LITHER GRAND

24th January 2018 - Cheadle Town 0 v 5 Litherland Remyca  - A windblown ride to work, a trip out to a farm with many wrong turnings taken, tea and cake in Pendle Village and a catch up of some office work was the order of the day for this busy bugger.  Home and last nights footy report was completed, dishes done and tea in the oven before a chat with the good lady and a sprawl about.  The hour to shift the rear came, I got dressed and offered to walk to the match but my good lady is a kind soul and dropped me off with a kiss - what a lucky Fungalised Punk git I am!  I took up my position, nattered to a familiar face and once more pondered the outcome.  The guests tonight are a good side and for me held far more aces in the pack than the unpredictable home bods.  The pitch was heavy though and not designed for on the deck football, would that be a telling factor?  Or would the Greens come out in one of their sprightly moods and upset the apple-cart?  One thing I reckoned though was that there were goals in them thar boots tonight, goals galore - but who would be the buggers grabbing them?  Read on, and find out in this latest installment of Non-League Wanderings...please add own theme tune!  Throughout the match I chatted to Rob York, the Stockport Town assistant secretary and to the Dad of the Cheadle mittman, 2 decent blokes and enjoying the fine game - good on em'.

It was a good start for the Green Army on the cutting turf with lots of vitality shown and feisty desire.  No 7 (Callum Collinson) had an early range finder that raised a few away hairs of panic but the ball whizzed wide and we moved on.  Both units were testing the feel of the pitch, the squelches could be heard in the stands and reminded me of the time when I got locked in a zoo and had to spend the night next to a couple of sexed up Hippos - ooh those randy buggers!  Cheadle continued to play with zip and exposed Litherland's commitment and, in some respects, honesty.  Remyca eventually found their feet, a free-kick was gained after a clumsy tackle. The ball in was played and a free header had, fortunately for the home team it was straight at the No 1 (Daniel Whiting).  Another free-kick soon after was taken quickly, a short pass caught the home birds snoozing and when No 10 (Colin Quirk) connected from all of 20 yards the mittman could only watch it blaze over his head, scratch the underside of the crossbar and settle into the net.  Great goal, what accuracy!  Cheadle responded well, 2 corners were had but both lacked any penetrating quality.  Litherland had a corner of their own finalised by a looping punt and then quickly followed up by a rasping shot from No 11 who was put off by the advancing keeper and only found polluted air rather than the awaiting mesh.  

A bland period followed, it didn't last long, the robust No 9 (Colin McDonald) was through and when the last man of Cheadle abandoned his line we all should have witnessed the second goal of the night but the globe was blasted into the sky and we stayed as we were.  On the 27th minute Cheadle came and from a moment of vagueness a penalty claim was had, the referee pointed to the spot but a gut punch into the belly of promise was had when the liner waved his flag and put pay to any Cheadle claims.  Cheadle, to their credit, used this moment of dubiousness to rekindle the flames of dogged determination and started to more than hold their own.  Eventually they were in, No 9 (Adam Gardiner) was racing away, he had the chance to shoot early but shied away from the trigger pull and, as a result, the gloved protector dashed out and duly blocked.  The hosts piled on more pressure, the Litherland bench and followers gave the linesman grief but despite all the home spirit the cut-throat decisions made at the last were always the wrong ones.  Late on and The Remyca had a corner, a nut put the ball goalward, the home No 1 fumbled and a goal line clearance was needed.  The shit end of the stick came, it was the guests who went for the jugular with No 7 (Paul Foy) in and shooting.  The keeper dropped, sprawled, stuck out a leg and saved the day.  1 - 0 it was, Cheadle were still in this but needed to get on their scoring boots.

The break was spent chin-wagging with the aforementioned blokes, it doesn't half make the hands of the clock turn with pace - and I never did tell them about the Paul Mariner tattoo on me arse, pity the brown leather ball he his kicking has a hole in it!

Half two and both teams came out playing with liberation and a certain abandonment.  Cheadle had a half-chance which was easily quelled and then a lucky ball in saw the away keeper get clobbered for his  troubles but he did enough and he kept his scoresheet pristine.  McDonald for Litherland Remyca looked on the prowl and after thumping over from distance I nudged my colleague and suggested he will certainly be getting a sniff at goal.  Cheadle were getting rattled and when they took their eye off the ball and McDonald latched onto a pass, all they could do was watch him weave around the goalkeeper and peel away to take the applause and cheers.  Moments later the same assassin was in again, a downright cheeky chip that was inches offline - now that would have been a crippler.  Cheadle tried to find some glint of hope but they could only summon the odd shot which was far from troublesome for the keeper with No 11 (Chris Sherrington) providing one such example.  This effort duly led to a break, the ball was deflected out wide, played in and nutted home by the Foy who had room to convert, scratch his knackers and order the morning paper - slack work at the back if you ask me.  Litherland's Quirk provided the next talking point with an audacious effort just inside the Cheadle half.  The keeper back peddled, and collected, it was easy in the end but one slip...and the fan would be shit-splattered for sure.  

Into the arse end of the affair, Foy for The Reds on a mission.  Head down, feet pumping, hips turning, past the keeper and goal number 4 was had.  A lesson in taking your chances for sure, a well earned strike for a player always willing to test the opponents stamina and concentration.  Within seconds the same player was in again after a rear guard mix up - this time he got over-excited and shot like a wildman on goofballs - as you can imagine, he was way off the mark.  The guests were coasting now, Cheadle were out of ideas and looked to have capitulated.  Whiting had to make a decent save to stop the fifth and when Cheadle did come, No 10 (Richard Whyatt) was in and missed from mere inches out.  The home sub had a dig next but dragged the ball wide which, in many respects summed up his sides efforts - wide of the quality mark.  Litherland weren't done yet and on the 86th minute a ball went into the danger area, fell loose and up stepped Paul Foy to complete the drubbing.  The game was called to a halt soon after, and that my dear reader, was that.  There is only one team the Man of the Match can come from and that is Litherland Remyca.  The player who gets the nod is the No 3 (Jake Connor) for contributing to a clean sheet, maintaining his concentration and battling away up until the very last.  One small part in a very efficient machine - tidy!

FINAL THOUGHT - So, a thumping away win and highlighting the difference between the two teams, which, despite a cruddy playing surface, was blatantly visible to all onlooking eyes.  Litherland had greater discipline, kept their positions better when not on the ball, passed with greater control and played the game at their pace, not at their opponents.  They also took their chances when it mattered and showed when in the trenches and struggling for fluidity they can still cultivate a chance out of almost nothing.  The team are not in second position for nothing, they are certainly going to be in the shake up come end of season.  Cheadle are still an enigma and never seem to be the same team twice.  They blow hot, they blow cold, there seems to be no middle crowd and where they will end up is anyone's guess.  There has been movement at the club, the inner bowels of constipation may be blown clean or a full on evacuation may take place with shit everywhere besides in the blades of the fan.  One thing is for sure, every time you turn up at Park Road, you never know what the scoreline will be - maybe that is how many prefer it to be - there are some right perverts out there don't ya know!