2nd December 2017 - FC Oswestry Town 4 v 0 Eccleshall FC - Myself and my choice good lady have been together today for 22 years and I have never regretted a day of it as she is the best I could ever wish for - I hope she feels the same, I am hard work don't ya know. Our day started early and after the bank card refused to work at the petrol station we had to nip to the local bank, sort a new card, go back and pay for the acquired juice and set out on our travels - at last. We rolled up to Whittington Castle, had a mooch round the grounds, purchased 4 books, one of which was a back up copy of Culpepper's Herbale (it helps keep the arse free of spots and the bowels free flowing). We then went into the cafe and indulged in tea and cake (scone, jam and clotted cream for me, lemon cake for the missus). We chatted to a nice lady and enjoyed our victuals before jumping in the car and heading to Ifton Nature Reserve for a walk. A few fungi and birds were listed and a few lichens collected for examination before we set of for The Venue to watch today's game. As in the style of the aforementioned Culpepper 'we did settle our fundaments on chosen rectal receptacles of varnished timber and partook of leafed liquid and sliced members of the family Solanum' and as in the words of ye olde Fungalpunk 'bloody darn good they were too'. The teams warmed up, disappeared and the caterpillar tunnel extended its chlorophyll coloured epidermis and spat out the players who were to take part in today's drama. The crowd reached a less than noteworthy 57 but hey, good on each and every one of them for making the effort and supporting football that is real and not corrupted by the coin - respect peeps. And to the game...
The first action was a squeak at goal by Eckoid's No 9 (Leigh Skellern) who pursued a long ball, made up the yardage but tragically put in the softest of shots that was void of any peril. The guest team had the main bulk of the early play and exhibited a very pleasing patience and pass and move discipline. The aim was to dent the defense of the home army by finding the smallest crack and tearing it wide open with a cutting pass. Probing and teasing the visitors maintained organised rank but Oswestry are a well-drilled team and resisted with robustness and frustrated their opponents. The closest Eccleshall came was when their No 2 (Conor Docherty) cut in from the wing and clouted the upright with a low drive, the keeper though had matters covered. This effort roused the O's and within a tickling of a tadpole's todge the home No 9 (Jack Harris) connected onto a drilled in cross and brushed the ball just over. From here a balance was had although a rapier-like attack by Eccleshall nearly brought initial glory when No 7 (Daniel Nedham) was through. The shot however was blocked by a quick reacting keeper who spread himself quicker than butter on a bald man's bonse. From the ensuing corner Skellern tried a lengthy punt, alas it was like the pendulous member of a drunken elephant - low and wide.
A veritable chess match followed, not in the same league as Kasparov v Fisher but just as enthralling. Suddenly the flanks were seared as No 11 (Louis Downs) for Eccleshall reached the end zone and blasted in a low, sizzling cross. No 5 (Robert Shone) of the home squad lunged and must have been mighty relived to see the ball fly over his own crossbar. The corner came to bugger all but soon after No 7 (Jacob Farleigh) for the O-men set his legs aflame and moved with purpose before laying the ball off to his colleague No 10 (Stuart Vernon). He was just inside the opponents half, his Sparrowhawk-like peepers had noticed the goalkeeper off his line, he duly thumped and entered the lottery of the lob. The ball glided, the mittman scampered back, the laws of gravity seemed to be defiant and the ball stayed high when suddenly, a last minute dip that was blessed by Newton himself, saw the ball drop just below the horizontal and make for one hell of a goal. What a strike and what a blow against the run of play, talk about pissing on ones chips - even the fish, pudding and peas were soaked through here. From this point on the hosts grew in confidence, the belief system was invigorated and no sooner had the celebrations died down than Harris was in and having a crack. It was a reckless attempt but still kept the coals of potential glowing and Eccleshall striving for some kind of lucky break. Things continued as per towards the break with the O-Bro's just edging matters and showing a greater purposeful intent. The referee was set to vibrate his pea (in several ways I suspected) but Oswestry wanted more. A move bursting with punishing pace came at the death, No 11 (Joseph Newton) supplied a cuthroat cross and Jack Harris executed from inches out and doubled the home teams lead. A sucker punch and sending the guests into the tunnel with frustration and irritation etched all over their faces. It can be a cruel game at times.
A cuppa for half time, it was needed, it had been a long day and we were feeling a trifle tired and so the cold took its chance. To keep warm I pondered a poem I had been considering but couldn't get further than the first two lines 'I once had a date with the charming Tony Gubba, I went to his flat where he dressed me in rubber' - any takers on finishing this poem will be most welcome and perhaps could help me finish my latest prescription of mental health tablets, here's hoping!
Back to the match and out the teams came. Straight at it went the Oswestry men, Farleigh was running with intent, a free kick was gained. Vernon took charge and put in a quite intelligent pass, The Eck-Heads did well to read the danger signs. The team on the back foot followed up with some awful defending and were lucky they didn't go further behind and see their hopes get trampled to death, The night reflected their situation, a manky mizzle fell from the bruised underbelly of a tubbed up sky and the Eccleshall lads needed to shake off their bout of wintry blues and get back in this. Skellern offered hope when he pilfered the ball and crossed. Alas the tap forth by the incoming striker was too high and yet another potential chance went for a Burton. Onwards the strugglers came though, the Prozac of Pride is a powerful stimulant and when Needham knocked forth a low drive it was the knees of the home mitter who denied a strike back. A session of leveled play came, Eccleshall were trigger shy at times and let a few chances go to seed by just not showing enough adventure and letting fly at the first sight of goal. One shot by their No 3 (Lewis Dunn) came from a corner but was as effective as Bruce Forsyth's syrup and at 2 goals to 0 we stayed.
From the lull came Eccleshall's greatest grab at glory. Needham was clean through, the goalkeeper was galloping out, the shot came, it was without direction and the home No 1 saved with ease. Up the other end matters flew, Farleigh wriggled and shot close in from the angle...another regulation, but effective, save was had. Things were warming up. Time progressed and Old Mother Urgency stuck a finger up the arse of the Eccleshall boys. All she forgot to add was a good rubbing down with the oils of composure. A long cross from Docherty saw No 7 Needham volley, again it was a rushed and wasted effort. Oswestry now responded, No 8 (Joshua Sumner) worked hard and burst free from 2 tackles. The ball was stroked around and the initial creator popped up and finished the move, albeit with a touch of good fortune via a kind deflection. Eccleshall looked to get a consolation, a corner came, the substitute headed and volleyed but a quite sweet save on the stretch put paid to any ensuing celebration. The depths of the game were upon us, the hosts had one last thrust. The move was disciplined and took advantage of tired legs. The ball was passed with a deliberate decisiveness and was eventually lofted into the net by No 14 (Daniel Tinsley) to knock the stuffing out of a fading Eccleshall unit. The referee ended the game soon after, 4 - 0 was a harsh scoreline but man Oswestry are on a confident roll at the moment and are taking their chances when they fall. They are a team who have some industrious players and so Man of the Match goes to one such chap, namely No 8 (Josh Sumner) who worked like a warrior, put in a full 90 minute shift and helped his side win in what appeared to be, a canter.
FINAL THOUGHT - And yet again, in this lowly league of reality-soaked football, we see two teams playing with a good style, using the deck for what it was meant to be used for and trying to build a victory on the finer principles of the game. It was a fairly skewed end result that didn't reflect the balance of the game but the 3 points went the right way and I am sure FC Oswestry can only keep on building and rising higher up the league table. Eccleshall are far better this year than they have been for the last couple of terms and play a decent game that should keep them free of danger. Luck didn't fall their way today and the chances, when they came, were not dealt with in true assassins style. A bit of work up front on the finishing, an attention to working the flanks and I reckon from here the team can build and prosper. I best get a visit pencilled in to Pershsal Park as it is one of my favourite old-style grounds and as for The Venue, well it goes without saying that we will be back. Tis all ruddy good stuff!
😁👍
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