17th February 2018 - Wythenshawe Town 0 v 0 Crewe FC - Time was the dictator today, I had put a gig on that was due to start in Ashton U Lyne at 5.45pm, an early match would be most appreciated. After sorting The Blackpool Bastards Invasion I set about finding a convenient footballing affair that would give me ample time to get from the touchline to alongside the bar and make sure the noisy event got rattling on time. The match chosen was a 2pm kick off, local-ish and of pure Non-League essence - lovely. The morn was spent, as per, tidying, sorting wildlife pics and getting ready for the day out. We picked up a chum at Stockport Station, met another at the ground and wagged the jawbones whilst partaking of a snifter. Before I start the report let me thrill you with a 'Did You Know' fact! Did you know that Syd Little of Little and Large fame once lived in Wythenshawe and it was in the Manchester area that the double act started to take off to superstardom. I once had tickets to attend an evening with Syd Little, I stopped in and cut my nipples off with a rusted razor instead - I think I made the right, and more entertaining, decision. Mind you, gotta give credit where credit is due - I don't think removing one's pimples with a corroded tool would ever win Opportunity Knocks unlike the duo who won the show back in the early 70's - oh what simple people we were. And to the match, positions taken, pen and paper at the ready, peepers peeled - this is what took place folks.
The start had good equilibrium with both teams feeling each other out (crikey, and only just gone 2pm in the afternoon). The pitch was a sticky affair, stickier than the fingers of Richard Madeley in fact, the thieving git! The home birds were just shading matters and duly won the first free-kick that was taken by their No 6 (Ben Shawcross). The ball cut the air, No 10 (Joe Yarwood) put his cranial epidermis into action and nutted across the face of goal - there were no predators present! Another bonus kick was won soon after, No 8 (Isaac Graham) swung shank and thwacked the globe, it had too much elevation and flew over the bar. Crewe eventually got their act together and played some neat midfield moves with the only thing missing that decisive killer ball. A free kick was granted to the hustling visitors, the delivery was exquisite, No 6 (Jake Malinder) captured the ball but could only vibrate the side netting - unlucky squire! Another free-kick followed, another fine ball in was had, Malinder was in again although he paused and the keeper had time to sprawl and quell danger. A corner ensued, success was AWOL.
A period of clumsy fouls came, the referee got whistle happy and thus impetus was lost. Eventually Crewe came on with a few fast breaks. Wythenshawe remained resolute at the back and closed all doors and then looked to counter punch with pace. No 3 (Rich Elcock) of the guests had other ideas, he streaked away with a look of determination and when he slapped a shot it was disappointing to see the spherical projectile only thud into the meat of the mitters body. The Wythy Warriors responded with an equally rapid break, a cross was belted in, No 9 (Kayle Power) put bonse on ball, the bar was struck and the gush of excitement passed into the ether. Both teams were now warming to the task and it was the hosts who contributed to the next minor thrill with a low hard cross being borne from the tootsies of Graham that saw No 11 (Will Hartley) connect, albeit a little too tamely, and allow the keeper to gather with ease! Crewe came back, a ball was floated forth with delicious accuracy, Southern chased but was thwarted at the last by the alert keeper. The ball was put back, No 11 (Tristan Sword) blazed over with wild eagerness - the target should have been struck! The final action of the first 45 came when the home No 3 (Astley McGrath) was robbed in his own box and the opposing No 2 (Nathan Dyer) lashed forth. The angle was tight, the side netting was hit. The half ended in scrapyard fashion, all the game needed was a splash of composure!
Tea, a tinkle and a titter with my comrades and a soaking up of some quite pleasant sunshine. What a difference a solar blessing makes, quite ruddy lovely!
The second half began with the hosts showing keen urgency and with several rough but fair tackles coming each way. Shawcross had a free-kick for Wythenshawe whilst involved in some choice banter with the Crewe coach. The free punt was shite and led to a quite grubby and constipated patch of play. From the claggy mush Graham of Wythy suddenly found himself through. Time stood still, it was a simple case of striker versus mittman, the shot that came was way too late, the keeper blocked with little strain. A few bookings followed, Frustration was a crap childhood game, it is also a curse of footballing sensibilities. For all of the Town's pressure, Crewe were offering dogged resistance and being quite niggardly in the offering of net-rippling chances. In fact, I would even go so far as to say the defence was tighter than Tessie O' Shea's knicker elastic just after she had won the 1962 World Cake Eating Championship - and man, that was tight! Crewe eventually progressed, a rasping shot was put forth, a save had and a loose ball was up for grabs (just like the time my swimming trunks tore open at the local Homo-love sauna). An executioner stepped up and shot - the miss was excruciatingly awful, luckily I didn't quite catch the name of the culpable kicker.
Into the final stretch, Wythenshawe came via a long ball that saw No 10 (Joe Yarwood) nut forth from mere feet out. It was another chance that disappeared, time was trickling by. Both teams now threw their last dice, the bones tumbled but no double sixes came. Crewe attacked with a final zeal, Wythenshawe barricaded with belief and balls-out gusto - bodies flew this way and that, it was a fitting finish to an eagerly fought encounter. Another long ball by the guests found No 9 (Nathan Southern) who pulled the trigger but missed the far upright. Wythenshawe had one last chance of their own when a free-kick fell into the danger zone and Shawcross shot on target. A pearling one handed save was made by the visiting No 1 (Arran Lyons) and, as it turned out, made sure that both teams left the pitch soon after with a share of the spoils - I think it was a very fair result. Some good performances were noted today but Crewe's No 8 (Kieron O'Connor) put in a very tidy shift, remained composed, played the game with an admirable attitude and was a main component in keeping his team's net unmolested. We 3 punkers duly buggered off after the match and went and supped like dehydrated swine whilst watching a mix of DIY Underdog punk bands - there is no other way.
FINAL THOUGHT - Well a local trip to a new ground and one worth repeating several times over methinks. A warm welcome, a fine set up and a good dose of non-league footy - all for £2, I mean what is there not to like? Wythenshawe Town seem a decent side judging by today's evidence and with a little work on composure and on-pitch communication could easily turn matters up to the next level. It will be interesting to see how they get on if they make it to the North-West Counties league. Crewe have a good resilience in the mix and work hard as a unit. They encourage one another, dig deep when need be but seem to be just lacking that killer touch to undo a side and give them a deserved advantage. They stuck at their game plan today, foiled and spoiled and played a few periods with quite attractive effect. They are currently mid-table, perhaps this isn't reflective of their capabilities! So job done, an entertaining scoreless draw and seeing that the Ericstan Stadium is only 20 minutes from home it would be darn rude not to go back - tis all go tha' knows!
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