5th April 2018 - New Mills 0 v 2 Litherland Remyca - 'The sun is shining, the sky is blue, some more midweek football, so nuts to you' - there endeth this weeks poetical corner, next week I shall be doing a duet with Pam Ayers accompanied by Cyril Fletcher on background mumblings - nude of course. Work, chores, changed and chomping - out and about and a good journey down the A6 to one of my favoured grounds. The Millers are doing OK this season and floating in the middle of the pack whilst their guests, Litherland Remyca, are keeping up the pressure on top spot and looking to sneak the title in the last weeks of the season. Will the lads come through with a strong finish like the consistent tortoise against the eager hare or will they leave things a little too late like that grumpy old twat Greville Starkey did whilst riding Dancing Brave (not sexually of course) in the 1986 Derby. That late finish cost me big time and I had to spend 6 weeks mapping the crags in Brough Scott's face for a Racing Atlas. Luckily my gambling days are over and I am a neutral wherever I go these days. If I were to place any guineas on the outcome tonight then the guests would get my vote but, may the team who plays fair and fast get their dues and may the the team with flair and class drink from the cup of victory, unless some bugger has piddled in it of course which does happen, in fact me and Pan Ayres have written a poem about it - tune in next time to be enlightened. So we came, indulged in chips, tea and I had a burger too and had a chinwag with the Litherland frontman Colin McDonald and that bald headed Assistant Manager Kevin Dally who exudes an abundance of gusto whilst warming up the Litherland team prior to the match - a couple of fine characters with sound attitudes for sure!
The match kicked off on the dot, the dot being that white thing in the middle of the pitch as well as a miniscule mark on a timepiece. The commencement was even, a flashing cross cum shot via the New Mills No 7 (Jordan Pendlebury) brought the first gasp of excitement but the ball was only loaded with pace and contained very little accuracy. Next and the first feisty tackle came via Remyca's No 3 (Jake Connor) who flew in with vigour and won the ball. The incident raised a few blood pressure levels but the referee kept his head and order was restored. A tackle the other way brought further uproar, it looked a 50/50 ball and just a case of matters mistimed, the first yellow card of the night was brandished by the man in black. Litherland earned a free-kick soon after, No 10 (Colin Quirk) knocked the ball in, No 9 (Colin McDonald) collected and turned like a ballerina on whizz and thumped an effort wide of the upright. The first warning shot across the bows had been had, from here the pace of the match was frenetic, the midfield action a veritable blur of busy industry. A few shots came from the rollicking rumpus, Quirk of Remyca putting one in that was particularly close. Again the guests came, the nipples of pressure were being squeezed and when a corner flew in, a defender nutted on and No 4 (Marvin Molyneux) got his bonse on the ball it seemed the first squeal of conceding pain was about to occur. Luckily for the Miller Men the top of the bar was grazed and their teets of focus remained undamaged. Promise now built for the travellers but despite much heave-ho chances were few and far between. The hosts eventually settled into matters and started to gain some semblance of equilibrium but the Remyca defensive unit were a canny group and several times over they played the offside trap to perfection.
It looked as though we were set for a goalless first half, little in the way of penetration was had until a ball from nothing was tossed into the Miller's box, a minor clash took place and the referee pointed to the spot. The decision appeared a trifle dubious and from the innocuous incident great disaster looked on the cards for the hosts. Up stepped Quirk, clattered the ball, rattled the bar and looked to the ref to see if the ball had crossed the line. The liner gave the decision, goal given - a Lady of Fortune was smiling on the LR lads, an imp of the perverse was dishing out a duff hand to the NM crew. Shit happens! From here a shot from the visiting No 11 (Connor Murphy) kept up momentum but lacked bite and then No 8 (Oscar Billington) thumped in a rip-roaring strike that the keeper did well to save. Remyca now went for the jugular but were frustrated in their efforts by a hard-working home side and when some heated words were exchanged and focus was temporarily lost the Miller's No 11 (Aaron Kirk) had time to cut in and lay the ball off to No 4 (Jordan Milne) who let fly with a bending effort that flew further off target with every passing inch - unlucky. Late on the Millers made a good fight of matters, they pegged their opponents back but just couldn't get a glimpse of the mesh. Remyca had a late flourish, Murphy had a decent dig that was saved low in the corner and then a New Mills free-kick offered salvation but was duly wasted and saw the team trudge off trailing by that unfortunate penalty.
Half-time, tea and a Topic, my wife had a chat on the phone to our daughter, I went and had a jaw-wag with a brace of locals and a fine couple I had met the night before at Cheadle Town - tis good to know many more are cursed with the non-league virus.
The second half began, Remyca were sharpest, they were making a concentrated effort to double the lead. Quirk nearly found a route through, New Mills were hurling bodies around like Vincent Price in The Last Man On Earth. A free-kick was won, the delivery was dire, Murphy followed up with an equally awful effort, New Mills were hanging in but still showing plenty of buzz and general gusto. The home team in fact were having a good amount of possession, it was just in that final third were they were lacking, due, in part, to Litherland's high work rate and discipline. A mucky period ensued, coherence went for a wander and came back dishevelled. Connor for the guests made a storming run from one half to the other eventually being tumbled and earning a bonus boot. The following shot was straight and into the keepers carcass. Within seconds of the ball being belted clear a lob was attempted by No 7 (Paul Foy) who saw his shot graze the keepers digit tips, loop up and down and somehow drop into the net off the inside of the post. Again, a touch of fortune was had, but nonetheless Litherland Remyca were 2 goals to the good and this game looked over. The celebrations that followed showed what this meant to the lads, it was grand to see.
Remyca now pushed on, the substitute No 14 (Josh Hamilton) bent a shot and forced a regulation save and then following a free-kick No 5 (Stephen King) took time away from writing the odd horror novel and popped up with a header that brushed the bar. The finish of the match was a sketchy affair but Remyca were unlucky not to bag a third when a close in shot was blocked at the last and then Hamilton sent in a bender that curled a little too late. Into the depths and game management came into play, the contest deflated quicker than the titties of that rubber woman I ordered on E-bay. I thought the pink thing was a nipple not a ruddy valve, darn those Russian instructions. The game was soon done, Litherland Remyca and their stalwart followers were over the moon and after we had said goodbye to a few faces and climbed into the car we were serenaded by the victorious followers singing 'Top of the league, we are top of the league' - good on em'. This had been a hard fought win, a tussle that very much needed a sturdy element to keep all heads level. For this reason No 5 (Stephen King) gets the Man of the Match choice and for the fact that he remained a reliable element in the midst of a whirlwind of unpredictable activity. Another Captain's performance, the armband is obviously worn for a reason.
FINAL THOUGHT - A good trip out this to watch a gruelling affair that saw the side with that extra touch of killer instinct come good and bag the full prize. New Mills though ran themselves ragged and one or two players can be right proud of themselves with their skillful and energetic performances that now and again very nearly bore the sought after fruit of success. They are a pacey side and are destined to keep putting teams in trouble when they attack with such rapid urgency and swift accurate interplay. Tonight the elements missing were the final assassin's ball, the crucial decision making of when to release and when to keep things simple and, as is always the case, a little bit of good fortune. They also came up against a very well-drilled and unified Litherland team who are salivating for the top spot and the reward of promotion to the Premier League. This lot are one of the most solid teams I have seen this year and go about their work in a very deliberate and perhaps understated way but get the results they want more often than not. The final weeks are going to give us more excitement than ever-experienced inside the underpants of Lester Piggott when riding Sister Agatha to a 4 length victory in the annual Flog a Nun Derby. I shall be watching events unfold with eager beaver interest!
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