10th March 2018 - Chadderton FC 4 v 4 Litherland Remyca - So another weekend and another non-league football match. I was lucky to be here, yesterday I rode my bike to work and had a nasty skid on a frozen puddle thus catching my right love-bulb and causing myself some crippling pain. I rode on, did a full days work, went home and dangled my injured plum in a cup of Bovril. It made no difference but next door's Jack Russell was at the door all night and the local butcher did give me some nasty looks next day! On the day of the game I was free of testicular twinges (God bless the Bovril blenders) and it was a case of the usual - the missus took her mother shopping, I tidied up and dabbled with the eternal pile (no, not an immovable Haemorrhoid but the many tasks I take on) and had a swift bite to eat with the lady of my life. Our planned trip to Knutsford was off, we set out to watch Royton Town but ended up at Avro's ground and then decided to stick to what we know and went 10 minutes down the road to Chadderton. We parked up, the ruddy clouds were leaking, we tried to ignore the precipitation and had a cup of tea whilst I partook of the home-made pie (nice) and my wife stuck to a chocolate bar (not literally of course). A decent place this, one we usually enjoy, we hoped the game would be better than the shitty weather, it wouldn't take much.
Out into the murk, seats taken and the ball got moving (the one on the pitch, not the injured one in my pants, now that would be just scary). A good Remyca move and a choice save started matters with the offside rule being a mere wart on the arse of the action. The Chaddy No 9 (Leon Iluobe) responded with a searching run that culminated in a deserved corner. The ball was pumped in, No 8 (Jack Snape) was over-eager and let fly with a wayward shot - it was a frisky start, the corpuscles of intrigue were racing around the veins like streakers on heat - I was getting hot under the collar, and other places you dare not imagine! A free-kick for the home bods came next, it was whipped in, the bonse of the hirsute No 6 (Reece Lyndon) boomed the ball over the bar, he seemed a trifle annoyed. Litherland seemed on the back peg when No 8 (Anthony Cato) won the ball in the middle of the park with subtle skill. Several passes came, a push out wide and a cross was whipped in onto the noggin of No 7 (Paul Foy) who glanced home with ease and brought up the first notch on the scoresheet that was truly against the grain. A tight midfield battle ensued, there was nothing in the game only that unexpected goal. Remyca exploded from the ruck, a great ball in by No 3 (Rory Middleton) saw Foy collect, turn quicker than The Incredible Hulk on a caffeine overdose and place a quite sweet shot. The save by the home No 1 (Jordan Latham) was agile and spot on. A corner came, the ball went in and out before being drilled at a tight angle by No 10 (Colin Quirk). Another save came, a break was constructed, Iluobe bobbed and weaved, he progressed into the box and was upended, the referee pointed to the spot before issuing a yellow card. Up stepped Chadderton's No 4 (Connor Naughton), belted the ball and put it several feet above the horizontal - what a waste.
From here Chadderton dug deep, No 10 (Jack Turnball) was proving to be a handful and was brought down just outside the box. What followed was yet more wastage, perhaps we needed to call the local recycling plant! The battle in the muck advanced, Chadderton pushed, No 2 (Ryan Shenton) went on a run, the ball ended up at Iluobe's feet who merely touched off and saw a pass got executed by Turnball inside the near post. It was a golden move, we were back all square folks. A head-clash held up play, some magic dust was sprinkled, all involved were restored. Chadderton were gaining an upper hand, and when their sub No 14 (Aaron Scholes) entered the fray and with his first touch drove like a demon with a hard-on (not nice let me tell you) and laid the ball off to Iluobe the lively silky turn and shot looked destined for glory untold. Alas the ball was shy of the upright (just like Mary Whitehouse I hear) and went behind for a goal kick. The half fizzled, nothing of note happened and the weather stayed wretched, the lads had earned the half-time break so the whistle was more than welcome.
Me and my good lady stayed put for half-time, we could have thrashed another cuppa but the raindrops weren't falling on our heads so we made do with a bag of mini-eggs. They were ruddy lovely, and comparisons were made to the oval expulsions of the Chaffinch, Greenfinch and House Sparrow - alas no Reed Buntings were found, oh ye secretive scribbler.
Half two began with good tempo, both teams getting down and dirty, one or ptwo layers getting a little bit shirty. The visitors did ripple the net early on only to be ruled offside and as they tried to rebuild a home substitute impeded their impetus. The game eventually got flowing with Quirk hard at work for Remyca and moving inwards with purpose. He threatened to let one fly, a gap appeared so he swung the shank, the Chadderton defence were off the pace and watched the ball fly homeward - great strike, 2 - 1 it was. A dip followed, no chances fwere orthcoming until No 14 (Connor Murphy) and Foy linked up with the latter player sending in a floater that came off the bar and dropped too quickly onto the legs of Murphy who could only bumble it wide. A foolish free-kick was given away by Chadderton next and when the ball was swung in and No 11 (Oscar Billington) nutted home without any mither it seemed from here the scoreline was settled. How the hell could Chadderton get back into this one?
The home lads looked down and out, that is until Shenton skipped onwards, exhibited some neat footwork and put in a delicious ball for Turnball to tup home. Crikey, only one goal in it, was this the comeback of comebacks? Only a minute or so had passed, The Remyca raiders won a free-punt again, it was taken quickly, the home lads were caught napping. The ball was played, crossed with precision and Murphy slotted home, The 2 goal lead was restored, 3 points were destined to be taken on the road. Another lull came, a sludgefest occurred, too many fouls and bookings weren't helping the host's cause! Suddenly the Chad lads had possession, Iluobe put in a quite simple cross and Turnbull had bagged his hat-trick, by heck man, who could have scripted this one? 13 minutes were left on the clock, a dangerous free-kick for Chadderton dropped into their opponents danger zone, alas for the home chaps it was eventually dealt with and a rebuild had to take place. They battled on, a flashing shot brought a roar of celebration but the ball went wide of the post and nerves remained shredded. The last minutes were upon us, No 16 (Joseph Richards) for Chaddy found himself with the ball and raced forth, He made it into the box (just) and his shirt was pulled. The referee, with eyes like carrot-addicted rabbit. saw the incident, a penalty was given, a yellow card brandished. Responsibility fell to the flame haired player Scholes who stepped up, remained calm and thwacked home with authority - 4 goals each, what a finale! There was no time left for anyone to grab a crippler although Turnbull of the hosts was very close but was ruled offside at the very last. The referee eventually brought a halt to matters, it had been a value for money day and the pick of the pack and the Man of the Match for me goes to the robust and fair-battling No 4 (Marvin Molyneux) of Chadderton for a strong, irrepressible performance that was a cornerstone on which his side built and forced their way back into this one. A concrete effort in a tough game on a very tricky pitch - have beer sir and keep working hard!
FINAL THOUGHT - The pitch was stickier than the fingers of Neil Shipperley in a cake factory, and the air was damper than the armpits of Cyril Smith on a lie detector but both teams added a ray of hopeful sunshine today and played out a match with gusto, commitment and entertaining persistence. For £15 me and my wife got an 8 goal thriller, 2 choccie bars, 2 cups of tea and a home-made pie, I mean, how the Hell can anyone gripe about that? The teams on show have many fine points, Chadderton had some good individual artists who put in a good work rate and produced some quite sweet passages of play. Their only drawback I would say is consistency and movement off the ball to give a variety of options when in possession. They never fail to entertain though and, as a neutral, value is always had. Litherland are a tough nut to crack and despite a first half off their game, they soon corrected matters and were back in the groove. They are perhaps 10% shy of being a real formidable team, where that 10% will come from is anyone's guess as they have no glaring cracks in the entire crew. I think a draw was a fair end result, and if you are going to share the points then why not do it with a flurry of goals. Not great for the blood pressure of the touchline staff but for we fans, wonderful!
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