10th April 2018 - Altrincham Reserves FC 3 v 1 Knutsford FC - Cripes and good golly Miss Molly I am on a decent roll of late and heading towards that century of matches in a season with something akin to stumbling ease (a paradox I know but at my age and with my schedule there is no other way to do things). Tonight was match No 89 and my good lady joined me for this Cheshire League affair that had been switched at the last and played at the nearby Stockport Sports Village. We turned up in good time for the 7pm kick off and were met by closed gates. We beetled around to the back entrance, ferreted in and duly went upstairs to the bar to seek a refreshing drink. It was all closed up and empty except for the father of an Altrincham player whom we enjoyed the company of and chatted with in a glow of late April sunshine. The man was a gent and I wish him all the best in trying to complete his task of 1 million press-ups. He may succeed and end up with a chest like Charles Atlas or he may fail and seem more like a washed up Queenie Watts with arthritic tits - I hope he has read the Health and Safety manual first and has a good support bra handy. As time ticked by we headed out and took up or seats, we partook of some Ginger Biscuits - by crikey man they were tasty. The teams rolled out, the solar warmth was appreciated, hey man, this is the upshot of what transpired.
The start was pleasing on the eye with both squads looking to play quick and rapid-fire football. The first major action came when the Altrincham No 4 (Scott Smith) used good strength to out-muscle an opponent and lay off a sweet pass to a colleague who was over-eager and ran into the offside trap. Knutsford absorbed the early pressure well, they looked to sneak in a break and perhaps bag a counter-punching goal. Their No 11 (Ben Brooks) had an ambitious attempt from a fair distance but rather than find the net he only managed to kill two Wood Pigeons and a Lesser Spotted Tory - I was very concerned about those pigeons. The purple clad Knutsford lads came once more, a glorious pass found Brooks who could only mange an effort that was just off target - nonetheless the wick of the game was now alight, both teams were generating an obvious glow. At the other end a stunning cross was finished by a side-foot volley that really should have been on target, I missed the player who committed the error as the sun was in my peepers - perhaps it is just as well! Brooks for Knutsford came on yet again, a quick turn and a dazzling cross that dropped onto the crust of No 9 (Liam Crellin-Myers) who was denied by the far flung legs of the opposing keeper - nearly but not quite the breakthrough, things were warming up nicely.
The half continued, both teams playing with breathless intensity and an easy-on-the-orb style. No 3 (Sean Lynch) for the Knutty Boys had the next crack, a long ranger that for the briefest of moments looked packed with potential - alas it crawled wide of the upright, the mittman looked relieved. A free-kick came soon after, Crellin-Myers dinked in a pip, the save that followed was quality incarnate but failed to halt the now swarming Knutsford pack. In their purple attire it is with no doubt that an acid-soaked hippy would make comparisons to a melange of electric plums or perhaps an onslaught of Purple People Eaters from Planet Zong, either way there was some nifty activity going on for sure...ma'an! Despite this animation the Alt's still had good fizz and threat with several choice sorties posing various levels of peril. Knutsford had the next chance, a free-kick was played in with a sweet touch, all heads missed it, two players clashed and seemed to be copulating in the box, the referee seemed far from aroused and waved the action on. Next and the Knutsford No 2 (Olli Jones) nodded on from a front to back long ball, the box was invaded but No 7 (Rhain Davis) for the Alts helped clear the danger only to be crowded out when on the brink of a strike. From here the Altrincham Army strove on, Smith started a liquid move that saw a sharp pass, an overlap, 2 crosses get dealt with and then a player upended. A free-kick was had, the shot boomed in and the post clattered which led to a fast counter that in turn led to another thrust with No 11 (Dylan Scanlon) racing away, keeping his head and beating the keeper by a cute trickler. 1 - 0 to the Altrincham Reserves, was it against the run of play or justice done - this was a close one that is for sure and the goal was long overdue. The final blitz of the first period came via the side in arrears, a high ball was defended, Brooks let loose a cruncher that needed a firm mitt to push over. From the corner panic and pushing ensued with some petulant name calling and unnecessary verbals - it must be the hormones! The referee blew soon after, I think it had been a grand half of football, bring on the second.
A chinwag with the press-up addict, a few more Gingers and a stretch of the old boiled eggs - I was enjoying myself here, it don't take a lot!
The game got back underway, I was chatting to my daughter on the phone when the Purple-ised pirates sailed forth and caused an in-the-box collision. The referee had seen a trip, the chance was awarded for the Knutsford crew to get back on level terms via a penalty. The ball was placed on the spot, Crellin-Myers stroked home with admirable coolness - back to all square we went. Several hot and spicy tackles now followed, a few verbals distracted matters, a booking was par for the madness riddled course. A hold-up came soon after whilst the referee seemingly related tales of how he survived the war and how to cook a hotpot on gas mark 7 to the two opposing managers. It was a lengthy chat, perhaps he was also showing some holiday snaps too - oh man, get on with it please! When the action resumed it was Brooks of Knutsford who pushed in from the flank and fired just off target and then No 8 (Neil Monaghan) of The Alt had a punt that needed a hefty amount of gloved attention. The corner produced nowt but Alt came again, Monaghan a nuisance threading a ball to Scanlan. Suddenly foot hit leather with force, a scintillating shot was had and it flew across the breadth of the goal, passed a disbelieving keeper and into the far corner of the net - what a strike indeed and what a way to re-grab the lead! Soon after another Alt-shot hurtled in but the defending No 5 (Graham Brotherton) put in a brilliant block and kept his side within touching distance of a result.
The team on the back foot now began to fizz with renewed eagerness, Brooks had another crack but the ball dropped wide. Altrincham came straight back, 3 swift and sweet passes and No 9 (Max Pouncey) hitting a form drive that was adequately parried wide. The corner came and saw No 5 (Sam Heathcote) blaze into the firmament - it all added excitement to a quite wonderful game. Knutsford now came back, a free-kick was earned and played, Brooks rattled one, the tip over was tidy. Another angled hoof followed, the keeper grabbed this one with ease and helped stem the incessant flow of the match (ooh the rotten sod). As The Robins flapped hard they were caught on the hop with Smith racing away like a weasel with his willy on fire. His pass was picture perfect, and Pouncey did as it says on the tin and tucked away like a seasoned pro. 3 -1 - now that wasn't what was predicted I bet!
Into the last fling, more pecking by The Robins and a superb cross that saw No 10 (Aaron Dwyer) nod on the line and somehow miss. It was all academic, the liner was waving his pennant like a man possessed. At the death Knutsford made a pig's-ear of an Altrincham advance, a ball in wasn't dealt with and a shot came that needed a firm hand from the keeper. It came but moments later the goalie was beat by a nodded effort but his defensive colleague cleared off the line and momentarily quelled the panic. The ball came straight back, No 10 (Joel Swift) hammered one close in - over. The last few minutes fizzled and then this fluid and frantic game was over. We said adios to the aforementioned keep-fit artist and drove home for a cuppa. Man of the Match from this captivating contest goes to No 4 (Scott Smith) of Altrincham Reserves FC who deserves the nod for an industrious effort loaded with strength, gusto and some trickery to boot. He certainly put in a good 90 minute effort and was a constant splinter in the opponent's arse - well played chap.
FINAL THOUGHT - Well another dip of my chips of enthusiasm into the molten gravy of The Cheshire League and I have walked away with a grand taste in my mouth full of lively spirit and downright footballing honesty. Take away the unwanted spice of verbal nonsense and attempts at official swaying and you get a game of football full of action, played with high animation and tireless zeal. Both teams should be proud of their efforts here and the way they tried to play the game, on the deck, with forethought and reliant on skill rather than caveman 'ooomph', is totally applaudable. One or two moments swung the final result but this shouldn't take away from what an efficient and accomplished side Knutsford are and who, if circumstances would allow, could certainly hold their own in a higher league. Altrincham Reserves are also a good squad, their problem being that in many respects they are a feeder unit for the higher placed relatives. This being said, they still play cohesive football, move with freedom and give each component enough time to shine. Next season I shall donate some more of my time to both these outfits - in the meantime, keep focused chaps, forget the oral distractions and most importantly enjoy the game you are lucky to play.
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