17th March 2018 - Abbey Hulton 1 v 1 Atherton LR - The backlog of tasks I eternally sink beneath is getting out of hand and this Non-League football lark is a time consuming business. To be passionless must be a blessing but alas it is not the way I am and so when Saturday comes around I am sniffing out a ball-booting fix and a chance to escape the madness for at least 90 minutes. Like an ant of a nervous disposition I scurry from A to B, from B to A and quite regularly dash around F, U, C and K. I need to adopt the stance of a sunbathing Shieldbug and pick a leaf of life, settle down and relax, review and recharge - roll on the summer, here's to trying! As for now, the weather had turned slightly desperate once more, the open-arsed shorts and skimpy breast bikini had to go back in the wardrobe, it was back to several layers, thick socks and tea swilling mania. So, the morn was muddled through, my missus was my escort (again, she is a belter) and we ended up at Drayton Beaumont Park. This is the 75th match of the season and whilst holding down a job, doing many CD reviews, trying to write 4 books, gigging, recording wildlife and trying to visit 1000 wildlife locations I have managed to do a report for all. Tis nice to give something back and along the way I have met some right diamond folk in it for the right reasons, that is nice to know! So, parked up, bladders evacuated, chips and tea purchased, places found, notebook at the ready and, as in the words of Billy Shakespeare 'Yon players of sinew and globe-pursuing desire, oh adopt thy place on the expectant baize of emerald fire...and play' - what a twit!
The Oranges (Abbey Hulton) and Lemons (Atherton LR) got to battle, St Clements was nowhere to be seen, you can't blame him with the snow falling like the dandruff from a Vitamin B12 deficient George Berry and the temperature cooler than the inside of the Hilda Ogden's knickers - this was a game only the most disturbed stalwart would entertain. The start was scrapyard stuff, mistakes were frequent, the teams took time to adjust to the minimal thermals and sweeping flakes. The Hulton lads pushed against the wind, a throw in and a ball to No 11 (Joe Wooliscroft) saw the player with an abundance of space only a few yards from goal. The chance was blatant, the shot reckless, a wild miss indeed. The next action came via a young nipper sat near us, he pootled at pitch side, picked up a dog turd and proudly boasted to mum 'I have found a poo'. Mum asked him if he had touched it and he proudly came back with a firm 'yes'. He was duly led away to cleanse his mitts, ooh the young scamp! Back to the game, an Abbey Hulton corner was played in with great accuracy, a handball claim was turned down, only another corner was given. Another fine delivery found the crust of the rising No 6 (Joshua Tune) who failed to make net rippling music but did raise a sub-rhythmic groan. The ball skimmed his nugget and went wide of the far post...just! Seconds later the Laburnum Rovers No 11 (Callum Scott) made severe headway but was stopped at the last by the home No 2 (Joshua Buxton) who was stout and timed his tackle mightily well. A free kick came the way of the yellow clad guests. In, out and back in off the bonse of No 10 (David Moore), the ball was pinged about and a deflection meant an angled kick would put more peril in the host's box. The ball flew, it was headed clear, a foul and a free-kick followed and a weak effort by the No 7 (Nathan Randall). It was another opportunity gone, were we heading for one of those games?
From here the ALR crew came on strong, their No 2 (Kyle Tomlinson) had a dash down the flank, slipped a pass to No 6 (Bradley Aspinall) who forced a save from the mitter. From the corner kick No 8 (Dominic Butler) had the ball at his feet with time to release. Alas the player dawdled, the chance was suppressed and it was time to rebuild the momentum. A free-kick saw No 9 (Theodore Kidd) put one inches over, and an effort from the halfway line was a desperate response from the home chaps but it did dampen the persuasion of the visiting flow. The snow now blew with vigour, a blanket effect meant visibility dropped, the game crawled on and was then terminated and all dashed indoors to warm the old cockles (and other parts that I suspect had turned blue). We stayed put, there was no way we were nipping out in the blizzard, the Double Decker I had in my bag was a real treat.
The snow was relentless during the break, we feared an abandonment, good on the players, officials and ground staff for making sure this one carried on, respect for sure!
The teams came out, this time they were with a yellow ball and The Abbey Hulton boys were quick to go at it with 3 quick touches in and around the box allowing No 9 (Joshua Graham) a punt close-in that was denied by a sturdy save. Another shot came soon after but went wide and then the third effort in a row failed to gain goal glory but who took it was anyone's guess as I was temporarily blinded by a sun and snow combo - ooh me peepers! As ALR tried to force themselves back, they were caught on the hop by a quick AH move. Some neat feet and perky passing cut a road through the defensive pack and No 8 (Joe Lewis) tapped home and brought elation to the home supporters. From here Atherton strove with strength, they started to pass the ball well and looked highly purposeful. A few efforts and a corner all caused uncertainty in their opponents set-up but a resilience was shown and the Hulton stubbornness held true. Out of something and nothing The Rovers won a corner and when the ball came in and was knocked home by Moore one couldn't help feeling justice had been done. The conditions now deteriorated further, the viewing was like a TV on the blink, the white noise contributed to something akin to the love life of Marty Feldman and Mollie Sugden, an ugly affair indeed. Both teams ploughed on (snow ploughed that is) and struggled to make any real progress on this dire day. Whilst the teams played a local bod marked out the lines on the pitch with a brush, he was the day's hero, what commitment hey, what dedication to the cause - there is hope after all!
We were into the back stretch, the mere dog ends of a game under pressure. A late Abbey Hulton free-kick, 3 Atherton corners all kept the dice in the air, but alas they would not fall with any sign of victory and we were soon hearing the final peeps of the whistle and watching both snow covered teams trundle off. 1 -1 was a fair result, no one deserved to lose this one and thanks must go to all who partook and made it possible. Man of the Match today goes to the Abbey Hulton No 6 (Joshua Tune) who was a reliable figure at the heart of the pack, he defended with vigour and read situations far in advance of any trouble arising. It was a good effort and I hope the hot water bottle tonight is extra warm and filled with Brandy! We bought a cuppa on the way out, cleared the windows of the car and set off for home - it had been an adventure that is for sure and one worth the effort!
FINAL THOUGHT - The only way to close this latest report is with verbal applause, applause laden with sincerity and appreciation. To the ground staff, to the officials, to the players, to the punters and to the people on the gate, behind the bar, in the cafe and trying to keep this entire shebang going - thank you and the only advice I can offer is quite simple - do not give up and enjoy what you do! The Abbey Hulton set-up is spot on, the team have a good commitment to the cause and today played out a draw in stubborn style. They have a few teaks and twangs to make here and there, a bit more pace being one of the main ingredients to work on but hey, who am I to criticise and complain, we all know the score and as long as the effort is 100% that will do for me. Atherton Laburnum Rovers are a side I always enjoy and their ground is a real treat to visit, it must be a shock to them when they travel away from home and are faced with the prospect of playing on a flat pitch. Again a touch more pace here and there would be helpful but they have a unit with a resilience and are learning to grind out a result when up against the wall or when luck is not rolling their way. I shall be up at their place very soon I hope and of course back at this ground too. I am not a groundhopper as such, but flit around the North West Counties Leagues and throw in the odd one here and there when the chance arises - and I'll tell ya something, I enjoy it to the max and anyone doubting my sanity needs to check it out themselves - there are many converts, a few more wouldn't go amiss.
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