of retro Coronation Street wannabe lothario Albert Twatlock (he invented the chastity belt don't ya know) and so I do a bit here, there and sometimes...everywhere. I arrived in decent fettle, chatted to a few amiable folk and had a swift read. I really couldn't predict this one as my knowledge of the visiting team is minimal. In fact I know more about the mating habits of the Batley Wombat than I do about this new viewed squad, this though, is no bad thing. Eventually out came the two opposing footballing tribes, hands were shook and positions taken up - the man in black blew for play.
The globose target was touched by activated trotters and the 90 minutes of play began to tick. It was a safe and steady start from both units but it was the guests who had the first penetrating attack when a cross found the nut of the robust No 9 (Joshua Graham) who headed off target. At the other end a defensive error allowed the No 9 of Cheadle (Jones) to nip in and have a crack at goal. The result was an off-target shot that really should have been buried instead it was a glowing miss. Within moments the green clad hosts had an eye-catching move with No 7 (Jake Ambrose) and No 10 (Richard Whyatt) combining. A cross was borne and met the toe of the awaiting Jones who, from a sharp angle, hoofed the ball forth but the glory of a goal went begging as it did soon after when the rushing Ambrose had a thump forward but saw the side-netting ripple. Abbey Hulton needed a response and a dazzling run by their No 3 (Jonathon Birks) resulted in a low cross that was too quick for the striker who tapped forth but was met by a good goalkeeping block. The game was opening up nicely, the visitors No 9 was a hefty bugger and became a targeted nuisance. He won a free-kick from which came in box confusion, somehow Cheadle managed to clear. Both teams were getting it together, many probing balls were just failing to get that crucial breakthrough. Cheadle's No 8 (Daniel Wood) was fizzing around and Abbey Hulton's No 7 (Sam Luke) was covering some good turf in a contest that was perfectly balanced.
Abbey Hulton won a free punt, it was knocked in and looked problematic but the home No 3 (Josh Harrison) was highly alert and cleared well. Back and forth the game went. Cheadle had a header, straight at the keeper, how this was still goalless was beyond me. From much persistence and pressure came pettiness and bickering and as a result the game lost its flow. The referee did well not to get card happy and got the game back on track although the fly in the ointment was a stubborn one and proceedings stuttered to the halfway break with no further threats had. An intriguing battle this, it was still all to play for.
I had a brief read at half time, tossed down a few yoghurt raisins and stretched the old boiled eggs. A slow drizzle started to fall, the emerald green playing surface looked wonderful - I hoped it would be used to continue this decent match-up.
The first chance of the second period was cultivated by the guests' bustling No 11 (Kieron Ball) who went on a streaking run (no not that sort) and found his comrade No 10 (Josh Bowden). The shot came, the dip was too late, over the bar the ball flew. Up the opposite end, a smooth move was executed but Whyatt's shot was tame. A bout of midfield ping-pong followed (Desmond Douglas failed to make a cameo appearance) and out of the human pinball Cheadle's Ambrose let fly a shot of frustration - again there was no end joy. His teammates came gain, No 11 (George Clarey) finalised a break and made the keeper save and the ball was knocked wide. It was soon after this hopeful punt that Cheadle switched off, Abbey Hulton had time in the box, from a melee of swinging legs a shot came, the result was a superb goalkeeping moment that was applauded by all. The Town reacted, Clarey ran forth like his arse was ablaze, he crossed, a touch from Whyatt was had, the spherical object would not go between the sticks. The match was tight but from my vantage point up on high there was space to be found but hey, this was a hectic game, it is very easy to overlook the obvious when in the midst of the mania.
A few fouls were now creeping in, both teams were putting in a good stint but Cheadle were just applying a greater stranglehold. The keepers at each end were alert, why couldn't the buggers just be a little more Christian and let in a goal or two for we mere paying punters - very selfish of them I thought. Both teams now were running themselves ragged, a free-kick for the travelers was taken by their No 6 (Joshua Beaumont), wow that was awful and an overhead plane was duly grounded. 'Mission control are you hearing me 'Wank flying ball alert' - please confirm'. Clarey for Cheadle was running himself ragged and was insulted with a ludicrous yellow card for a tackle that lacked any spite and any real 'oomph'. A free kick came for Abbey Hulton, the result was another wonderful save. From here desperation took hold, the visiting squad produced a sweet move when Graham threw in a choice back-heel that allowed his colleague to shoot at a sharp angle - and again, the mittman (Daniel Whiting) was down and solid. From here we saw a goalkeeping fumble, a few mis-kicks, several slips and slides and many legs that were now jellified. All at once, Abbey Hulton floundered at the rear, the pinging ball should have been hoofed clear, it wasn't and Richard Whyatt of Cheadle pounced. The connection was resounding, the back of the net was hammered, the home fans roared with delight. The nails in the coffin could have been well and truly hammered home when, within minutes, Cheadle's sub (Robbie Robertson) was at the end of a breakway and missed a glaring chance. It didn't matter though, the ref brought the game to a halt soon after and somehow Cheadle had snatched this one and followed up on their recent impressive win at Sandbach United. The game had been a decent spectacle with both teams striving for that breakthrough and dashing around like kleptomaniacs in an unattended gift shop. Man of the Match for me goes to (George Clarey) of Cheadle Town, simply for his tireless willingness, persistent pushing forth and galloping runs that put the wind up the opponents defense. Keep whizzing about like that lad and your shorts will soon be smouldering - ouch.
FINAL THOUGHT - On their day these two teams will be a test for anyone and it seems, at long last, Cheadle Town may be on the cusp of a consistent run that will see them reach heady zeniths where oxygen salesmen will need to be contacted. Abbey Hulton caught my eye tonight with the way the alternated the pace of play, their desire to keep the ball moving and the fact that they always seemed to have many options and much space. Ok, they didn't take those options tonight and the space was somewhat wasted but they are team who will do just fine and maybe, just maybe, they will sneak a play-off spot and do the business at the tail end. It goes without saying that I will be back at Park Road soon enough and, if my diary stays true I should be watching Abbey Hulton strut their stuff on home turf too - here's to a grand day out (without Wallace and Grommit though - that would be too much mither).
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