4th September 2017 - Stockport Town 0 v 1 Alsager Town - What a testing day! Up early with a fat head due to a cold on the cusp and a bike ride that saw me fall off at the last and scrape my elbow and knee. I discovered a few micro-fungi, one of which gave me a real headache trying to decipher which species it is - very frustrating. Sometimes the cookie crumbles all the wrong way and each and every morsel seems to find its way into your underpants of irritation and really get on one's wick! My good lady and daughter were given full details of my sporting crash complete with exaggerated descriptions and close up views of the sanguine scars - they rated me as a 'silly sod' and kept on watching 'Pointless'. One tries, one tries. A quick update of wildlife sightings, a check of some spores, dressed and out. I arrived early tonight so as to have a read and a chill before the match got underway. A cup of cha' was purchased and a sausage butty (hot damn that was needed) and a seat taken, man I was quite comfy.
8pm arrived, the teams entered the balmy evening air, the match began in earnest (who the hell is Earnest and why oh why does he insist on having a football match played inside him - tis a form of madness I tell ye)! The start was sketchy in the extreme with The Lions just shading matters. The drizzle fell and added a fine grease to the 4G surface that somehow aided and abetted the rank opening period. Constipation reigned supreme but from the blocked bowels a spasm of excitement came. A throw-in was had on one side of the pitch and was pinged to the other with fine passing accuracy. The No 11 (Benjamin Baibsley) of Alsager was allowed to surge through the defensive pack, Town time stood still as the ball, glided into the back of the mesh. The lead was perhaps against the run of play and a disgruntled home squad burst back with a blazing shot that needed tipping over, a corner that produced no joy and much perspired play that addressed the balance. No 11 (Jamie Hinchcliffe) had a punt, it was deflected just wide but a pattern was set with Alsager looking content to sit back, absorb and counter. The Lions raised a weak roar next, No 2 (Daryll Grant) received after No 10 (Jordan Erdman) smartly dummied. The cross was low and accurate and No 9 (Oliver Jepson) looked set to score - alas the globe was disappointingly lumped over.
Alsager began to work back in to this trying contest, a half chance for Jepson should have been buried. An offside call against the rushing Bullets caused tempers to become frayed with the referee doing mighty well to quell matters. Alsager came again, No 8 (Warren Holmes) played a stunning ball, it started a move that saw a cross go into the box and find the in-rushing No 3 (Kyle Stubbs) who rattled restlessly wide. The weather remained dire, the game followed suit and the half fizzled out, along with everyone's interest and the referees whistle was a blessing without disguise.
I sat quietly in the interval, enjoying the book I was determined to finished. The 15 minutes passed mighty swiftly, the teams came back into the murk.
The hosts had early possession but it was Alsager's Jepson who cracked a rousing howitzer that must have been a relief to the home lads when it dipped a little too late and went over the bar. The same team came again with a goal-kick, nod on that led to No 2 (Kiarno Samms) sail in and pull the trigger - just wide of the far post. Now that was a warning if ever I saw one. The black and whites came again, Jepson threaded and found space to pass. No 7 (Taylor Attrell) latched on and shot - inches wide. In response Stockport started to build impetus but an injured opponent halted this rise and brought a sticky game into an even deeper quagmire. The game eventually got going again with The Lions running at the opponents and causing a certain discomfort and a lack of adhesion. All the while, as time ticked on, Alsager remained stubborn and after a brace of fouls and some pushing and shoving Town had a free kick. The execution was crap, the counterattack looked tasty but was finalised with more crapulence and a late thrust from the hosts did cause chaos and raise hopes of some form of excitement but a header that should have been on target went wretchedly wayward. It kind of summed up a match that must be one of the worst I have been to, a contest that just didn't get going and involved two teams who cancelled each other out and negated any chance of liquidity. The ref blew, all were glad and out of much negativity I found a positive point in the Man of the Match, the A's No 4 (David Harry) who was resolute at the rear, threw himself into each and every challenge and when in any doubt, hoofed the ball clear and allowed his team to regroup - a workmanlike effort for sure.
FINAL THOUGHT - Turds cannot be polished and when the Gods of Depression conspire to make a match a real sticking test of even the most holy man's patience then the player and the punter are doomed. The plus points from tonight's contest were that both teams showed a tough resilience, had an ability to get their heads down and strive to grab something from a stuttering game and also had a defensive tenacity that will cause many teams debilitating consternation. To add to this, Alsager seem to have a knack of winning ugly, in that there is a perverse beauty, one the connoisseurs will appreciate. I shall be back at Stockport Sports Village over the forthcoming winter months, I hope to pop down to see The Bullets play at home too but if I get more of the same as what I witnessed tonight though I may be forced to compose a letter of complaint or...lock myself in the toilets with a bag of sausage butties. I am trying to remain upbeat and clutch at straws - please forgive me. Oh one last thing, when I got home I finally confirmed a fungus species - Patellaria atrata was the tinker - lovely and not everyday you'll read of it in a footy report.
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