15th January 2018 - Stockport Town 4 v 0 Cammell Laird 1907 - A first round Cheshire Senior Cup tie, a miserable night that only the bravest or most foolhardy will tolerate and the prospect of a well fought game between two teams who are on a hit and miss roll. My expectation levels were high tonight as I had recently ordered, and received, two Roy of the Rovers Annuals circa 1980 and 1981. Having read a few tales it seems anything is possible in the golden game and if I didn't witness at least 5 goals, two of which have to tear through the netting and kill an unsuspecting onlooker, I would consider myself well and truly let down. The scorer of the winning goal must have golden locks, a scoring record second to none and must have been kidnapped at least once (one must have added drama in these situations). I may ask too much, but I have Melchester Fever at the moment, it somehow distorts reality and gives one a idealistic escapism from the humdrum everyday existence. So, wrapped up better than an overwintering caterpillar I took up my position, set peepers to level 'rose-tinted' and watched the game unfold before me. I couldn't see a Roy Race lookalike, perhaps he was playing incognito - fingers crossed. Prior to the match I had a chat with the Assistant Club Secretary (Rob York) who was a fine chap and very keen on his duties and non-league footie - good on ya mate. I also nattered to a couple of guys who had dropped in from 'darn sarf', both equally keen on this glorious game and happy to squeeze a match in whilst on a working excursion - can't fault it!
The green shoots of promise tentatively peeped out from the 4G pitch and attempted to add intrigue on a night of foul, stinking weather. Both teams were keen to get a spurt on, more than likely to try and alleviate the symptoms of the creeping cold which isn't very good for the muscles or morale. The Lairds No 9 (Joseph Malkin) was the first to stoke interest levels, he put in some good work, purloined a ball that should have been safely dealt with and got in a half decent cross. This time the defense did their job but within a brace of minutes No 7 (Joshua Maldon) was buzzing on the edge of the box and after being upended was awarded a free punt. The play continued, the rear guard stood firm but the CL Crew were putting together some good moves and maintaining a solid amount of pressure. A few shots came the visitors way, no success was had and when Stockport had a corner tipped behind and then their No 7 (Aaron Dwyer) zipped in and provided a low cross that was cleared at the last the game took on a more balanced complexion. Stockport now rallied, a long ball was fluffed by the guest's No 4 (Tom Bane) and in slipped the home No 9 (Ben Halfacre) who needed no time to prepare or set his sights. Instinct took over, the ball was hoofed, the net was struck, it was 1 - 0 to The Lions, perhaps against the general run of play.
Stockport came again but a delicious streaking counterattack was had with 3 swift passes finalised by No 6 (Paul Jewell) who saw his shot well saved by the home mitter (Dylan Forth). A free-kick to Stockport came, a quite lovely floater was watched by a static CL defence and Halfacre rose to put bonse on globe. Alas power was lacking and the keeper dropped and collected without too much fuss. An off the ball incident halted the flow of the game next, a kick-out brought a red card and Bane of the hosts was given his marching orders. It was an unnecessary moment, as were the verbals to the Laird fans afterwards - hey ho, shit happens. From here Stockport pushed, Cammell Laird sensed a golden chance to progress into the next round but as they turned on the heat and squandered many chances the Lions grew in confidence and defended with zeal. A side footed shot for Laird's Maldon was deflected wide, the corner ball that followed was missed by the keeper but the residents of the Stockport Sports Village rode their luck. Laird throbbed with desire (dirty bastards) and yet were not making the most of their possession and not using the full width of the pitch. Malkin was making a few good runs, one of which saw him release to No 3 (Jay Thomas) who crossed with pace, found the head of No 10 (Ben Holmes) who kindly (for the home team) nutted over. The ball was soon back in the Stockport box, pinging here and there, the home netman somehow got his hands on the ball, could it be one of those nights? A late effort by the travelling No 11 (Daniel Cross) was bent towards goal, the swing wasn't generous enough and we went into the break still at 1 - 0.
A cup of tea was swilled at half-time and I had a nice chat with the mother of the Cammell Laird keeper. By heck the lad had been around and was at present really enjoying his football - and why not - 21 years old and indulging in the great game, what is there to moan about. By the way - good luck with your studies mate - the world is thy oyster!
The second half began with a couple of range finders at each end with composure the main ingredient lacking. The weather turned sour, in fact more sour than the face of Theresa May sucking on a cow's arsehole - and that's sour. Malkin for the guests roamed and let fly, it was wide of the mark and if anything, they really should be making sure they test the keeper at least. A free-kick next, the Kirklands lads came, a header was had and missed the framework by mere inches - luckily for the guilty party an offside decision came. Next and a 3 on 2 situation arose, Holmes had the time but he dillied and dallied and the chance disappeared...again! From the advancing hordes Stockport broke, No 7 (Aaron Dwyer) chanced his foot and saw the goalkeeper tip his effort wide. For all The Lairds hustle and threat there was no end venom and when a long ball came against their thrustings and No 11 (Ruben Abreu) collected and slotted home with ease it was a case of saying 'that's is how it should be done' - calmly, coolly and with precision. A sickening blow to the midriff and one could almost see the arse drop from the CL team.
Onwards we went, Holmes of the Cammells in again, he was too shy when it came to the trigger pull and when he did fire a block came. The ball was soon put back in and a defensive header came closer than any CL striker had done and nearly scored an own goal. The ball came in from the angle and the home mitter fumbled, again things were not going the way of the guests and when a long ball was played up field and Halfacre connected on a cross and slotted home his celebrations seemed like pure salt in a very open wound. The linesman though applied a salve and waved his flag like a good un' - a saviour, a spoilsport or a soggy sufferer on this wicked night - you decide! The visiting team tried hard to get a goal here, a free-kick was sweetly struck but Holmes was only met with a vibrating crossbar rather than a rippling net - it just was not going to happen. Suddenly Stockport had a couple of half-arsed attempts before Dwyer wiggled in and struck the globe. It hit the back of the mesh with good pace and the game was put to bed. A first class effort by 10 wet and weary men and when Dwyer came again and fired it was with relief that power was lacking and the keeper saved with relative ease. A couple more shots came either end, No 11 (Ruben Abreu) being denied by the Laird keeper with a decent block and No 8 (Kynan Mason) at the other end, in and with only the last man to beat - alas he fired straight at the No 1 and it seemed par for the very testing course. We were now in the last minute, the result was secured but another Lion's long ball was played, No 3 (Izzy Miranda) connected and played to the substitute (Reece Skelton) who slotted home and made for one embarrassing scoreline. We were now done, dusted and the Lairds had been busted - who would have predicted this one? There were some good performances tonight but I am giving the Man of the Match to The Lion's No 9 (Ben Halfacre) a player who seems to be growing in presence, is a good old fashioned target man and holds the ball up with apparent ease. The fact that he has a good eye for goal and goes about his business quietly is a mere bonus - fine work sir!
FINAL THOUGHT - A punk band from the olden days had a very apt song that kind of summed up Stockport Town's performance and attitude tonight. The band was known as Blitz, the song was called 'Never Surrender' - it was a minor classic, the opening lines went 'never surrender, never give in, never let the enemy win' - you can see where I am coming from. After 22 minutes the team battled hard with one man short and took their chances whenever they arose - now that is worthy of a win. Cammell Laird are difficult to sum up as they have several pacey players and make plenty of chances but seem to lack that killer instinct to drive them forth on to more victories than they currently clock up. There is more to this team than meets the mere passing eye and I reckon with a bit of tweaking here and there, things could slowly improve and see them set a whole new standard. I shall leave them with best wishes and as in the words of John Lydon on one of his many hits - 'may the road rise with you'.
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