14th March 2018 - Cheadle Town 1 v 1 Northwich Victoria - Back to Park Road, tis a mere cock stride and with the season galloping to its final one has to get one's fix as much as possible before the summer months are here. Today I had been busy at work, had wandered home and seen a Smooth Newt, some Ring Necked Parakeets and Butterbur attempting to flower and then updated the sightings lists, did the dishes exercised and proof read a little more of the book I am writing (one of 4, don't ask). The good lady came home, tea was had and I was dropped off at the ground and left to absorb some more footy action. I took up my position by the side of that genial gent Rob York, the assistant secretary for Stockport Town and chatted about recent touchline adventures and the inner riggots of the footballing scene. We both agreed that if it was a choice of stopping in watching a bunch of overpaid tossers ponse about in a tournament called The Champions League or get wind-blown and chilled on the ground of a club that needs support and is involved in a very real and approachable contest known as the Macron Cup then we know where we will be. The decision to watch this stuff is not based on perversity or awkwardness, but is based on the fact that it fits in with my DIY punk rock ethics and is there for the bloke in the street and is still a reasonable sense of escapism. That capitalist crap at the top is a sincere waste of my time and it would be an insult to my beliefs to give it any credence of value in my day to day roamings. Underdog noise, non-league football, am-dram theatre, the natural world and my good lasses - all real, all keep me motivated.
So the draught increased and reached Savillian proportions (reaching parts best left untouched) and made sure we stayed alert and took in the action as it unfolded. The Vics had the first attack, No 9 (Brian Matthews) was part of a fine passage of play that saw him fire the first shot across the bows. The save from the home No 1 (Daniel Whiting) was of A+ standard and made sure no early leaks were found in the Cheadle rear ranks. The NV lads had a spring in their step and were passing well and trying to spread the ball around on a surface that was a trifle tricky. From another sharp and patient move No 3 (Daniel Johnson) stepped forth and belted an effort mere inches over the crossbar. It was another range finder and sent warning that The Town needed to be like those invited to spend the night in the house of Peter Stringfellow (the oily git), constantly on guard! The home army bustled in the breeze, their No 8 (Daniel Wood) was working like a Trojan and helped to earn a free-kick that was duly tossed forth and grazed the ascending bonse of No 5 (Joseph Shaw) who nutted wide - where there is hope, there is a way! Cheadle built on this moment, a laser attack held threat but was quelled with the Northwich chaps responding via No 10 (Oliver Walker) tiptoeing through the defensive tulips and trying to defoliate the defending bloom of the hosts. He shot from only a few feet out, the gloved protector spread himself quicker than butter on toast and blocked well, albeit with a touch of luck, which in fact he thoroughly deserved. At the other end the green clad No 9 (Luke Cotton) tore one, alas it was straight at the keeper and No 2 (Joseph Neild) had a similar attempt although this one strayed off target.
Northwich Victoria now started to assert themselves, Matthews having another pop at the netting with the shot deflected and gathered at the second attempt by the Town mitter. The Vics ticked on, they pilfered the ball, a quite eye-catching attack saw No 7 (Oscar Durnin) lay the globe off to Matthews who tried to execute an impish chip rather that let fly with a full-blooded ripper - the end result was an effort too high. As the half passed by Cheadle made a dogged effort and certainly clawed themselves back into matters. They won a corner, when the ball game in the lipstick-pink clad keeper missed his punch, it looked a fatal mistake, thankfully his comrades were there to help and a late sucker punch was blocked. Little else happened of note and when the first 45 was called to a halt I suspect not many could complain although the guests did have the upperhand and should have been at least one goal to the good.
Half-time and further mandible wagging with the aforementioned non-league doofer. The weather was not as warm as predicted but it is all good for the soul so they say - who 'they' are is beyond me but they must be a right bunch of weather beaten buggers.
Half two, The Tics out sharply, a wind-assisted free kick swung just wide and then Matthews fed Durnin who could only offer a quite disappointing shot that failed to find the target. Another NV free-kick, a gust helped it on its way, Whiting sprung like a flea on a trampoline, he tipped away quite tidily and did his job well. The ensuing corner was nothing less than crap, it happens. Walker followed up this disappointing moment with a long range thump that wasn't that far over the bar and indicated the team were keen to break this aggravating deadlock. The impetus set was high, a looping ball into the Cheadle danger zone was had, Whiting was alert once again, he was having a good game for sure. Suddenly Cheadle erupted into action, a great ball found No 7 (James Dunn). This was a Golden Gordon moment, a chance to upset the scales and piddle in the face of the flow - alas he blazed too high, the groan that went up from the home fans was sincere! Northwich Victoria took heed of this ominous advance, they heaved up front but were caught with their trousers down and a break of troublesome tempo came. No 10 (Richard Whyatt) powered forth, had a chance to pass but chose to weave and unload instead. 'Bang' - the ball blew home, the game was on its head, Cheadle Town had defied, denied and found gold in the rivers of kerfuffle - well taken lad, well taken. I scribbled my observations, looked up and saw The Tics with the ball on the edge of the box and then a low thump soar homeward and bring the scoreline back to all square. The effective Walker was the assassin, it was a kidney punch to the home bods who had worked so hard to gain the advantage, but it was also justice done and throughout the annals of footballing history how many times do we see a team take the lead only to concede from the following attack?
The Northwich Victorians had their tails up, a cross from the far side flashed across the face of goal, the merest touch was needed, it never came, Cheadle gulped air of relief. The hosts had a push, a fine move saw Cotton and Whyatt link up with the latter player just flashing one wide - now that was unlucky! The Vics reacted, No 7 bent one, Whiting came to the rescue - it was hectic stuff for sure. A Cheadle foray into the wind, No 14 (Callum Collinson) let Cotton finalise matters with a hard kick that propelled the ball onto the crossbar - it was a savage strike, perhaps deserved of more! The clock was now the enemy, no team could take the bull by the horns (or horn if you so prefer) and there was only time for one real chance that saw Neild receive the ball from a short corner and loft to the far post. Shaw was lurking, he swung the shank, the ball hurtled skyward and the referee blew. Penalties it was folks, time to park the rump on the edge of the seat and nibble the finger nails to nowt. I was due to be picked up at this point so dashed out, told my good lady of the situation and scampered back in to witness the gun-slinging shoot-out! She is a patient soul!
Northwich Victoria had the honours, No 4, and Captain, Anthony Shinks showed a fine example, stepped up and fired home. His opposite number (Liam Delaney) paid back in kind and when Durnin for The Vics and Neild for The Town executed with ease it was a case of 4 down, no advantage had! No 9 (Adam Robinson) of the travellers fired next, the home mitter got his extended digits on the ball but it wasn't enough, the pressure was back on the hosts. Collinson stepped up, he looked sanguine, he blasted and boomed the crossbar - tragedy indeed. Matthews for The Vics followed suit with a shabby miss and then Whyatt got us all level again with a lovely placement. One penalty each was left, the scenario of sink or swim was upon us - crikey. The visiting sub No 14 (Allen Weston) was chilled to the core and slid home with little effort, it was all now down to the Cheadle extra, No 16 (Rob Brocklehurst), to keep this one alive. He pulled the arm of the single limbed soccer bandit, the ball flew and the goalkeeper (Michael Donlon) sprawled. Contact between carcass and globe was made, a save had been had, the glory was leaving Town, many a peregrinating punter would be travelling home happy tonight. I headed homeward myself, I chose my Man of the Match, it was No 10 (Oliver Walker) of Northwich Victoria for a sturdy effort on a difficult night and despite missing a penalty I thought he did enough throughout to pose persistent problems and showcase his individual talent.
FINAL THOUGHT - So blown through with the nipping breeze, slightly fagged and in need of a quick cuppa I headed home after a midweek cup tussle that saw two teams indulge and struggle to actually get matters done and dusted in normal time. The penalty shoot-out was needed, it punctuated a soccerised sentence that had intrigue but lacked that killer flair. The pitch was stickier than Rik Waller's top lip in a cake factory (where the fuck did he end up) and the wind was blowing more unpredictably than Bobby Charlton's hair on a Waltzer. Cheadle did well to hang in here, Northwich put together some good moves and a lot of credit needs to fall on the shoulders of the home keeper for making some tip-top saves and being alert at all times. For the winners it is another fixture in a busy schedule, for the losers it is a long trip up to Holker Old Boys on a weekend that is set to be a ruddy cold one. One stick, one end shitty, the other sharp - tis a tough life on the heap - but we are all passionate perverts and wouldn't have it any other way! Now pass me the whip, I can feel a good flagellation coming on!
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