25th April 2018 - Chadderton FC 4 v 3 Daisy Hill - After 4 days of birding on the East Coast in quite lovely weather it was back home catching up with all manner of tasks. The sky had turned a mucky grey, it decided to leak and keep me indoors, I needed the excuse to be fair. Spoonbill, Red Crested Pochard, Blue Headed Wagtail, Black Brant Goose, Grey Plover, Lesser Whitethroat, Cuckoo and Marsh Harrier were a few of the avian gems seen and with a good dose of Vitamin D I was in fine fettle and looking forward to a counterbalancing footballing fix. As I pondered the globe kicking events and processed some more wildlife pictures I had The World Snooker Championship on in the background, as a result, this report will take on a certain theme and if anyone cares to insert a cue in the rear whilst reading the textual matter or indeed balance a lump of chalk on any part of the body for purely exhibition reasons then so be it and enjoy. I am happy with my memories of going on a bender with Bill Werbeniuk and ending up having my stomach pumped and a yellow ball removed from my anus - I am easily led and believe me it took some cueing action to de-pot that rectal sphere I can tell ya. My first match after arriving back was cancelled due to the weather, so after a day at work, I arrived with my good lady at Chaddy. The green baize was moist and verdant, the competitors manifested themselves (tis one way to keep warm I suppose) and the game went as thus.
The break off came, the pack was ruffled, an early free-kick was granted to the DH lads after their No 3 (Tim Raines) drove forth and was duly impeded. No 11 (Jack Burke) eyed up the bonus boot and struck one. The ball flew with average pace but struck the home mitter's chest before he could fully grab and fell loose to the alert tootsies of No 11 (Ulrich Ngamba). The frontman tapped home with relative ease, there were only 3 minutes on the clock and my arse had barely settled in. From the centre kick we went up the other end, a corner was had, confusion in the box followed and after an impudent back flick a handball decision was hollered for. The man in black seemed in no doubt and pointed to the spot, I thought the decision a trifle cruel but hey, like the time I got stuck in a lift with an inebriated Doug Mountjoy and he related a tale about a man he knew who could do marvellous things with his glass eye, shit happens. No 11 (Jack Burke) for The Blues stepped up and slapped home the spot kick with authority - we were back to all square. No sooner had I noted this exciting start than Ngamba produced a choice turn up the other end and got himself in a one-on-one position with the keeper (ooh the fruity devil). Time seemed to be on the striker's side, he picked his spot and the goalkeeper sprawled and somehow got his carcass in the way and saved the early day. Moments later the same gloved guardian was called into action again as Raines charged forth and looked set to strike before the ball was grabbed at his eager feet. A good commencement to the game this, pass me the nude photo of Rex Williams, I need cooling down for sure!
The game progressed, space was plentiful, in fact there was more space to be found on the pitch than within the centre parting of Willie Thorn, and that's spacious. A free-kick was won, Daisy Hill the recipients. The hoof was taken, No 9 (Jordan Donnelly) put crust on leather but the contact was awful - check that object ball for fluff please! Chaddy reacted, a laser move, a sweet cross, No 9 (Bradley Kay) in and blocked by a quick thinking No 1 (Ryan Kirkman) - alas all action was deemed offside anyway - bah. A rush by the home team saw No 2 (Joseph Richards) show as much strength and desire as Eddie Charlton in a gay boxing match (with added oils). An angled kick came, The Hill defended with earnest endeavour, the danger was smothered but Chadderton had their peckers up and when No 7 (Jordan Butterworth) played a quite delicious pass to Richards and a chance to shoot was wasted it was with no surprise that the pressure was maintained, a dinked ball was had and nutted home by No 9 (Bradley Kay) to give the hosts the crucial advantage. It was an ugly goal to concede, less attractive in fact than the body of Graham Miles after a full waxing (and that's ugly) - the Daisies needed to re-root and re-bloom mighty soon.
Further into the first period we went, I was enjoying myself, my wife is more sobered and sensible but if my pre-match prediction of 4 - 2 came to fruitition she wouldn't hear the last of it. Next and Chad's No 10 (Jack Turnbull) blazed one over, a Daisy attack resulted in a defensive miscue which saw a corner followed by a free header. The rectangular pocket was missed, the keeper was far from happy. The visitor's came on, Burke blasted one but was wide of the mark, then Turnbull broke at the other end but was thwarted at the last by a dashing keeper. Chadderton now applied some good pressure, Kay released a late rasper off target, we were eventually done, it had been an interesting first 45.
A much needed piddle was had during the break, a cup of tea and several ginger nuts were enjoyed (and I am not referring to the genital area of one Steve Davis). There was a chill in the air tonight, the boing of Spring had gone twang, tuck in thy seedlings folks, a withering may take place if ye be carefree and overly confident.
The start to the second period exposed the Daisy dudes with renewed vigor with Donnelley having a mild effort, Burke putting in a firm effort just shy of the upright and Ngamba getting caught offside on a couple of occassions. A bit more composure and patience and who knows and while more shots came at each end I did wonder when the next bulge of the netting would occur. There was much energy in the game, akin to the buttocks of Tony Meo when mincing around the table in the 'Big Break' studio with the chance of winning a trip to Batley for his off-the-street partner. There was a good effort being chucked in by the Hillites, the Chadderton rearguard needed a certain solidity which they maintained. The defenders repeatedly absorbed and then a release ball was had and Kay was away with options to his left and to his right. He ignored both, weaved inward and slapped home with chilled control - as cool in fact as the silk underpants of David Taylor when making his first 147 break. The Daisy Hill pack were now up against it, as was my rear due to the unforgiving seating arrangements at this fine ground. I did have worries about sitting down too long and falling victim to a bad bout of the old Graham Miles, I hope I still have some of that safety cream.
The game now became a battle of the middle ground, it was touch and go where the next glimpse of goal would come from until the ball fell neatly at the feet of No 8 (Jack Ward) who knocked forth a looper that went up, came down and sneaked in between the underside of the bar and the mitter's desperate digit tips. The executioner couldn't believe his good fortune, the guest team couldn't believe they were 4 - 1 down. A period of to-ing and fro-ing with no real openings was had, the situation brought visions of a Perry Mans v Cliff Thorburn grind-out, the interest levels were waning for the first time all night. Into the back stretch we went, the guests were still straining for a goal and won a free-kick which resulted in a bout of pushing and shoving. A card was shown, Burke took command of the kick and cracked home to reduce the deficit to just 2 goals. There were only 4 minutes left on the clock, plus stoppage time, would we get a final twist. The visitors strove on, Chadderton dug deep and look composed and then a hopeful high ball was tossed into the host's box, the keeper came and fumbled, up stepped Donnelly and snatched another goal back and brought the briefest glimpse of hope to his fellow players, supporters and staff. The restart came, the referee was a killjoy, he blew for full time and quelled any hope of one last charge - I think the home lads were more than happy with the final blow (ooh heck). We two wanderers pootled off, I decided to give the Man of the Match to Chadderton's No 3 (Michael Woolfe) who was solid, reliable and undertook his duties with little fuss and great effect - tis the only way to do it.
FINAL THOUGHT - After a week away from the footballing action it was nice to get back into the swing of things with a 7 goal treat. Both teams play with a style that is far from watertight and with a certain abandon up front that can thus result in many goals scored and many goals given away - just what we keen neutrals need. If this match was likened to a snooker match then perhaps Tony Drago v Alex Higgins would be an ideal choice, with commentary supplied by the whispering but highly violent Ted Lowe and his partner (not sexual) man of wisdom Jack Karnehm. High action, unpredicatable and with many moments of madness to make one wonder what the hell is going on. I like the style of both teams but I certainly wouldn't want to be their Manager - it must cost a fortune in nerve tablets and those sleepless nights are no good for any old soul. I wish them all the best for the future, I will no doubt be catching up with them here and there - I won't complain if I get the same glut of goals and downright honest approach.
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