20th January 2018 - Maine Road 2 v 3 1874 Northwich - The misery of winter carries on and an early morning bike ride left me with a mud-splattered carcass, a small bird and fungus list, steamed up glasses and an arse as purple as that of a rogered gibbon. I did some chores, had dinner with the good lady and having just fought off the chill headed out to watch some non-league football - I think the technical term for this behaviour is 'Hoplessitis idioticus' - I may be wrong. Of course, it goes withouit saying, on such crappy days matches fall quicker than Lionel Blair's underpants in a FA cup winning teams changing room and so plans made were always in a precarious position to say the least. Eventually, after watching numerous twitter feeds and keeping one eye on the NWCFL website a decision was made - it was the original game planned, bring it on I say. Prior to the match I picked up a comrade who was joining me on the touchline and coming to a gig I had organised after, a gig headlined by the reckless and wayward crew known as Victims of Radiation. It seemed a quite worthwhile booking as after being exposed to the days chilling climate a few radioactive thermals would certainly not go a miss. I have heard an overdose of these toxic material can lead to freakish growths and outstanding enlargements of the body - mmm - I may leave me willy hanging out then! So, all sorted, all in position with an extra bod who met us at the ground who was also willing to indulge in some nuclear noise - bring on the players!
The ball rolled, a quick sortie forth was made by the home pack, No 9 (Jack Coop) was in just too late but regained the ball, put in a cross and No 10 (Jordan Burton) was denied and a corner was given. The ball was quickly converted from the angle, some in box confusion struck, No 8 (Samuel Riley) sniffed the sweet fragrance of success and clouted the ball home - 1 -0 to The Blues - what a perfect start! It was now up to the guests to settle in and throw some ammo back - this they did with 2 corners and a half-chance quelled by the sturdy, hard-working rearguard who started to build a good lather to keep the swift passing 1874 gang at bay. A pattern was set, the home team looking to absorb and break, the away team looking to pile on the pressure and force a crack. The guests had a short corner next, No 9 (Scott McGowan) struck from an angle but the flag had already been raised before true success could be had. Onwards the salty men game, 2 lovely flicks from their No 10 (Jake Parker) nearly dissected the defence and the team's No 6 (Mark Jones) was really working the field and popping up here, there and everywhere. Out of the passion a stunning ball from No 3 (Lee Jackson) looped over the Blue backs, McGowan feinted one way, then the other before pulling the trigger and shooting wide - unlucky squire! Within the twitch of an aroused Peacocks pecker McGowan was in again, this time passing to No 11 (Taylor Kennerley) who sent in a sizzler that went just over the bar.
The game advanced, Road's good defensive strategy was hell-bent on protecting this 1 - 0 lead with much gumption poured in as well as some honest limb flying tenacity. A few tasty tackles came, several hold-ups squeezed the flow from the game but when the game did get going a eye-catching passing sequence was a delight to behold and was finalised with Jones sending forth an heat-seeking rasper that needed firmly tipping over. The corner that followed was, what certain professionals term as 'shite' but 1874 still came on strong. Suddenly, with time nearly up, No 8 (Matthew Woolley) put a ball in the Maine Road danger area. A messy muddle ensued with the box laden with desperate players. A crust rose, No 4 (Jack Pritchard) somehow scored the equaliser, it had been a long time coming but it sent the away crowd into the half-time break full of confidence and looking forward to the second 45. The home crowd looked less elated and were certainly wondering how, at such a late stage, all the hard work could be undone by one last gasp effort - not fair at all is it?
The cold was creeping, we three onlookers decided to quaff a bottle of Brandy - by heck it slipped down mighty well. As we nattered time ticked by rather quickly and before we knew it, the game was afoot.
The same pattern was paraded as that which had been set before the break - The home team tight at the back, the away team looking to push. A bit of heat was creeping in both on and off the pitch but all was true and nothing malicious was noted. Despite the Northwich possession play it was Maine Road who had the first chance when No 5 (Louis Edwards) had a robust dig and warmed the visiting mitts of the away No 1. The match now became hectic and I felt as though the next goal may seal matters. From out of the melee, the cool and controlled No 7 (Kazim Waite Jackson) of 1874 struck a stinger. The inside of the upright was struck, the ball flashed across the goal-line, hit the other post and somehow bounced into the bewildered keepers arms. He cuddled the ball like a mother with a new born babe, he looked more than a little grateful the jammy bugger! Another slurp of Brandy was had, Northwich had a corner and the ball was breezed in with good accuracy. No sooner had the spirit warmed the goolies than No 10 (Jake Parker) leathered home a goal, bringing a lead to the Northwich lads which was, in many ways, well earned. Icing was nearly added to the freshly baked cake of celebration when a delicious free-kick came and McGowan was mere inches away from increasing the traveller's lead - a very unfortunate miss.
From here The Road rallied and when a few defenders backed off it was the Coop who was allowed to release. The last man between the sticks was wide awake though and stopped the ball with relative comfort. The Cheshire Chaps used this scare as a catalyst and a golden chance was had for Jake Parket but he completely mis-kicked and fell to the floor wriggling with either embarrassment or a slight niggle. You decide, he did look rather rubicund when he rose to his tootsies. Now the last dregs were upon us, the light faded, that wintry nip looked to satisfy its perverse desires. Luckily my extra thick Delia Smith knickers were keeping me warm. OK, they are canary yellow and have a satin crotch with a picture of Kevin Keelan on but hey, health before fashion should always be the way! Some late pulses came towards the Blues last line, great resistance was displayed and when the host team won a late free-kick one did ponder if all their huffing and puffing to stay in this may pay late dividends, The delivery was straight into the box, some poor defending saw the ball go loose and get thwacked with authority. Time stood still, the mesh was rattled, Jack Coop had levelled this one on the 90th minute - what a way to win a point from a game that looked lost. Now only seconds remained, a late corner for the 74. The ball was played in with pinpoint precision, a nut rose, oh my goodness - shit the bed and don't change the sheets - No 5 (Ryan Mitchell) had grabbed the ultimate winner and along with his comrades, ran to the supporting stalwarts and celebrated a great smash and grab victory. A few more kicks and the referee sealed matters - one team bounced off, the others trudged with heads down, they say all is fair in love and war - sometimes people can compose such utter bollocks. Man of the match for me goes to the No 6 (Mark Jones) of 1874 Northwich - a composed yet commanding player with a presence of his own space and the space of others and an ability to always make the best decision. A good footballer in a good footballing team I reckon - keep at it!
FINAL THOUGHT - And there you have it, and for me the title of the piece sums up the day. For me a fair result would have seen Maine Road take all 3 points simply for the fact that they worked their knackers off, defending as a unit and really did hold at bay a very good side who are on a quite impressive roll. But, having said this a fair result was also had at the end of 90 minutes with the team who had most possession, most ideas and the greater sharpness collecting the win and keeping up the winning formula. A draw would also have been a fair result but I don't think either team would have taken that before kick off so you see, why, in many ways, I have entitled this report as I have. One thing is certain though - Maine Road have turned a dodgy corner and it would take a serious case of misfortune to see them get dragged into an end of season tussle to beat the drop - they now look more organised and well-drilled in their individual duties. 1874 Northwich were my original tip to win this league, they are a good team with many stylish and effective players although I think they have a little too much to do despite having many games in hand. Their time will come but a few good cup runs are on-going, it would be marvellous to see them collect some silverware - now that would be fair...or would it?
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