BULLET PROOF

22nd November 2017 - Cheadle Town 2 v 1 Alsager Town  - After a 4 day break from work I was back at it today and after cycling home in the rain I was piss-wet through and highly mud-flecked.  I think that if I would have stood down wind whilst a nude curry laden Hattie Jacques broke wind in my face I would have been less splattered - I looked like a freckled Duncan Goodhew although I do have pubic hair and lack the anal gills (or is this all rumour).  A quick change after some more exercising, tidying up, preparing tea and my good lady came home and we exchanged news of the day.  We indulged in some shite TV, had tea, checked the web waves to see if the match was still on and I duly set out into the manky wanky night air.  A chat on the gate to the keeper of the coinage, a wander to the seating area and I awaited the two groups of combatants who were going to take part in this 2nd round Macron Cup Match.  My thoughts were of a close encounter with the away team having slight favour before kick off.  Either way I reckoned on a good value exhibition as I am quite optimistic prior to all these matches I attend, one can blame simpleness or a stout heart of hope - make yer own minds up.  And to add, after last night's fiasco at Abbey Hey where, after 1 minute of football we were all cast into darkness and duly sent home, I had every right to don the attire of a pessimist and wear a a sandwich board for tonight's match claiming 'the end is shite'.  So you see, I do have my good points!

The early advances came the way of the Alsager heads with Cheadle looking initially unsettled at the back.  Having said this, it was the home team who cultivated the first break, a lovely move culminating in a threaded ball that dissected the defensive areas of Alsager and allowed No 9 (Jake Ambrose) to latch on and strike - alas for the home bods the save was rock solid.  End to end events followed, both teams looking capable of getting an early strike.  A wild crack from Alsager flew into the night murk and then suddenly The Town went on a marauding push with No 11 (Chris Sherrington) coasting the wing and releasing across.  A defensive blunder put the ball on a plate for any wannabe takers and up stepped No 10 (Rick Whyatt) to gratefully accept the gift and firmly slapped homeward.  From here Alsager sought to respond and did so with a free kick that was thumped in and ended in another shot that whizzed too high of the bar.  Cheadle now passed with patience, just that last cross/pass was being rushed.  Alsager moved forth, No 7 and No 11 put in some good work with a shot eventually coming via Lennon and a good save had.  The corner was crap, the long range shot just after a lot better but not on target.  On the 26th minute Cheadle won a corner, Sherrington swung the ball in and the crust of Ambrose made a little too much contact and the ball flew over from mere inches out.

A sticky patch with reckless defending at either end almost causing full on chaos and the second strike of the night.  Out of this testing mire the Alsager mittman made a howling clearance and Cheadle were two on one.  Whyatt and Ambrose, passed, paused, passed and paused - when an effort did come a golden opportunity was gone, would this be rued later in the game?  The Green Army probed once more, Whyatt on a weaving run that saw him eventually up-ended.  The free kick was taken by Sherrington who swung in a curler with pace, it was somehow just tipped around the post.  The corner came, several passes and a low drive in saw No 7 (Clarey) suffer ill fortune as the ball would just not squeeze home.  Alsager had one last flourish, ball in and the goalie was flapping but the end shot was deflected and we were done.

A bit of tension spilled over as heated words were exchanged as the teams left the pitch.  Cheadle had got beneath the skin of their opponents and duly rattled their cage - the pushing, shoving and Cro-Magnon language revealed so much and the question arose - could Cheadle Town handle the heat or would the pan of promised success bubble over and burn their balls to kingdom come - pinnies at the ready!  I stretched and chewed a few mints and contemplated matters, tis all testosterone, tossology and twattery if the truth be known - all I want is a good competitive game played with head down focus and hard fought fairness - we shall see!

Alsager started boldest, a chest out forthright effort that saw a close in header that sent out an early red light warning.  The rain now fell with greater force and the surface was greasier than Boris Johnson's chat up lines, would this have a genuine effect on proceedings?  A few yellow cards were issued, tasty tackles were being added to the night's menu and a perilous situation for all was had.  A great passing sequence by The Bullets saw their No 11 set his sights and release, the shot missed my the breadth of a rhino's love rod.  Cheadle's resilience was admirable, they needed every man standing but out of the increasing murk a loose ball was up for grabs and it was unlucky to see No 8 (Aaron Fleming) of the hosts arrive a little too late and receive a red card for his efforts - shit does indeed happen.  Cheadle surprisingly found renewed vigour from this set-back and pushed on.  A move came, a shout from the terraces pleaded for a foul, the referee allowed play to go on.  The ball was eventually passed and the night's substitute Callum Collinson drilled home from the angle.  2 - 0 and in truth well deserved.

The A's dug in, No 8 (Matthew German) had a low blazer nicely saved by an ever-ready netter.  Moments later, the striker of the ball on goal threw himself into a  tackle and received orders to go and cool off in the showers.  He looked miff, he had been wound up all night and his banging and clattering in the changing rooms was hardly the way to react - embarrassing to say the least with his side let down and thrown onto the back foot.  Moments after this incident Cheadle could have slammed the door shut on any Alsager hopes but Sherrington was sloppy and blazed way over.  The game was now nearly done, Alsager hassled, Cheadle hindered but, as the visitors made a last gasp effort at glory and gained in-the-box possession an ungainly tackle came and a penalty was awarded.  Up stepped No 3 (Kyle Stubbs) and thwack, 2 - 1 it was - were we in for a big finish?  Alas the referee said 'no' and blew his whistle - well who would have predicted this one.  A good game in trying conditions and the Man of the Match goes to Cheadle Town's No 10 (Rick Whyatt) for his all-round endeavour, ruddy hard work and persistent pestering of the rear guard - a decent stint if ever I saw one.

FINAL THOUGHT - A game that saw one team start poorly and eventually let frustration eat away at their resolve and another team pinch an early goal and show a determination and work rate not to be denied.  The key to winning these close encounters is to keep the head down, work like a dog and not get dragged into extraneous incidents that will interfere with the focus.  Like a potential pervert out and about with his binoculars looking for a spot of wildlife to deflect his thoughts.  Suddenly he comes across a pair of meddling lovers having a wriggle in the woods, he knows he shouldn't look but he does and as a result his target for the day is ruined.  Keep the eyes on the job, not on the nob - so sayeth Confucius the Third, former resident of Batley and Broadmoor but a lover of football.  I enjoyed this one and tootled off home to have a jam butty and a cup of cha' - grand stuff lad, grand!