26th April 2018 - Runcorn Town 10 v 3 AFC Darwen - The match planned for tonight was cancelled so after a nice tea and a change of plan we took an easy drive down to The Pavillion Sports Complex and duly purchased the obligatory cup of cha and golden goal ticket before taking up our prime viewing hot-spots. Me and my wife both predicted a home win, my good lady went for 4 - 1 and I was more ambitious and went for 6 - 1 - little did we know that both attempts at prophecy were a trifle conservative. As the teams warmed up I sipped my tea and ran through a list of wild flowers I had seen walking from the car park to our seats - Groundsel, Red Dead Nettle, Oxford Ragwort; Chickweed, Cornsalad, Thale Cress, Dandelion agg and Shepherd's Purse to name a few - I hope the ground staff don't go mad and clear away these gems, if you get your eye in it all adds to the charm of the place and is doing a good turn for nature - we are all weeds at some point, not wanted in certain circles and frowned upon. Take my advice - set your roots firm folks, bloom with confidence and spread thy seeds of enthusiasm with generosity - well that's my ethos anyway and God bless those feisty plants and what they stand for. So, to the game, the teams trotted out, the skies were cloudy but holding back the lacrymal misery and the game got underway with 82 onlookers as keen and as eager as ever - lovely.
As soon as the black clad official piped his pea the home team were straight at it like hungry dogs on a ham-shank. A high tossed ball was borne and duly grabbed by the ever industrious No 7 (Joe Holt). He worked inward from the emerald flanks, found an appropriate space at the angle and walloped home with forceful intent. Runcorn were not satisfied by the early taste of success and applied a nagging pressure the guests did well to partially resist. The Darwen lads did find room to manoevure and allow their No 10 (Ryan Steele) to thump in a long ranger after the home keeper went walkabout. The ball went shy of the sticks, it would have been a bonus strike back for sure. From here we peregrinated back to the opposite end of the field, a ball was played to No 10 (Craig Cairns) who, in his accurate and eye-catching striker's manner slotted home with comfortable ease. 2 - 0 and only 9 minutes on the clock. The game was hectic, Runcorn the main operators of the tempo nob (and what a nob at that) and Darwen mere slaves to the tempo, dashing hard to try and keep some semblance of order to the night's proceedings. Cairns was a persistent thorn in the visiting sides rear end, he punctured and prowled once more and contributed to a free-kick being won. No 5 (Simon Thelwell) stepped up, had what seemed an optimistic dig and saw the ball ping of the inside of the post and bring up a 3 goal lead (it seems that this was given as an own goal, did I blink and miss the obvious)? It was looking like a severely long night from the travelling pack but credit where credit is due and applause for them still trying to play football and work an opening. Alas, from little danger, Runcorn were given a chance to rub salt in a gaping gash when a lofted ball came in and the keeper came and fumbled. The loose ball could have gone anywhere, unfortunately for The Salmoners Cairns was in the right place at the right time (isn't he always) and slapped home the fourth. Now this was just getting silly.
Onwards, Holt was on the end of a patient build-up, he put some welly into a shot that warmed the solar plexus of a mithered mitter, Darwen decided to make a substitute and follow up with a move that saw No 6 (Jamie Edwards) get involved and a have decent attempt on goal - the ball flew just over. Soon after another Runcorn foray came but bore no fruit and then the guests produced a swift moment of interplay with No 7 (Sidi Fofana) and No 8 (Jordan Scott) combining and a cross coming in that saw No 4 (Tim Drugan) duly tap home. 4 - 1 - perhaps not game on but just reward for a perspired effort. Runcorn were re-sparked by this insult, a ball over the middle of the park allowed Cairns to thump forward a sublime volley. It was a technically sound strike and the save that stoppped it was first class indeed. Within seconds of this gratifying moment The Town rebuilt, Holt being the usual menace and working in and having time to shoot. He unselfishly laid the ball off for that unstoppable force Cairns, who tapped home and bagged his hat-trick. Only 2 minutes later and Holt was in again, leading the keeper a merry dance, weaving around the hollering mittman and tapping home for number 6. The guest No 1 (Thomas Scott) screamed a brace of 'fuck off's' in his frustration, a phrase he went on to repeat several times more before the night was done. He was one troubled man and yet produced his second stunning save of the night when No 9 (Mark Reed) collared a long ball, got through,confronted the last man standing and was denied by some fine reactions. A top class block that was worthy of mention. As the half entered the final stages Darwen still pounded the turf, still worked with spirit and Steele was unlucky not to get on the scoresheet after his long range effort looked set to sneak below the bar but was neatly tipped over by the home netter. Before the break Mr Holt for Runcorn was in again, he dealt with the keeper, rounded him with ease and from a few feet out...missed. It was a let off and sent the visiting in team with only a 5 goal deficit to turn around - oh my ruddy goodness.
Halftime and a wander, a chat with the daughter, tea and a Mars Bar and of course, the usual emptying of the bladder. Seats retaken and if this match has no further goals my prediction of 6 - 1 will be bang on the mark - as if!
The second half, Darwen came out with spirit, a few crosses, 2 corners and lots of energy were had but Runcorn had the first chance to ripple mesh when some choice wing work saw a low ball fly in to the perilous area and Holt pounce like a shithawk on a discarded sausage and get denied by yet another tip top save. A great moment all round and it looked as though the home lads were keen to go for the jugular however, if truth be told, they became somewhat complacent and took their eye off the ball and didn't press with any urgency. Saying that, Holt was the beneficiary of a pinging ball and let fly only to see a defensive muddle send the globe pinging off the bar - somehow the guests survived. A lazy midfield ball from Runcorns efficient Thelwell came next, the player fell to the floor with a niggle and Darwen swept forward. A clean cut passing move was had, a ball into the box played and No 9 (Ryan McKenna) slapped home to give the game its unexpected octo-strike. I scribbled away and tried to keep up with the overflow of action and when I looked up I saw Runcorn's No 2 (Liam Turner) put a ball on to the crust of Holt who duly nodded to the feet of No 6 (Paul McManus) who thumped home and graced the game with the best goal of the night. A beauty, the executioner looked chuffed to bits - take a bow sir, take a bow!
I was breathless with the action, I needed some respite but Runcorn came again, Reed inches away from connecting with a beautiful cross and snatching his own slice of success. The same bod followed this up with a perfect cross for Cairns who, in a quite uncharacteristic manner, nutted wide. Cairns had another rasp soon after, it was straight at the keepers midriff, you couldn't help but admire the frontman's hunger. A corner was given moments later, Thelwell made a nuisance of himself with a couple of disrupting headers and our friendly neighbourhood hotshot of the night scored his 4th and the small set of fans behind the goal began to chant. What an avalanche, what an unexpected night of manic football, the Non-League never fails to surprise. Darwen still, for all their worth, tried to pilfer what they could from this long lost affair, in the midst of the trouncing they still put in some half-decent moves. McKenna found space and shot off target, Edwards cracked one and forced a solid save and then Steele let fly but couldn't find the sweet spot. No 14 (Kevin Exell) for Runcorn had the next best chance, he shot and missed a golden chance but made up for it with a top drawer pass to Cairns who laid one on a plate for Mark Reed to tap home. Man, what a night!
At last a lull came, I put my proverbial feet up, the last 10 minutes where upon us. Holt for the hosts was still full of running (too many bags of Skittles methinks) and blazed one over from a few yards out and then Exell missed a glorious chance after a perfect cross fell at his tootsies. The game looked done, the result settled, another Runcorn attack came, the culmination of a good night's work was had as the ball was crossed and Cairns collected his set of five and brought the strike rate up to double figures for The Town. With the last seconds now ticking Darwen somehow found time to squeeze in one last move, the home lads dawdled and from a series of short passes Darwen's No 11 (Karl Turner) twatted one home and finalised the evenings events at 10 goals to 3. What an outcome and we trundled off home, chewing the cud and pondering many imponderables. Man of the Match goes to No 10 (Craig Cairns) for obvious reasons, the main one being his tireless efforts and his insatiable appetite for goals. Some strikers have something in their blood and when this mysterious strain is combined with quality you have a recipe for success. A Fungalpunk slap on the back fella - good on ya and long may your work ethic continue.
FINAL THOUGHT - Well, we came, we expected goals, we were given an overdose. Sometimes a trouncing is a far from entertaining contest but that was not the case tonight as both teams played with an openness that duly led to chance after chance and gave each and every onlooker no time to catch their breath. Runcorn Town are a darn good side who, during mid-season lost a bit of impetus and gave away their chance to be pushing for automatic escape. They will always be up in the higher echelons of this competitive division, it is just a matter of ironing out a few weak points and adding that bit of extra polish. They may have scored 10 goals tonight but it was obvious work in certain areas needs to be done. AFC Darwen are down and out but with the players they have will no doubt be bouncing back and rebuilding their reputation. They are better than what the scoreline and end current position suggests and for a club with such a good set-up I hope things turn around for them pretty soon. I hope to get up and visit their ground again very soon, and when I do I shall be hoping for a more charitable outcome for them.
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